how do you stop love?

how do you stop love

how how do you stop love?

how do you how how do you how how do you stop love?
stop stop stop stop how do you stop? stop, stop? stop?
how do you stop love love love love love
how do you stop love?

love

well aol and my comments section dont seem to be working today so post time. post tile with screwed up keyboard again.

so yesterday was a first for 3 things, the first time i have seen illy in a few months, the first time i have seen a cochroach in europe, and the first time i have heard/seen a distrubance ahere the cops had to be called.

so starting with that last one i was in marseille it was approx 2-3 in the morning and i coudnt get back to sleep, a crowd of very noisy people were yelling and screaming down the street, i listened trying to figure out what language the fight lasted maybe 30 mins then i started leaning out the window to watch, the cops showed up ans broke it off? i watched as 4 scantily clad women possibly prostitutes and/or drag queens walked my way while several large men walked the other.

also there was a cockroach, heh what u gonna do, i knew the hotel wasnt exactly up to code, thats why i was staying there.
it was a small one not like the ones we had in hong kong, i just went back to bed.

so illy, i got to see her for a few hours, i completely forgot how cute she is and totally was amazed the whole time i was with her, and we basically just chatted like nothin was different, though i really didnt have much to say, and if she is reading thanks again, hope to see ya when i get back, sorry if i was a bit boring.

its just weird to talk like if someone asks "whats new" what am i supposed to respond exactly. i just dont know, everything is new and absolutely nothing is new, its the same thing, and i cant really gossip or chat about anything from home, nothing familliar so what do i say heh nothin

its all good. i really did like marseille but since both hostels were closed i was doing the budget hotel thing and that is still pretty expensive. so i had to leave, and as i was leaving the hotel manager said with excitement all the americans who are in the army are leaving today to go fuck up iraq oh joy, marseille is a port city and the navy spent their holiday there. I thought there were a lot of young male mericans with short hair. oh well.

also i was looking at a map of the EU this shit is crazy within 10 yrs all of europe will be united say goodbye to america the world leader.

hmm more later i guess avignon is tiny but cheaper so i may stay a week.

so thanks to illy again, also for bringing the winter gear, i hope home isnt too dull for ya, we can go on road trips when i get back no? oooh i found the damn thing.
oh well beautiful people beautiful day beautiful cities,

oh thats something i wanted to tell everyone again just so u know, i am having a good time on this trip, i am meeting people and going places and doing cool shit this is not braggin just want u to know that the reason i may sound depressed and sad online, is only cuz i usually come online on the bad days so as to reconnect with friends and fam u know, so sorry for writing like badly. ha i write horribly. college will be great just profs giving me F's

pete it was great talking to you, but made me wanna come home, aimee u should send me your address via e mail so i can send u a post card, and illy too. and anyne else who wants one, i can use my x mas money.
peace and love cats taff

in a few mins im gonna go get a baguette or a crepe or something, cuz im starving. i didnt eat any meals yesterday, just snacked on granola bars and twix and such, while checking out the louve. That place is huge, took me 5 hours and i didnt even see everything. hmm check out the slp police report its funny this week. um what else, i been hanging out with a bunch of cats from all over, i tell them i smoke crack but they dont believe me. if u didnt check the comments on the last u should cuz there are apology type things. but um e mails no working, and im off to marseille manana.
Paris is great but i gotta go...

i really cant think of any stories to tell right now, i been thinking about all the people i have meet on the trip and im getting worried i will never talk to em again. i need to sit down with my address book and talk to some cats. um pete i have not called yet, i dont know when i will or can, but i shall try and it will probably be an afternoon call. like round 3 or 4 ur time.

hmmm in need of female energy.

enjoy urselves and someone else, take care in case i don see ya again uh happy holidays, remember to be thankful for the shit u been given. if the smoke crowds ur vision stop smoking.

thats another thing btw, i wont have affairs with exotic foreign women cuz they all smoke yo.

peace and love Taff

On another note, I am in paris.
I like it though its expensive, i dont know what to say about it yet so i will probably only make a few slight comments in this post, they will come from the top of my head not the bottom and will probably sound like raw unedited babble because they are.

First off thanks to Caroline for taking me in and being so very kind, and wonderful and generally just cool
(not the one in the previous post, though i'd like to thank her too) they both happen to be french.

Second And this follows the caroline being cool thing, so far i still havent run into a rude parisian (spelling?) they have all been nice so far and im actuall just waiting for the meanness to start but its all good really i wouldnt hold it against them. This city is amazing, i ty not to compare cities but this one is exellent, the weather could be slightly better, but thats not paris's fault nope it is not. They have an easy internet cafe so i can write long posts and e mails and such. Though everything else is mad expensive, like london. This old lady just walked in, in a clown costume now thats cool.

The sites are extrordinary (damn that no spell check)
I had a tender moment at notre dame not so much like moved by the place but i try to say a prayer in every holy place i visit, whether it be a mosque temple street corner hostel room, church whatever and todays prayer was a bit heavy. so i cried a bit oh well

i still smell, ungodly. I feel sorry for Illanit cuz if we do actually meet she will need some nose plugs.

hmm a note on the catholic church. Just cuz i dont believe the same things doesnt mean i dont respect people for their beliefs, and just cuz i dont like the whole art thing in religion doesnt mean i dont enjoy the art. So not bad mouthing the catholic church today, its like badmouthing anything else of course its shite at times, but it probably does a lot of good as well. Like the u s a
just cuz it sucks doesnt mean its fucked forever. We can change... give us time...


oh well its raining today so i think im gonna go on a bus ride, i will not see varsaille (sp?) hmm i've run out of shit to say (like u had any to begin with)

i find myself talking to me more often as you and not I or me or myself oh u do do you? oh yes I do or u do or something, shut up me.

Peace and love yall i will report back another day,

its possible i already typed this out oh here, but i accidently brought it with me so i pronised myself i would do it again, and if the typing is really bad, its the key boards fault cuz french keyboards are differnet, french keyboards u think to yourself, when did mike get to france? i will get to that in a second. first a glimpse into the mike of 1st semester senior year, (also sorry to the people i mention here)

"So apparently my lack of sleep makes me uncreative, unhealthy, unhappy, and generally bitter, mean and defensive.

or maybe im just sick fo you.

I feel the need ti vomit when thinking things like this, like it's physically unacceptable to think meanly, maybe i am sick, maybe i need time to myself, or a new group to bring me joy, new thrill, new wonder, new things to know, more knowledge to consume and thoughts to presume are the truth.

I been staring at this girl names Megan lately, well in the morning I am, in the afternoon I check out caroline--- both friendly Caroline a little more so than anyone in awhile.

She physically and emotionally throws herself at people like a net to catch something new.

I have avoided her nets or rather become a wall she slams into and bounces off
I proclaim Im to large too flat too stuck in my position to be netted and its true. Maybe a half week ago I told someone, (a certain someone) that i had stopped looking at other girls, and at the time it was true, do i need to say more?

Is it just me or do people get plainer everyday? faded jeans the same plain t shirts(and im included by the way) where is the youth rebellion cause for fighting the small things we bicker over and the grand things we will never change but nay contemplate about for a time,
the world is changing (geology)
if i spend a week
in silent isolation
quiet contemplation
secret segregation
will the equation change?
Am i a variable the answer or the method?

If i stop thinking of myself as a noun (like its possible) will the world or myself be any different.

