my comp game today (im excited but i dont like have time to play)


as we were leaving for sledding petes mom yelled "be careful!" I thought that was hilarious.


wild game on tonight and it doesnt appeal


I think were doing morgan's hotel party for new years.


Atmosphere has a video seemingly in heavy rotation on mtv2 it was weird like 3 times in 2 hours. Its kinda interesting. Apparently this last cd has come out on epitaph with the rhymesayers label so maybe warp tour ?

im still really sick. I was thinkign ti was a good thing i got sick during the time i was gone, cuz i wasnt gonna get to see anyone anyway but now that im back and feel just as sick its not very fun to miss great adventures with friends.
I feel real bad for Aimee cuz she was all excited to get people to go to the big wu show and now it doesnt seem like anyone is goin. (im way too sick) I did want to go though. Just wouldnt be smart.

I think im gonna go to the doc manana.

I was supposed to shave after first semester and i still think i will before second but i really havent had the energy. its been the same way with certain presents i was planning on making. I had at least three ideas for cool art things to make for becky but i cant get myself to even lift a marker right now.

Last night i was feeling better (after sleeping all day, and taking a bunch of medicine) we went out to find food (couldnt find any) went to the last samurai at edina. Good movie, a little long, lots of cool history stuff. It struck me as having a very similar plot to dances with wolves (a movie im quite fond of)

Im seriously thinking about taking some more meds, cuz this shit hasnt kicked in yet.

I havent had much of an apetite. I think i will go eat some soup now, but like half way through i just cant keep eating.

I have been having a lot of stomach problems too. maybe i have an ulcer. I think my hypochondriac-ness might actually be correct with some of this shit.

i sort of miss my friends, even though its only been a few days. I also have this weird longing for that freedom and comfort of school. Im amazed how quickly i got set up there. My room is still bare practically but sometimes i feel connected to the cats. (sometimes)

Me and becky were discussing how there isnt really a whole lot of deep conversation goin on. I sort of hope we dont get a tv again (the last one moved out) but the dvds and cd playing capability is nice.

sorry this sint very interesting, hearing me bitch and moan and such, maybein the future i shall have something to say.

so im sick as a monkey i get to go to South dakota for a few days oh boy am i excited (emphasis on sarcasm)
steve is very upset with his coach. Just like zach and several others, steve is getting screwed.
sorry to my peoples last night i just wasnt in the mood for the bullshit.

aight now total we got an A, a B+, a C+ and a C which isnt horrible i dont think. I mean im not like a crazy grades kid or nothing.

anyone got gift ideas?

freestyles from the shower

and i'll tell all of yall,

i hate at least 49% of the population once in awhile,
cuz their particular style
conflicts with my faith files
comes up short to what i'd like to be expectin
and lures those in, who ought to be rejectin
this includes me
and primarily
i wonder why i lust
when i got love in my cup
because my cup is big
and i can tell you this much
it still dont keep my toothbrush from touching the other toothbrush
and im a germ freak
i cant tell you how i despise
the feeling i get
when that view is in my eyes
view of such things as abusive dependency
worry for others but worry more that its me
cuz im strong in the long run
running from new responsibility
shying away from what i know is my ability
and with that i dont mean im avoiding new heights
rather that avoiding keeps me from being shite

dont ask dont tell policy

Sorry i screwed up again (i was supposed to post everyday, it didnt happen)

anyway lets see if i have the patience to do this right.



So Im paranoid again, like driving dont know why, seeing things again.
but this is not related:

I was driving to petes hoping i wouldnt somehow become the third in a awful series of events that have happened to a friend of mine, and My ego got big for a sec and started thinking that people would be all horribly upset if i died and shit, (like it would change the world or something) and then i started thinking about it and smiling cuz i knew for real that that isnt the way it works. There is some rule pychologists or sociologists came up with that say if u take a strong piece out of the game a smaller piece will take its place and that is the way of things. So though part of me wishes i had some life changing effect on some cats a stronger part of me loves the fact that that just wont ever be. Taoists' believe that when u need someone or something in your life that thing will seek you out as well. We all call to eachother and and need to fulfill eachother to help ourselves. That stronger part of me feels all warm and cozy secure in the fact that if im not there for my friends someone will be.

So if u can, massage my ego when u want, and try to remember me, but know i felt mighty comfortable, happy even (in my prime, at my best, at the highest moments in my life) knowing with my mind, spirit, and heart, that yall will be just fine without me.


(ps. this isnt like a suicide note or anything, im just saying im glad i trust the world to take care of things)

FAQ also (see previous post)

8. Is the sun really yellow? or does it just look like that. cuz i think it just looks that way.
-um ok, well i dont really know your guess is as good as mine.

9. Mike who's the girl?
-Becky, she lives on my floor at school and in crystal when were home. we been official for like a little less than two months and kinda been together a little longer. shes pretty sweet, real kind and giving and nice to people. doesnt seem to judge a whole lot, tries to look for the good in people. gets better grades than I, (thats an understatement) helps me do my homework. watches movies with me till 6 in the morning. doesnt smoke or drink that much. looks good in a dress, jeans, or sweat pants (which is quite hard to do when u think about it) makes me happy most of the time. uh i guess u can figure out the rest if/when u meet her.

10. what you listenin to these days?
-uh as for new stuff
the Hair soundtrack,
God loves ugly by atmosphere
and uh a little outkast
as well as some other stuff

11. whats funny?
-olde english is about to put out some more videos which i eagerly await.
that end of the world cartoon is pretty quick and funny
dan and ona from my floor are hilarious
the red vs blue series at redvsblue.com if u know the game halo

12. uh whats ur take on world politics?
-everting be fucked but we can do it better

13. whats up with egalitarianism?

aol dictionary
Main Entry: egal·i·tar·i·an·ism
Pronunciation: -E-&-"ni-z&m
Function: noun
Date: 1905
1 : a belief in human equality especially with respect to social, political, and economic rights and privileges
2 : a social philosophy advocating the removal of inequalities among people

um sounds reasonable, i dont think we will all ever be truly equal but i think we should try to see the good things about people, and the area in which they kick ass and then promote them and treat them respectfully for it. I think socialism is preferable to letting people or rather forcing people to suffer.


14. Are u still a nerd?
- sometimes, movie nerd mostly lately, my comp at school cant handle comp games, i guess i been playign a lot of x box in this kid named t-roy's room. I cant say im that good but i do fine.

15. Whats de deal?
- uh well its basically like 15 % off and then after the first 30 days u get an additional 10% off which is cool.

16. Hows morris?
-its smooth, a bit cold like windy as fuck, peoples are nice, classes are ok, so far i got a b + and an a in the two classes that have reported, the other two will be significantly lower.

17. How long is the hair?
-i cant really tell, i suppose it seems about shoulder length or longer.

18. Is it true you broke your glasses twice?
-well yeah, i mean i broke em, and then i got new ones, and they were really cheap so they broke also. I will get new ones soon.

19. are u excited to be home?
-yeah i am, im a bit nervous cuz i been home like two days and havent gotten much done, i've seen some cats and thats good, but eh, gifts glasses work and shit, none of that is done.

20. Finally mike what do u wanna be when u grow up?
-what does anyone want to be? well liked i suppose.

hmmm so i suck so heres an update

FAQ

"i think there may be a way that dr taylor and i can describe this to you thats both fun and educational."

1. Mike why dont you ever talk to me online anymore?
-well i guess its partly cuz im at school and there are people around, so i dont always feel like sitting in my room typing, also my room isnt very comfortable, i have probably written more e mails and posts from other people's computers this semester than mine.

2. Mike why dont you post anymore?
- same reasons, plus i tended to post more when i had something to say and no one around to say it to, this doesnt mean i dont want to post, i just dont really have anything to say. nothing of importance.

3. Mike why dont u have any pants on?
- same reason i dont have underwear on.

4. mike why dont u have anything of importance to say?
- well i guess its cuz due to having all these people around all the time, i dont have my usual time of self reflection, meaning at time im not fully in tune with myself or whats important to me. Now in certain cases, having conversations with people about things makes me analyze whats important to me, so with some things i feel like im doing ok, but in other areas maybe i need a day off you know? i guess its just that, normally the times i remember to stay humble and like love everyone and truly realize whats so wonderful about the world. is when im seperated from it. its like being in hell and seeing heaven, u realize all the bad things you have done and want so badly to make uo for it. and not that i like being in hell or anything but sometimes its good for me to cut myself off from the things i love so that i can appreciate them.


5. Mike why are you so hot?
-because im sitting on a heater.

6. Do you like pie?
-sometimes, when im by myself.


7 mike why are you leaving now and going to continue the post later?
-cuz my mom really wants to use the internet. and the monkey is about to throw poo at me if i stay.

