a note from my pocket
You be the polar bear nudging up against the bars,
playing
entertaining
and getting treats for your affection
but the truth is,
and i dont mean to upset you
its just --im not in the mood for the zoo today.
Saturday, May 31, 2003
I was just thinking talking to a lady friend about strippers, always playing the fantasy, never getting to be human. I was thinking thats got to be incredibly hard, cuz really you cant win. they can never live up to the fantasy they wish to create, only with the person's help (which they are often willing to give, but sometimes for a very negative conclusion) its just weird, i mean we need these people as much as we need our "wiseman-jesus archetype" we need our fantasies to go on with our lives, they fill voids and give us hope. Still they are human, they have all the troubles and more of humans. Rough
(heres what i said to the lady, maybe it will be more clear, none of this was thought out too well)
TAFFY man1 [1:53 AM]: i find it really interesting to see you basically taking the normal male perspective on such activities.
--her comments (didnt know if it was ok or not)
TAFFY man1 [2:01 AM]: i was thinking this fantasy, is sort of like a wise man, or like jesus or something, because basically no human can live up to it, but we all like to fantasize about them, glorify them in some way rather then seeing them for who they are. but also its essential, we need to have our role models, heroes, and yes fantasies so that we can go on being human. but it must be a hard role to play, especially considering all the negative sides of that job in particular.
--her comments (didnt know if it was ok or not)
TAFFY man1 [2:01 AM]: not only like what they as people feel but also the way it may screw up their lives just within our societal structure
i dont know, maybe i can research more (go to more strip clubs and watch more porn and read more manuscripts written hundreds of years ago, and mythology and all sorts of shit)
----sorry if that was all -repeat
(heres what i said to the lady, maybe it will be more clear, none of this was thought out too well)
TAFFY man1 [1:53 AM]: i find it really interesting to see you basically taking the normal male perspective on such activities.
--her comments (didnt know if it was ok or not)
TAFFY man1 [2:01 AM]: i was thinking this fantasy, is sort of like a wise man, or like jesus or something, because basically no human can live up to it, but we all like to fantasize about them, glorify them in some way rather then seeing them for who they are. but also its essential, we need to have our role models, heroes, and yes fantasies so that we can go on being human. but it must be a hard role to play, especially considering all the negative sides of that job in particular.
--her comments (didnt know if it was ok or not)
TAFFY man1 [2:01 AM]: not only like what they as people feel but also the way it may screw up their lives just within our societal structure
i dont know, maybe i can research more (go to more strip clubs and watch more porn and read more manuscripts written hundreds of years ago, and mythology and all sorts of shit)
----sorry if that was all -repeat
Friday, May 30, 2003
you know what they say, when it rains it pours.
My mothers cup is overflowing, she has at some point in her life made the choice to spill it right here at home, and so we all guard are already filled selves with both hands, compounding the problem.
it aint gonna be perfect but everything gonna be aight.
My mothers cup is overflowing, she has at some point in her life made the choice to spill it right here at home, and so we all guard are already filled selves with both hands, compounding the problem.
it aint gonna be perfect but everything gonna be aight.
Thursday, May 29, 2003
craving energy, sex and drama,
arguments with real passion, and holding hands
//
sometimes on summer nights (and it is) u kind of wish or one of those nights that feels like the end of the world, cuz the feeling is right, but not the events were not set in motion, maybe its mourning
\\
need to stop eating chocolate, go on a walk
arguments with real passion, and holding hands
//
sometimes on summer nights (and it is) u kind of wish or one of those nights that feels like the end of the world, cuz the feeling is right, but not the events were not set in motion, maybe its mourning
\\
need to stop eating chocolate, go on a walk
and this ones cuz my game is frozen
So while i was visiting gabs i went to this on class of hers thats was learning about war crimes and such. That days topic was rape, and they shower a nice little video. (i have mentioned this b 4)
now i dont know why this is all coming back to me right now, but im thinking about it, and i have to say that video was one of the most disturbing things i've seen and heard in my life. Not so much that it was new info, more just so very real.
Now the majority of the movie had to do with female rape, but after a good 40 mins or so they brought up the fact that men are raped as well, and this was a good thing, just so that it could reach the whole audience. So they were discussing male rape, and brought up the fact that sometimes peetration isnt enough, sometimes they like to really humiliate the man by castratng him. And i think that really drove it home for me. Cuz well, to be honest, though i have alway known rape is a horrible horrible thing, i never knew just how horrible until they compared it to men getting castrated, and now it makes much more sense. I think they should do that more often. Just to you know, reach the whole audience. Cuz we will never really understand anything until its put in our terms.
So while i was visiting gabs i went to this on class of hers thats was learning about war crimes and such. That days topic was rape, and they shower a nice little video. (i have mentioned this b 4)
now i dont know why this is all coming back to me right now, but im thinking about it, and i have to say that video was one of the most disturbing things i've seen and heard in my life. Not so much that it was new info, more just so very real.
Now the majority of the movie had to do with female rape, but after a good 40 mins or so they brought up the fact that men are raped as well, and this was a good thing, just so that it could reach the whole audience. So they were discussing male rape, and brought up the fact that sometimes peetration isnt enough, sometimes they like to really humiliate the man by castratng him. And i think that really drove it home for me. Cuz well, to be honest, though i have alway known rape is a horrible horrible thing, i never knew just how horrible until they compared it to men getting castrated, and now it makes much more sense. I think they should do that more often. Just to you know, reach the whole audience. Cuz we will never really understand anything until its put in our terms.
Wednesday, May 28, 2003
Sunday, May 25, 2003
"Where are you going?
Where are you going?
Can you take me with you?
For my hand is cold
And needs warmth
Where are you going?
Far beyond where the horizon lies
Where the horizon lies
And the land sinks into mellow blueness
Oh please, take me with you
Let me skip the road with you
I can dare myself
I can dare myself
I'll put a pebble in my shoe
And watch me walk (watch me walk)
I can walk and walk!
(I can walk!)
I shall call the pebble Dare
I shall call the pebble Dare
We will talk, we will talk together
We will talk (chorus) about walking
Dare shall be carried
And when we both have had enough
I will take him from my shoe, singing:
"Meet your new road!"
Then I'll take your hand
Finally glad
Finally glad
That you are here
By my side"
Where are you going?
Can you take me with you?
For my hand is cold
And needs warmth
Where are you going?
Far beyond where the horizon lies
Where the horizon lies
And the land sinks into mellow blueness
Oh please, take me with you
Let me skip the road with you
I can dare myself
I can dare myself
I'll put a pebble in my shoe
And watch me walk (watch me walk)
I can walk and walk!
(I can walk!)
I shall call the pebble Dare
I shall call the pebble Dare
We will talk, we will talk together
We will talk (chorus) about walking
Dare shall be carried
And when we both have had enough
I will take him from my shoe, singing:
"Meet your new road!"