If i stopped one day
If i died one day
If I lived one day"

thats that no more plamming on typing it

dont see glumness in it its glorified shite

whats new u ask? or maybe u didnt ask, but i wouldnt know would i? i answer u "no i wouldnt"

but anyway not much, i have been chilling around istanbul waiting for my plane tomorrow. Drawing, writing, talking, walking, checking out fishermen and fine young beautiful people. Watching cats play comp games as i wait for an open computer. Eating mini tukish delights.

I have been offered advice on france, cartooning and starting businesses in turkey/around the world. Um talked with cats about the differences, the similarities the good the bad and the monkey. Played myself a little jig on the imaginary fiddle. I got offered cocaine with my rolled up 5 million lira bill last night. Um i did a portrait of this guy at the hostel, but it was really bad but he likes me now anyway.

Um what else nothing really been sitting on my ass. This morning i had two breakfasts gluttonous human. found out canadians say "fuckin alberta" like we would say "fuckin texas" u know what im saying. I talked to this guy from chicago/brooklyn and a frenchman about the world both of them spoke with their hands and im sure i fit right in.

last night i talked to 5 men about kurdish people vs turkish people, it was an international crowd, 1 from each of these places, france malayasia(spelling?) panama, kosovo, me and a kurdish man who lives in istanbul. So that was interesting.

oh well its the 16th so just under 2 months left......
today is weird cuz i have no reason to be depressed, the future looks fun and fantastic, the sun is even shining very brightly but i am slowly slipping.

comments dont seem to be working so i will have to write an actual post, and im not writing anything real cuz i know its just gonna get erased

Jen and jess and elizabeth (all of whom should write me and say whats up) if u are still interested in the art vs sex thing u should check out belly dancing cuz seriously its a hard one. I was with me mom so i was like not feeling the erotic part (well mostly not) and it was still mad fascinating

for another vs coffee (warmth and caffeine) vs the possible effects of drinking the water.

really what do u do? its fucking freezing so u drink the damn coffee or the tea or whatever (the tea here is really good) but then u get sick saddddd

also if u dont enjoy the occasionaly squat and possibility of wiping with ur hand u should not come to turkey, or africa for that matter or many parts of asia, or s america i imagine. (never been there)

tambien the world spins to the left if u are looking north. also shouldnt winters in the southern hemisphere be colder than in the northern, because we are further away during our summer (their winter) yeah.

Yesterday was one of those beautiful days where u can see a blue sky and nice puffy clouds above the snow covered mountains, but we couldnt cuz we were in an undergroud city. Then later we couldnt cuz we were in this big gourge or whatever. then it became dark but first the mountains faded into the cloud and the clouds into the mountains and eveything was white. Also we got in a car accident as our van slipped on some ice. That was the simplified story of yesterday. was it good for u? no, well sorry. Hope u are having fun, sometimes u gotta jump on the mechanical bull backwards and when it knocks u out of the padded area dont be surprised.... it wasnt me enjoy urselves and someone else.
Peace and love yo no other reason to live at all Taff

ok it just happened again. i have had an impossible time on the internet in turkey. comments and posts get erased. websýtes dont come up and e maýls freeze get delayed or sent back or just erased so basically hours worth of time and money wasted. i been trying to get a hold of illy to tell her im not gonna be in france týll the 18th aimee if she is still around can u tell her please. errrrrrgggghhh i just spent an hour typing up stories for this damn thing and none of em around anymore. so basically it will be a week at least till i get anything of quality on here. or am able to write a decent e mail to anyone. sorry

i am very very irritated right now. i will try to stay in contact but not today its just not working 2 different cafes and nothing to show. i leave tonight for capadoccia (sp?) be back in a few days to istanbul then on the 17 th i leave spend a day in prague then the 18th paris (no more germany on the list) and hopefully meet up with illy if she is still in france. if not i spend a few weeks in france and then move south. my mom left today. it is snowing and i cannot communicate anything very upset for nothing. peace and love be better next time i talk to ya

so my mom ýs here and she has the dýgýtal camera (ý suppose thats one thýng ý kýnda wýsh ý had, lýke a dýgýtal camera or výdeo camera, but ýt would suck to have to take care of ýt) anyway so that means ý got some pýcs from my trýp but uh ý wont be able to put them up týll ý get back, so u wýll all have already heard the storýes and seen my haýr and shýt lýke that. But maybe ýts cool, um at the breakfast anytýme web page on the lýnks sýde (thýs guy who ýs a student ýn england rýght now) u can get some pýctures of turkey some of the shýt ý have seen here anyway and hes a really good wrýter (or at least ý lýke hým) so u can here about the places or at least hýs ýmpressýons. cuz ým lazy and he has a dýgýtal. I wýll say though that the cýstern thýng that he talks about ýs way ýmpressýve, especýally when they have an orchestra down there (wednesdays) whých we got to seeÝhear and well ýt was probably one of the most ýmpressýve beautýful thýng ý have ever heard. Turkýsh classýcal, not lýke tradýtýonal turkýsh musýc but classýcal musýc played ýn turkýsh style wýth theýr ýnstruments and ýt was more then heavenly.

um other than that, ý went ýn the blue mosque, aya sofýa, the palace, another couple places. We checked out a cemetary and a carpet maker. Lots of stuff yesterday was a pretty busy day.

I have na been sleepýng well ýn turkey. Some would say ýts the ýncredýbly loud techno turkýsh musýc playýng týll 2 but ý actually enjoy goýng to sleep to that.

ýts raýnýng today. we are near taksým square (check out hýs pýctures they are from last month ý thýnk, look ýn the archýves)

um yesh well ý wýll have to tell u more stuff another day. we are goýng to ephesus tomorrow and another place the next day.
so ý probably wont be able to use the ýnternet, maybe though.

um yeah ý am not ýn a proper wrýtýng mood, ý havena been thýs whole trýp. Not lýke a creatýve wrýtýng mood. I found thýs old journal ý was gonna keep last year durýng school, ýt had one entry ý wýll wrýte ýt ýn soon, cuz for some reason ý fýnd ýt ýnterestýng and therefor feel the need to bore u wýth ýt.

blah blah blah
ýts homeroom day ýts a fun day....

what would u do wýthout mr a? and becker besýdes be able to have the mandala work wýth the art staff? that may have come out meanly but ýts not ý understand why they dont, ý even agree to a good extent. however ýts true ýs ýt not?

ý wonder what my mom ýs wrýtýng about me rýght now at her computer?? hmmm ýnterestýng.

Third time is a charm.... (the last 2 got erased)

If u sent me any e mails in the past few days please send them over again, because i accidently erased a few. PLEASE SEND THEM AGAIN

and now a word on bussing with the Bulgarian Mafia.

So 3 cartons of tax free (in between boarders) camels is 18 Euro which is just under 20 which i believe is the limit for tax free goods or something, so 3 cartons at 18 times approx 18-40 passengers each time ah mad cash....

and in return they "buy" you soup at a local restaurant, ah yes now that is business. The funny old Italian woman next to me stole her 3 cartons but doesn't smoke, i guess coming from Malta though she is used to dealing with Mafia types. (stereotyping Sicily, sadddd)

and of course like any good Mafia associate i had to have a name, unfortunately mine was "Minnesota"

oh well that was the bus ride last night, 100 usd visa to get into turkey they were upset i had to pay in euros.



