teaching is kind of awful.... the moment you get caught up with one thing, a whole new unit or wave of work comes up.
I might be more ok with that if i had things prepared a month or two ahead of time... or if i wasnt doing homework for school too, but as it is... im about 2-3 weeks behind in lesson plans... I am barely getting through each day... and the grading is piling up constantly.
I brought home about 50 notebooks to grade tonight... plus 30 quizzes... and that meant leaving 30 5 sheet packets, and 30 other packets for a later date.

I have two classes taking tests tomorrow, but since neither test will take more than 20-30 minutes I need to plan for an hour of class time... and I am supposed to have individual conference time with each student... but who knows if that will happen.
I want to sneak at least 1 day of history of the Americas in... and I think that will be tomorrow... but I cant very well have them read and do worksheets for an hour... there will be chaos.
So...
part of the problem is that when I leave them alone, they don't seem to get it... or they don't care and they start getting all fussy....

When i put a lot of effort into something it sometimes works out, but most of the time doesn't seem to matter... so why bother right?

argh... fuck it... i gotta go back to doing work.

Me and beckrila saw a movie last night that was very amusing but painted a portrait of teenagers being pretty dumb even though the point of the movie was also to promote teenagers and how capable they are... i felt like whoever wrote it was very removed and only used stereotypes of the culture. I also felt like maybe they were so far removed (or the screenplay was written so long ago) that they were often entirely inaccurate... which annoyed me. Still it was a cute movie.

The theater creeped me out a little. But I think Im on edge.

Yeah i must have really low blood sugar or something... im just not in the mood to be happy.
One of those days i guess.



My step brother is in the hospital after a surgery, my mom has asked me to go check in on him... i feel like it would be a really fake gesture... im 10 years older than the kid, we have never talked for more than 10 minutes... im not saying im opposed to having a relationship, but i think its a really fakey thing to do to show up at the hospital as your first brotherly action...
I feel very much like holden caulfield or whatever his name is.



I had a dream about giant intelligent two walking lizards that were trying to take over the planet.... they were fast and smart and evil... but you had to give them some credit for being so on top of things.

(from mike's school journal's)

Economics

So after staying up late to grade papers in which most of the students end up getting better scores than they deserve (because it takes too long to actually grade every little thing), and noticing that the failure rate on tests, or the low grade rate is pretty high (though our last test was pretty good, very few C’s lots of B’s and D’s). After having two very hectic history periods (everything accomplished, but stressfully).

And noticing that none of the students had bothered to do the reading, and didn’t understand the concepts very well…

I was a little fed up. So when they went off to lunch, I passed out 5 worksheets and 2 quizzes on each desk.

When they returned they were shocked to find all these colorful sheets of paper on their desks, and began complaining.

When everyone returned I asked how many students felt stressed- Many raised their hands. Then I asked them a series of questions about their age and preparedness, and how much time they were putting into school. After which I reminded them that they were all 17-18, were eligible for military service and could easily be killed in a conflict they don’t understand in a country they can’t find on a map, would be tried as adults for any crimes they committed, could easily fall into debt, could fail out of school etc… and then told them the truth about why we teach… We don’t want these things to happen, without them knowing the consequences beforehand. We want them to understand the things that are going on in their lives, and want them to be on top of the circumstances that seem to push them around. (I was more articulate then I am right now).

Basically I said these things and explained why I was frustrated and then gave them the sort of peace offering… I am here to help… etc… but I am also new to this and need their help, their commitment etc. And then I said they could use their notes for the quizzes, and that the worksheets would be due on Monday but that they could get extra points for having them all done, and that the real reason they were due Monday was because the test was on Tuesday and I didn’t want them to have extra work that night.

I’m not sure if I got through to them, but they paid attention the rest of the hour, and when they had time to work, several of the students who struggle in the class came up and asked questions…

I like to think of it as a temporary victory at least.

Well maybe i was just waiting for krystin to post...
actually I dont really know what to put on here anymore, right now at least.

I left for work at 6 this morning and got home at 5:45 and that is how my days will go for the next few weeks.
I just took over my third class, so now i am totally unprepared and behind all the time, instead of treading water... its a nice tipping point to say "ha, you thought you were screwed before? well we can really screw you now."