Then I'll take your hand
Finally glad
Finally glad
That you are here
By my side"
Saturday, May 24, 2003
its really quite amazing the human experiance tranferred warped tangled up in oursleves, and a thousand miles away its ringing in another's ears. Web of dependency, golden errors are made. shelters are found, words written, letters sent out. I was gonna write a letter last night to everyone of my friends telling them to be cautious of me. i find im neglecting my duties at all times, but i was actually trying for once, or i thought i was, or im not at all and people think i am which makes me think i am which would make sense. But thats not what this is about, this about how intertwined the human race is, and i will prove it all day, while listening to yanni, cuz the dudes music is sweet.
like 5 things or so that will make no sense to u the reader but thats coo.
so i both had an amazing and really shitty night. this is a good thing.
since my chat with Gabs before she left, i have been trying to be more honest in my needs and be more forward in what i can and cannot give people, someone called me out on that, im really unsure of where to go with it, i really tried to make the person see, but the truth is they are right and im just afraid. i think i ended up kind of mentioning that but they may not remember it in the morning.
third since a little before that chat with Gabs last week i have felt really, um scared by the fact that so many people view me as their "cure all", and i know that is my fault, but im afraid of being stuck in that and not knowing what to do, and i really dont, so yeah.
hmm i feel really bad for my dog.
I feel really bad for my mom, we all have too much pride, and busy lives, its her birthday tomorrow and we skipped out of mothersday and we have nothing planned for tomorrow either. we are shitty children, but we all try our bests to be good people.
Mr. A was at the mall today buying gifts for himself for his 52 birthday, and it was really nice to talk to him, he was telling me all about his kid, and he had that look about him where you know hes telling the truth about the fact his kid makes the wolrd for him. i want tobe that kind of parent. Mike F and i had a really interesting chat about children too. Its been hrd for me to drop my guard with him considering our pasts, but the truth is hes a great guy.
some nights you never want to end, so u make plans to wake up early and go to breakfast, these our dreams. Hangovers and apathy the reality. But as foulkes and I were saying earlier even fucked up dreams are nice.
I still feel a mix of shit and happiness, and its really nice to feel. and im very very worried, but everyone has passed out so i can go home for the night. (meaning to bed since im already home) (this is a note to myself in the future, cuz that way i wont be confused about when i wrote this.)
so i both had an amazing and really shitty night. this is a good thing.
since my chat with Gabs before she left, i have been trying to be more honest in my needs and be more forward in what i can and cannot give people, someone called me out on that, im really unsure of where to go with it, i really tried to make the person see, but the truth is they are right and im just afraid. i think i ended up kind of mentioning that but they may not remember it in the morning.
third since a little before that chat with Gabs last week i have felt really, um scared by the fact that so many people view me as their "cure all", and i know that is my fault, but im afraid of being stuck in that and not knowing what to do, and i really dont, so yeah.
hmm i feel really bad for my dog.
I feel really bad for my mom, we all have too much pride, and busy lives, its her birthday tomorrow and we skipped out of mothersday and we have nothing planned for tomorrow either. we are shitty children, but we all try our bests to be good people.
Mr. A was at the mall today buying gifts for himself for his 52 birthday, and it was really nice to talk to him, he was telling me all about his kid, and he had that look about him where you know hes telling the truth about the fact his kid makes the wolrd for him. i want tobe that kind of parent. Mike F and i had a really interesting chat about children too. Its been hrd for me to drop my guard with him considering our pasts, but the truth is hes a great guy.
some nights you never want to end, so u make plans to wake up early and go to breakfast, these our dreams. Hangovers and apathy the reality. But as foulkes and I were saying earlier even fucked up dreams are nice.
I still feel a mix of shit and happiness, and its really nice to feel. and im very very worried, but everyone has passed out so i can go home for the night. (meaning to bed since im already home) (this is a note to myself in the future, cuz that way i wont be confused about when i wrote this.)
Wednesday, May 21, 2003
matt wrote something on his website about christianity being a crutch, in dos words, mos def.
If u cant admit that u probably arent christian and most likely have too much pride. feel free to feel otherwise. feel free to converse with a boy about it.
as for that shit i posted yesterday (the previous post, located -down.) Obviously that shit is some harsh propaganda and i dont really think bush is the next hitler but i dont agree with what he has done, and though chris gives me shit (and rightfully so) for bush bashing, im not gonna stop, cuz while in office the boy is powerful and we can all forgive and forget when the shit is over and we have picked up our responsibilities again, but for now we need to look at where were at and not feel so proud.
If u cant admit that u probably arent christian and most likely have too much pride. feel free to feel otherwise. feel free to converse with a boy about it.
as for that shit i posted yesterday (the previous post, located -down.) Obviously that shit is some harsh propaganda and i dont really think bush is the next hitler but i dont agree with what he has done, and though chris gives me shit (and rightfully so) for bush bashing, im not gonna stop, cuz while in office the boy is powerful and we can all forgive and forget when the shit is over and we have picked up our responsibilities again, but for now we need to look at where were at and not feel so proud.
my moms sent me this,
"A disturbing essay by Thom Hartmann --
February 27, 2003, was the 70th anniversary of Dutch terrorist Marinus van der Lubbe's successful firebombing of the German Parliament (Reichstag) building, the terrorist act that catapulted Hitler to legitimacy and reshaped the German constitution. By the time of his successful and brief action to seize Austria, in which almost no German blood was shed, Hitler was the most beloved and popular leader in the history of his nation. Hailed around the world, he was later Time magazine's "Man Of The Year."
Most Americans remember his office for the security of the homeland, known as the Reichssicherheitshauptamt and its SchutzStaffel, simply by its most famous agency's initials: the SS.
We also remember that the Germans developed a new form of highly violent warfare they named "lightning war" or blitzkrieg, which, while generating devastating civilian losses, also produced a highly desirable "shock and awe" among the nation's leadership according to the authors of the 1996 book "Shock And Awe" published by the National Defense University Press.
Reflecting on that time, The American Heritage Dictionary (Houghton Mifflin Company, 1983) left us this definition of the form of government the German democracy had become through Hitler's close alliance with the largest German corporations and his policy of using war as a tool to keep power: fascism n. A system of government that exercises a dictatorship of the extreme right, typically through the merging of state and business leadership, together with belligerent nationalism."
Today, as we face financial and political crises, it's useful to remember that the ravages of the Great Depression hit Germany and the United States alike. Through the 1930s, however, Hitler and Roosevelt chose very different courses to bring their nations back to power and prosperity.
Germany's response was to use government to empower corporations and reward the society's richest individuals, privatize much of the commons, stifle dissent, strip people of constitutional rights, and create an illusion of prosperity through continual and ever-expanding war. America passed minimum wage laws to raise the middle class, enforced anti-trust laws to diminish the power of corporations, increased taxes on corporations and the wealthiest individuals, created Social Security, and became the employer of last resort through programs to build national infrastructure, promote the arts, and replant forests.
To the extent that our Constitution is still intact, the choice is again ours.