The funny old Italian woman's joke.

three men who stuttered went to the church for help. The priest told them if they sold bibles to people they would be healed.
So they all set out splitting up to go sell. At the end of the day, the 1st one came back, and the priest asked "how many did u sell?" he stuttered out "oonnnllllyyyyy onnneeee"
the second came back and the priest asked again "how many did you sell?"
the second one answered "IIIIII SSSSSSOOOOOLLLLDDDD TWWWOOOOO."
the third came back, and the priest again asked him the same question he asked the others.
"III SSSOOOOOLLLDDDD THHHEEEMMM AALLLLL." the priest amazed asked him "how did you do that?"

he answered "i TTTTOOOOLLLDDD tHHeeemmm ifffffff theeeeyyyy didddddddddddddnnnntttttt buuyyyyyyy onnneeeeeee iiiiiiii woooooouuuullllldddddddd keeeeeeeeeeeppppppp rreeeeaddddddddinnnnngggggggg iiiiitttttt ttotto theeemmmm."


ok so its not that funny but she was like 60.

so if u haven't figured it out, i am in Istanbul. Thats in turkey. This morning i woke up at a bus station and several friendly people helped me find my way to the hostel. I mean i would still be out looking if not for them, it was like hours away. But now i am in the old part of town like with the blue mosque and everything. In fact i could probably see it if i walked out the door. Um i meet my mom tomorrow at a hotel a few blocks away, that will be interesting. So believe them when they say "they ill try to sell you carpets."
"i have no need of a carpet" i tell them nicely.
"you would buy the carpet for 10euro no?" "no i would not buy the carpet for 1 euro"

but maybe i do like green eggs and ham u never know...


the grand bazaar or whatever was interesting a little bit crowded and too big but i saw all the clothes spices and gold i ever wanted to.

hmm what else can i tell ya, i walked along the shore and looked at asia. Its not so far from here u know, in fact its probably like 4 blocks from my hostel, and makes up (i think) the majority of this city.

the water is dark blue and light blue, and a little green. I saw a fisherman catch a big fish off the shore. His friends helped him bring it in and cheered him on.

i have very few mins left on my phone card so i will either have to buy anew one to call home or just not call ever. That means once again if u want something from me e mail me and i will send ya something. Like ur address would be helpful. yes most helpful. now i sound like one of these guys offering me drugged up drinks.

at around 4:30 or 5:30 (it was still dark i couldna see my watch) the praying began. Interesting sound. 5times a day but i haven't heard any more so maybe they only do the wake up one out loud.

i guess that is it for now.

The vision is pure now let it be you

peace and love

argghhh i just lost another whole post, so i am in sofia bulgaria. I am leaving in about 2.5 hours even though i really like it here. um its too cold though. lets see, aimee if u see illy tell her to send me her plans for france again, and if not i will just write her in a week. Uh what else. Budapest is cool. Met some cats there and in vienna and in italy and all over. I feel im failing this web journal thing, but i have stories written down i can write in later when im at home and have lots of free time. um today a rather attractive woman tried to pickpocket me. That was fun. she had the wrong pocket and was a bit too obvious. although there is a scary sort of vibe about eastern europe its still pretty damn cool. I mean if i had cats with me i would stay over here longer then western but its kind harsh alone. no one to be lost and confused with. no one to talk to on the 27 hour train trip from budapest to sofia. Which stopped in bucharest romania, so if u look at a map its a completely illogical route. Which is kind of an eastern europe thing. Um oh lots of shit and no way to say it. No time to say it in. These chicas i met in budapest were pretty sweet, one of them reminded me of nova like a lot. The other one (phoenix) told me about this commune in holland which sounds sooo cool but i can not go, probably not anyway. Maybe another time. Maybe its time to start a commune back home, kristen u up for it? after school maybe?

Hmm so my phone card is running out cuz i talked to my mom and dad a bit too much lately, but on thanksgiving my dad got my grampa on the phone and after explaining how we have been writing e mails and such to communicate my grampa said the funniest thing he goes "well this is my first time on the internet." (we were on a phone) my dad then explained it to him some more but it was great at the time. When i get back im gonna swap europe stories with my gramps, cuz i have never talked to him about the war days.

um i keep planning on coming back to places in the future, like a trip to north eastern europe and such but at the same time im not sure if im gonna wanna travel much after this, maybe in a couple years i will get the craving again. for now its like a satisfied craving. in 2 more months it willl be an exausted one and i will come home. full of theories and stories u guys wont want to hear, it will be great. I will start every sentence with "well back when i was in ______ ."

oh so fun. A little about eastern europe, u know Dave chappel (spelling?) when hes talking about getting taken to the ghetto, and not having time to prepare like mentally? thats what eastern europe is. You go from major city to shite in about 2 seconds and culture shocks follows and u feel like shit for being paranoid in your limo, so u stand at the slightly cracked window and throw money or advice to the baby selling drugs on the corner. You know?

actually though the drugs will be sleeping pills mixed into a bottle of water that u think is safe and u will fall asleep on the train and wake up without money or bags, its quite fun...

hmm but i like eastern europe alot in fact i have had more fun and i tend to meet cooler cats out here rather then in west (well so far) but its a bit hard when ur on ur own, like i said that 27 hour train ride kinda gives ur mind time to think some crazy shit, like about u being a spy working for the west infiltrating the east, or um being a city person going into the wild wild west or something. Never mind him hes just a bit loco.

oh well i guess thats it, my only problem with sofia is how all the maps use like english letters but all the street signs use the bulgarian letters so basically u never know where u are. yeah thats all i can think of the people have been very friendly and helpful (despite the rumors) and um i like seeing dogsd and cats who look healthy roving the streets i can see why Dominic would want to live here. Its a pretty sweet little town, (not actually little or a town) good night life too i hear, it seemed bumping all around town last night. oh yeah and there is music everywhere which is kickass for me since i dont have a cd player or anything but i must go tlling ya peace and love some actual stories later i have na even told about luigi (guitarist in venice) yet check ya later

i just wrote like an hour worth of stuff down, and then it got erased some how, i am sorry but i cannot do that again. U will just have to wait to hear about vienna and my decaying mental state. thats really all the post said too. Vienna is a city and i am a mental case.

HMMM ok so heres some more stories, I hope i can tell them ok, i will screw them up most likely but only the people I'm meeting will know so ha. Also i been thinking a lot about what i put on here lately so once again if u are in these stories, and want to clarify or ask questions or comment or anything feel free (like Sarah, Ros, Dom, Scott, Gavin cool peoples) Also the reason i wrote that thing about australians is cuz one night i was just chillin writin in my journal at like 3-4 am and these 2 guys walked in and they had about 3 simple questions. "you pissed?(drunk)" my reply, "no" them "oh u should be" "you get root tonight?(sex)" my reply no, "oh you should man. well good night." I immediately started and laughing.

So These past few weeks i have basically had a crew, a group of different, but cool cats. Some how we just joined together and it all worked out.