RIFT
Last night, in the moments my thoughts were adrift
And coasting a terrace, approaching a rift
Through which I could spy several glimpses beneath
Of the darkness the light from above could not reach
I spied wings of reason, herself taking flight
And upon yonder precipice saw her alight
And glared back at me one last look of dismay
As if she were the last one she thought I'd betray

So much better I said to myself
And drawing quite close to the top of the shelf
I struggled with destiny upon the ledge
And gasped when defeated he slipped off the edge
And silence contagious in moments like these
Consumed me and strengthened my will to appease
The passion that sparked me one terrible night
And shocked and persuaded my soul to ignite

So much better I said to myself
And drawing quite close to the top of the shelf
I struggled with destiny upon the ledge
And gasped when defeated he slipped off the edge

And silence contagious in moments like these
Consume me and strengthen my will to appease

The passion that sparked me one terrible night
And shocked and persuaded my soul to ignite

sorry i suck, i promise more posts over break, but i been all not on the comp, in fact im not on mine right now. Becky says "i like pie."

i am in such a shitty mood, i need to go to bed. thankyou becky, thankyou hollie. im sorry everyone. i hope your night was better. im gonna go to bed and wake up on the right side manana.

wondering about family and such. thanksgiving is a nice time and its hard to not feel good about people gathering, at the same time, it seems quite wrong if there is no family.


on a weird note, someone found my website looking up "grandmamas sex" or something like that, on google. maybe i will find a picture in case they come back.


its really nice to see my friends, i wish i had more time. its no good to go back so soon.

"and you know your insides true, better than i do!!" ~ATDI


hmmm im searching and on hold, i feel on hold where is the hold coming from and do i want it to end?

thinking about the tragedies in life and the abuses suffered and how bill gates is trying to teach his kids something they wont ever really understand (or is going to try, didnt say how old they were)


do any of us understand it? I think its pretty obvious we are stagnant and semi casually positive about being where we are, even if they are pulling the whole damn thing down with us.

keep on truckin.

wishing for waves of nostalgia that warmth of christmas, bright lights on a foreign tree set up quite messily in my living room. Sneaking down stairs was never so fun as this.




nicely nicely on the tape deck. let it out until it hurts! reinforce everything!

i wish i would have been ok. that would have been fun, but instead i just kind of ruined it. Those songs were beautiful.



some how we have shrinking pictures of ourselves and we cry for all that seems wasted, forgetting photocopies aint half as fun as the real thing.

there will come a time when time goes out the window.


I have broken glasses held together by tape, the frame is broken. or maybe the lens is just expanding beyond what it once thought capable. go lens go!!

there is no ceiling, no wall to high, running wild with anxiety you forget to fly.

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends
going to try with a little help from my friends
Oh, I get high with a little help from my friends
Yes I get by with a little help from my friends
With a little help from my friends


check me out, im funky

triangle of needs website for all of you who skipped that day in psych class. im like at the bottom right now cuz i need to sleep!

aimee it was nice to hear ur voice.

who needs to post? Mike Needs to post!!


Dan says "i like canada. why do i say this? oh this is your web journal.... journal about me and ona getting chased by brazillians and then making fruit smoothies, but then embelish it and say we played futbol and shot the sheriff and shit." (additions by mike)

Ona says "i cant, (i know why asian people eat rice, its because rice is tight. but not tight like you told your ex girlfriend shes tight, tight like your mom on easter sunday tight.") from earlier.


Boba says (boba is a fake name) "hehehehe, i dunno mike, hmmm, fruit paste is almost as good as the real thing."

and it is...

first off its aimee's b day u should call her if u havent already. next i went to madison this weekend and didnt see anybody, it was partially my fault we went out partying and then were too exhausted to keep moving to more parties. so sorry hols and zach and illy u know i love yall. uh so madison is pretty fuckin spectacular for the celebration. Its like a million young costumed people all together and having a good time in a really nice area. I would like to go back. that it is it for now. I will write later

This week is very busy, if ur out there, we plan on being in madison on friday staying at a motel 6 but only 4 or 5 of us. We hope to see you.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
i have two tests this week and they will be rough cuz i suck at school, is it warm in here or is it the fact i got an hour of sleep? The first time to go to my first class in more then a week. Should be fun, guilt trips, nervous grins as if to say "its ok to fuck with me im harder and more secure then that."

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^6
"why cant you see that you are my child?
why dont you know that you are my mind?
tell every one in the world that Im you
take this promise to the end of you"

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^7


The winter is coming and we have no shelter except plastic overcoats and they have flaws like broken zippers and they seem so much like life sometimes.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^8

If any of this seems depressing im sorry, im not really depressed yet, i get made quite happy as the day goes on. I do need to vent. remind me to go to class in ten.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^9
a word to myself
Its funny how tightly we hold on to these egos, these "securities" so desperate, clinging to them. Dont you know you have nothing and its ok? let go, fall, they wont hurt you and so what if they do?
Spirit moves through all things.

We have trouble waking up, morning less glorious when you've already witnessed the sunrise holding tightly round the waist, this last taste completing the evening and wrapped gloriously about the head so that when wakers come they must ridicule, sad and shameful living life like dreams, glimmers in the eyes and half smiles show their jealousy.

(system of a down lyrics)
Round, Round,

Circumventing circuses,
Lamenting in protest,
To visible police,
Presence sponsored fear,

Battalions of riot police,
With rubber bullet kisses,
Baton courtesy,
Service with a smile

Beyond the Staples Center you can see America,
With its tired, poor, avenging disgrace,
Peaceful, loving youth against the brutality,
Of plastic existence.

Pushing little children,
With their fully automatics,
They like to push the weak around,
Pushing little children,
With their fully automatics,
They like to push the weak around.

Round, Round,

A rush of words,
Pleading to disperse,
Upon your naked walls, alive,
A political call,
The fall guy accord,
We can't afford to be neutral on a moving train,

Beyond the Staples Center you can see America,
With its tired, poor, avenging disgrace,
Peaceful, loving youth against the brutality,
Of plastic existence.

Pushing little children,
With their fully automatics,
They like to push the weak around,
Pushing little children,
With their fully automatics,
They like to push the weak around.

Push them around,
A deer dance, invitation to peace,
War staring you in the face, dressed in black.
With a helmet, fierce,
Trained and appropriate for the malcontents,
For the disproportioned malcontents,
The little boy smiled, it'll all be well,
The little boy smiled it'll all be well,

Pushing little children,
With their fully automatics,
They like to push the weak around,
Pushing little children,
With their fully automatics,
They like to push the weak around.
Pushing little children,
With their fully automatics,
They like to push the weak around,
Push the weak around,
Push the weak around,
Push the weak around,
They like to push the weak around.

I woke up after an hour and a half of sleep, my body telling me the night has just begun. My cousin got married today. My favorite female cousin. She happens to be the hottest cousin I have as well, but shes incredibly nice and smart and funny to boot and if i were a bit older I would wish she wasnt my cousin. Doesnt that sound sick? Anyway her boy Tim is a lot like her and really funny and apparently they have been friends/ together for a long time and it was just an amazing wedding, and incredibly beautiful and i was very happy for them. (almost even cried) I guess I was most taken just by the way they joked and smiled and talked eachother through it, completely in love, like real love like better than fairytale love cuz they really know eachother. it was a beautiful service too, and one of my uncles performed it. I have to say the rest of the wedding, the venue, the atmosphere, were just complete shite. I mean i like my family now and it was nice seeing them, and we seemed pretty functional and all, but like i guess the rest just didnts seem to fit right. I could imagine this couple getting married in comfy sweatshits and old jeans, understanding that it didnt matter, and yet they got this big old hall (which is beautiful) but it doesnt work for the amount of people, and the amount of people doesnt work either. Half of them didnt seem to fit, they werent immediate family, or friends of the couple, they were the ones invited by his dad who didnt care to pay the bill for em. I dunno i guess i just thought the atmosphere could have better suited them, despite the fact that the venue and all the flowers and fancy clothes were like fantabulous, they just seemed too overdone, and though it was obvious someone put a lot of thought into it, it didnt seem like the same love that the wedding service and the couple had was put into it. thats all.


oh yeah i want to get married. I want to have a family and kids. I want to be in love like that.

I forgot to put becky's jokes down, so when someone says "so..." u say "buttons" and when they say "well..." u say "thats a deep dark hole."
fun stuff, i didnt think so at first but it grew on me. Now i try to get her to say it and she wont.


so anyway, i dont think i will get dreads, i just cant do it. Maybe braids for a long while, but i cannae commit to dreads.

i sot of suck at school, no big deal. I suck at life too. I couldnae find the time to call chris and aimee this weekend. Like when i do it i wanna have some time to talk and i never know when im gonna have that so it sucks.

I think its better when they just interrupt me give me a wake up call.