-------------------------------------------------
Thom Hartmann lived and worked in Germany during the 1980s, and is the author of over a dozen books, including "Unequal Protection" and "The Last Hours of Ancient Sunlight." This article is copyright by Thom Hartmann, but permission is granted for reprint in print, email, blog, or web media so long as this credit is attached. "
"A disturbing essay by Thom Hartmann --
February 27, 2003, was the 70th anniversary of Dutch terrorist Marinus van der Lubbe's successful firebombing of the German Parliament (Reichstag) building, the terrorist act that catapulted Hitler to legitimacy and reshaped the German constitution. By the time of his successful and brief action to seize Austria, in which almost no German blood was shed, Hitler was the most beloved and popular leader in the history of his nation. Hailed around the world, he was later Time magazine's "Man Of The Year."
Most Americans remember his office for the security of the homeland, known as the Reichssicherheitshauptamt and its SchutzStaffel, simply by its most famous agency's initials: the SS.
We also remember that the Germans developed a new form of highly violent warfare they named "lightning war" or blitzkrieg, which, while generating devastating civilian losses, also produced a highly desirable "shock and awe" among the nation's leadership according to the authors of the 1996 book "Shock And Awe" published by the National Defense University Press.
Reflecting on that time, The American Heritage Dictionary (Houghton Mifflin Company, 1983) left us this definition of the form of government the German democracy had become through Hitler's close alliance with the largest German corporations and his policy of using war as a tool to keep power: fascism n. A system of government that exercises a dictatorship of the extreme right, typically through the merging of state and business leadership, together with belligerent nationalism."
Today, as we face financial and political crises, it's useful to remember that the ravages of the Great Depression hit Germany and the United States alike. Through the 1930s, however, Hitler and Roosevelt chose very different courses to bring their nations back to power and prosperity.
Germany's response was to use government to empower corporations and reward the society's richest individuals, privatize much of the commons, stifle dissent, strip people of constitutional rights, and create an illusion of prosperity through continual and ever-expanding war. America passed minimum wage laws to raise the middle class, enforced anti-trust laws to diminish the power of corporations, increased taxes on corporations and the wealthiest individuals, created Social Security, and became the employer of last resort through programs to build national infrastructure, promote the arts, and replant forests.
To the extent that our Constitution is still intact, the choice is again ours.
-------------------------------------------------
Thom Hartmann lived and worked in Germany during the 1980s, and is the author of over a dozen books, including "Unequal Protection" and "The Last Hours of Ancient Sunlight." This article is copyright by Thom Hartmann, but permission is granted for reprint in print, email, blog, or web media so long as this credit is attached. "
Tuesday, May 20, 2003
used with out permission and i forgot to ask about the marker from sat. (he was being angry drunk so we marked him up good)
BaLLER3503 [1:53 PM]: so you got your game than eh]
TAFFY man1 [1:54 PM]: yes and it doesnt work
TAFFY man1 [1:54 PM]: im gonna go check it at petes
BaLLER3503 [1:54 PM]: well thats mikes fault not mine
BaLLER3503 [1:54 PM]: cuz he had it longer than ,me]
TAFFY man1 [1:54 PM]: well we will all have to discuss that
TAFFY man1 [1:55 PM]: then i will take u guys to the people's court and make u get all dressed up and humiliated
BaLLER3503 [1:55 PM]: whatevs, i dont care about life anymore----my buthole is now 20 n=inches wide
TAFFY man1 [1:55 PM]: por que?
BaLLER3503 [1:55 PM]: finals week, it is death of mankind
TAFFY man1 [1:55 PM]: ah well manan yall get to do edward 40 hands
BaLLER3503 [1:56 PM]: eventually yes, I am gonna play card with your bro i think on wend
BaLLER3503 [1:56 PM]: card
BaLLER3503 [1:56 PM]: s
BaLLER3503 [1:56 PM]: you should swoop
BaLLER3503 [1:57 PM]: oh an tell steve i got his 35
TAFFY man1 [1:57 PM]: i be working
BaLLER3503 [1:57 PM]: k
TAFFY man1 [1:57 PM]: gabs says hi
BaLLER3503 [1:58 PM]: well thats nice but i must go back to expanding my asshole size
BaLLER3503 [1:58 PM]: peace out]
TAFFY man1 [1:58 PM]: aye have a nice day
Auto response from BaLLER3503 [1:58 PM]: Yeaaaa I love school and tests and finals!! oh wait NO i suck balls at school and god hates me so i will fail this final no matter what
BaLLER3503 [1:53 PM]: so you got your game than eh]
TAFFY man1 [1:54 PM]: yes and it doesnt work
TAFFY man1 [1:54 PM]: im gonna go check it at petes
BaLLER3503 [1:54 PM]: well thats mikes fault not mine
BaLLER3503 [1:54 PM]: cuz he had it longer than ,me]
TAFFY man1 [1:54 PM]: well we will all have to discuss that
TAFFY man1 [1:55 PM]: then i will take u guys to the people's court and make u get all dressed up and humiliated
BaLLER3503 [1:55 PM]: whatevs, i dont care about life anymore----my buthole is now 20 n=inches wide
TAFFY man1 [1:55 PM]: por que?
BaLLER3503 [1:55 PM]: finals week, it is death of mankind
TAFFY man1 [1:55 PM]: ah well manan yall get to do edward 40 hands
BaLLER3503 [1:56 PM]: eventually yes, I am gonna play card with your bro i think on wend
BaLLER3503 [1:56 PM]: card
BaLLER3503 [1:56 PM]: s
BaLLER3503 [1:56 PM]: you should swoop
BaLLER3503 [1:57 PM]: oh an tell steve i got his 35
TAFFY man1 [1:57 PM]: i be working
BaLLER3503 [1:57 PM]: k
TAFFY man1 [1:57 PM]: gabs says hi
BaLLER3503 [1:58 PM]: well thats nice but i must go back to expanding my asshole size
BaLLER3503 [1:58 PM]: peace out]
TAFFY man1 [1:58 PM]: aye have a nice day
Auto response from BaLLER3503 [1:58 PM]: Yeaaaa I love school and tests and finals!! oh wait NO i suck balls at school and god hates me so i will fail this final no matter what
that last post wasnt at all what i meant to say i just wasnt thinking.
Gabs says hi, she is enjoyin freedom (france) getting hit on by old men and drinking wine till the wee hours.
sounds like fun
i just had several dreams i was enjoying at the time but now i feel quite guilty for them.
um i got my damn civ 3 game back and it doesnt work, so head will roll.
and i be off for work tonight like every night so peace to ya
Gabs says hi, she is enjoyin freedom (france) getting hit on by old men and drinking wine till the wee hours.
sounds like fun
i just had several dreams i was enjoying at the time but now i feel quite guilty for them.
um i got my damn civ 3 game back and it doesnt work, so head will roll.
and i be off for work tonight like every night so peace to ya
Sunday, May 18, 2003
I woke up to steve and my mother talking about the joys of drinkin and smoking (neither are into it)
steve sounded worried and basically described one of his friends worse nights. It sounded a lot like every night around my friends. They drank 76 beers yesterday. It was 72 the day before. They amount of money spent on this shit is crazy. Aaron described how his big fancy career insurance job pays well until u convert it to beer money. Nick plans to throw a nice party this weekend. $10 a head for friday and saturday, hes talking at least $150 just to get started on enough alcohol.
