as far as i know, this will be my address in scotland

also as far as i know, the earth does indeed spin to the left when facing north...

Gary/Pat Engstrand
2F1, 100 Thirlestane Road
Edinburgh
EH9 1AS
Scotland

i know i should be patient and understanding, i can be that i think, i need to try, but everyday i feel patience slipping away and actually more so than the original situation it bothers me. bothers me that i lose patience...




also im signed up for 10 credits and may try to con my way into a few more here by tomorrow. thas right. Im a con man baby.

Im sorry if this becomes one of those things i complain about. Im hoping i can just be angsty and frustrated on here and then be over it.

First off I got a test tomorrow the last of the semester,and two papers to go, but i doubt i'll get em done.

So..... remember how i was thinking about withdrawing from my social science sem? well the reasons were simple.. I didn't get all the assignments done, didnt have time to do em in time before the class ended. So I sent an e mail to the prof, said hey im over worked and stressed and this class is not a priority so im gonna withdraw. He sent back an e mail saying dont withdraw come see me in my office (his office hours are 10-11:30 tuesday thursday. I have a class at 10:00 on thursday -which happened to be a test so I didnt go in on thursday. I also didnt send him back an e mail because like i said before i was stressed and had other priorities. So im thinking "ok, i will go in next week and talk to him, spend 3 hours in the library and pass the class." I go in on monday, hes in but its says office hours are tuesday morning... (the first time i knew that) but i had pulled an all nighter from sun to mon and slept in tuesday cuz it was my only day off this week. So i missed it... but i didnt e mail him cuz he told me to come in and see him and find out what i needed to do. So i go in today, say fuck office hours i got timeright now, i got in at 12:30 he says "oh i just sent in the grades why didnt u send me the work?" cuz i had other priorities like the e mail said like the reason i was gonna withdraw... "um well you will have to take it next semester.." ok whatever i can still withdraw (nope) call the office of classes and shit "is it too late?" "yes" ok.... so i fail a class because my teacher told me i could make up the work even though i told him i dont have time and then when i find the time he says not soon enough why didnt u find the time earlier? fuckers....

From anne landers to ani difranco to orphan annie,
I love all women, but most of em just cant stand me....
either way it's okay, I wasn't tryin' to get laid
I just wanted to say "I hope you have a great day"

get to relax a bit tonight, james is talking bout coming up for lunch tomorrow, long drive. hope hes got some work or something up here.


bout to make sure im not interfering with the flow of oxygen


soul position is awesome. tis true

mike sob story (full length continuation)

sorry for thoseof you who have read this

get research paper done, test at 11, finish other paper, go to two study sessions, (by thursday) finish 2 books write 2 papers 4-6 pages each,test wednesday, test thursday (both of which i havent even started studying for) meet with prof go to the library for 3-4 hours to make up assignments so that I dont fail my social science seminar, pack up my room, spend quality time with people, set up last minute directed studies, drive home to spend 2 possible days with my dad, 5 possible days with friends and my mom and pack for both india and scotland, as well as get x mas presents and make sure my car and health insurance are in working order. then i fly to india spend a few weeks checking out poverty and shit and then fly to london where i catch a bus train or plane to edinburgh just in time for my b day on jan 15th, where I start some more school... travel around europe and hopefully see some cats i been missing for a semester.
chillax

I know most of you are probably thinking, well if u hadnt slacked off you'd be aight, and thats only partially true.

falling into place?


its true im struggling to finish this semester, two papers due tomorrow at 4ish a test tomorrow, a class that may be my free withdrawl or may mean 3-4 hours in the library, another class with 2 papers left and a paragraph of the paper i have gotten the furthest on, but still havent finished-not to mention the 2 papers are with books i havent finished...

BUT
maybe.. if Roland says yes... that makes 10 and maybe if i can persuade templeman that it would be worthy... that could be a few more and maybe then I would be a full time student and wouldnt feel like I wasted next semester doing fun shit like I want to do!

by that I mean i want to travel, but if I can be rsponsible while traveling well thats two stones with one bird if you know what I means, and I think you do.

Right right...

pete woke me up yesterday and told me of the wonderful time im missing in park. and how I wont have 3 hours alone to myself this break, which will be bad since I need to pack and and possibly finish some papers/reading.

oh do i have the energy for youthful adventure? I surely dont have the stamina to run at this rate for long...

also If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.

"Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris"

still you feed us lies from the tablecloth

"to all the people out there at night, who are comforting themselves, if you happen to see my light, you can stop and ring my bell, im just sitting here in this sty, strewn with half written songs, taking one breath at a time, nothin much goin on." ~ani D (yeah i probably quoted this before but yall dont read the archives)

"i'll be waiting"

I wanted to write some shitty poetry but attempts were not so solid and now i must go to class.

oh the places we will go tonight... yes yes avoiding homework (i got my studying done, but have yet to do the papers) oh the papers the bane of my existence i know i keep saying that about different things but truly papers must be.
So now we sit with comps a rolling and mouths a strolling, discussing counterweights, jokes and holidays.

Laurel demands I work but she said she was going to bed like an hour ago so she is a dirty filthy liar. Which she claims does not make her unable to tell me what to do.
Thanks for the holiday gifts and wishes bre and krystin the mints were truly delightful. as were the crackers.

