back when sparta and The Mars Volta were the same band... and rocked your fucking socks off!

You can cut in about 30 seconds...




Skip the last minute of this


I keep trying to find a good version of one of my favorite songs of theirs, but I think they get too into it and then screw up all the parts.
so turn this one up a bunch... its a very emotional song... if u pump it.

Everything was Hello and Goodbye

I haven't written any poetry in a long time. It seems daunting when you don't have any topic to write about. I have been painting all this crazy weird modern art shit. Its both really fun and sort of frustrating. My mind wants to turn things into REAL things. The other day I bought some cheap paint, red, blue, turquoise, black and white... and I was determined to paint something. It doesn't look like anything, but if I were to title it, it would be something like
"I remember seeing flowers as I entered eternity."

The painting started as just a fun mess. A lot of turquoise and blue, highlights of red and then I stopped. The second day I returned. I saw bricks and tornadoes, I encased them. I enriched the reds and blues. I darkened corners and added grays and whites. The strange spiraling cross became some sort of windmill, but not really.

Well Im well rested

Thats about what I accomplished this holiday.
5 days, I probably got like 60 hours of sleep at least.
Today I gotta do some homework for the classes coming up, unfortunately I don't have a industrial copy machine, cuz that would be key.

Somebody looked up my brother yesterday, I worry when people do that, so if its friendly leave a note. I tried to remove family names from this website, but unfortunately I didn't do a good enough job, I don't know how to take the name out of the original heading for the post... Maybe I have to delete and repost with a different name.

It snowed last night. I was driving to blockbuster thinking about when it would snow again and then like an hour later it did.

Well one of us should shower... so long.

This song is beautiful

"Swandive"

cradling the softest, warmest part of you in my hand
feels like a little baby bird fallen from the nest
i think that your body is something i understand
i think that i'm happy, i think that i'm blessed

i've got a lack of inhibition
i've got a loss of perspective
i've had a little bit to drink
and it's making me think
that i can jump ship and swim
that the ocean will hold me
that there's got to be more
than this boat i'm in

'cuz they can call me crazy if i fail
all the chance that i need
is one-in-a-million
and they can call me brilliant
if i succeed
gravity is nothing to me, moving at the speed of sound
i'm just going to get my feet wet
until i drown

and i teeter between tired
and really, really tired
im wiped and im wired but i guess its just as well
because i built my own empire
out of car tires and chicken wire
and i'm queen of my own compost heap
and i'm getting used to the smell

and i've got a lack of information
but i got a little revelation
and i'm climbing up on the railing
trying not to look down
i'm going to do my best swan dive
in the shark-infested waters
i'm gonna pull out my tampon
and start splashing around

'cuz i don't care if they eat me alive
i've got better thing to do than survive
i've got a memory of your warm skin in my hand
and i've got a vision of blue sky and dry land

i'm cradling the hardest, heaviest part of me in my hand
the ship is pitching and heaving, my limbs are bobbing and weaving
and i think this is what i understand
i just need a little vaccination for my far-away vacation
i'm going to go ahead boldly because a little bird told me
that jumping is easy, that falling is fun
up until you hit the sidewalk, shivering, stunned

and they can call me crazy if i fail
all the chance that i need
is one-in-a-million
and they can call me brilliant
if i succeed
gravity is nothing to me
moving at the speed of sound
i'm just gonna get my feet wet
until i drown...

So my brother and his girlfriend and I are out at a movie in uptown. We went to see Milk which was good, long, probably not as powerful as it could have been... but also very informative, hopeful and sad. Anyway, my brother gets up to go to the bathroom and he see's his boss and his boss's daughter in the back row... trying to be incognito. You see, my brother works for a certain celebrity senatorial candidate... anyway, of course they start talking in the aisle, and all of a sudden I feel I'm apart of a small circus. I feel like that must be really hard for his daughter.
Eventually they all settle down and people stop saying hi, and we watch the movie. It makes me feel really good that this possible politician is in the audience watching this movie. That that is the way he would spend his thanksgiving.
After the movie we all walk out together, and the 4 of them talk for 5 minutes on the sidewalk in uptown. I stand around like an idiot, feeling out of place next to this celebrity who my brother feels so natural around. Who he talks to like a friend. This guy who makes dumb jokes like any boss. Who wants to have a conversation with someone he knows, about the movie, about work, its 12:30 AM on a sidewalk in uptown. I have a grin on my face, partially because I'm starstruck, partially because I think its really dumb to treat people like they are different, but I am trying to look around to see what other people think. They seem to be excited and proud. The whole thing is ridiculous... what a weird life.