Mike F and I ran on a nostalgia trip around 3 this morning while John drew whiskers on zachs face.
Im about to leave with steve to go to the family reunion, my gramps b day. wonder who all will show. Its weird with my extended family. Talking to gabs about this recently, but uh I never really felt at home with them (in comparison to my brothers and such) but i have kind of learned to respect them and understand that though i may not feel i belong its still good for me to have an understanding of them for the sake of my own family. As in, these people helped mold how my father thinks, and all ready we have seen the conflicts of brothers pass down to their kids (us) and this way i can prepare to be a diabetic, since its basically going to happen. shit like that. Plus they helped send me to europe so i gotta be greatful for that.
and my yusuf islam cd skips like mad. errr work from his old name.
oh well be back later, you take care now.
steve sounded worried and basically described one of his friends worse nights. It sounded a lot like every night around my friends. They drank 76 beers yesterday. It was 72 the day before. They amount of money spent on this shit is crazy. Aaron described how his big fancy career insurance job pays well until u convert it to beer money. Nick plans to throw a nice party this weekend. $10 a head for friday and saturday, hes talking at least $150 just to get started on enough alcohol.
Mike F and I ran on a nostalgia trip around 3 this morning while John drew whiskers on zachs face.
Im about to leave with steve to go to the family reunion, my gramps b day. wonder who all will show. Its weird with my extended family. Talking to gabs about this recently, but uh I never really felt at home with them (in comparison to my brothers and such) but i have kind of learned to respect them and understand that though i may not feel i belong its still good for me to have an understanding of them for the sake of my own family. As in, these people helped mold how my father thinks, and all ready we have seen the conflicts of brothers pass down to their kids (us) and this way i can prepare to be a diabetic, since its basically going to happen. shit like that. Plus they helped send me to europe so i gotta be greatful for that.
and my yusuf islam cd skips like mad. errr work from his old name.
oh well be back later, you take care now.
Saturday, May 17, 2003
d for the three of you who are reading i leave you with this message ____directly from the You and the Sound page and the button hanging round me neck each day.
" 06/01/2003 Bozart and You and the Sound
Bozart not only introduced us to mixed meter music, but Peter (from Bozart) recorded and mixed our piece. See our links section to hear their music and buy their new cd!
Event Type Live Performance
Time 6:00 PM
Admission Fee free
Venue Info Name Eclipse Records
Type other
Location 1692 Grand Ave.
St. Paul, Minnesota 55105 USA
Phone 651-698-0908 "
and you should go cuz then we can make love with our energies from across the room and such.
" 06/01/2003 Bozart and You and the Sound
Bozart not only introduced us to mixed meter music, but Peter (from Bozart) recorded and mixed our piece. See our links section to hear their music and buy their new cd!
Event Type Live Performance
Time 6:00 PM
Admission Fee free
Venue Info Name Eclipse Records
Type other
Location 1692 Grand Ave.
St. Paul, Minnesota 55105 USA
Phone 651-698-0908 "
and you should go cuz then we can make love with our energies from across the room and such.
Friday, May 16, 2003
Thursday, May 15, 2003
Wednesday, May 14, 2003
as i told gabs tonight its not completely over cuz i wont let it be but i will try to be more balanced, and less in opposition to myself for all of your sakes. sorry for the overly dramatic bullshit but u know it happens.
i get by with a little help from my friends.
and officially dement is not the verb form of demented.
and jax is not a word. but pussy still works. dont ask dont tell policy
i get by with a little help from my friends.
and officially dement is not the verb form of demented.
and jax is not a word. but pussy still works. dont ask dont tell policy
Tuesday, May 13, 2003
life is so weird, u have to have faith that it will work out, but when it doesnt, ur not surprised.
Its like the world could be a wonderful place, and it is, but no.
we could all succeed in what we do, and we will, but when we dont, we wont be failures. (well you wont)
If you drop out, if u drink, if u smoke, if u steal, if u lose your mind for a decade, if u hurt yourself again, if you hurt them, or me, it'll be hard, it will hurt, but you'll still be so wonderful.
If i could have one wish to come true right now, it would only be to have more capacity to see potential, to share the heartache.
We all come so close, we all lose our wings.
Its like the world could be a wonderful place, and it is, but no.
we could all succeed in what we do, and we will, but when we dont, we wont be failures. (well you wont)
If you drop out, if u drink, if u smoke, if u steal, if u lose your mind for a decade, if u hurt yourself again, if you hurt them, or me, it'll be hard, it will hurt, but you'll still be so wonderful.
If i could have one wish to come true right now, it would only be to have more capacity to see potential, to share the heartache.
We all come so close, we all lose our wings.
I was on the verge of sleep before the crisis, crisis, thats questionable. So is verge, for i recall losing consciousness and regaining it and those moments may have been few or many, but the sun is rising. And i am dreaming, maybe, the night brings highs, and it brings contemplation. It brings laying in agony in bed under covers, and confusion at why there are spaces. Several things seem real right now and they are not the porn site ads that keep coming up while i type to me.
1. You look fat and wonder why this disturbs you. Things like skin hanging below your chin and around your lips reminds you of cheeks that were once called chubby and you thought you were through that era. You wonder at why this disturbs you because you understand that people dont like bony men, women dont find it attractive, men dont find it intimidating and there for you are nothing to compete with and everyone finds it disturbing. You yourself hide half in shame, it use to be cuz u were fat, why now? why is it so appalling? why is it ok for everyone else and not you? you dont have to be some sick freak you know.
2. You've been telling the same damn stories over and over and no one likes them anymore, so u should shut the fuck up. I think its time you hide for awhile, go away. You're not doing any good, the people who look to you for a good time are just getting let down, over and over and soon they wont like you anymore so u should quit while ur ahead. Nothing is ever good enough.
3. you eat too much.
4. even as were talking here, u keep wanting to rush off find some happy place find some reason to be happy but i think we both know u dont deserve that, at least not right now. Oh if only they would tell you the truth. Write out lists, complaint after complaint, we could fill notebooks. You could whine and say "I'm working on it."
5. I thought we were in college now, go do ur homework. You have to get the shit done man, or else they will kick u out.
6. You're not a very good friend, ur all talk.
7. you're not a very good anything really, i mean think about it.
8. you mean nothing to her, or her, or her, nope not her either, nope she dont give a fuck, shes using u, shes bored, shes a dependent, fuck that dont blame, ur worse to all of them.
9. ur being selfish again, u really need to work on that.
10. whatever happened to u being good?
11. go to sleep, go to sleep go to sleep. wake up work, call ur friends sit around dont do shit drain drain drain go to sleep wake up work call ur friends sit around dont do shit drain drain drain. You need help, ur like a bad dream, a drug, a horror movie of some sorts, only not the kind with the slasher man, more just depressing.
