Flowings of Your Everlasting Taffyman

Its weird how missing depression in joy is almost just as bad or worse than missing joy in depression. At least in depression I have some reason some thing to grasp onto, some starting point, some subject matter to deliberate over, in Joy I just am. In depression I find situations, realizations, reactions, counter reactions, the "what should I do?" "what were they thinking?" "what should I have done?" "why didnt I do it?" Now I have the "well that was fun, how can I share this, oh right cant" I have nothing to complain about, nothing to think through. Some people ask why I make an argument that some people are happy being depressed, its cuz sometimes I am. I have no life purpose at 5:20 in the morning without it, nothing to contemplate. Nothing that compels me to spend the next 3 hours thriving in emotion and thought, as I go over and over every little detail of some stupid event that made me depressed. Now I sit here, and go "should I go to sleep? I have nothing better to do. " I go to bed, some mindless boring detail pops in and I follow that to nowhere yet continue to be awake during the entire stupid duration of it. So I guess I want to be happy so I can spread love during the day, but depressed and angry at night when there is no one around so I have something to do. Is that too much to ask? Is there something wrong with choosing manic depression? And another thing fuck drugs. Be human deal with shit, like boredom, love, anger, guilt, numbness, self hatred all of that its so much more fun than hanging with you zombies, and your alcohol or other induced nonsense. Sorry just felt like having some company who I can talk to. Peace and love to YOU from a dumass who wants to be depressed. Also you who are in school please learn and expand and teach me I will love you forever I promise