I also had my first phone conference with a parent today.
It went well.


I was thinking about posting some pictures from morris this last weekend, but many of you have seen boring morris pictures, same people, same locations...

I was thinking maybe i could post a picture of my overloaded backpack every night... each day it seems to get bigger... and technically is.
but you wouldnt be interested in that.

I cant post paintings or drawings or poetry, because I haven't had time to write, draw, paint in weeks... I can't tell you about friends or other thoughts because well.... i havent really done anything other than school... I spose i went to morris... and it was fairly awesome and just what i needed... not to mention other people were stressed with homework so i actually got work done there while having an intellectual and social refresher... and dons and china...
-yeah that was all pretty kick ass..

but the life is busy.... and not so exciting...
I think im fairly stressed but doing aight...
I did swear at the radio in my car today, but only because jason lewis is such a fucking asshole...

this very conservative motherfucker was going on and on about how the mn legislature was trying to raise taxes during a recession time, which is unheard of according to him... but what he failed to mention was that the taxes were going to reimburse all the budget cuts that pawlenty and other repub assholes have forced the state to cut... such as environment/park up keep, and road/bridge upkeep... of course jason lewis is the guy who champions the tax cut coalition, which opposes all taxes out of principle and thus even when the tax is for something important like a fucking bridge, he hates the idea.... he also called pawlenty a moderate... which scared the bejesus out of me... cuz if pawlenty is a moderate what the fuck is a conservative?

and on the other hand.... you have the "I could have lied" argument...

"There must be something in the way I feel that she don't want me to feel, the stares she bares cut me, I don't care, you see so what if I bleed? I could never change just what I feel, my face will never show what is not real."

My students quizzes tests and reviews are all tallied up and the average (mean) is around a B on tests, F-C depending on the class for the map quiz and A-B on the review... this is ok, I mean the range is pretty dramatic in some cases... but on average I would like to see B's at least.

____________________________________________________________________

On a personal note.


Today I was wondering what I would tell a young person if they ever asked (because they wouldnt)
"Do things matter less when you get older?" or something to that extent... I remember freaking out about every little thing when I was younger, and I was a guy described as calm... so i imagine everyone else felt the same... as if the tiniest drama meant the world, and furthermore things like the way you would rank your favorite bands, or knowing about them, or seeming cool/smart etc...

Does it change?

Does it matter less?

No not really, but you feel it less intensively.

You are more aware that it is not the end of the world. You are more ok with gray areas... you expect them, and you learn to expect down times, failure and rejection to some extent. This can make you bitter, numb, less energetic, less passionate... it can make you want to mosh or dance less at a concert. It can make conversations that would have swept you off your feet before - be reduced down to a nice warm feeling and a smile. But does it still matter? yeah it does, we just don't admit it as much -perhaps because we have learned it makes us seem young.

and thats not cool anymore...


-a nice quality of morris and college was the ability to admit and be these things when ever one felt like it... this is something i don't think you can get at larger schools... where you express these feelings in cups of how many beers you can drink, and girls you can sleep with.
Morris is nice that way.
but its pretty much over... and now another transition to learning new ways to dumb down our energy so we can seem "cooler."

Mike being an idiot:


I don't really have any time right now. I'm barely getting my work done, I never see my family, and I have seen some of my best friends only a few times in the last few months. I do hang out with Becky a lot, and we sort of comfort each other, but its very clearly going nowhere "further".... meaning she will not be in a relationship other than friendship with me.
We have been through that, its not something she sees working.
Thats hard for me to understand, but its very easy to see that that is the way she views it.

I don't know where to meet people since school is basically done. I see a lot of people at the highschool, and it seems like a lot of them are married or in relationships. The other guy my age in my department is constantly given crap/help from the rest of the staff for not finding anyone.

I'm just having one of those days/weeks where it seems like you wont ever find anyone.... fucking valentines day...
makes me think of far too many possibilities, and far too many happy past experiences and nothing to look forward to.



+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


Krystin said I should talk about caucuses, since I made her do it.

we had about 175 people vote, a small room, full of white people -which weirded me out. I got two resolutions passed. they voted obama overwhelmingly... I dont know who i support yet.
it was really fun, im a delegate to the next round... march 8th for us. I really need to go on from there though because that way I can help my brother.