12. u dont have any answers what makes u so confident? ur shit stinks mother fucker get over it.
13. And what about that, will u address the issue? hide hide hide away.
14. they're all wasted. u should join them, it doesnt seem so bad anymore does it? the self medicating. if they can drink so can you.
dont be afraid dont be afraid let go waste waste waste.
15. read any good oh thats right u dont read.
16. i thought we were gonna do something with this, are u telling me i've wasted all this time? u make me sick, really. You're self indulgent, selfish, god it makes me feel like vomiting even thinking about it, u give me a head ache.
17. You wanted a list of 15 to "work on" well how are we doing? i wake up u wake up we all wake up sometime and realize this life aint so "all good" as u'd like it dont give me that shit i dont buy it.
Quit fighting!!!!! my turn go back to bed.
1. You look fat and wonder why this disturbs you. Things like skin hanging below your chin and around your lips reminds you of cheeks that were once called chubby and you thought you were through that era. You wonder at why this disturbs you because you understand that people dont like bony men, women dont find it attractive, men dont find it intimidating and there for you are nothing to compete with and everyone finds it disturbing. You yourself hide half in shame, it use to be cuz u were fat, why now? why is it so appalling? why is it ok for everyone else and not you? you dont have to be some sick freak you know.
2. You've been telling the same damn stories over and over and no one likes them anymore, so u should shut the fuck up. I think its time you hide for awhile, go away. You're not doing any good, the people who look to you for a good time are just getting let down, over and over and soon they wont like you anymore so u should quit while ur ahead. Nothing is ever good enough.
3. you eat too much.
4. even as were talking here, u keep wanting to rush off find some happy place find some reason to be happy but i think we both know u dont deserve that, at least not right now. Oh if only they would tell you the truth. Write out lists, complaint after complaint, we could fill notebooks. You could whine and say "I'm working on it."
5. I thought we were in college now, go do ur homework. You have to get the shit done man, or else they will kick u out.
6. You're not a very good friend, ur all talk.
7. you're not a very good anything really, i mean think about it.
8. you mean nothing to her, or her, or her, nope not her either, nope she dont give a fuck, shes using u, shes bored, shes a dependent, fuck that dont blame, ur worse to all of them.
9. ur being selfish again, u really need to work on that.
10. whatever happened to u being good?
11. go to sleep, go to sleep go to sleep. wake up work, call ur friends sit around dont do shit drain drain drain go to sleep wake up work call ur friends sit around dont do shit drain drain drain. You need help, ur like a bad dream, a drug, a horror movie of some sorts, only not the kind with the slasher man, more just depressing.
12. u dont have any answers what makes u so confident? ur shit stinks mother fucker get over it.
13. And what about that, will u address the issue? hide hide hide away.
14. they're all wasted. u should join them, it doesnt seem so bad anymore does it? the self medicating. if they can drink so can you.
dont be afraid dont be afraid let go waste waste waste.
15. read any good oh thats right u dont read.
16. i thought we were gonna do something with this, are u telling me i've wasted all this time? u make me sick, really. You're self indulgent, selfish, god it makes me feel like vomiting even thinking about it, u give me a head ache.
17. You wanted a list of 15 to "work on" well how are we doing? i wake up u wake up we all wake up sometime and realize this life aint so "all good" as u'd like it dont give me that shit i dont buy it.
Quit fighting!!!!! my turn go back to bed.
Sunday, May 11, 2003
i dont have any right to put this up but like i care, so you know that olde english site i be chirping about, i think this will be one of their next videos to put up. pregnancy warning that is graphic so dont watch it around ur parents.
Michael a hooked me up with this sweet piece of monkey love
so enjoy that..
um chillin and such, no gift, idea, card or plan for mother's day, my bros told me it was all good and I didn't have to do anything and then my Mom gave me the guilt trip last night, so that was fun. I hadn't seen the woman all week.
Shit is fun yo, we in that get back together time, we get into the overly dramatic emotional frustration with mixed up conclusions and assumptions met with deceptions, impressions of what will be flayed betrayed and complained about, but an open bout, two fighters take your corners come out fighting! Displace that love for a few bold seconds and knock each others teeth out, words of aggression aggravation find the pecking order amongst the fences, who's the top dog? What once was, is, maybe what you willing to stake for it?
so enjoy that..
um chillin and such, no gift, idea, card or plan for mother's day, my bros told me it was all good and I didn't have to do anything and then my Mom gave me the guilt trip last night, so that was fun. I hadn't seen the woman all week.
Shit is fun yo, we in that get back together time, we get into the overly dramatic emotional frustration with mixed up conclusions and assumptions met with deceptions, impressions of what will be flayed betrayed and complained about, but an open bout, two fighters take your corners come out fighting! Displace that love for a few bold seconds and knock each others teeth out, words of aggression aggravation find the pecking order amongst the fences, who's the top dog? What once was, is, maybe what you willing to stake for it?
Thursday, May 08, 2003
So there are certain areas on the earth, where it is a certain probability that every person, animal, insect, every living creature, has stopped in amazement.. just takin in life for a minute.
The energy of these places can only grow, and so when you stop there you are surrounded in the abundance of life. You take and give back, and its beautiful. Religious people give prayers. Artists paint and sketch and take photographs and write songs and poems. Students take notes record observations. Dreamers dream and wonder of those who must have stood here before them. Im sure lovers have embraces, and friends smile at each other and make jokes and find new appreciations together, and children they play and swim and take in what they can without even knowing what they are seeing and feeling, but they seem to understand it better than most.
I could turn this into several things, its obviously not poetic more just reality. I could say these places are everywhere cuz they are, or were a long time ago and maybe some time in the future. I could say these places are sacred and they are, but given time they will thrive with or without us. I could say we should all return to nature and we should but we wont cuz it scares us. So I leave it as this I guess, um go appreciate the world once in a while, its pretty damn sweet.
The energy of these places can only grow, and so when you stop there you are surrounded in the abundance of life. You take and give back, and its beautiful. Religious people give prayers. Artists paint and sketch and take photographs and write songs and poems. Students take notes record observations. Dreamers dream and wonder of those who must have stood here before them. Im sure lovers have embraces, and friends smile at each other and make jokes and find new appreciations together, and children they play and swim and take in what they can without even knowing what they are seeing and feeling, but they seem to understand it better than most.
I could turn this into several things, its obviously not poetic more just reality. I could say these places are everywhere cuz they are, or were a long time ago and maybe some time in the future. I could say these places are sacred and they are, but given time they will thrive with or without us. I could say we should all return to nature and we should but we wont cuz it scares us. So I leave it as this I guess, um go appreciate the world once in a while, its pretty damn sweet.