on a ridiculous side note>>>

my heart wants to move the melody to fit my mood, and the melody just wont comply... and its disrupting my sense of equilibrium.

I feel like I'm probably really hungry, but also frustrated, which tend to be competing notions in my brain.

This morning when I was driving to my Mother's, I thought "na, fuck the whole anti-depressant thing, I don't need that" And I thought how funny it was how quickly these thoughts can come and go. Then when I was driving home I felt it hit me again. I tried to convince myself that I should think like I did when I was a teenager, night time is a wonderful time of adventure, like a vampire... its time to shine, like a werewolf, its time to howl... but I couldn't make the switch so easily.
Right now, I feel very weighted down with stress that doesn't belong to me. I feel like its none of my business and yet I cannot sit idle. I fear I take things as a personal affront when they have nothing to do with me, but simply the person has chosen a different path.
But I find it a lot harder to listen to them next time, or not distrust their motives... and knowing this about myself, I tend to just put up the barrier in the first place rather than deal with those later consequences... that should never have to happen...

but when they happen. I am quite known to forgive and forget aren't I?

Its times like this I write cheesy poems to reassure myself and others...
Remember this one mike?

Wake up another day,

another chance to count my blessings

Though on the horizon

I spy the dark clouds coalescing

This is the way - to fortify my spirit,

Confront the wave of change

And never fear it


There is a place here

for every feeling

every notion

and when the waves near

we learn by dealing

with the motion

I just spent the last hour thinking in my bed. Trying to get to sleep, but also trying to think about things.
Some topics:
Drugs
Work
Future
Relationships
Drama
Travel
Depression
Etc


I think my life seems to vary fairly dramatically between exciting times and very dull times. Right now, I'm guessing I am in a dull time. I can feel myself yearning for drama, in the things I choose to be upset about, or frustrated with. I am fairly relaxed. Last night I was listening to relaxation audio/video clips (I tend to do this a lot to get to sleep)... but I realized that my body already was relaxed and so was my mind. I wasn't tense or stressed.... just wanted some interaction, wanted to hear someone's voice put me to sleep.

I am considering getting on anti depressants, not because I am depressed per say, but because I can tell that the winter is keeping me inactive, and I feel like I am missing out on opportunities.
I don't know that antidepressants would help, but I feel like maybe they would give me a slight advantage in beating some of my self confidence/lack of interest in things.

I miss traveling, but even that offers little interest right now.
I know what I want, but I don't know how to get it.
I don't think I am helping anything with my attitude.

I feel very much like I am holding myself back.

The only problem with the antidepressant thing is I don't know how it will work with insurance... I don't know if I will have to pay for the drugs, or if I can do whatever... I suppose its something to look in to.

The funny thing is, I am usually always telling me to go to counseling, but I don't feel like I have any big issues weighing me down right now. I feel like things are going fine, just not great, and I worry that this is a soft slide into something worse... when it could be a soft slide into something better.... I am also really worried that these slightly depressed feelings could affect my work... I don't want to lose faith in my students or the school or anything. I want to feel good about going to work every day and I know that that is possible with this place... if I make the effort.

Recently some friends have been talking about self medicating...
I reacted pretty strongly to them. I don't think I am out of line. I know we could have the debate all year about the difference between drugs, but I think its the idea between positive and negative coping mechanisms. If drugs have been a vice, then most likely using them again will not be positive (even if it offers momentary comfort or release). If one is already struggling with depression, loneliness, lack of motivation, stress etc... then they probably shouldn't seek out drugs that are A) illegal B) have side effects of the above.