(now I'm not gonna pretend i can tell ya everything here but i will share some things that stood out)

The lead man is Dom, he can fly solo, but leads a group pretty damn well too. One night when i was sending off the SOS signal (thats help, cuz i really didn't know what i was doing in a bar) he bought me a fruit cocktail said follow "my lead" and soon i was back to safety. At the time he had another wing man, Dave who was from Seattle(in fact he went to the same high school as Hendrix)
Dave had a fro, and could drink and talk shit with the best of em. He put on some Eric Clapton every night and took down a beer twice his size in a matter of mins. Dave had to go do secret missions in some other land, so he wont be mentioned much anymore. (but he was a good guy, and will be missed)
HMMM also a tall English bloke came along. At first he was a smooth straight arrow fighter. But the enemy knew this and went to great lengths to disrupt his path. Bullets of tram fees, bank mishaps,delayed cash, and towel theft left him struggling in foreign lands. However he didn't much mind being grounded, especially when he could just get a quick shag and sleep at the Radisson (free towels) Later A Canadian swept him off his feet and for a week all we heard was "chemistry this, and love that." Which personally made me feel pretty damn good, (just knowing people are finding love each and every day) but the others were a bit worried with out their tail gunner. For a moment when we changed bases, they thought he was flying in formation but all of a sudden he was shot down, behind enemy lines. For 3 days we searched, high and low. The screams lead us behind dorm room doors, where nudity and torture must surely have been taking place. When he finally returned he was pale, and exhausted, most definitely dehydrated, and we could all tell he had lost weight. She just smiled.
The final pilot to make up the group was a young kiwi, who usually flew out of Scotland. His time table was set, but after a few weeks, and more beer then a man should be able to drink, he was 3 countries behind and had earned the name the pin-ball king. Lets just say Gavin (the guy) had amazed us by wearing women's ski pants and suspenders, shocked us with his shake out suit, (what backpacker has a Suit? Gavin) and horrified, disturbed and made us proud, when he stuck his name tag through his lower region. (is that censored enough?) OK for those of you who don't get that. Gavin had a name tag thing, like a fancy one with a metal pin back, like a button. So one night he stuck the pin through his scrote, and walked out of the bathroom in his suit displaying it like it was no big deal. The bar crowd was amazed. The story has spread all over town. Within a few days all 15 thousand residents will know of Gavin the pin-ball king. man i gotta stop these stories, but i haven't really shared much about Dom yet, Dom is pretty interesting guy. I mean u can sit and listen, watch, learn from him for hours. Just don't spray coke in his face, or eat his ham and cheese. Cuz he may, depending on his mood, destroy your bar. Even if it means he winds up in a Czech jail for the day, even if he has to go through several blood tests to check his alcohol rate and be escorted through the hostel he has been staying at, by 2 armed Czech police officers, while in handcuffs, to pay for another night. Yes Dom is an interesting guy.

See i cant really explain the people i have met and i like that, cuz well then you are open to more, and there for learn more and can respect people more. But stories are good, so there is some stories.

Also I dont think i am a very good writer, but if u want to know more ask when im lookin ya in the eye and can smile and remember and share some of the energy with ya. I think understanding comes easier when face to face.

Pretty soon i may not see any of these cats again. They were good mates. They allowed and respected me for being myself. Its good to know people like that. They may not have been the normal people i would have hung out with at home, but uh well i dunno, Dom would probably go with his Hungarian friends and say "its not all bad" me personally i believe its all good. I got more people to thank and tell ya about but that will come later. Peace and love From me to all yall Hasta luego Taff (none of his was edited to have clarity)

ok so I'm still in cesky kromluv even though i was supposed to leave like 3 days ago. Its just so chill, so relaxed, u dont even have to check out till 11 which is like un heard of in european hostels. So I know i havent written alot, and there are a few reasons. I will now tell them to you so as not to keep them secret.
One it costs money, not like aot of money, but a lot of money for czech. Its weird cuz a meal here will cost ya about 5 bucks, and we are talking a huge meal. But "i cant be bothered" (thats an english phrase) to pay that much for a full meal cuz this is czech republika and shit is cheap here, so if my coke costs more than 50 cents at a restaurant, i sit and wonder if maybe im paying too much. Uh other reasons, somehow the day goes really slow, but i cant find the time to use the internet, write in my journal or draw, which pisses me off, but some how makes sense at the end of the day. um also im not sure if i really have anything to say, and i cant formulate things too well so i just dont write, i tell everything i need to say to my parents and then figure its already been said and seems boring even though no one else has heard it. God i must not ake sense to yall.

So i guess it it story time. So heres some stories.

yesterday i got news that in this town of 15 thousand somehow some backpacker had gotten drunk or drugged, and mugged and left naked in the town square where the police station is, this guy was then taken to the hospital and the hospital called a couple hostels to figure out and piece together his story. The guy was ok but kinda messed up and had no proof of id or anything. So yesterday i get told it might be someone i know, (like a person i had met) and i as supposed to go help him, but when i talked to the lady who had gotten the phone call, none of the names sounded familiar and i had no clue who it was. In the end the hostel he was staying at apparently will take care of him

hmm what else, what have i shared about cesky kromluv? (this time is gonna cost me 3 bucks at least by the way, thats like a meal or 2)

uh the place is very fairy tale-ish or something. Very beautiful, very old. There is like a law against building new buildings within the main town, which pisses off the residents. In the summer it is a total tourist fest but righ now its like chill time, and pretty damn cold.

There was a flood here a few months ago, the water got to be about 2.5 meters above the normal river level, and u can walk around and see high water marks. It really messed up the town but brought them together as well, and even now u can see repairs being made everyday. (of course they are only allowed to use certain materials to keep it old looking)

Every night the backpackers go from bar to bar drinking and yappng and causing a scene. My friend scott, an english guy who swore he was in love for the first time last week in prague(where i met him) has been on a 3 days shag fest (with a different girl) at one of the hostels here. They were causing so much disturbance that the management asked some other backpackers to change rooms because they wanted them out of the dormitory room, because it was causing too much embarrassment.

hmm what else. I really dont know what to tell ya, what would seem interesting. So much goes on but a lot of it is boring.

There is this group of kids, 6 of em, and they were al traveling individually but for the past month of s they have all been together, and now they are supposed to be going their separate ways but every night they just buy several bottles of wine and have a party so they dont feel like leaving in the morning and miss their trains/busses out. Anyway though that means u got like 25 back packers partying, plus the hostel staffs, plus the cool locals, and it just becomes mass hysteria each night. guitar sing alongs at 5 am, drunk as shit and screaming at the top of your lungs. (not me of course)

Uh what can i say, australian men tend to give bad impressions of australia, they make it seem like there is only 6 things to do there; drink, play pool, surf, foot ball, rugby and well "rooting" as they say.



A good deal of these travelers seems to follow buddhist, or taoist fundamentals, which makes sense, its hard to live day to day without believing in the natural flow of life, the natural courses f things. without faith in the "everything is gonna be all right" deal u feel like shit most days. and to tell the truth the longer u are on the path the more it makes sense. The more people i meet the more i believe god (life love the world) is looking out for me. People got your back, theres a reason ur meeting em, maybe they challenge u, maybe they help or support u, maybe they will help u reevaluate, maybe they will bring u down, or up to a point where u can see things a bit clearer. Its all good.

But it is hard traveling alone, and those who do, seem to either be real real defensive or real real open, and i hope i can maintain some openness.

Its amazing the people u meet, so much variety under a roof, under a sky. Thinking gets u real fucked up but it gets u real good either way. some people go insane, some find themselves, some find others, some find life, some find love, some find god. Some sit around all day and drink all night and some go to museums and galleries, and somehow at the end of the day most of us come together to realize the same things. i dont know what the future holds, its scary, its ok.

I will share much with yall later, and u wont find it interesting but we are all kind of ego maniacs and like to share our stories so just u wait.

