Flowings of Your Everlasting Taffyman

So first off, this is more journal then update, but also update, and u wont know who im talking about, but if u know me u can probably assume i really enjoy the company of anyone i speak about on here. Or hang around in general and thats really what the point of this little journal entry. (I really just write to myself to convince me of things i cant quite convince myself of with talking. yes i am crazy)

Also this is not the first time i have felt this way, but its sort of a different situation, there is time to step back and look, there is time to meet with people on one on one basis. So this isnt the first and it wont be the last, but i need to learn how to do it.


and it begins

-The other day I was talking to Becky and a group of kids, telling them that I felt I hadnt fallen for anyone yet. (how odd it is) Part of that was true, I mean I havent had any of those nights, or maybe every night has been and I've forgotten the difference. Truthfully I do love...

-I told Ona to stop saying nice things to me, quit giving me a big head (ego wise). Too late. Its odd though, hung up on one's self in attitude, but craving honesty, truthful deep connections. All I can think of is wishing to get to know people better, and being able to share with the, all the beauty, every second of goodness they've given to me, more even.

-There is a problem here. I love, but have a big head, and lack the words to express, give back. Also, maybe I dont know these people, maybe i cant share. Maybe its all in my head. Maybe its because they are so beautiful, like honestly incrediby gorgeous girls. Maybe im mistaking their gentle smiles, so easy on the eyes, maybe its mistaken for love. Maybe i've taken shallowness to a new level. Maybe Im under a spell like all these other boys (too afraid to think im on their level) and yet, I wonder why I ignore these very same ones i love, i even credit myself for looking out for the underdogs, cuz they are everybit as capable of bringing down the house as these others. every bit as capable to seduce with natural beauty, and yet we swoon for some. As we should of course, cuz the beautiful are still human (beautiful) . contradictions

-Maybe just too damn close to understand. Sometimes with distance comes clarity.