We all struggle with winter.
We all struggle when alone.
I think these are things I am being reminded of pretty hardcore right now.
Its supposed to be thanksgiving today. I can think of many things I am thankful for... but part of me likes to be super angsty on these days because I am overly dramatic sometimes.

Uh cuz Im bored and not doing anything, I will update

I'm like avoiding the news because of the Mumbai thing, it really saddens me... I was watching it earlier trying to figure out what was so sad about it... we hear about these sorts of attacks every day. I think it hit home a little because they targeted backpackers and tourists. I remember being a tourist in India... it was great. Its sad to hear that someone else's trip is forever ruined.
Not to mention all their families and what not.
Just sad.


So I spent the night watching movies and painting. At first I was really enjoying it, but as it gets later I feel more and more lonely... yea.
At some point I am going to watch Hellboy 2... but I dont know if that will be tonight or tomorrow.

and uh yeah... my new computer mouse isnt as good as the old one... which makes computer drawing a lot harder/less precise.

I dislike Holidays... so much pressure. I am sort of glad I can just go eat and leave, somewhere to retreat to.
I get tired so early these days.

bye

I'll leave naysayers stumped like rainforests

Somehow I hurt my finger. Somehow I jammed it into a nail that is sticking out of my desk. Somehow it went under my fingernail and caused me to bleed through my finger nail... or penetrated my fingernail in a most painful way. We shall see what comes of me. In the meantime, I would like to share this picture of my bandaged finger with you.



No offense or anything... that's just what happened.

Well in other news... I spent too much money today buying a new mouse, some paints and an ink cartridge for a printer that isn't mine.
How was your day?

Seriously leave a comment.

this clip is pretty awkward timing wise but still very pretty

If only I liked the taste of iron

I'd make a good vampire.

I just won in 4 hands of hearts... I think thats reason to celebrate ::::busts out the sparkling cider::::
ha!
you remember chat rooms?

Things You gotta love....

You know that mild depression... where you aren't necessarily sad or transfixed on a problem... just don't have the energy or the will or the interest to do anything but sit on your ass and surf the internet? And you have shit you have to do... but you just don't do it.

Yeah... me too.

Married to the Sea: "The Champagne of Comics"

This is for you history nerds....

stuff u dont need to know

So I use this stuff for rosacea
its called metrogel,
sometimes it seems to make things better...
but the last two days my face seems to be a lot worse than normal....
and I'm wondering if it is irritating my skin.

Mel Gibson and the Pants

are one of my favorite bands.

but they also used to have a song called "it's french don't worry about it" but then they renamed it "volatile mixture"

I liked the first one better.

a very random smattering

of blogs makes me think that most bloggers (despite what u might hear in the media) are not politicos or sports editorialists, or anything of the sort.... maybe not even angsty teens (thats how i started/continued) but young people starting families... and artists and foreign people who speak different languages so I can't tell what they are writing about.

If you wanna try this, go to the top of this page and hit "next blog" please dont hit "flag blog" as that might lead to reprocussions I have no idea about.

8:30 and I'm getting tired

My house is cold, I think it makes me want to snuggle up in some blankets...maybe make some hot chocolate.


Heres your randomly painted water color for the day...
maybe I should make this a regular feature.


There isn't really anything specifically happening in this painting... but there is some sort of green (woman?) and a lot of weird chaotic nature-ish but also weird structure stuff in the background... (guess which I did first..) anyway... part way through i noticed these orange explosion-y things I was doing in the background and decided that maybe some sort of wood nymph was witnessing the destruction of her homeland.... but then i decided that she would be more sad if that were truly the case, and I dont think she looks sad... so i guess u decide whats going on.


I have been really inspired by some of my students, they are amazing watercolorists and dont even know it. I can't come close to anything they do... its really exceptional, beautiful stuff.... but I think I might use the wrong kind of paper.

Um... also new classes start tomorrow and technically I havent really prepared anything... YIKES... but I think it just means spending the first hour copying shit. Yeah.. thats the ticket.