If u want a postcard, (it will be cheap, ugly, and wont have anything decent written on the back) but if u want one make sure to send me your addresses via e mail.( oh and it will get to you like 3 weeks, after i write it)

Um i catch ya later k?
enjoy yourselves and someone else. And please keep writing me, and sending me shit feel free to do that anytime, i enjoy it mucho. (i probably forgot to tell half the stories i was gonna ut its ok tis all good no?) peace and love miss yall taff

ps i woke up this morning singing "lean on me" so yeah thats why i am thinking this way, im gonna hook up with my brother sometime in the future, that will be good. I miss them. I keep telling people about my friends and family. I get huge smiles on my face. Sometimes it hurts to remember things, sometimes that pain feels real good. I will be back soon enough looking forward to seein yall.

hello from prague, yes still, i am leaving tomorrow though so its ok. have made and lost some friends and then made some more and soon will lose them, but its ok. I will be heading south to a place called cesky krumlov which is an old town protescted by some law to keep it historical or something. It look s pretty cool, i probably only be there a day or 2 then off to vienna then to italy. Or at least thats the plan. Sorry I havent written a whole lot i think im getting a bit sick, and my mind cant think out stories that would be interesting so i just dont write. Plus internet is expensive in prague so i been keeping my online time to a minimal. I will write more later. Um i dont know how long the comment have been down but i cant fix em right now, so if u have written anything since like 3 days ago you muight want to e mail it to me if it was important. arrgghhh i wanna write i just dont want to bore the pants off of ya and i dont have the energy to be creative currently. hmm hope yall are takin care of yourselves. I got plans and stuff for when i get back and they include some of yall cats so u best be alive and well. I talk to ya later peace and love Mike

first off if a z or a y are mixed up its cuz they have different key boards.

So i cut my hair thats the three year thing, and i washed it for the first time since i left, and it looks pretty fucked up which i like, i left one braid as long and most of the rest goes down to maybe my ears at the longest, but its really uneven, like parts are real real short like rus style. (steve( so anywaz thats that, second at the last place, i stayed in amsterdam they had these weird bugs crawling all over, and we didnt know what they were, but we assumed they were normal so i slept therre like 3 nights. but then this mexican guy woke up one mornign talking real lous in spanish to the two spanish guys and they tried to translate why me and the canadian girl should leave. I asked is it safe to stay one more night_? and they said no,. so i hopped on a train to prague. But if i ome back early with a blood infectio its cuz the "chiaches" or something got me, anywaz they couldnt translate the name, but it souded like ticks. Um so prague is nice, old, poor, the eyxcahnge rate is actually 32 to 1 us dollar, today i got a double scoop of icecream for 50 cents. it was roughly the size of a double kids scoop but worth it. I get these little bun things 32 for a buck cuz they are like cheap. I dont know what else to say, absinthe is legal here and it costs 1.40 US for a glass. I almost want to do it just cuz it is so cheap. people drink it here alot but it is manily for the tourists. maybe i will have some maybe no. I will hopefully staz here a while unless its real cold tomorrow or something, i dont know it seemed nice today. Uh more later, oh yeah comments werent working today so i dont know what anybodz said if thez said anzthing. here is some symbols +ěščřžýáíé,.-§ů
ů§)ú== oh yeah, its all good baby. I did wake up real sad but the city soothed me today. Its like that the first few days in a city i have a good time, then it gets worse, and i move on. no idea yet where to next. pete feel free to e mail me, i only wrote illy cuz she is coming if u write me i will write back. thats the same for everyone pretty much, at least when i have time. Oh well i will write later this place is free once u buy a drink, and a coke costs about žé cents so err 60 peace and love i bee thinking of all of you more so than normal believe me, my dreams are wonderful and loving and then i wake up and im only sad cuz i got no one to share my love with. I will see everyone soon. oh yeah i got 200 in under an hour in germany they are a smilin people though, i will share more later I have said that too many times. adios

upcoming stories for when i find cheaper internet access.

the three years is up

I may be tick infested

prague is my new hometown

Germany is nice, i will return sometime

uh the exchange rate is like 28 to 1 usa

hmmm oh yeah

I think I will write like 50 small little things now...

\\\so the other day at 7:00 in the morning, while it was raining in Amsterdam, i fell asleep at an Internet cafe for 5 mins, and got kicked out. No warning.

So I spent most of yesterday, unhappy, or rather exhausted and miserable.

Last night I once again befriended the man from central train station. He told me he is homeless and i asked him a few questions about it. He drank beer and watched people. He says 'life is hard, very hard." especially in the winter. He doesn't seem to judge, but does make faces at people, and whispers things to women as they walk by.

(I just wrote like this long post and erased it accidently so now i have to write it all over again)

2 men from Belgium started hitting on me at the train station. This didn't bother me, but i was sort of uncomfortable by how close they were to me (personal space)
They eventually just asked "do you like girls or boys?" i answered girls and they left rather quickly. I was sort of sad when they left, not cuz i wanted to be hit on, but it was nice to talk to people.

So feeling lonely, I got a piece of scrap paper 5x7 and wrote smile on it in large block letters. Then held it in my lap so people passing by would see it. I got 104 people to smile, and all i did was hold it and smile at people. (keep in mind this is a cold wet night in Amsterdam) It was great. Also several people made enthusiastic comments, gave thumbs up, and 2 people even had their picture taken with me. They offered money and i said i was fine.

I felt good after that. I celebrated by buying a full meal. Sadly it was at McDonald's.

Last night I talked to Paulo and Borja who are from Barcelona. All the Spanish people i have met have been really nice. Borja is apparently a popular spanish name, but me and a Canadian girl both had never heard it before.

I went to the Van Gogh museum today. Its rather nice, I am a fan. I took notes on techniques i liked.

I also went to a the rijksmuseum which is a huge art museum they takes more than an hour to see, but thats all i had before they closed.

I feel like creating masterpieces, but have no talent, patience, strength, or time.

I haven't written or drawn anything really, nothing decent. I am getting lots of inspiration i suppose, but yeah.

I have decided once again that I really like Adrianne's writing tonight. This is like the 50 millionth time. I wish i could write like her and her friends, but it would be very un me like. I have no polish, or paint.

Also I keep getting homesick. its not like in London with the panic attacks or whatever, its just like nostalgia, and a need for warmth. I think things like "life is so much nicer when your mom takes care of everything and you can just enjoy it as it comes."

They feed rolls to the birds here, i am jealous sometimes. I have been looking all over town for cheap food, i find very little. I did eat melonsalade today which was good. But watermelon is out of season.

I probably have like 9 million more things to complain about but i will spare you and go back to trying to figure out where to go next. Peace and love, G' journey to you all.

A day with some cats (ah yes the old bold)

I hooked up with Michael today, walked to his hostel early this morning, caught him and his pals checking out. Really a budget hotel not a hostel but the difference is minimal.
I decided I should follow them around for the day, I did. Michael, connor (er) Angie and a new girl Sabina (i think?) I don't know it was a weird name and i didn't feel like asking 4 million times i just said "what up" when ever i needed to talk to her.

