A thought on empathy and politics

I think I just figured out why anti-abortion positions never made any sense to me.

With almost all things, i tend to review them through as much of an empathetic lens as possible. For instance war doesn't make sense because -hello humans killing humans... Drug laws, why put someone in prison for hurting themselves? 

But abortion... Who are you empathizing with? Do you remember being a zygote? A tadpole embryo? A tiny otter skinned chipmunk looking thing? A hairless pygmy marmoset the size of an apple? 

Vs the mother, dont you clearly remember a time when you were terrified and overwhelmed, and feeling like you just can't handle shit? Why don't you empathize with that? 

I just don't get it... To me the person isn't arguing based on anything real, except this abstract idea that has no basis in reality (the completely unknown of what could be) or they just want to dictate how people should live their lives. 

Some will say, oh but all that potential is wasted, but then why not focus on the potential we are wasting all around us?

Some will say, you got to protect the vulnerable, but then why not focus on the vulnerable all around us?

Some will say, you got to protect life, but then why not protect the life around us? 

I don't get it. 

Bonded communication.

I've been feeling stressed and a little needy lately. It's the work/intern/school life.  It makes me want someone to hold, or who will hold me back. But I hate the idea of all the work to get to know someone, I want it to be easy.

In the dream she was pregnant. (this particular ex gave birth a few months ago, so I don't think that is likely) She was many months pregnant, like my coworker who is due in early

November.  She swayed from hip to hip, not quite uncomfortable but very aware of the weight. Her stomach and chest heavier than she would have liked. We talked. I don't know what the words were, I was too busy watching her reactions. She seemed like her mind was somewhere else, and yet I was fully in tune with her. She kept her eyes elsewhere, while I traced her newly formed curves, while I wanted to place my hands on her stomach, and her back and her hips, and the skin of her arms. 

She wasn't unaware of this, but she saw me getting sleepy, she understood I wasn't fully myself, that I was wanting. I fell asleep on her couch, but when I woke it had become a full mattress. Not the mattress she slept with her husband on, but a guest in her home. He was coming home soon and she was only a little worried about my being present. She talked again, and I swayed in tune with every singe motion, every feeling and thought. I didn't need to listen, and she knew it. She kept her eyes distant but she couldn't help but smile out of the corner of her mouth. She knew, she felt it like a tug on her, and she didn't mind when I moved closer. But I mentioned it. I said I'm sorry for invading your space and she played along, though she knew I wasn't, and she wasn't either. 

As she continued to talk I slowly moved closer until my arms were around her. And she didn't pull away, she just rubbed the outside of my arms and hands which attended to her, like she knew it was natural, like she understood it was as it should be. But it didn't make her happier, like it had me.  It was just what it was.

And she walked away to her room to attend something else while I folded the blanket and waited for her husband to come home. 

When she came back into the room she was surprised, but hid it quickly. There was something about wrapping it up so soon, but she looked back towards the windows again, waiting for him. 

And i knew it was time to leave, to wake up. 

The glow

Pretty sure I just figured out why that beautiful professor was glowing. Preggers.    Still beautiful. 

First impressions

It's 3:08 am and I can't get back to sleep. My mind races from one topic to the next: Hmong culture project, how to facilitate a meeting, the problems with Augsburg, the problems with nh, the strangeness of people and their inability to design things functionally.

I am operating on too little information, and it leaves my mind to make judgements about the facilitation. Perhaps In the long run it will all be ok, but I'm amazed how little has been prepared to make it so. 

Obsessing

I am not sure if it is healthy or not, but i am suddenly obsessing and overthinking random things again.  

I haven't thought about my book in a week, before that it was also a long gap.

But I have been thinking about words and their meanings, and how best to use them to create social awareness and acceptance... And I have spent too much time arguing about that in my head.

And I have been thinking of this one professor lady at work who takes my words away, and how between the two of us we seem really dumb, but perhaps it's a mutual attraction... And I don't know her name or anything about her so it could all go bad super easy... But I sometimes dream about her. And seeing her brightens my day... And I have to practice words and phrases around her so that I don't get overwhelmed and ignore her - as a defense mechanism.