In other news, I worry bout peoples who dont like to tell me their worries, only hint at them and then suggest that we talk about it later. Which i try to be ok with but you should have heard my heart pound after hearing that phone message.

and on a completely different note, this is what I wrote last night about depictions of witches:
The concept of witch covens remains today, but the popular focus has switched from demonic pacts to female or nature empowerment. In popular culture we see many depictions of witches in which the same behaviors or spells as those referred to in history remain as do the purposes of doing harm or gaining power. In movies like The Craft the female coven astonishes even themselves while dabbling in witchcraft, those outside warn the characters that they are practicing dark magic and upsetting the balance of good and evil, but the witches in a quest for power, wealth and popularity continue on in very much a similar pattern as accused witches would have been charged with in the middle ages. These women are moving outside their gender and class roles, they act together to upset the balance and they cause harm to men in charming them out of their natural senses. In Four Rooms a comedy containing several different stories the opening story begins with a witch coven. The women gather in a hotel suite to awaken their goddess. The characters including one played by Madonna, depict in several ways their sexual influence and charm over men. During the ceremony, in which one of the women adds male semen to the mix, they attract a teenage girl to join them. The story includes pagan worship, sexual control over men, females conspiring together to change gender roles, the extraction of male semen to cast spells and the “corruption” of youth.

I tend to bring it all back to modernity a bit too much.

givin away my stuff anybody need anything? (possiby to be returned to me late summer, or early next school year)

This seems to be a recurring theme lately (that word was misspelled wasn't it?)

How does one make up for blowing someone elses trust?
How does one fix holes in others view of their integrity.
How does one communicate their sincere desire to make it better, when they cant comprehend the damage? Should I just wait and hope it gets better? possibly giving up a friendship that I really enjoy or do I fight still probably uncomprehending their suffering assuming that the injustice can be made better? Is it a further injustice to assume, is it a further injustice to be unknowing? Is it mine or their duty to bridge the gap, for an explanation of the damage done?

Why am I so old and still fucking up like i did in jr high? and how do I make sure this doesnt turn in to the drama and angst of that day?


So Im sorry to everyone I have hurt lately, I know that it there are more of you than just the recent ones, and apparently one of you isnt holding a grudge except for a picture which I still think is cool, but you are entitled to your opinion. And the other person who im not sure even reads this, I am sorry, I was wrong for both lying to you and going against your wishes in something that is beyond my limited understanding. I dont know that I can make it up but if I can I wish to. I know that despite my flaws you once has some respect for me, as I do for you and hopefully in the future I can find a way to make it up to you.

Peace and love -taff

I done fucked up with mike the rock, sometimes im not aware of what others take seriously

Even understanding the circumstances doesnt it often feel like rejection? When people got shit going on or pull away for their own needs...

On further reflection, I didn't get my paper done and I have lower backpain, nails painted the manic colors of my childhood, I'd release to get some release, but the pain blocks the way.
"if we fall, we all fall, and we fall alone"

long ago we tried to give up on lines, hoping to project some inner sense of dignified solidity, longing for belonging, we treasured the eternal possibilities, thus in loneliness we adopted transendence and sometimes we cant help but feel it lacking.

"give me my knife you bastard" ~molly

We are watching coffee and cigarettes, steve buscemi is hurassing some cats at a coffee shop.
Mike the rock and molly are peeling apples for apple sauce.
I dont have a phone card but im supposed to call steve, for like days now.

we went and saw rent yesterday, I liked it, I cried, I sang, I told a woman i appreciated her clapping. I felt sympathetic when she told me her friend had died, I felt warmed knowing he was there with us.

We went to perkins Joe was there, Chip and chang were there, jason and amber were there. They all looked alike and liked to talk to us.

"what you like to draw blood?" ~molly

yes i do, but thats not what i told her.

Becky's b day was the other day. I enjoyed myself, she seemed to feel better, and she got hit on a bunch and got free drinks.
I conversated with Andy about anger acknowledging our attitudes and assessing our alcohol induced angst. Im glad to see and hang out with my friends.

right. jello shots on fri. rent on sat, homework today.

peace and love... im all about the indifference.

"the most interesting thing that can be seen is -belongs to is -how most easily-socially and personally -and how that affects the way they are" ~execerpts from Jason's paper

I got chills they're multiplying


I dont want to be in school next semester, still I cant financially or in any other way justify not taking some classes, so its buck up, and take it like a giraffe. Thats right.

random insights from snippets of scatterbrainedness

Im very sketchy on my head today

I am using the fact that my teachers are all behind to my advantage

The week is going so fast I forgot I had a meeting tonight until molly told me 5 mins ago.


but either way dons is a good way to fuck with my stomach, and as we all know i love doing that
yeah dons without a shake is like me without a dons shake
it just doesnt work well

no i did a lot of the research and some of the map stuff but im about half done with the work, except the actual typing
which puts me not very far at all
when i think about it


yes both why not i'll be magnificent

I have the biggest stupidest mouth in the world, and i think karma and fate is trying to fucking give me a hint. I fucked up. I hope everything works out. The parties involved know im trying to take full blame. Im an idiot.
also I hate the fact that right when things in most cases start to be going right i go and get all ego like and try to be cool and screw it up.

very happy that becky is talking to me, seems ok, smiles.

very unhappy that this geography project will not be done by the time class starts. but i think its just a third of a letter grade off, still he's a tough grader and its 20% total of the grade. I think i will have 2/3s of the work done, by class time, but im gonna send my teacher an e mail and tell him i underestimated.


had a lot of fun and laughs at the floor program tonight.