Even my fortune cookies want me to be single

"You are both loyal and self-reliant"

"Others admire your independence"


and that sucks, cuz I believe in fortune cookies.

Family and other shit

I spent the morning helping my 78 year old grandmother move into her new apartment in St. Paul. She made the trip from San Diego a few months ago, but her place wasn't finished yet, so she has had her stuff in storage and has stayed at my mother's.
Moving her in, I recognized immediately what my mother has been saying for years about my grandmother's spending habits. It isn't the abundance of furniture she never uses, the two computers she can't even see, the glass sets, the silverware, the vases, or the multiple closets the size of my room full of clothes that impress me... its the idea that she packed 8 boxes of sandwich baggies, dish soaps and other random crap that a rich person shouldn't think twice about throwing out. I understand wanting to keep the shit you bought on the shopping network, but bringing dish soap across the country? Grama we got that shit here....
But yeah... its all fairly excessive... She has at least enough clothes to last a year (without wearing anything twice). She has a guest bedroom full of boxes and furniture that she didn't have anywhere else to put... She doesn't want it in storage for the chance that she might need it... but and entire bedroom dedicated to one 78 yr old woman's extra stuff....


Also, I can't tell what costs $1000 and what costs $10... so I am not the best unpacker.
Its all glass, unpolished wood and ceramics. She wouldn't send any of the precious metals or jewels with the movers, because they had names like "Juan." (who was fucking awesome by the way).
According to my mom you don't tip movers if they work on a salary.
So that process (her moving in) will take a week or two....


I am also having thanksgiving with my dad's side of the family in an hour.
It will be the first time I have seen my older brother since we heard my uncle died.
He is busy with the recount I guess.


I spent my afternoon shower thinking about how picky I am when it comes to potential partners
and the movie Cast Away.

I looked up my school on myspace and found a bunch of my students profiles... and their pictures of them smoking pot and drinking beer.

I thought I had a bunch to say... but I guess not.

Im fucking modern ok?

Zeitgeist Addendum

At first I was super unimpressed with this version of the movie. Their characterization (propaganda) of the free market and the monetary system is super shallow and purposely dumbs down a lot of the information (making it suitable to their message). However, as the movie proceeds I can begin to understand how easily this characterization of the free market can be made-when they are putting forth ideas that are far more suitable for this age, than perpetuating old ways of the capitalist system...

Interesting agenda put forth The Venus Project

When its all based on ideas... its easy to project that there are better options.
If energy, transportation, poverty, health care etc can be sustained and universal.... capitalism, monetary systems etc... do seem ridiculously outdated.

I also think that the ideas presented seem to be completely in line with the communist manifesto... only the ideas of socialism that we know of from history were never truly communist. This Venus Project would be the people owning the system, the resources belonging to them, and the set up would be through the fall of the old.

For better people than I

some times I can do this for months at a time... but i have really fallen off for the last few years... so
uh just a reminder... this shit is legit... try your best (there are a bunch of them)

http://www.thebreastcancersite.com/clickToGive/home.faces?siteId=2

I fought my fingers loose
Ripped my teeth from these fair weathered fangs
And I built this life for you, funny
I never felt nothing
Until after the watchtower caved

I cut this fever free
Fought the famine with fistfuls of flames
And I give this life for you, funny
The backwards and burning
Just can't stop turning away



From the rooftops and fortresses
Perched on our porches
We'll sing

With these noises and voices
We'll rattle the foundation
Debris


We looked at what
We left behind
Laid it to rest

I've gazed for miles
What lies ahead
It never ends...


~TPC

fucking around with webcam

Anti Prop 8 and GLBTQQA

Hey you! What you doing for Equality, Liberty, Security, Love, Positivity, America, Humanity?

Rallies around the country, world -and right here in the Minneapolis and St Paul.
Article
CNN video
Facebook facebook also
website (local) website (national)

This info was way too late and anyway we are on evals... so lets try again in January (next pretest) ok?