Ok im pretty sure were gonna go to madison.

i suck at updating here.

hmmm we just tried to watch the ring in a barn with the lights out and it was pretty freaky cuz im afraid of the dark, but eh. it worked for awhile but the battery went out on the comp. becky tried to make me walk next to the horses in the dark. i like horses, i think they're amazing and beautiful and like incredible and all, but i am very in awe of their power and their portential to hurt things, and thus im slightly afraid of them, especially in the dark.

So i spent monday with elizabeth an gabs and that so wonderful. so very wonderful. just nice to see them smile, and then me and elizabeth went for a half assed adventure and thats always sweet with her.

hmm steve and his friend angelo came up for a few days. seemed to have a decent time, everyone liked having them around, and steve seems to have developed the family trait of analyzing people. They wrote notes to everyone they met, and packed up all their shit with out waking me. I felt bad for not saying goodbye, i apparently waved them off while sleeping. I had very little sleep.

Russ left for the services today, i felt really bad for not being awake to say goodbye. Hes a pretty great guy. fun to talk to. back in march i spose. It will be a different time. Hope hes ok, has a great adventure and meets lots of wonderful cats in the middle east.


hmm becky's jokes,

i should get some new jokes

maybe write some poetry
do my homework



i'll write again later

dance the night away
(its a song, dont worry about it)

anyway

and then there was a gathering in grinnell, twas a mass of partying peoples, good times, nova got drunk and tried to tell me i shouldnt refer to only penis and vagina sex as sex even though i only refer to it that way when talking about traditional heterosexual couples. She said i was wrong, made a good point about using these terms to make people feel more comfortable but i still disagree. plus she was drunk and needed melissa to help make her points, which was fine, cuz i love melissa. for some reason i wasnt expecting her to be there, but it was an incredibly nice suprise. Im a weirdo. Her and joel are wonderful together and it makes me quite happy. Um jake seemed to enjoy himself and got along swell with the other cats. sarah came down to see matt which was sweet. I dunno it was like a couple fest.

so then there was also a concert. Much work, much delay, much irritation, a bit of good music. As i told the band, i wouldnt say it was their greatest show. (were talking about; it was just for you, that light show) But they played well and i thought they were better then the band they opened for. though everyone was quick to tell me the band has better music then they played. I guess the crowd reaction was ok. but not wonderful. Homans was all about being a drunken monkey with his pals and it kicked up the energy level a good notch or two. hmm i guess i just didnt think the band had the energy needed to rock out hardcore. They were sweet but not amazing. Jake and I agreed the sound system didnt do them justice either. It was loud but killed all the intricate shit.

and then there was a party. Oh yeah so it was grinnell's biggest bash of the year thing. which is pretty damn big for only having 1300 kids. but its all cuz these fuckers have no adults around telling them no. Its all run by them for them and its amazing. I mean the kids step up to the plate, and then reward themselves like a motha fucka. free Kegs on campus without much guard. pot all smoked up in the buildings and yet its pretty safe and pretty harmless. and the party goes smooth with a bit of flare and then kids pass out or hook up and i stumble upon them at 4 am and giggle at their panting and moaning. (cuz i find that sort of thing quite cute)

um i dunno. everything was pretty smooth.

Gabs is home so i should be seeing her manana, and then back to morris on tuesday. maybe see natasha and get my pics.
sort of missing someone, wondering what they doing.

Sorry i have nae been doing a good job of updating for ye, tis a sorry ass mate ye got.

But i figured i should hook u up with the details of my life before it gets to wld and crazy. (yeah right)

Hmm morris is a several horse town. We have a pomida, a willy's a coborns. We go to them cuz there is no where else and we have nothing to do except grocery shop. Our softball team is playing the best team in the league tonight and we will probably lose and get dropped from the tournament. that will be sad cuz these mofos practice like monkeys.

My motha got back from greece yesterday and said she had a great time. Sort of made me want to go. i told her its on my list. hmm I dont really know what the future holds, i care not (most of the time) let it come we can dance together.

This weekend is fall break for morris. My roommate is spending it here, alone. Im going to Iowa to see it was just for you that light show at grinnell. A bunch of my homies together in a room. Should be good times. when i get back i get to hang with chris and gabs. This weekend will be a good weekend me thinks. then i have a spanish test on wednesday. but thats cool. whateva i gotta git to class then. peace and love taff

Im a little worried i been a bit self destructive, im a little worried the next week will be shite, im a little moody.


@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

this girl had a reacurring problem come up again last night so people were giving her advice. I felt like mine wouldnt matter up against the crowd shouting blood. I imagine the first time there was someone there who felt the same way and the course of events has unfolded to be the same.

********************************************

They were right the jazz around here is pretty sweet. I think i'll go again tonight, can anybody guess why?

(Mike needs to work some shit out.)

I need a new perspective.

khalil gibran

shit from adrianne

milk and cereal

go here for variations of yatta!
(check out the 7.7 one first)

uh i talked to hollie a lot tonight and watched zoolander. got some shit to work on but it was good to talk. wished i had some time with illy but she had a busy weekend and a boy.

Some shit,


Today im minnesota nice when it comes to the peace rally.

Last night i kicked it with some homies, perkins run and all. I wish i could say we had wonderful deep convo but it wasnt like that, i got hopes for tonight though. Maybe have a gathering at my house. Steve had all his boys over last night i sat up and talked to them for a couple hours. Lil kids.

Uh me and hols were discussing the separate worlds thing, still trying to figure out why zach is so weird, (he tries to keep everything divided, whereas the rest of us want all our pals from each world together.

Zach is out hunting by the way. which is weird.


I dont really know what to say, all my girls got boys. like practically official.
gonna see my cat today, pick up those pictures finally, possibly anyway.

see i told u i aint got nothin to say. I'd get all personal on ya but i cannae for now. plus i dont really know what i'd say. "be positive and love your life."

I find myself currently thinking "well its an agreement to make a mistake." doesnt sound very much like me, and i wonder where this story will fit in.

Quotes/reasons my rommate is cool

"If you ever want to get a sugar high in Mike's car, all you need to do is lick the seat."

"I swear to god if I ever see John Adams (historical figure) i'm gonna punch him in the face!"



______________________________________________
on a side note thanks to pete and gabs for interrupting my procrastination last night, good distractions despite the badness of it all.

Um also sometimes its hard to be responsible, so this ought to be fun.

curtesy of raizin of Oldeenglish (he doesnt know)

Some Really Bad Jokes
1. Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a salted.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but
don't start anything."

3. A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says, "Sorry we don't serve
food in here."

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says:
"A beer please, and one for the road."

6. Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married. The ceremony
wasn't much, but the reception was brilliant.

7. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this
taste funny to you?"

8. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." "Is it common?" "It's not
unusual."

9. Two cows standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly,
"I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you." said
Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy.

10. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to
look at either.

11. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my
electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm
positive..."

12. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed,
is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a
look at him." So he picks up the dog and examines his eyes, then checks his
teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because
he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy."

13. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. So, since there
are 5 people in my family, one of them must be Chinese. It's either my mum
or my dad... or maybe my older brother Colin or my younger brother Ho-Cha
Chu. But I'm pretty sure it's Colin.

14. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't
find any.

15. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 cents that he
couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "Heck no,the steaks are
too high."

16. A man came round in the hospital after a serious accident. He
shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know
you can't, I've cut off your arms."

17. I went to a seafood disco rave last week.... and pulled a mussel.

18. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire
in the craft, it sank. This proves once and for all that you can't have your
kayak and heat it too.

19. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

--------------------
Raizin is my name.

from tim

"Mike,

Perhaps you would like to encourage your friends to download their posters, stencils, buttons, and stickers at one term president
Thanks. See you around 4pm,

Tim

PS. After President Bush requested $87 billion more for war and
occupation, peace advocate, ice cream entrepreneur and Kucinich
supporter Ben Cohen explained what America could get for that amount of money: We could solve the school budget crisis in every community in America. Or we could provide health insurance for every uninsured American child for 15 years. Or we could feed all 6 million children who die from hunger worldwide for the next 7 years. "

>
>Love 2.0
>=========
>
>Tech Support: Yes Ma'am, how can I help you?
>
>Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to
>install Love. Can you guide me through the process?
>
>Tech Support: Yes I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?
>
>Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready.
>What do I do first?
>
>Tech Support: The first step is to open your heart.
>Have you located your heart Ma'am?
>
>Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now.
>Is it okay to install Love while they are running?
>
>Tech Support: What programs are running Ma'am?
>
>Customer: Let's see, I have past-hurt, low self-esteem, grudge,
>and resentment running right now.
>
>Tech Support: No problem, Love will gradually erase past-hurt
>from your current operating system. It may remain in your
>permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programs.
>Love will eventually override low self-esteem with a module of
>it's own called high self-esteem. However, you have to
>completely turn off grudge and resentment. Those programs
>prevent Love from being properly installed. Can you turn those
>off Ma'am?
>
>Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me
>how?
>
>Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke
>forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until grudge
>and forgiveness have completely erased.
>
>Customer: Okay done, Love has started installing itself.
>Is that normal?
>
>Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base
>program. You need to begin connecting to other hearts in order
>to get the upgrades.
>
>Customer: Oops! I have an error message already.
>It says, "error-program not run on external components."
>What should I do?
>
>Tech Support: Don't worry Ma'am, It means the Love program is
>set-up to run on internal hearts but has not yet been run on
>your heart. In non-technical terms, it means you have to Love
>yourself before you can Love others.
>
>Customer: So what should I do?
>
>Tech Support: Can you pull down self-acceptance; then click on
>the following files: Forgive-self; Realize your worth;
>Acknowledge your limitations.
>
>Customer: OK, done.
>
>Tech Support: Now copy them to the "My Heart" directory.
>The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin
>patching faulty programming. Also, you need to delete verbose
>self-criticism from all directories and empty your recycle bin
>to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.
>
>Customer: Got it. Hey!!! My Heart is filling up with new
>files. Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment
>are copying themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal?
>
>Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes a while, but
>eventually everything gets downloaded at the proper time.
>So Love is installed and running.
>One more thing before we hang-up.
>Love is Freeware. Be sure to give it and it's various modules
>to everyone you meet. They will in turn share it with others and
>return some cool modules back to you.

So first off, this is more journal then update, but also update, and u wont know who im talking about, but if u know me u can probably assume i really enjoy the company of anyone i speak about on here. Or hang around in general and thats really what the point of this little journal entry. (I really just write to myself to convince me of things i cant quite convince myself of with talking. yes i am crazy)

Also this is not the first time i have felt this way, but its sort of a different situation, there is time to step back and look, there is time to meet with people on one on one basis. So this isnt the first and it wont be the last, but i need to learn how to do it.


and it begins

-The other day I was talking to Becky and a group of kids, telling them that I felt I hadnt fallen for anyone yet. (how odd it is) Part of that was true, I mean I havent had any of those nights, or maybe every night has been and I've forgotten the difference. Truthfully I do love...

-I told Ona to stop saying nice things to me, quit giving me a big head (ego wise). Too late. Its odd though, hung up on one's self in attitude, but craving honesty, truthful deep connections. All I can think of is wishing to get to know people better, and being able to share with the, all the beauty, every second of goodness they've given to me, more even.

-There is a problem here. I love, but have a big head, and lack the words to express, give back. Also, maybe I dont know these people, maybe i cant share. Maybe its all in my head. Maybe its because they are so beautiful, like honestly incrediby gorgeous girls. Maybe im mistaking their gentle smiles, so easy on the eyes, maybe its mistaken for love. Maybe i've taken shallowness to a new level. Maybe Im under a spell like all these other boys (too afraid to think im on their level) and yet, I wonder why I ignore these very same ones i love, i even credit myself for looking out for the underdogs, cuz they are everybit as capable of bringing down the house as these others. every bit as capable to seduce with natural beauty, and yet we swoon for some. As we should of course, cuz the beautiful are still human (beautiful) . contradictions

-Maybe just too damn close to understand. Sometimes with distance comes clarity.

greetings from my luffy, i cant tell ya exactly what im talking about cuz well you know, 4 sailors sitting in resonance of a sofa. Its an odd time, tell tale signs of insanity. no really.

We stayed up all night, went to breakfast with hat and a camera, woke up others, spoke giberish and smelled funny.


I have nothing to offer, i have been talking too much, but i like these cats i like em a lot. Peace and love

There is this thing in people, in children like us especially, (our egos havent been tortured enough, our pride still rides high) we tend to block out all signs of a problem until it blows up in our faces.

with negative signs of any kind we must reevaluate, Understand we are gambling.

I think the reason certain substances are tricky is because they keep you from reevaluating.

I woke up today feeling wonderful thanks to a dream i had, which reminded me of my love for people. It was quite nice. Many interesting things happened today in terms of me being questioned about my masculenity, which doesnt bother me. I realized i tend to play into certain stereotypes and because sometimes people dont have any other frame of reference except that of the stereotypes they know, it becomes unclear, and i often dont clear the confusion up unless it is directly questioned.

The other day they had the first vegan potluck (spelling?) it was pretty interesting, nothin i could eat, but some great people watching and it helped me put some names to faces i have or will see on campus. It was a nice time, i think i will probably continue to attend.

Im a little unsure of hom much i want to apply myself this semester. Im a cautious person and it works for me most of the time.

My dad is coming to see me on sat. im currently doing laundry.

Things have slowed down but still continue. We played capture the flag tonight, a sort of weekly thing. Im sort of becoming hooked the attention or affection of certain people. Which is weird, i hardly know them, can rarely talk to them. I miss music, i will soon bring more. I want my lil brother to visit. I want to have more time to chill. I think i may even want to stay in college for a few more years. Maybe after 3-4 i will be sick of it but maybe i will want to continue. maybe i can be a super senior.
whats the rush? i think i miss a lot of things/people and dont want to admit it. Its not draining to miss them and such so it hasnt forced me to do anything about it. Dont know what i'd do if i was forced.

I was hoping for less busy work, spanish and logic are all exercises. I need to go write observations on people. I need a better understanding of spanish and someone to speak it with. but not online like nova would like. I think in person spanish is much nicer.

I think i need to go pick up my laundry.

some unfinished poems from today's poetry club

####################

we twinge and gasp
grasp
and land upon a fiction
mild enchantment
seeming sound but void of reason
and so with game in play we continue into treason of our very nature biased information plague never-ending bring about the last season

In spite of truth
we fight
narrowing our vision
examples lay
in the food we eat, words spoken to our nation
catastrophe is simple burdened by causation and in truth it lays in minds misinterpreting bones to cause sensation

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Sadly depth of thought burdens none but the dead or dying
and so to grace our present with a choice of silence
vanished in those cells the voice of all cherished caged significance

&&&$$$$$((((((((($$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Chased-----> Already found new pride new strength
A voice
new ride
new sides to take, face slide into temptation
new place, new journey, rare shared by invitation
new form, new cloak, new rome or roaming ration
new race, new chase barred by litigation

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

And in pain
elapsed season after season
solitary evidence of one moment shroud in confusion

separated self
comatose consciousness
shocked into the dreary maddening emotionless

conformed
impressions of the entirety
judged in numbness

Enlightenment delayed
perchance
perhaps forever

looked upon as unfullfilled
unlock to find the treasure of a broken malnourished potential

salivate but do not taint
support against the weather often known to blow such potential over

unexcused unused roots broke now laid in clover

when we return our pockets will be empty, but every other part of us will be overflowing

not beautiful is written on the face of many things.



look for rubber, look for tape, find the edge of that screen and seek truth

I use to not like story of the ghost by phish, but its really sweet if u actually listen to it.

I have this essay to write, some time where the perceptions of others got to me, as in i noticed they were treating me differently and how i reacted or felt about it and such. Its a hard thing to do, one because i sort of feel like thats my wholelife, and second because which do u choose, and which matters and which do i choose to incorporate in my new life here?

do i go home for the weekend now that no one is there or get shit together?

this posting field looks funny.
Hey i wish i could say this will be a life changing post, it wont be. It will howeva be an update on my life, and im sorry if its boring but feel free to update me on your lives, cuz i like that osrt of thing. But after a week of being here in morris (officially manana) I got some new pals. Mas potential and such. I guess im striking out to be the same person i always am, and thas pobably good cuz its usually the way i feel mos comfy. I guess my overall impression is that though most of the people come from different backgrounds, and some are even quite conservative, they seem to come hoping for new experiances and new thoughts to ponder. Meaning open minded to change, which is nice and i hope i come off the same way, though i am quite dead set on certain things. I guess the people see me as weird again, but i am weird so thats cool.

Hmm classes, i caught myself dreading goin to class this morning around 4am, as i was about to go to bed and had to wake up to go to lond somewhat boring classes, and its true i asked for it, but i kind of wish i had more discussion classes, like what we seem to do each night (what i hoped college would be like)
I do catch myself worrying about things, other friends, my own capabilities, these new cats, and new challenges. I guess i do go with the flow and the flow seems to sometimes lead to uncharted waters, or at maybe i forgot my map.