Speaking of that.
It was my brother's birthday two days ago...he is now 26 (im 23 months younger)... we were sitting at dinner, with his girlfriend who everyone loves... shes gonna be a lawyer... the two other people were both campaign workers... one worked for keith ellison, the other amy klobuchar... I was sitting next to three major manager types for major players in the democrats... (franken being an up and coming) it was weird to see how nerdy and normal they all were... no egos... because they dedicate their lives to someone else... but if the person you hang out with every day... your boss, not your boss's boss... but you know what i mean... someone you give advice to is on the news everyday.... thats gotta be interesting... and i had three of them next to me... and they were not more fascinating than the average bear. (good people, just not crazy)

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

School....
Im grading tests and quizzes and review packets... they are all fairly substantial parts of the grade.... Im not sure what I need to be doing to make it easier on these kids... they are struggling though. I cant imagine what it must be like to be in a school where the students dont even have text books... i mean not reading them is one thing, not having them is another.

*************************************************************************************

Im a be ok...

I had a dream last night in which i was at a train station in germany, with money in my pocket and nothing to do for 2.5 months... i had no plan. I asked how much to amsterdam? Copenhagen? I was surprised how clear the map of europe came through in my head, I wanted to go north, then east, to the places I hadn't been... and it seemed simple enough, a day or two of planning and I was off.

but these are the dreams I have when I'm disappointed.

###################################################################


I didnt make it to morris this weekend, part of it was because I was scared of bad weather, part because I was scared of being exhausted. Part was because I was lazy.

I missed the play, I missed things I should have been there for, and miss people.

I got to celebrate with my brother instead... that was at least nice.

Some sort of mold, fungus or chemical has been eating away at my brain cells for a few days... i dont really know how to make it stop. I tried to clean, it didnt seem to help. My rents are coming home today, I really hope they know some magical way to make it go away...
in other news I will be caucasing in about half an hour. I am trying to become a delegate at the mn DFL convention so that I can help my brother out.

I checked out the other dfl candidate today and honestly... he seems pretty good too... Im not sure who I would vote for if I didn't already have the special interest (family).

The main things that impress me about franken are his stage persona (IE he comes off as likable, funny, honest, fairly warm) He seems passionate. He seems to want to really talk to people about the issues and convince them why its important to be a strong liberal.

the main things that impress me about ciresi are his debating ability, his fairly clear message (although they are very close to the same) and his record of standing up against big corporations.

I think ciresi seems to be the more politician-like of the two... however I loved that Al took on the right wing in his books... I loved the political SNL stuff, I love that he did Air America and went around the state discussing issues with people... i love that he visited morris a few times...
I don't think I have a problem backing Al for these reasons... but his heart centered message is only half the debate -> ciresi has done and said the right things as well....

anywho...

either way norm coleman is a douchebagasshole

Well I wrote a couple of journals about the school stuff.... but didnt think yall would be so interested...

What am I doing?

Well today my goal is to finish off a powerpoint covering a chapter in the history book... and write about 5-6 lesson plans so that when my supervisor pops in... I will be ready enough.

This week I will be teaching 2 of the 85 minute classes full time.
The other class I will be teaching some of... mostly activities (part of the hour)..


I been watching some movies... I saw this movie called Amazing Grace which was about ending the slave trade in Britain, a subject I know little about,but it was a pretty good movie...

Um but mostly I been sitting around playing a lot of solitaire and hearts....

Becky has been visiting over here and its been really nice... but she and I see things quite differently which is hard for me.

my room is a mess...
my kitchen smells like mold and is making me sick... but I dont know what to do about it... because I have already sprayed everything down... and I think its either in the sinkdrain... or in the laundry shoot (which runs through the kitchen). Im gonna wait till my mom gets home on tuesday.

Does anyone know if I can caucus on tuesday in st. paul if my license says im a morris resident?

At this point I guess its franken and whichever democrat seems to be winning... Im impressed by Hillary's experience and Obama's ambition... but I worry about both of them.

ann coultier even says she would vote for hillary over mccain... which is weird.



hmmm yeah i dont write anything down in here anymore because i dont have anything going on.