None of yall motherfuckers ever update your shit, so you cant really complain can ya?
I know u all stop by for 2 seconds... I'm watching you.

Not like I ever have anything to say...

Lets see what can I complain about today...

My feet smell -cuz I been wearing slippers over my socks and its real hot.

Tomorrow I am hoping to wake up and go down to a local protest against all the ban on gay people stuff. Government center downtown minneapolis 12:30... but I think I might head down there like 11:30ish... probably be real cold. Probably be a struggle to get out of bed... still I feel like its super important. Solidarity and all.

I hope Natalie Portman is really as awesome as she seems. Its nice to think that there are really amazing people out there... making movies, doing shit, being sweet.

I'm pretty pathetic sometimes. I was thinking about how I could probably just go ask someone to coffee or something... I think my problem is that I have met many hundreds/thousands of wonderful people and if I were supposed to just randomly meet and date, I could have dated all of them... but now that I haven't doesn't mean that dropping some standard would be a dis to them? Oh whatever... I'm a judgmental sonofa and I'm also lonely and desperate sometimes -and sneezy.

Yesterday was really shitty at work because a bunch of high strung sleep deprived angsty adolescent motherfuckers threw temper tantrums when they didn't get shit their way. I was basically on babysitting duty, trying to do some good work in my spare time, and ended up being a fucking hall monitor to make sure people werent being too loud and causing a fuss while kids earned their credit (at the end of the trimester all the students turn in all their work for credit one at a time with all the teachers minus one who is on watch, if the student doesnt do any work their entire trimester is wasted, so the kids are stressed as fuck).

I have bought socks twice now to avoid doing laundry... and I have been wearing tight ass white undershirts and dress shirts cuz i got nothing else to wear.


In other news... I dislike my roommates when they dont do the dishes all week.

I'm such a piss ant.

If I had seen this movie before the RNC I would have been arrested






Click on the picture to find out more....
check out the movie when you can.

importante

"When times get hard to bear
gather round the ones who care
remember that the love you share
will come around again."

errrrr

What to say, slept through my plans for tonight (sorry laurel).


In one of my classes today I spent the hour talking to the students about expectations, responsibilities, taking your learning in to your own hands, finding ways to be excited about stuff that doesn't seem to matter. A student told me I did a good job.

The students asked for more recent stuff. Which is something I have been wanting to do anyway. I can't decide the scope though. In history you need to know what came before in order to understand the present, so how do I set a beginning date. I was thinking it would be nice to do a class on the last 60 years (since wwII) but I think that might be too much. Maybe just the last 28 or so... but then u need the 70s to explain the 80s and 90s.
You have to explain the state of Israel and the wars they had in order to understand Lebanon, Saudi Arabia, Egypt, Syria, Iraq and Iran.

The other class I am more excited for is going to be one on Activism in MN. I don't know yet whether I want to make it a winder trimester class, or a interim (a 2-3 week period with more "fun" classes). I am also thinking of a class where each day we learn about a part of history through graphic novels (I think I have about 4 good ones to start, which would probably be enough because we will never get through them).

I want to introduce more documentaries and videos into class, but they are so long that it takes a whole week to watch a movie.


One thing I haven't done very well with my class time at this school is breaking it into different types of learning (using different learning styles). The way the students get credit is through writing evaluations using their notes. Well this means that they need to be taking notes rather than doing projects etc. Its a little bit frustrating and causes one to simplify the lessons into things like a reading or two, or a lecture and a reading.

With more time I will work around this.

I also might need a laptop and a projector so I can make power-points with short video clips, pictures, music and things. I have been using it in Elections class and it works a lot better than sending kids to the computer lab and hoping they will follow instructions but the school's comp is a mac which makes it hard to transfer things sometimes. I have a hard enough time printing shit I do at home. Need to buy ink.