One dude on my floor mentioned that he didnt miss his friends yet, because he was having such a good time, and i found myself feeling somewhat the same way even though i had been thinking of several, i dont miss them in that sort of "life depends on it" way. I do find myself day dreaming about friends stopping by, maybe even steve. What would i do with them, what could i share, would they be entertained? how are things different here? Will i get to go to madison for the party of the year? maybe maybe no. and i hope everyone is having as good a time as I, and i know that they must be, because there is no way a fellow person would pass up the opportunity to be friends with them, and if they did thats like Throwing away gold in a world that really does depend on money, as they would be passing up love what we all thrive on. i want to write, as sarah does, as ryan does, as jenni does. i want to just throw stuff out there again and dont know how. I really want to write something like the mars volta, or frusciante or tim. Want relationships to grow and expand without watchful eyes and love to return.

Honestly the thought just scared me that i will be replaced, there are many much more deserving.

"time goes by, tables turn, no one knows"

my academic ability has suffered greatly in the few years since past life.


im um sick of babbling, much more to come including me actually talking on aim. I guess shit still hasnt settled down, we are riding a wave and sometimes the ride seems to important to allow it to subside. What happens when the wave breaks? we all go flying. It'll be a new adventure and hopefully we can crawl back to shore with thoughts and visions captured at the peak, apply them to ourland value, make millions in realestate ventures.

To be honest, i feel blessed. Thinking about the people in my life. I feel undeserving of such incredible friends. at times its scary. scary to think of how much i could take for granted, scary to think how much it could all change, scary to think that anyone of these people may someday withdraw from me, or the world they've been given. its very overwhelming. its very awe inspiring to think about. is very amazing to watch growth and compassion. Its very wonderful to feel the warmth of their presence.

My religious beliefs would say i am at thi point connected with God. That is, i feel loved and love.

I havent actually sat down and thought or felt this way in quite awhile, in fact i was quite scared for a bit that i wouldnt feel it again. Now that its back i dont see how i could have ever lost it. I must not have been thinking, appreciating, i must not have been sitting beneath enough.

im either numb or really chill. i think my money is on numb. Its weird how my defenses work, couple days ago i really was teary eyed. Hell earlier today i was, but tonight it was all G, in a "im not actually thinking about it" sort of way while saying good byes.

Aimee taught me a great way to open new cds this afternoon, however i reclined the usage of it later while opening more cds. I think im worried about the remote possibility that it will break while im doing it. but basically u just on hook the two parts of the case, so that you can take off that nasty sticker thats holds them together in one nice piece.

Uh last year around this time i wrote a big list of people who i especially wanted to thank, and i cant think that way right now. But uh it will be ok.

I got the new 311 cd thats why the lyrics were posted. Also the new cds of both bands that used to be at the drive in were bought. (they split in a friendly way forming two bands)
The Mars Volta and Sparta (containing all the members of De facto a side project band two of the guys were in already)

but anyway im liking what i hear.


i guess i will update ya tomorrow, and then at morris.

i did not get my pictures back in time, to take them with. I will have to get my friends t pick them up and NOT steal them all.

some lyrics from the new cd of a band i like


"its one thing to make the same mistake twice, another thing to make it all of your life."

"It is a gift I know
A moment of bliss that we hold
A firecracker flash of light then on
To the next plane soul remain
Come along if you dare
It's gonna be that you're scared
Lovely life I thank you
For the reason to see the pain through

-----
Don't give up the fight to stay alive and even if
you have to
Find the reason of another's pain if they lose you
If not for your self then those around who care
like I do
One day you'll see the clear blue

Beyond the Gray Sky"

"In times of trouble
Everyone joins a team
No one waves a flag
For all human beings

No one’s excited
Unless they are divided
Someone’s going to have to give in
It seems uncertain

I’d like to be
One of the faithful millions
But what I see
Is an excuse for the killing

Your denomination
Should be a private thing
How about a spirit
For all human beings

How could something well guided
Turn out to be divisive
Mostly wondering
It seems uncertain"

~311

ok im reasonably sure i haven't posted this before, but u never know and i just found it in a box


3-3-03

He dances Rebel
make you conscious of his confidence
let him verge and merge into pink, though obviously blue
watch
wait
wait
keep waiting
wait for
(honestly any second now)
THERE!! there it is. or was
did you see it?
that slight downward tilt
the muscles keeping him smile
couldn't withstand the weight
that one second of doubt
wondering where his friends lay about.

i was gonna set out to be a minimalist in packing, but as im going more and more things keep coming to mind, and why not bring them since i have them, i mean i'd onyl end up borrowing and buyign them anyway so...

maybe i will fill up a car.


im still very unsure of what im gonna do cd wise. i mean i could go cheap and just take the burned cds which would get me through a bit of time but i will constantly be wanting the other ones, and i am a paranoid motha fucker when it comes to my cds. They are better then money any day, and i dotn want them stolen or scratched or lost or nothing so im very unsure.

also things like clothes. As it is, i have like 2 months worth of clothes at my house, but this is way too much. so as it stands i think im bringing 4 heavy sweatshirt like things, like 6-8 long sleeve. 14 t shirts. and 4-5 pairs of pants. Too much? not enough?

packing for a new life is weird. a lot of the shit i know i wont need, but once again it comes to, What if?

In a hostel in Istanbul, near the blue mosque and several other major tourist and cultural attractions, you can find a computer printed copy of these words

Traveling in a fried-out combie
On a hippie trail, head full of zombie
I met a strange lady, she made me nervous
She took me in and gave me breakfast
And she said,

"Do you come from a land down under?
Where women glow and men plunder?
Can't you hear, can't you hear the thunder?
You better run, you better take cover."

Buying bread from a man in Brussels
He was six foot four and full of muscles
I said, "Do you speak-a my language?"
He just smiled and gave me a vegemite sandwich
And he said,

"I come from a land down under
Where beer does flow and men chunder
Can't you hear, can't you hear the thunder?
You better run, you better take cover."

Lying in a den in Bombay
With a slack jaw, and not much to say
I said to the man, "Are you trying to tempt me
Because I come from the land of plenty?"
And he said,

"Oh! Do you come from a land down under? (oh yeah yeah)
Where women glow and men plunder?
Can't you hear, can't you hear the thunder?
You better run, you better take cover."


Australians like to leave their mark in just about anyway they can.

hmm its been awhile.

hmm things -went to colorado, did some weak shrooms there, felt "swingy", watched a lot of partying, got pretty damn homesick, read a lot of welcome to the monkey house. Had some decent convos, studied some situations, wrote a letter, waited for a response.

I leave on thursday, this is all too rushed, everything will be fine, everything is grand.

i will update later, like a real one, this is just the basics.

hmm hopefully i will get my pictures back today, maybe not though, maybe tomorrow. natasha is a very nice girl, i feel bad for doing this to her.

and so it begins.....


the directions say 930.43 miles 15 + hours, yeah right.
good luck peace and love, if you find something i've said/done offensive recently bitch me out, and know that i said/did it with only the worst intentions. Yes thats right, a savage burn.

much to my dismay this coffee taste like bullshit. i better get packin, t minus some time till lift off

i just made a raunchy comment on a friend's website, to find out what was said, go look at all of them.

It was Just for you that light show played a sweet show, though there may have been slight technical problems, and kristen needs a bit more confidence ( i mean if she blows us away with a whisper imagine what she could do if she really tried) ---> i'll try to work on it with her.

I was a bit nervous no one would show up, and slightly saddened that more people werent there, but it was good times.
very good times i dont really know what to say they are just good. I always have a hard time describing them to people, they play good original music. they dont really sound like anybody except themselves and its wonderful. (though sometimes hard to dance to) all of them are incredibly good at what they do so its hard to even say stuff.

we shall eagerly await more. (and of course, if nothing comes, support whatever future prospects they open up for themselves.)



shooby do wa. or something

is nick dating the ex? how do i feel about this? am im really only... fascinated, like new gossip? more of a how did this come to be sense. annika of course, but oh well, maybe we were just wrongly reading body language. i fear i care not, though i know neither.


hmm i meant that in the we not just me sense, btw im not so schizo right now. Nice to see jeremy, and alex, and kailyn (spelling?) and paul adrianne though i dont really know what to say to her in real life. Its been ages since i said a word to her, i was a shadow man, boy really, she never knew me, i never knew her, more heroine then human. melissa, i wish she was different, or more different in a way i could dislike, not that i have a crush on her anymore, but i wish i didnt get sparks of joy from her presence. Sometimes that falling thing is exhausting. In the long run, really, its hard to keep smiles on your face from history. its even more confusing when they fade though, at least this way i get good kicks the rest of my life, even if undeserving oh complex mind.

if your lost read the following. i fall easy. i fall often (or so it seemed) i tend to fall forever, or at least until something drastic happens something changes, snaps, tears away those good memories to the point of no longer longing but dreading.
uh i digress, sometimes i wonder why i still get a kick out of seeing a person whom ive fallen for even when its been years u know? it seems overwhelming at times just to carry that weight. the weight of past loves, even if positive.

need more? less? comment.

anyway, shit what am i saying. uh good times good peoples.
stage left. no really he did! (is that a bad joke or what)

uh i wish for insanity. Going to boulder tomorrow, err today, in a few hours. we three and drive my loco for something like 14 hours. i done it alone, no tengo problemo.

i should probably pack something eh?


anyway. uh anyway soon i shall depart with loved ones, and i fear for us.