First off we went to get breakfast. Now my breakfast here (if i decided to eat which i normally don't) would consist of say, stale pita bread, or a snickers. First Michael ran off and got some space muffins or something (just think, space is an interesting place, therefor muffins from space are, yep you got it interesting.. )Then when he returned triumphant, they decided to go to a pancake house. It was a nice place, chill environment, no Perkins but it was pretty nice. I looked at the menu which came in a variety of languages and decided all the prices were too high. I ordered a coke, 1.70 Thats pretty much equal value to our money. They ordered an assortment of things, waffles, pancakes, eggs, chicken and fries. Cappacinos, orange juice, coffee. I knew they had money, but it still seemed excessive. They had a list(not an actual physical list but yeah) of things to do that day including get high, check out the Anne frank house, go to a coffee shop called the gray area, and uh check out a tattoo shop. I think thats it. Yeah so the get high thing was accomplished immediately after breakfast, around he corner at a place called the bulldog. A "coffee shop" which of course means weed. The place was interesting, a bit crowded. It was a former jail, like a small one in the 80s and you could write all over the walls and bars (like prison bars) I did the taffyman from Jr high days and wrote something like "did not toke" or something. Then um we went off to the Anne Frank House. Now I did not have a hotel for the night, and wondered if it would be better to skip the house, and find a bed. I mean I had seen the outside of the house, before and its really no big thrill, plus they took away all the shit they had anyway, so I couldn't imagine anything worth the money or the time to go and see. (even if that makes me sound like a jerk, its just what i was thinking at the time)
Anyway Eventually i decided to go in and pay the 6.50 or whatever it was and i do not regret it. Not that there was a whole lot to see or anything, but it was just the emotions you get out of reading quotes from the diary and seeing pictures and certain things from the era, oh and the videos, some of the interviews. I tried really hard not to cry but its rough man. Its like a preprogrammed thing, even though i constantly try to shock myself and stuff, still you show me some stuff from those camps, and some quotes and I'm a crying fool. Some shit is just to unbelievably horrible. It pains me to realize shit like that is possible. Still I go to the red light district. (coming up soon) Anyway i think they were kinda overwhelmed as well, they didn't really talk about it, but being pot heads they of course wanted to get high as quick as possible.
The gray area (grey possibly)
this is a coffee shop where many famous people have visited, or rather many popular pot smoking musicians. It is however, tiny. They had 3 very small tables, and a bar that ran along the side but it was like a 6x6 space tops. Anyway we chilled there for awhile, listening to phish like music, talking about random things, them getting high. Between the 2 shops so far they already had a few muffins and several bags of weed, did i mention they went to like 7-8 shops last night buying grams at every shop? no ok well they did. Now they were buying grams, eighth's (sp?) joints, and teas. Anyway they were way past the legal limit (5 grams, use to be 20) Not that the police enforce but yeah. Um from there they wanted to find this house boat hostel, or coffee shop or something but it was a boat. They couldn't find it though and after an hour of walking decided it best to settle for a random coffee house. They got more weed, some coffee and snickers and we sat in the basement lounge area and watched the longest game of chess ever, between Angie and Conner. Not that they were bad or anything just slow moving. Actually they were bad but i cant honestly say i would have been better in their place. Plus i realized i was a little high from the second hand smoke. THis is weird for me, not cuz i have never been high just cuz well i don't think i like it. It makes me sleepy, laugh at stupid shit, and hungry, and i finished my can of pringles. Then we left there, in search of more food, cuz well they had the munchies. Or possibly we were still searching for the boat, I don't really know. Anyway we stopped at this place and got some fries, and they were pretty good and warmed me up and i ate them with a small plastic fork that they give you here. Its like a taster spoon for ice cream only a fork. Anyway you can get a pretty decent portion of fries here for about 2 bucks. Its like a meal. From there we just kinda wandered around, and Michael was looking for a new glass piece, cuz his had broken, but um he didn't find one. We ended up in another coffee shop where they again smoked up and bought some space bon bons which look like sprinkle covered reeces peanut butter cups. They were like 3 buck for 2 i think. I'm still amazed at how much cash these guys spend, but i suppose they don't have to pay for like the week of food or bed, just weekends. (they live in a castle, and go to school there)
Um from there we were headed back to their hotel and i got us lost, even though i was completely sure of where i was going. Fucked up Amsterdam gets you lost every time.
Ok so it was like 7 or 8 and i didn't have a hotel, so i asked around a bit. Nope. See Amsterdam has like a million budget hotels nd hostels. They also have like 50 billion tourists on the weekends, Europeans who take a weekend holiday. So if you don't have reservations by like Friday night, you ain't getting nothing. Luckily enough the weather tonight is agreeable, fairly warm, and not too rainy. Also Amsterdam, despite the fact that most of the stores close at 6:30 has a decent night life. Clubs, pubs, coffee shops, cafes, snack stands, 24 hour Internet cafes (its 3:00 AM) and a red light district.

The red light district
"I could tell I was almost there because it smelled like fish."

Sadly or thankfully that is not even a vaginal joke really, because you see historically the red light district is where the sailors and fishermen would go to have their spirits lifted so to speak. So it is kinda along the harbor. But most of it did not smell like fish, more like urine and pot.

So yes i went to the red light district, for those of you who don't know, the red light district is where all the sex is, because prostitution is legal here. the women even have a union, and pay taxes and stuff. Actually I learned today that the red light district was like a block from my first hostel here. Which is pretty much just slightly south east of central station for those of you planning on coming here at some point. (the cannabis cup is in November i think)Anyway there are 3 reasons I went. 1 cuz i knew it would be up and running and i had hours to kill. 2 cuz it is a major thing here and tourists are expected to go, i mean its like famous for this. 3 cuz I am a pervert, i mean i am.

So the women stand in front of large window pains, in bathing suits mostly (no real nudity unless u pay) and people walk by. If you are interested in their services, you stand in front and they say yes or no. Then you talk money, which is usually 50 EURO. Then you walk inside do your thing, and they pull the curtain down so no one can see. All th windows have red neon lights over them so you know they are prostitutes. Also in this area there are numerous, strip/sex shows. As well as porn shops. And of course bars and coffee shops for when you are sick of being a pervert and want to watch others do it. So um what can i say... heres some thing i heard
"they are really good at it too" ~excited guy to friends
"I should get up and dance like that"~girl to her friend
"it has really gotten bad lately" ~older man to his wife and another couple
"I don't think sex is a problem anymore for people." girl to friend talking about sex as a job, and the outcome.

Plus lots more in many languages on every sex related topic. Also 2 old English men walked by me (probably drunk) and said rather loudly "I thought that was a girl!" then I too turned around (not wanting to go down that alley) following them out and the guy turned around and gave me a real good look over as if i wasn't standing like 3 feet from him. I'm talking like a real look. Which is weird cuz i probably have more facial hair then ever before being as that i havena shaved since like my friends went to college or something. Hmm. I checked out the porn shops, they have real teen porn here, its kinda weird. Also everything you could possibly imagine. Its weird cuz you don't necessarily feel like a pervert there, cuz everyone there went there to see sex. I didn't pay for anything except the sex museum, which is a gallery or erotic art, and like the history or something. 5 euro. They have lots of art and sculptures, from many different cultures. Some drawings by john lennon, some sex comic books, a cartoon that is really long (like hours) and just pure sex, but kinda funny even though i don't speak Dutch. And they have actual porn, phone sex, and like mannequins and stuff. Its kinda interesting.
What else can I say, I got offered coke and acid several times. The way they do it is they just say the name while you walk by and if you are interested you go talk to them.
Hmm the have really public urinals here, like big plastic things (hard to describe) and these green metal booths. Basically though people can tell you are going to the bathroom. Its better then the 50 cent thing though.