I realized today in two months I have only been able to pay my mom 500$ back from a 1000 loan. Which means in 4 paychecks I have been spending way too much, or I am not making all that much. When I took this job, I thought, wow this will be the most I have ever made and it is. But its still not that much when you are living on your own. Last summer I thought I would be able to buy either a new laptop or at least a 4 track digital audio recorder. I probably could buy the latter right now... but I am trying to save some, so I can pay my mom back next time.
I'm not sure where the money goes. Sometimes I think it would be nice to have a second job... I sort of thing it would be awesome to work at the Smitten Kitten. Some days when I actually have energy I think about stopping in to pick up an application... but the reality is that I am usually dead tired every night.
Saving takes time I guess, no trips to Mexico for me.

The senate race (before the recount) is only 238 votes off. I think Franken has a really good chance, which makes me happy. But James also hasn't called me back.

Another movie then bed.
I wish I had someone to cuddle with(its officially been two years, woot anniversary).

always sleepy

It sucks when you want to sleep always.

I slept from like 6-11ish... granted it was not good sleep... cats constantly jumping on me. Movie playing too loudly...

I am so fucking allergic to the cats some times. makes my eyes itchy, makes them dry, makes them want to close.

in other news.

A student the other day called me "pathetic" in front of the class. He was extremely frustrated and I talked to him about it after class for about ten minutes.
Several students came to my aid and said he should be kicked out.
I understood his frustration, so I didn't need to kick him out. His outburst also made the class shut up, so it accomplished what needed to happen.
But its hard when students begin to expect punishment, rather than logical decisions.
Students shouldn't say things like "make an example." fuck that. Be an example.

These students will drop swear words and threats for any little thing, I'd like to show them that you don't have to take everything personally. I have a good relationship with this student and he is a good kid. I know that he said it out of frustration and I can forgive him that, what I cannot forgive is the three of four jokers who have now dropped this word jokingly as they walk down the hall. That is not OK.

Besides the kid was right and I told him why. I have a really hard time kicking kids out of class when it is more than one. If there are 6 kids talking, I cant very well pick one and say you deserve to leave, while those 5 stay. That would be silly. So I am planning on having a little chat with the class about all this. Eventually I want to see students encouraging good behaviors out of students. I want to see students engaged in their own learning, and when they are frustrated I would like them to raise their hands and calmly and respectfully say to the class "Hey guys, I know you are just trying to stay interested here, but I am having a hard time concentrating because I can't hear the speaker, can we please respect the classroom rules and pay attention?"
-because if a kid said that, I would have no problem kicking the next irritating person out of class, but when it is the class.... well shit, sorry guys, life isn't supposed to be all fun... lets struggle through this.

Its the music

Some times a song is just right...

tonight "Comin'Home" by Hum and "Scar Tissue" by the chili peppers came on, and they both sounded perfect and matched with my inner nature so that I could be moved without even paying attention.

Post Election Day recap

Yesterday Barack Obama did something no Democrat has done in 8 years. He won the presidential race and not only that, but took back states such as Nevada, Indiana, Ohio, Colorado, New Mexico, Virginia, Florida? and maybe even Missouri and North Carolina. It was a tremendous win as newscasters called it even before the West Coast polls closed. Many were overjoyed, including a hundred thousand at a park in Chicago and quite a few at my house.
Not to make the win a "race thing," and not to say that racism is over, but 46 years ago black people couldn't vote in the south and now a black man is President. The son of a Kenyan man who was a student here. A President Elect who went to school in another country. A President Elect, who basically grew up fatherless. Its not to say that Obama isn't a wealthy elite now, but he didn't grow up that way and a generation ago the thought was considered a dream and now its a reality.
Beautiful.
I would never say something like "only in America" because that would be ignorant to the stories of so many in other places, but in our America I am glad to have seen this day.
That being said...

Minnesota, thanks for passing the amendment, now What the FUCK?
You reelected a nutcase(Bachmann), a guy who uses racist campaign propaganda(Paulsen) and an now openly corrupt asshole (Coleman).

5/8 aint bad, and I know how many people think Franken is a dick, but in what fucked up world are you living in if you think Barkley and Coleman are better?

I blame all this entirely on the Twin Cities Suburbs and it makes me ashamed.