I spend time wondering about the canals, the springs, the current of our underground rivers. can we find support, can our bonds hold under the burden of these coming desert storms? have we planted enough seeds? have we an oasis?

quick to judgment worry paranoia jealousy = quick to cage and confine


the purpose of life is to live right? and in my mind it makes sense that the best way to live is to be able to understand and appreciate things when the time seems right. when we are mature and open to things and have the coping skills and confidence and self discipline to be significantly braced for impact. and im skeptical that time is right for any of us, however isnt it so that in order to gain these attributes one must embrace life? so boundaries are rough, and im often scared for those who would go without shelter.

After all
Trials in Style
people and a sun,
two lines converge
fuel  for consumption
waste in haste
past confusion
rapidly  becoming
in need of confronting

switch over conversion
torturous  subversion
have you see the new version,   our new product?

*construct stimulation
*construct assimilation
*construct submission
*construct destruction     manipulation inflation

sustenance abuse potency
calculations incapable

varied ineptitude
generosity uninitiated
community uninstigated
connection interrupted
leaving organs unprotected
forever leaving shards interjected

ever get really mad at some one for doing something u have done yourself?


post on tonight later maybe.

as of right now, (changes later possibly)
dinner at my house round 9:30ish PM very possibly changed to different location

basically if u know me or a friend of mine ur invited call one of us for directions (isnt that sneaky, cuz now u have to actually know us)

damn those crabs
anyway

Last night was a concerto three bands two of which i knew. The other Something corporate was like emo punk and their first song sucked balls, but then steadily increased in okay-ness. Dude was rockin out on a piano and kept pointing at things and people in the crowd. You know the ladies were lovin em, boys were like our age. Decent voices, shitty lyrics (from what i could tell) other then the piano, the music was like simple crap basically.

Of A Revolution, loved by college frat boys everywhere, and they were there, drinking away and hitting on every girl in sight while pretending to be interested in the music. I could not get into it, too much shit around me. And whats worse is then i get back to the back section (floor, target center) where all the 311 fans are chilling waiting for em to get on and they start bad mouthing OAR and their fans and thats just horrible cuz 311 is not all about that sort of shit. Anyway OAR plays a decent show, not great but it was good enough and they played all the songs i know by them so what ya gonna do.

311 -if the target center could handle music, this might have been a great show, it was pretty damn rockin, heavy energy in the audience, (too many people) but uh they played like 7-8 songs off the new cd which ranged from "pretty sweet" to "i wonder if this song is decent after you have listened to it 15 times" but anyway i will buy the new cd cuz im like that. Uh they played most of the crowd favs, the singles and their normal live songs. for about half the show i couldnt separate the bass and guitar parts, too much distortion and shitty target center sound. I fucked myself up on "beautiful disaster" i hurt today, not much dancing though, no room, too many people i could maim. At some point i got a safety pin stuck through my shoe into my foot, that was fun, no blood just nice fun pain.

oh well, thanks to pete for driving.

for some reason, sierra mist seems to kill my teeth more than any other beverage. Its also happens to be steve's favorite pop.


also the crabs have come back

I really like the songs, "quicker" and "abstract" by the drones, actually i like all of their songs but for some reason i always get hung up on certain lyrics in those songs.

____%%%________________$$$$____________________

what if i start doing that shit all the time? give the site a bit more character no?



anyway i dont have anything to say i spose i could say this;

We went to the dead and dylan show yesterday. Not exactly what we expected but still pretty good, some of us were a bit disappointed, we didnt know many of the songs played, and these cats i was with were all drinking and smoking to the point of misery underneath the hot sun. Dylan's set was pretty sweet, his band was very tight, a clean performance though at times elaborate, which sort of makes up for his inability to sing clearly (at times)
It was a really bluesy set, not folk music at all, and it had some kick to it which was nice, but definitely not a jam band thing.

The dead's first set (which had guest appearances from dylan and another dude) started off very jumbled, a little bit too much and they werent really in synch or whatever, it seemed like a nervous jam band who had no chemistry or were really rusty, but by the time they got a few songs in they slowed it down a bit and the crowd started reacting a bit more, and it seemed pretty sweet. My group and even I werent really able to get into it a whole lot though, cuz it was a bit hot i guess. (i hadnt eaten all day and my sugar level was definitely down.) The hill we were sitting on made my legs and head sort of tired, cuz i had to hold them up to see and keep steady so as not to fall down the hill. This meant that when i sat down i was sort of exhausted, that in combination with so much smoke basically put me to sleep, which made me feel stupid.

The third set (the dead only, from what we saw) came after the sun set, and it was pretty damn sweet if u had energy and liked jam bands. about 40 mins in i asked pete how many songs they had played and we agreed they were still on the third. by about the 6th song we were drained and ready to go. On the way back to the car we noticed the sound quality was easily as good in the parking lots in comparison to the actual park. Maybe next time it will be a parking fee only. hmm i think in total i heard 5 songs i knew. i figured that made sense since the both have been playing for millions of years.

joan osbourne sings back up for the dead now, its weird at times she sounds great with them and others like "what the fuck are u singing for?" i figure in the total time she was out there, she stood around for maybe an hour and a half and sang a decent part for about 15 mins of the total approx 2.5-3 hours. Im not saying they shouldnt have her, just give her her own set or her own song or something.

hmm i dont think i could manage at one of those big weekend fests. probably half a day or good vibes and the rest exhaustion and crabbiness. wouldnt want to do that with bands i like.

__________#__#_$____________@_@____

uh im out of shit to say, i recently looked up douche online to see how exactly that works, probably not a high light of my life.

___!!!_____%___^_____________________

even with this clock running i still find it hard to give that extra effort towards like making the end of summer especially good.

Planning on going to boulder next week with foulkes and zach and nick, meeting pete might be great, probably more rough then excellent, but maybe we can get some shit accomplished. More likely they can get their drink on.

was that too negative?

((**))__________________((**))_________________

hmm lots of strange nervousness, lots of feelings of want. Lots of strange almost jealousy at random strangers. Lots of thinking im hungry and not finding anything to eat. Lots of eating junk food.

&&&&&&________^^^^^^__________________

uh i had one last thing i thought up tonight, something about not being able to ever really be on the cutting edge of anything but also not really wanting to be, this at the thought of being a big school college prof. sounds like an evil thing, never want that much pressure, or that much plastic existence.

!)_@(#$+__________
oh wait also 311 and OAR manana, not excited
but should be decent

Instead of going to the bank and doing the things i need to do, i will post.

The garage sale was smooth, i dont know if im getting a kick down or not but eh we made a few bucks and got rid of a bunch of shit and that was the goal mostly. That whole waking up at 7:00 thing was a bit uncool though. thats ll you get on that one
_____________________________\/\\///_______________

Hmm we went to see chris the other day and that was interesting. First off the facility is in the middle of nowhere, but then its also not like a secure place or anything, i mean we could have easily snuck him tons of drugs and shit and they wouldnt have noticed. all we had to do was sign our names on a sheet of paper, like a quick guestbook and then we could go anywhere. We could have kidnapped chris and they wouldnt have noticed for quite a few hours. Its a nice place, and on top of that he gets treated pretty decent it seems, though they pulled some shit on him doubling his time there, and then adding a year at a half way house afterwards. Still I'd say he got off easy and i think he knows how lucky he is, and if he doesnt then thats pretty sad. Im hoping he stays clean, but u never can tell.

___((()))))((()))(()()()()_________________________________


Hmm the other day i got all sad, (lately when im sad i get really tired-i fell asleep at a random kids house last night) anyway, i got sad cuz i was talkin to gabs and realized we only have like a few weeks left. plus me and some cats are planning on goin to CO now for a week (like 11th through 16) or something and i just talked to jenny e and she said she was leaving on the 15th and i dunno it all seems too soon, and im much more worried about losing touch with people this time cuz half of em are already moving out to their place and possibly not coming back, and the others well i dont have a big trip and adventures to tell them so why would they keep in touch? I guess im just real sad about not knowing if i can hold on to something, and i mean that in the way of "let it go and see if it comes back" im worried the love wont return. I worry i havent done enough to make it feel at home.

im sure there will be more of that coming thats the shortened version.