Oh food here comes in cones (sometimes) I got fries today twice in a cone. (also they do use mayo and it is the grossest thing) Also I got carrots in a cone. Something about the cone, its weird. Originally I thought not good container for food (despite the fact i work at an ice cream place, its different) but now I'm thinking the cone works.

My umbrella is broken, did i mention that? I think I must have. It flew off several times today. Its fun but not when its raining. I haven't showered in like 3 days. I haven't changed my pants in like 2 weeks. my hair has not been shampoo-ed since before i left, and it is still in braids. I have not done wash yet. My bag is still too heavy.

I miss my music collection, today i had like 8 different song in my head from my cds and i was like "damnit. why can i listen." oh that reminds me, in the porn shops they play weird music, like in some its techno stuff which seems ok but in some its like phil collins. Seriously i heard him and a bunch of other like early 90s late 80s light rock/parent music artist several times in the shops. It was disturbing. This cafe has been playing bad rap and r&B.

Oh to explain the name in the last post (comments), when i was there i kept bumping into people and i didnt want to sound like a stupid american saying sorry and excuse me so i said "pardon" and "excuse moi" or whatever in a cheesy french accent. Cuz someone did it to me and it sounded cooler. Also I ran into a couple of people i had met before in this city. Some people have like tour guides, or like their friends explain the district to them its fun to listen, you dont learn anything thats not obvious but its funny to hear old people reactions "ooohhh i get it." "wow i had no idea.." stuff like that

I realize yall have even read the shit from yesterday yet but oh well, today sucked. I'm pretty sure the natives dont have game called trick the tourist into walkin like 10 extra miles in the rain, but thins would make sense if they did.
I dont really have anything else to say, i am cold and wet, and exhausted and should be about 30 mins from my hostel but it will take me 3 hours to et there. At least this time I dont have all my bas with me like this mornin. Also my umbrella is a 2 piece. 1 half handle and lower part, second half umbrella and upper part.
Oh well it should have been time to think, reevaluate, contemplate, but it was too wet for that. I need to chill out. I need to relax in a coffee shop with friends, I cannot find michal A. We should have been about 4 blocks apart, i spent 2 hours and saw a good deal of the city. I need a decent map. My last one wasnt water proof. Im sorry for writing depressin shit, or err um rough shit. Yesterday I realized while readin another blog that that stuff only brings a reader down. I know yall dont want to be down, but as the dumass who keeps etting lost in amsterdam I need somewhere to vent, and im usin this cuz i dont think they will just let me sit in here and write in my diary. Im wondering where there is a place where it is not cold and rainy, maybe greece, maybe i should walk to greece. My card got denied in the phone booth. I dont know if that means it just doesnt work in a phone booth or if im really in trouble. I be back later im gonna sit in this internet cafe for like 2 more hours so i will probably write again. Adios

my night at the train station
I sat down in the train station, sat and watched people for an hour or two. A man sat near me, he at first acted aloof, untouchable, very much his own man. He was dark and mysterious, and quiet. If people asked him things he would mumble or groan something out. His friends came up said hi and walked on. This man kept giving me looks. For a long time I wondered why. I watched other people, people who belonged there, people who passed through. A small man who looked very boyish because of his size, ran through are sitting area and it dawned on me. I was in his spot. I was new, a new character for the assembly. These people were personalities at work, and my existence in or near his spot, disrupted his character. At first he did not know how to respond. This infraction must have happened before, but why should he change? His role was constant, he sat, he watched, he played his part. Now I, a new comer had challenged this role, and he had to adapt, his character had to change to meet the circumstances, and so, he offered me a sandwich. I of course declined, however the offer was there. I looked around and saw these characters in play, everywhere.

I wonder if everywhere we go, every place, every interaction is just one big scene. How well do we improvise to fit the scene. How often do we play a supporting role, how often do we steal the show?

Its about a mile to my hostel. Its cold out. I don't want to go back yet. I am waiting for Michael A to write me but i have no assurance he will.
My mom says she wants me to get a real job when i get back. like 30-40 hours a week. Its weird cuz i was already thinking about doing that, but now that she wants me to I don't like the idea. Rebel spirit crosses oceans. I walked for 10 mins to get to the Mcdonald's (the free public bathroom) I man stood there in a nice sweater and asked for 20 euro cents or whatever. I had to give him 50 cuz i didn't have change. That pissed me off cuz all day I have been telling homeless people i cant give them money (making me feel like shit) and then i give 50 cents to some dick who stands outside a McDonald's bathroom. Why cant the homeless get that job? There are like 50 McDonald's around thats 50 people. add burger king and kfc and pizza hut and all the stupid little places and we no longer have a homeless problem. Hostels for everyone.

I had 2 things to say earlier that got erased. Both from the airport this morning around 3-4 AM (i spent the night)

1. I amazed at how we value security. Like the security of knowing where we will be in 2 hours. I will probably be in my hostel in 2 hours, but maybe not. There is like a million things that could keep me from being in my hostel in 2 hours and yet i feel secure thinking i will be there. I get enormous comfort from thinking i will b safe and warm tonight. This is weird. This false sense of security has the ability to drive my day. I can be happy or sad depending on where i think i will be in 2 hours. Like with the work thing my mom wants, I feel depressed cuz there is a possibility i will have to go to work when i get home. Like a new work. So weird.

2 and this is a joke, actually like a cartoon but you have to use your imaginations. Its like a cartoon for one of those 365 day flip calendars things.

Image- man sitting on desert island alone, surrounded by water.

Caption- on the 65th day Bob had a revelation, he stopped looking around for people before passing gas.

That was incredibly funny at the Edinburgh airport at 4 AM

peace and love Taffy

I thought i might give yall a bit more to read in case that last part was too boring for ya. (not that this section will be better) Actually i was trying to get a hold of Michael so i might as well use my 24 hours of free Internet access.

So Amsterdam the big cannabis tet city, and it is too. I have na yet been in a "coffee shop" because i thought it might ruin the experience when Michael shows me one tomorrow but eh they look interesting and smell nice. The majority of people smoking on the street still seem to be smoking cigs though, which is kinda gross, but they do mostly roll their own here which is fun to watch.

I have been in a few shops which all sell the same things, paraphernalia, random shirts, mugs, shot glasses, flags, hats, posters, cards, and videos with pot and sex themes. As well as umbrellas (in a sec) and some tulip and windmill stuff for the grandparents.

Every few hours I find myself just staring at things noticing how beautiful the world is, the blue sky the white clouds, and then as if the weather is some how controlled by my own self hatred it starts raining out of nowhere. Ok its more like sprinkling but it has sprinkled like 5 times today. They last for like 5-10 mins and then you walk on.

I wish i had kristen or nikki here to translate some dutch for me, its not hard to figure out stuff (especially cuz half of it has a picture or english) but i think it would be funny to learn direct translations of stuff. This hit me in the candy store, what do they call candy necklaces?
A but more on the language though. The rhythm and timing and phrasing all seem very similar to english, so when you see someone from far away having a conversation you assume english, then you get near them and its gibberish.
The language is similar to german in that it isn't so beautiful.
However the people seem to be. The city is chill and nice, its a place a guy could find some lovin. And i think i will.
I went to a open market, non food market. It was pretty sweet and they had lots of cool lookin cats and some incredibly things to buy. The colors and patterns could make a guy go ga ga. Yes ga ga. Cool colorful clothes always make me wish i was a chica, so i could buy some sweet shit, and not get beat up for it. Amongst the dreads, and Indians, and Africans, and all sorts of people were some punks standing around in 5-6 person groups. They seemed kinda out of place with their large mohawks and such. I wondered if they followed the punk mentality (whatever that is) or if they just looked the part.