All this pissed me off. I was frustrated this morning, I didn't know what to think, and then I looked at the State Ballot Measures
Arizona FUCK YOU
Arkansas FUCK YOU
California FUCK YOU
Florida FUCK YOU
Michigan, you are funny
Nebraska FUCK YOU

My boss is a Lesbian, I pointed out the Arkansas initiative,
her response was something like
"they dont even think were human"
and I immediately burst into tears, because she said it.

She said it
-I'm happy about the presidential race,
but all around me I see people denying the humanity of others.

How could I not be hurt, angry and saddened by it?

Truly a bittersweet day.

It WILL BE a GOOD Day

At 7:05 there at least 50 people in line outside my polling place, Minneapolis, more and more coming by the minute.

Vote Franken.
Vote Ellison (sorry Adri)
I assume all of you are voting Obama so I won't even say it.
Get Bachman out if you can.

Vote Peace

also funny

Teaching Sex and Anatomy

Today I got to tell a student he might want to get checked out by a doctor.

I also got to hear class responses to sexual acts and paraphilias.

For me this is like setting yourself up to a get a casual punch to the gut, that no one sees and people deliver while making faces and laughing.

Oh society, why be so upset with anything different?

politics is funny

Get the latest news satire and funny videos at 236.com.

Right Right

My predecessor at work is a pretty interesting guy. Its hard because of the circumstances in which he was fired. Clearly he was going through some shit at the time. Clearly he had some power struggles with students/staff/management.
Its all been washed over as is possible in a school.
I was just checking out his website. He has a blog and some pictures and some speeches and things.
I am fascinated.
One of the posts was about his being let go. Clearly something he is still troubled with. Painted the current staff (who hired me) pretty poorly. I know them to be good people.
But what bothered me is the sentiments often repeated by students (who he is still in contact with) that the school would never recover its former glory. That it was dying.

As a teacher I sometimes wonder where the lines are. When talking politics I try to be fair. When talking history I try to be open about both my disdain and respect for long dead people.
I like to question students. I like to challenge them, but most have been challenged or are unready for the challenge. Some challenge me, which is really nice.
I know when I have been teaching for 30 years or... more than a few, that I will be a better teacher. But I also don't think I am letting them down right now. I think I am aware of where the majority of the students are... and that in fact, I might be spoon feeding them too much.

This school is supposed to be the wonder of the alternative system. In the past radical hippie types were self assured enough to tell students there was a better way. I am not so self assured, nor am I willing to concede that there is no middle ground or gray area. It makes it hard to push in one direction. I need time to develop a curriculum of amazement. I need time to develop a push for critical thinking.
I need time to develop relationships. To delve further. I need to push. But I am not there yet. This is the problem with the inexperienced. They are standing up, not dancing or jumping or whatever it is that the experienced do.

Sometimes I like the idea of being at this school for 30 years. But I also see many problems with that idea. Money and relationships being the only two that actually make me think.
I'd love to be the next old man who commands respect without asking for it. But for now I am the college boy who is asking for comments on the reading.

UM me being a nerd

So Sunny Day Real Estate has been one of my favorite bands for a long time. The lead singer/one of the song writers also performs solo Jeremy enigk and has another band called The Fire Theft. He has a show on NOV 30th... i might check it out.

Anyway his voice is often sort of annoying to people. I haven't heard him speak, but hes from Seattle. He may speak in a lisp, in which case I would feel bad for saying this. But I have always found it interesting the way he sometimes sounds like he is British. I have tried this technique while singing and was quite impressed, both because it sounds fun and also because it sometimes allows you to hit higher notes (something about holding out a note while emphasizing a different syllable.) -technically one should only hold out vowels, but i have a hard time doing that sometimes.

Anyway, I found this video of a beautiful song today, and thought I would share it. It also proves what I have been saying.
Watch the way he draws in his jaw while singing. I'm pretty sure this is not natural even for minnesotans who tend to use the top of their mouths more when singing. One normally opens their mouth more when singing high notes.



This is a solo version of my favorite SDRE song. He hits a few funny notes on the piano...(so this version sounds eck) He also changes the lyrics slightly.