Wednesday, May 07, 2003
"who keeps atlantis off the maps? we do, we do"
hmm so u know how i always claim i dont get excited for shit? well i still stick to that but like my body doesnt always, cuz it be like 7:45 am and i been up for like an hour tossing in my bed feeling the wrath, but um thats a different story, I mean i went to bed at like 1-ish so i shouldnt be awake, but i am, stupid me.
oh we going to Duluth, my mom is giving me shit for not knowing how to get to 35 w north, i dont drive in the city.
um what the fuck else was i thinking, i'v already got complaints about the bush resume from some of my more economically conservative pals.
kristen i will call u soon, i did the other day but u werent home and i had plans from a previous day to take care of. Um dat be it i think, i could go into a rant and rave but my mom needs the comp for her sermonizing or something. So goodbye cruel world. I catch you later
hmm so u know how i always claim i dont get excited for shit? well i still stick to that but like my body doesnt always, cuz it be like 7:45 am and i been up for like an hour tossing in my bed feeling the wrath, but um thats a different story, I mean i went to bed at like 1-ish so i shouldnt be awake, but i am, stupid me.
oh we going to Duluth, my mom is giving me shit for not knowing how to get to 35 w north, i dont drive in the city.
um what the fuck else was i thinking, i'v already got complaints about the bush resume from some of my more economically conservative pals.
kristen i will call u soon, i did the other day but u werent home and i had plans from a previous day to take care of. Um dat be it i think, i could go into a rant and rave but my mom needs the comp for her sermonizing or something. So goodbye cruel world. I catch you later
Tuesday, May 06, 2003
now i cant say that all of this is 100 % truth, but it seems to fit what i have heard
so thanks to james my brother fr sending me this
> >GEORGE W. BUSH RESUME
> >
> >Past work experience:
> >· Ran for congress and lost.
> >· Produced a Hollywood slasher B movie.
> >· Bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in
> > Texas; company went bankrupt shortly after I sold
> > all my stock.
> >· Bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweet-
> > heart deal that took land using tax-payer money.
> > Biggest move: traded Sammy Sosa to Chicago Cubs.
> >· With father's help (and his name), was elected
> > Governor of Texas.
> >
> >Accomplishments:
> >· Changed pollution laws for power and oil companies
> > and made Texas the most polluted state in the Union.
> > Replaced Los Angeles with Houston as most smog-
> > ridden city in America. Cut taxes and bankrupted
> > the Texas state government to the tune of billions
> > in borrowed money. Set record for most executions
> > by any Governor in American history.
> >· Became president after losing the popular vote by
> > over 500,000 votes, with the help of my father's
> > appointments to the Supreme Court.
> >
> >Accomplishments as president:
> >· Attacked and took over two countries.
> >· Spent the surplus and bankrupted the treasury.
> >· Shattered record for biggest annual deficit in
> > history.
> >· Set economic record for most private bankruptcies
> > filed in any 12-month period.
> >· Set all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-
> > month period.
> >· Set all-time record for biggest drop in the history
> > of the stock market.
> >· First president in decades to execute a federal
> > prisoner.
> >· First president in US history to enter office with
> > a criminal record.
> >· First year in office set all-time record for most
> > days on vacation by any president in US history.
> >· After taking vacation the entire month of August,
> > presided over worst security failure in US history.
> >· Set record for more campaign fund-raising trips
> > than any other president in US history.
> >· In my first 2 years in office over 2 million
> > Americans lost their jobs.
> >· Cut unemployment benefits for more out-of-work
> > Americans than any president in US history.
> >· Appointed more convicted criminals to administration
> > positions than any president in US history.
> >· Set record for least number of press conferences
> > than any president since the advent of television.
> >· Signed more laws and executive orders amending
> > the Constitution than any president in US history.
> >· Presided over biggest energy crises in US history
> > and refused to intervene when corruption was
> > revealed.
> >· Presided over highest gasoline prices in US history
> > and refused to use national reserves as past
> > presidents have done.
> >· Cut healthcare benefits for war veterans.
> >· Set the all-time record for most people worldwide
> > to simultaneously take to the streets to protest
> > me (15 million people), shattering the record for
> > protest against any person in history of mankind.
> > (http://www.hyperreal.org/~dana/marches/)
> >· Dissolved more international treaties than any
> > president in US history.
> >· My presidency is the most secretive and non-
> > accountable of any in US history.
> >· Members of my cabinet are the richest of any
> > administration in US history. (The 'poorest' multi-
> > millionaire, Condoleeza Rice, has an Exxon oil tanker
> > named after her.)
> >· Presided over biggest corporate stock market fraud
> > of any market in any country in history of the world.
> >· First president in US history to order a US attack and
> > military occupation of a sovereign nation.
> >· Created largest government department bureaucracy
> > in the history of the United States.
> >· Set all-time record for biggest annual budget spending
> > increases, more than any president in US history.
> >· First president in US history to have United Nations
> > remove the US from the human rights commission.
> >· First president in US history to have United Nations
> > remove the US from the elections monitoring board.
> >· Removed more checks and balances, and have the
> > least amount of congressional oversight than any
> > presidential administration in US history.
> >· Rendered the entire United Nations irrelevant.
> >· Withdrew from the World Court of Law.
> >· Refused to allow inspectors access to US prisoners
> > of war, and by default no longer abides by Geneva
> > Conventions.
> >· First president in US history to refuse UN election
> > inspectors (during the 2002 US elections).
> >· All-time US (and world) record holder for most
> > corporate campaign donations.
> >· My biggest life-time campaign contributor presided
> > over one of the largest corporate bankruptcy frauds
> > in world history (Kenneth Lay, former CEO of Enron).
> >· Spent more money on polls and focus groups than
> > any president in US history.
> >· First president in US history to unilaterally attack a
> > sovereign nation against the will of United Nations
> > and the world community.
> >· First president to run and hide when the US came
> > under attack (and then lied, saying the enemy had
> > the code to Air Force 1).
> >· First US president to establish a secret shadow
> > government.
> >· Took enormous world sympathy for US after 9/11,
> > and in less than a year made the US the most
> > resented country in the world (possibly the biggest
> > diplomatic failure in US and world history).
> >· With a policy of "disengagement" created the most
> > hostile Israeli-Palestine relations in at least 30 years.
> >· First US president to have a majority of the people
> > of Europe (71%) view my presidency as the biggest
> > threat to world peace and stability.
> >· First US president to have the people of South Korea
> > more threatened by the US than their immediate
> > neighbor, North Korea.
> >· Changed US policy to allow convicted criminals to be
> > awarded government contracts.
> >· Set all-time record for number of administration
> > appointees who violated US law by not selling huge
> > investments in corporations bidding for government
> > contracts.
> >· Failed to fulfill my pledge to get Osama Bin Laden
> > "dead or alive."
> >· Failed to capture the anthrax killer who tried to
> > murder the leaders of our country at the United
> > States Capital building. After 18 months I have no
> > leads and zero suspects.
> >· In the 18 months following the 9/11 attacks I have
> > successfully prevented any public investigation into
> > the biggest security failure in the history of the
> > United States.
> >· Removed more freedoms and civil liberties for
> > Americans than any other president in US history.