_____==__=__-+++===++-______________________________________

so this play fighting thing, first off this seems to be with just one person. (i dont know if it will continue, or maybe it was just last week or whatever, either way)

You know how little kids fight sometimes , like wrestling but it doesnt mean they are trying to hurt eachother, more just uh express closeness? This female friend of mine started picking fights and i responded, and later apparently she said something to another friend about thinking i was liking it or something, and i was, and this other friend likes to joke that im just trying to feel her up, and i am in a sense, but not like in a dirty way. I wouldnt grope her or anything, its a weird situation, but it doesnt make me uncomfortable really. I dont really know what im trying to say, i just think its an interesting thing people do sometimes and i dont know what to think or if its "right" or not. if you're saying "what the fuck mike?" right now, that seems to be the right response. If i've given the message that im feeling up a friend of mine while "fighting" that would be sort of incorrect, its weird i actually think of it more like dancing when its going on, wonder what steps to take next and how not to hurt her. strange very.


janis singing "flower in the sun" is most excellent. mostly i just like how she stays on top and rising and changing time with the music and everything, truly a wonderful vocalist, seriously its pretty spectacular. That band was damn good. i could go on all day with my bad speech and such but really i gotta go to work.

that light show manana at eclipse (sat the second) but uh i cannae go cuz i gotta work and that was like unbelievably short notice

i know i promised you posts, but its like 6:30 and in a half an hour my mom is gonna "wake me up and make me get stickers" (were having a garage sale) so in the future, probably a post on

A: friends leaving
B: garage sale
C: play fighting
D: chris d
E: lephants

anyone else smell chlorine?

always cappin on cats for not learnin they lessons well

a long time ago i had like 50-100 works of poetry prose and such online saved and such but in my aol account, then we had to kill aol and it all got lost. I swore to myself then and there that i would print every future piece. We recently had to kill it again, far less wasted cuz i cant write anymore but all gone, including several pieces from other cats. its sort of like forced closure on periods of life, thoughts and such.

dont worry when the world ends i'll just call "bullshit"

i was gonna make soap this summer, that did not happen. Its pretty sad really. One day i will make some good soap.

sorry for all these weak posts, i wrote a really long one last night and decided i didnt actually mean any of the shit i was saying so i done erased it. It was pretty conceited anyway. i just been working these days, goin out after, no big deal major plans elude us until next week. Dylan and the dead on sunday, 311 O.A.R on tuesday i think, friday that light show on radio k sunday the big show. (cd release party go to the site if u want info)

hmm not that these people will check but if i dont see jessica or jenny or natasha this week its not my fault i mean i tried, i called everyone at least twice or something.

"stay humble take it the slow way as im allowed." jf

matt my comp freezes everytime i go to your site any thoughts?
thats a damn shame no?

"I create speech in the form of rhyming lyric, i dont intend to please the masters just my mind and spirit, the masters are indifferent or inclined to fear it, so we hit em with the hook that sounds sweet." ~pleasure pause ("masters" that was a guess not really sure)

I haven't had aol for the past few days due to some glitch in my comp, but uh coming back i realized i had nothing to post about. So I was gonna just wait a little longer and be like many of my peers in the blogging community, but then aimee gave me something to post about, she started a blog. So she must've gotten bored just reading, anyway, uh linkage, and uh also jenni mentioned me by name in a recent post and i felt very uh honored. didnt know what to say though. It just occurred to me that i dont have her and matt on my site, i dont think. Thats pretty fucked up since i been reading their stuff for like months now. uh adjusted.

According to tim
"This website has been blocked. Its contents violate the St. Louis Park
School District acceptable use policy. partial/artistic nudity, full nudity,
sexual acts/text http://216.34.7.189:80/"

Um pleasure pause this saturday at the cabooze 18 plus 7bucks 21 plus 5 bucks, sounds like age discrimination to me.

Also anyone down to visit chris in treatment tomorrow?

also scrap that whole chasing deal, im thuroughly convinced now that i have stumbled into a new form of egotism that keeps me from appreciating things. (though that also just sounds like depression) so maybe i am thuroughly depressed but i dont have any reason. so that would be stupid. Maybe im just over analyzing maybe im just being more egotistical, maybe i like and create drama.

___
in the future, if i ever get a wire fence (probably wont happen) Im gonna tell everyone its electric, just to see if they touch it.


this whole appreciation thing is cuz i havent loved anything in awhile, i mean other then myself (hence the chasing idea, but then i just really thought about it and it expanded to everything.)

i need love, the other day i talked to god for like an hour and then blew him off the rest of the day. this is a problem. Everything is handed my way, and i have nothing to fight for, no need to have faith. The problem with coping.

can someone bring down my pride a little? cuz i dont seem to be able to do it myself anymore. believe me its necessary

Hmm am i unhappy?

somebody (i know who, u dont know who) said something about this week seeming really boring like there was nothing to do. I said to the person, "its been like that all summer."
they said "no it didnt feel like that, cuz"
and then we said at the same time something along the lines of cuz hey was chasing.

Thats a poker term as well, but u know like chasing amy, chasing tail, chasing love. Not that any of those things are the same, more as in you chase them, it gives u something to do, fills ur days with joy and wonderment. I generally think of this as unhealthy, i mean. If its a relationship then ur no longer chasing, but if ur chasing, its just drama. I tend to like to pretend im above that now, but as the days go by i get more and more tired, more sad, more bored and i sort of wish i could do the summer fling thing too. But no, we gonna stay on top of our game and not cause drama too much. tis nice though no?

_________________________________________________________
My dad seems to talk to me now like hes my pal, sort of like i can come to him with problems, which is nice, cuz its what i been wanting from him for a long time. In fact i asked him to do that when i was 17, its weird how time flies though, i feel like that was yesterday.

__________________________________________________________


along with that last bit comes this thought i was wondering about, cuz this shit is almost a year in the making i think, err rather this blog has been around for quite a while, and i was wondering if i had grown up at all, or changed, or outgrown or shrunk. Wondering about some sort of progress in life, some sort of new direction or old direction taken a step further. I was going to as part of this read myself some of the shit i wrote then, but uh, well i havent done it yet. i dont really think i have changed at all. Any differing opinions. i'd love to see what people who havent been around think of me now in comparison but i dont know any. or cant get in touch. or something.
sort of self indulgent but isnt it important to see what u have done?
I wonder why its getting harder to notice change in myself, or am i just not changing enough. maybe less costumes? maybe just accustomed to this one so much.
__________________________________________________________


As part of this weird *unhappy, tired, sad, thing* i havent been think or speaking or writing very clearly, which is pretty bad since im already horrible at it.

hmm just for the record, i understand the fact that my facial hair/neck hair is rather disturbing and gross, howeva it does have two advantages other then just the laziness and female comments thing (um when i shave people think im a girl, which doesn't make sense but oh well)

So reason numero uno: i think when people see grubby people they dont necessarily feel they need to impress them, and no one needs to try to impress me.

Reason numero dos: whether its gross or not, it does make me look at least 6 months older then I am, which whether we like it or not does have a sort of authoritarian side to it (age I mean) and whether I like to admit it or not, I am a pretty authoritative guy. I mean I give orders like no one's business. So It helps in a sense, me to give orders, but also so that others don't have to get all mad because they feel im their age and giving orders, my hope is subconsciously they will add on age and thus authority because of the facial hair and be able to drop their pride so that they can receive my "orders" as it were. Which i really only try to give when they are needed, however confront a brotha if im being a dick, for i surely am sometimes.

Im not a big sports dude, but my family gets into it so im gonna go with Kobe on this one. I mean lets just look at this quickly from an outside perspective. Dude makes millions of dollars, is relatively handsome, and is a fuckin good basketball player (so I've heard) so obviously he has women all over him basically. Im not saying they are the brightest women, or that he is right in taking advantage of he star power. however the world works this way, and so with that many options, why would he pick the one who says no? not that she said no, im sure she said yes and is waiting for a big fat settlement check.

theres my 2 cents and probably the only sports post i will ever write. Now i'm off to work.

Anyone ever heard of damien rice?

i saw a video on mtv 2 and downloaded some songs, and im liking em.

cant really describe cuz all the songs though similar take different turns, which is a good thing. Also i cant tell if the girls get any credit, i checked out a webpage and it said Damien Rice singer song writer, and i was like "yo arent there a couple of chicas in the band? what do they do if its just him?"

Ever have one of those days where u kind of wonder if u ever woke up?

no like u have been sleeping/dreaming all day, but u kind of feel like life never hit, never fully awake.

I received this in an e mail and havent read anything other then it, but i figured some of yall might find it interesting/disgusting
"LuAnne Sorrell, Reporter
Bizarre Game Targets Women: Hunting for Bambi: Parts 1 & 2

(July 10) -- It's a new form of adult entertainment, and men are
paying thousands of dollars to shoot naked women with paint ball
guns.
They're coming to Las Vegas to do it. This bizarre new sport has
captured the attention of people around the world, but Channel 8
Eyewitness News reporter LuAnne Sorrell is the only person who has
interviewed the game's founder.