> >· In a little over two years created the most divided
> > country in decades, possibly the most divided the US
> > has ever been since the civil war.
> >· Entered office with the strongest economy in US
> > history and in less than two years turned every single
> > economic category heading straight down.
> >
> >Records and References
> >
> >· At least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine
> > (Texas driving record was erased and is not available)
> >· AWOL from National Guard.
> >· Refuse to take drug test or answer any questions
> > about drug use.
> >· All records of my tenure as governor of Texas have
> > been spirited away to my fathers library, sealed in
> > secrecy and are unavailable for public view.
> >· All records of any SEC investigations into my insider
> > trading or bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy
> > and unavailable for public view.
> >· All minutes of meetings for any public corporation for
> > which I served on the board are sealed in secrecy and
> > unavailable for public view.
> >· Any records or minutes from meetings I (or my VP)
> > attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in
> > secrecy and unavailable for public review.
> >
> >For personal references please speak to my daddy or
> >uncle James Baker (they can be reached at their offices
> >at the Carlyle Group for war-profiteering.)
so thanks to james my brother fr sending me this
> >GEORGE W. BUSH RESUME
> >
> >Past work experience:
> >· Ran for congress and lost.
> >· Produced a Hollywood slasher B movie.
> >· Bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in
> > Texas; company went bankrupt shortly after I sold
> > all my stock.
> >· Bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweet-
> > heart deal that took land using tax-payer money.
> > Biggest move: traded Sammy Sosa to Chicago Cubs.
> >· With father's help (and his name), was elected
> > Governor of Texas.
> >
> >Accomplishments:
> >· Changed pollution laws for power and oil companies
> > and made Texas the most polluted state in the Union.
> > Replaced Los Angeles with Houston as most smog-
> > ridden city in America. Cut taxes and bankrupted
> > the Texas state government to the tune of billions
> > in borrowed money. Set record for most executions
> > by any Governor in American history.
> >· Became president after losing the popular vote by
> > over 500,000 votes, with the help of my father's
> > appointments to the Supreme Court.
> >
> >Accomplishments as president:
> >· Attacked and took over two countries.
> >· Spent the surplus and bankrupted the treasury.
> >· Shattered record for biggest annual deficit in
> > history.
> >· Set economic record for most private bankruptcies
> > filed in any 12-month period.
> >· Set all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-
> > month period.
> >· Set all-time record for biggest drop in the history
> > of the stock market.
> >· First president in decades to execute a federal
> > prisoner.
> >· First president in US history to enter office with
> > a criminal record.
> >· First year in office set all-time record for most
> > days on vacation by any president in US history.
> >· After taking vacation the entire month of August,
> > presided over worst security failure in US history.
> >· Set record for more campaign fund-raising trips
> > than any other president in US history.
> >· In my first 2 years in office over 2 million
> > Americans lost their jobs.
> >· Cut unemployment benefits for more out-of-work
> > Americans than any president in US history.
> >· Appointed more convicted criminals to administration
> > positions than any president in US history.
> >· Set record for least number of press conferences
> > than any president since the advent of television.
> >· Signed more laws and executive orders amending
> > the Constitution than any president in US history.
> >· Presided over biggest energy crises in US history
> > and refused to intervene when corruption was
> > revealed.
> >· Presided over highest gasoline prices in US history
> > and refused to use national reserves as past
> > presidents have done.
> >· Cut healthcare benefits for war veterans.
> >· Set the all-time record for most people worldwide
> > to simultaneously take to the streets to protest
> > me (15 million people), shattering the record for
> > protest against any person in history of mankind.
> > (http://www.hyperreal.org/~dana/marches/)
> >· Dissolved more international treaties than any
> > president in US history.
> >· My presidency is the most secretive and non-
> > accountable of any in US history.
> >· Members of my cabinet are the richest of any
> > administration in US history. (The 'poorest' multi-
> > millionaire, Condoleeza Rice, has an Exxon oil tanker
> > named after her.)
> >· Presided over biggest corporate stock market fraud
> > of any market in any country in history of the world.
> >· First president in US history to order a US attack and
> > military occupation of a sovereign nation.
> >· Created largest government department bureaucracy
> > in the history of the United States.
> >· Set all-time record for biggest annual budget spending
> > increases, more than any president in US history.
> >· First president in US history to have United Nations
> > remove the US from the human rights commission.
> >· First president in US history to have United Nations
> > remove the US from the elections monitoring board.
> >· Removed more checks and balances, and have the
> > least amount of congressional oversight than any
> > presidential administration in US history.
> >· Rendered the entire United Nations irrelevant.
> >· Withdrew from the World Court of Law.
> >· Refused to allow inspectors access to US prisoners
> > of war, and by default no longer abides by Geneva
> > Conventions.
> >· First president in US history to refuse UN election
> > inspectors (during the 2002 US elections).
> >· All-time US (and world) record holder for most
> > corporate campaign donations.
> >· My biggest life-time campaign contributor presided
> > over one of the largest corporate bankruptcy frauds
> > in world history (Kenneth Lay, former CEO of Enron).
> >· Spent more money on polls and focus groups than
> > any president in US history.
> >· First president in US history to unilaterally attack a
> > sovereign nation against the will of United Nations
> > and the world community.
> >· First president to run and hide when the US came
> > under attack (and then lied, saying the enemy had
> > the code to Air Force 1).
> >· First US president to establish a secret shadow
> > government.
> >· Took enormous world sympathy for US after 9/11,
> > and in less than a year made the US the most
> > resented country in the world (possibly the biggest
> > diplomatic failure in US and world history).
> >· With a policy of "disengagement" created the most
> > hostile Israeli-Palestine relations in at least 30 years.
> >· First US president to have a majority of the people
> > of Europe (71%) view my presidency as the biggest
> > threat to world peace and stability.
> >· First US president to have the people of South Korea
> > more threatened by the US than their immediate
> > neighbor, North Korea.
> >· Changed US policy to allow convicted criminals to be
> > awarded government contracts.
> >· Set all-time record for number of administration
> > appointees who violated US law by not selling huge
> > investments in corporations bidding for government
> > contracts.
> >· Failed to fulfill my pledge to get Osama Bin Laden
> > "dead or alive."
> >· Failed to capture the anthrax killer who tried to
> > murder the leaders of our country at the United
> > States Capital building. After 18 months I have no
> > leads and zero suspects.
> >· In the 18 months following the 9/11 attacks I have
> > successfully prevented any public investigation into
> > the biggest security failure in the history of the
> > United States.
> >· Removed more freedoms and civil liberties for
> > Americans than any other president in US history.
> >· In a little over two years created the most divided
> > country in decades, possibly the most divided the US
> > has ever been since the civil war.
> >· Entered office with the strongest economy in US
> > history and in less than two years turned every single
> > economic category heading straight down.
> >
> >Records and References
> >
> >· At least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine
> > (Texas driving record was erased and is not available)
> >· AWOL from National Guard.
> >· Refuse to take drug test or answer any questions
> > about drug use.