George Evanthes has never been hunting. "Originally I'm from New
York.
What am I going to hunt? Squirrels? Someone's cats. Someone's
dogs? I
don't think so," said Evanthes. Now that he's living in Las Vegas ,
he's finally getting his chance to put on his camouflage, grab a rifle and
pull the trigger, but what's in his scope may surprise you. He's not
hunting ducks or even deer. He's hunting woman. Naked women.

"I've done this three times," says Nicole, one of the three women
allowing themselves to be shot at. "I've done this seven times," says
Skyler, another woman participating. "I've done it seven times," says
Gidget the third woman.

Hunting for Bambi is the brain child of Michael Burdick. Men pay
anywhere from $5000 to $10,000 for the chance to come to the middle
of
the desert to shoot what they call "Bambi's" with a paint ball gun.
Burdick says men have come from as far away as Germany. The men
get a
video tape of their hunt to take home and show their friends.

Burdick says safety is a concern, but the women are not allowed to
wear protective gear -- only tennis shoes. Today while the Eyewitness News
cameras were rolling, one woman chose to wear bikini bottoms but normally
all they wear is their birthday suits.

Burdick says hunters are told not shoot the women above the chest,
but
admits not all hunters follow the rules. "The main goal is to be true as
true to nature as possible. I don't go deer hunting and see a deer with a
football helmet on so I don't want to see one on my girl either," said
Burdick.

The paint balls that come out of the guns travel at about 200 miles
per hour. Getting hit with one stings even with clothes on, and when
they hit bare flesh, they are powerful enough to draw blood.

Evanthes shot one of the women and says, "I got the one with the
biggest rack."

Gidget is the one who took the paint ball shot to the rear. She says, "It
hurt. It really hurt. I didn't think it was going to be that bad. When
asked if she cried she says,"yeah, a little bit."

So why do women agree to strip down and run around the desert
dodging
paint balls? Nicole says it's good money. "I mean it's $2500 if you
don't get hit. You try desperately not to and it's $1000 if you do,
said Nicole.

Now both the men and women say this is all good, clean fun, but in
Part 2 of this story, reporter LuAnne Sorrell spoke with a
psychologist who says for some men playing out this sexual
aggression
may lead to other more violent acts against women.

********************

The webpage for the "game" states this: "You can actually hunt one of our
Bambi sluts and shoot her with paintballs while we film the whole thing
and tape it for your own home video. We will send you a complete list of
wall hangers to choose from once your reservation is confirmed for your
hunt. With over 30 women ready to be chased down and shot like dogs we
guarantee a wide variety of Bambi's to choose from. Whether it is a fat
ass cow or a perfect 10 we have an abundance of these beauties. So if you
are the ultimate sportsman and are seeking the ultimate adrenaline rush
then come out to our ranch and shoot one of these nagging whinny bitches
where it hurts and shut her the f[...] up. Then mount her like a "Real
Man"." It states that the $10,000 price includes airfare and "Mount (not
for virgins, you figure it out)."

Michael Burdick's webpage makes it clear that his "service" is about
hating, hunting, and raping women primarily for revenge. And in Las
Vegas, this business is legal.

Perhaps instead of just feeling shock, rage, or hopelessness we should do
a letter writing campaign. I encourage you to contact Las Vegas Mayor
Michael L. Montandon and City Council members with your reaction and a
plea to look into this and close it down or clean it up

********************

TEMPLATE FOR YOUR OWN LETTER
Oscar Goodman, Mayor
Larry Brown, Michael Mack, Lawrence Weekly and Gary Reese, Councilmen
Lynette B. McDonald and Janet Moncrief, Councilwomen

E-mail: mayor-ogoodman@ci.las-vegas.nv.us,
councilman-lbrown@ci.las-vegas.nv.us, councilman-mmack@ci.las-vegas.nv.us,
councilman-lweekly@ci.las-vegas.nv.us,
councilman-greese@ci.las-vegas.nv.us,
councilwoman-lmcdonald@ci.las-vegas.nv.us,
councilwoman-jmoncrief@ci.las-vegas.nv.us
Sent: Monday, July 14, 2003 6:55 PM Subject: a plea for your support

Dear Mayor Goodman and Council Members,

As have many people around the world, today I learned that in your
lovely city a thriving business exists that promotes hate, revenge,
and violence toward women.

Michael Burdick's business Hunting for Bambi advertises that men can
"actually hunt one of our Bambi sluts and shoot her with paintballs
while we film the whole thing and tape it for your own home video."
They note that "With over 30 women ready to be chased down and
shot
like dogs we guarantee a wide variety of Bambi's to choose from.
Whether it is a fat ass cow or a perfect 10 we have an abundance of
these beauties." This is not about sport, it is about revenge, hate, and
the rape of women, which is clear by Burdick's invitation to "come out to
our ranch and shoot one of these nagging whinny bitches where it hurts and
shut her the f[...] up. Then mount her like a "Real Man"."

This is not some frightening white supremacist, militia cult hiding in the
desert where women are abused. This is a thriving business in your city
advertised with a two-part special on your own local news. But the news
did not say that the price of $10,000 includes not only airfare but rape:
"Mount (not for virgins, you figure it out)."

I can't imagine that even laws as radical as Las Vegas's prostitution laws
allow for this kind of business.

I beseech you to look into this immediately and make it clear that
this kind

of thing is not what Las Vegas is about and these men who pay
thousands of dollars to come to your city to legally hunt and rape
your women are not the kind of consumers from whose money your
city
wishes to benefit.

The world sometimes seems beyond any hope, but please don't let
something this horrifying succeed. Years of hard work by psychologists and
feminist scholars have made many companies stop using depictions of
violence toward women to promote everything from perfume to stockings in
their advertising. We have come a long way in the struggle to stop
violence and degradation toward women. Don't let the world think that Las
Vegas is on the cutting edge of promoting it.

Please let me know what your administration plans to do about this.

With faith in your wisdom,

(Your name and affiliation)
(Your address)

------- End of forwarded message -------

update on friend in trouble with the law- yes thats right he running from an old west sheriff who always gets his man or something.
Anyway hes out on house arrest until tuesday when he will be sent to treatment for 2 months (plus)
He can have no visitors below 20 years of age, but can talk on the phone.

He might say something on here to give more of an update.

Can I use the excuse that if i fell sleep twice after being awake for more than an hour, i must'v been actually tired and not just sleeping in cuz im lazy today.

According to the clock its 9:44 in the AM.

Some of you are now saying to yourselves, "Mike, awake in the morning, maybe he didn't go to bed."

But I did.
Now you're saying "oh this must be some impostor for Mike would never be awake this early."
You'd be wrong, on this occasion.

All I know is that at some point my entire family woke up, my mother woke me up to say something about a refrigerator repairman coming, and then i couldn't get back to sleep, spending at least an hour in bed choreographing salsa moves, and moaning from heart burn (and not he kind of heart pain Elizabeth would have had from dancing yesterday)

Anyway. They all left, and I did some laundry, and fixed my window, and decided I could go back to bed. And that's when it hit me, Melon balls!

You see not only did/do we have both a cantaloupe and a watermelon in my fridge, we also have a little melon ball thingy. Now im not entirely sure where we got it, maybe its a new import from my mom and grant's marriage, i mean we have new knives, glasses, screw drivers, why not a melon ball thing? Maybe we had it all along and my mother had simply chosen not to use it. maybe its not even a melon ball thing and I just thought it was. Either way, from my bed up stairs I decided that we must have one, and was not the least bit surprised when I found one in the kitchen downstairs after a brief search.

I proceeded, cantaloupe, not my favorite but what the hey. I pulled it out, it looked funny so I grabbed a big ass sharp knife, a tool I think every kitchen should have. Cut the damn thing up and went to town with my new melon ball gadget.

Now maybe you are already wondering why IM getting a kick out of this, maybe you think im demented. Maybe you're right. Maybe, anyway this whole thing is new to me. Cuz we never have melon balls, my mom slices the damn thing into pieces with said big ass sharp knife, and you get these half assed cube things and for some reason i always assumed that since there is such a device as a melon ball thingy, they must in some way be superior. Now im not elitist, in no way am I saying that from now on I will only take this superior product, but what I am saying is that occasionally, at 9:30 in the morning when I shouldn't really be awake, I like a bowl full of ball like fruit. And so it is.

So half way through making half asset cantaloupe balls (it didn't really work out as planned, im not a skilled practitioner) I dropped the thing on the floor. I washed it off, not being so OC in the morning when im only half awake. Anyway then i got out the watermelon and it worked better, cuz watermelon is a better fruit (in my opinion) um thats pretty much it, im devouring melon balls as we speak. or read and type or something. peace to the love from the Tizzaf