> >· All records of my tenure as governor of Texas have
> > been spirited away to my fathers library, sealed in
> > secrecy and are unavailable for public view.
> >· All records of any SEC investigations into my insider
> > trading or bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy
> > and unavailable for public view.
> >· All minutes of meetings for any public corporation for
> > which I served on the board are sealed in secrecy and
> > unavailable for public view.
> >· Any records or minutes from meetings I (or my VP)
> > attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in
> > secrecy and unavailable for public review.
> >
> >For personal references please speak to my daddy or
> >uncle James Baker (they can be reached at their offices
> >at the Carlyle Group for war-profiteering.)
Sunday, May 04, 2003
Saturday, May 03, 2003
Dos de mayo
It was one of those nights, nothing really went wrong, it was fine for the most part, nice people, simple actions and the events, well a hockey game and a bubblegum chewing contest, how can you go wrong? Hmm, ever end a night thinking you shouldnt have gone out at all? Not that you would have had a better time at home alone, but maybe you said something really stupid, or found out some things about the people you were with that you didnt really like, or maybe the moon wasn't smiling just right at you. Or maybe (probably) you have been working too hard and need a break. Maybe you have been eating all wrong, on purpose. Maybe its lack of control, maybe your sick of having control. Maybe you have been working too much and still cant satisfy your cravings, or their's. Maybe its time to cry, or see a rock concert. Maybe you cant afford one and forgot about the other. Maybe you cant dance or sing anyway. Most likely you want to be dreaming, most likely you are, at all hours of the day. Maybe you find yourself being nostalgic a sure sign that you are unhappy, how long has it been? Maybe the symbols of God on your neck arent enough to keep you in contact. maybe you are lost. The hair on me head is shrinking, curious, will there be enough to cover. All I want is to cover. Sometimes it feels like winter. I can't satisfy. Lots of peoples say you shouldnt live like that. Stronger to remain or parachute out? I cant focus, and this underlying feeling allows me to think only- I want to fall in love.
It was one of those nights, nothing really went wrong, it was fine for the most part, nice people, simple actions and the events, well a hockey game and a bubblegum chewing contest, how can you go wrong? Hmm, ever end a night thinking you shouldnt have gone out at all? Not that you would have had a better time at home alone, but maybe you said something really stupid, or found out some things about the people you were with that you didnt really like, or maybe the moon wasn't smiling just right at you. Or maybe (probably) you have been working too hard and need a break. Maybe you have been eating all wrong, on purpose. Maybe its lack of control, maybe your sick of having control. Maybe you have been working too much and still cant satisfy your cravings, or their's. Maybe its time to cry, or see a rock concert. Maybe you cant afford one and forgot about the other. Maybe you cant dance or sing anyway. Most likely you want to be dreaming, most likely you are, at all hours of the day. Maybe you find yourself being nostalgic a sure sign that you are unhappy, how long has it been? Maybe the symbols of God on your neck arent enough to keep you in contact. maybe you are lost. The hair on me head is shrinking, curious, will there be enough to cover. All I want is to cover. Sometimes it feels like winter. I can't satisfy. Lots of peoples say you shouldnt live like that. Stronger to remain or parachute out? I cant focus, and this underlying feeling allows me to think only- I want to fall in love.
Friday, May 02, 2003
some links
Alternet
Bozart
Amy recently sent out an e mail concerning the media getting together to make more money and give less coverage (e mail me and i'll send it to you) I believe it was an article from that alternet news site.
um Its my dad's b day on sunday and i didnt get anything for him, and i dont know that i will, just cuz i dont know what to get him.
Maybe its target time.
There is a part of me that thinks that if people are stupid enough (me included) to only get their news and such from the tv then maybe we all deserve to get fucked.
The world is a strange place.
Bubble gum contest tonght, hmm we shall see what happens. anyone see x men? maybe i'll do that tonight too.
Alternet
Bozart
Amy recently sent out an e mail concerning the media getting together to make more money and give less coverage (e mail me and i'll send it to you) I believe it was an article from that alternet news site.
um Its my dad's b day on sunday and i didnt get anything for him, and i dont know that i will, just cuz i dont know what to get him.
Maybe its target time.
There is a part of me that thinks that if people are stupid enough (me included) to only get their news and such from the tv then maybe we all deserve to get fucked.
The world is a strange place.
Bubble gum contest tonght, hmm we shall see what happens. anyone see x men? maybe i'll do that tonight too.
Thursday, May 01, 2003
Im a little slow on the draw here but uh did anyone catch the white strips performance of "jolene" on conan?
u can get it in the news section at their site. or follow this link misguided monkey feet
dont ask me why the link is called that, also i enjoyed the performance doesnt mean u have to. They do wear too much make up though.
u can get it in the news section at their site. or follow this link misguided monkey feet
dont ask me why the link is called that, also i enjoyed the performance doesnt mean u have to. They do wear too much make up though.
Deleted post
I was gonna post this big thing about why our peers are all lazy politically and or conservative and such. I didn't cuz I figured it wouldn't do any good and yall already know the shit. Besides not like i do my part. Never knew what my part was. No one ever told me. I'm not very decisive. I been listening to some cat stevens errr yusef islam (i think thats how u spell it) it was that father and son thing that started me thinking on it, really interesting to capture both sides of a relationship in one song. I havent written anything in a long time that had any feeling in it.
I dont think. Last night i was laying in bed wondering what dreams i'd fulfill.
Phish
These guys at the Breakfast anytime site are challenging me to find some good phish songs and i dont know which to tell them to download, too many songs, and i dont know what they like and i dont know what they have heard and didnt like. Its a rough thing, i already told them wilson fee farmhouse and dirt its a very hard challenge, i cant imagine how you could call a band that is that big and has been around for so long shitty. Maybe they dont appeal to you, but obviously they must be doing something right and how do i pinpoint what is right about them? other then it just works out for me.
Hmm im tired. help a brotha out if u like phish tell me which
I was gonna post this big thing about why our peers are all lazy politically and or conservative and such. I didn't cuz I figured it wouldn't do any good and yall already know the shit. Besides not like i do my part. Never knew what my part was. No one ever told me. I'm not very decisive. I been listening to some cat stevens errr yusef islam (i think thats how u spell it) it was that father and son thing that started me thinking on it, really interesting to capture both sides of a relationship in one song. I havent written anything in a long time that had any feeling in it.
I dont think. Last night i was laying in bed wondering what dreams i'd fulfill.
Phish
These guys at the Breakfast anytime site are challenging me to find some good phish songs and i dont know which to tell them to download, too many songs, and i dont know what they like and i dont know what they have heard and didnt like. Its a rough thing, i already told them wilson fee farmhouse and dirt its a very hard challenge, i cant imagine how you could call a band that is that big and has been around for so long shitty. Maybe they dont appeal to you, but obviously they must be doing something right and how do i pinpoint what is right about them? other then it just works out for me.
Hmm im tired. help a brotha out if u like phish tell me which