I went into a dentist office by accident, I thought the building (unknown at the time) was connected to the grocery store next door. It was not.

FOr some reason every time i get to a new hostel i think its really gross and creepy and untrustworthy. After a day or 2 i know its just a place, but still.

hmm i guess that is it, o yes, how does one say creamy peanut butter in dutch?

So i bought a 24 hour pass for this particular Internet cafe so i thought i might share some stuff i have na before...
none of this is spell checked

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First off some small things.

I saw this excellent guitarist in London down by piccadilly circus and he was like amazing, he played stuff that was kinda like you and the sound meets fish, john frusciante, radiohead, hendrix and yanni all kinda wrapped up together. Most of the stuff he played was very psychedlic sounding and very un POPish, like he would just end a song when he felt like it, could be 30 seconds could be 10 minutes. There was a problem though, although this kid was most excellent on the guitar his attitude could probably use a little work. Some of the things he said and did I knew were just for show, or just to make cash, like he would stop a song and say "im too bored to play right now." that would either get the crowd to give him more money or make them go away so he could get a paying crowd. I of course stayed. Second people would ask him to play hendrix or whatever and he would start the song and they would get all excited and then he would just stop and start something else, and or he would play around hendrix songs to the point where he kinda seemed like he was mocking the dead artist. I dunno

I had this dream of heaven, or rather the last test before heaven. It was a giant shopping mall where you were allowed to grab anything you wanted. Above the door was a sign that said trust in god and he will provide. (this is all outside of heaven or whatever)
so the people who had a lot of faith would look around and not find anything to bring, nothing seemed exciting they just wnated to go be with god.
The people who were basically good but didnt have the greatest faith, would pick up a few small things thinking that these would make them more worthy of being with god.
The people who were greedy and or had little faith in God ran around the store and filled huge carts full of stuff.

At the gate they would be asked like "is this all you need?" and ask why and stuff and basically giving them every chance to go back or prove their faith or whatever. I dunno just a dream

This kid in Edinburgh ran up to me with a crazy look in his eye and screamed "got a light?" over and over and it freaked me out cuz i had just gotten off the bus was a bit lost and it was like 10:30 at night and some crazy (probably drunk) 16 yr old was all up in my face.

In edinburgh pubs have cool names like, the scotsman, dirty dicks, and the bad ass.

I have come to the conclusion that art museums are unfair, not cuz they are pricey in fact they are cheap here, no, it is because they put all this beautiful shit up and then your brain gets beauty fucked and you end up like overwhelmed and cant understand english or something. Not to mention the last few paintings just dont seem as grand anymore.

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Did I tell ya about Chad?
Chad the Missouri Drunk
Chad had been in northern europe for a month and a half. In this time he aquired 2-3 hours worth of stories, entertaining stories, amazing and incredible stories, all revolving around 2 things, 1 of these was hiking, and the other.. yep drinking. Chad was born in wisconsin, but moved to Missouri to o to school. Chad isn't going back to that school, because chad and the dean don't appreciate eachother. Chad works in a bar, he is a bouncer and bartender. Chad made a note to tell me he drinks when he is at the bar. Chad brings his dog to the bar, and drinks with the dog (i think) Chad went to northern Europe with 2 friends, they stayed in $30 hotels and hostels. They drank, often. All day in fact. Chad told me many amusing stories about him and his friends involving strippers, hookers, bouncers, bartenders, maids, and several other interesting characters all revolving around alcohol. When chad's friend decided to leave europe, chad (though broke) decided he had to see more. Or rather drink more. He went to Britain. Britain quenched Chad's thirst several times an hour. When had wasn't drinking he was hiking. Chad hiked all over and then returned for a pint, or 5. One day chad decided (becasue he was broke for the second time) to hike from one city to another. 25 miles was no problem for Chad, he was a man. Chad took a wrong turn. Chad didn't go back, he was a man. Chad hiked, and hiked, and hiked. Chad went to bed, chad woke up shivering. Chad hiked some more. Chad passed out, twice. Chad woke up and hiked even more. Chad found himself in a new town a little over 24 hours after leving the last one. He had hiked through 50 miles of scottish highland. Chad then sat around for 3 days drinking. Chad hiked one day and came apon a deer. Chad pursued the deer. Chad ran 2 miles off path. Chad followed deer into a swamp. CHad got really wet. Chad didnt like the deer, but he figured it was worth it once he had a pint. Chad went back to the states, to have more beer.

(sorry for all the chads just way too much fun)

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ok just 2 more things
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two old jewish men talk (straight from my journal)

next to me sat two men, not completely clear they were jewish, but in the course of conversation it seemed they must be. They talk of common law marriages, social programs, pc politics, spies, and such. I try to follow. They try to explain (to eachother) who would object and why. They make comments about christians and muslims, not in disrespect, more just what they would think. They make references to things I have never heard of, things that just dont make sense, their similies and metaphors wind and twist, they seem to jump from thought to thought somehow following eachother. Like 2 actors on a stage improvising a glorious scene out of gibberish. two street preachers screaming rare obscenities to the crowd. The crowd unsure if it is genious, or madness. END


Some of you may wonder why made a point that they were jewish, this takes some explaining. I met a man named Mo a week ago. Mo is a very nice guy and likes to make people feel comfortable. Mo is a non practicing muslim, he thinks its funny that I a christian do not drink while he a Muslim does. Mo has a friend. Mo's friend is french and also a very nice and respectable guy. The frenchman respects religious people greatly because he himself tried to be religious for a long time and feels he failed. So he looks up to people who can handle it. (me in this case, he bought me a coke) Now Mo and his friend are not antisemetic, but they both feels the Jews are a "clever" people. They exlplain this by saying that God favored the jews and so made them clever. They both think the Jews in their cleverness run the world (to a large degree at least)
If Mo and his french friend had been riding on the bus with me, and heard these 2 men talking politics the way they were, they would have turned to me and said "see, cleverness, they hide theird words and plot things behind our backs."
I would then have told them about me and my friends. The way we talk the things we say, phrases, quotes, references. I would have told them about how gabi(a very intelligent girl) has told me on several occasions that she often doesnt know what me and pete are talking about because we talk the way we do. Too many movies tv shows video games songs experiences she hasnt shared. These men probably grew up with eachother. They are probably best friends. When one finishes a book he gives it to the other, when one sees something on tv he calls the other up. They are interested in politics, they have shared their views and experiences with eachother. Just two friends chatting.

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last night i went to a Hare Krsna service. It was interesting. I don't know what to say about it for now except, it works for them, so i wish them good luck.
I will take what I can from them. They also have a really nice incense, and cool hair, and good energy. they taught me "gouranga" (be happy) while i down the block a little ways told me people to smile more, we did this unknowingly for at least an hour. The world is beautiful. I am in amsterdam and you can smell herb walking down the street. I might send some of yall some post cards.

hows everyone doin? everything goin ok ? aol is not sending my mail or at least not telling me they are, so i dunno corporations suck. i forgot what i was gonna write about again.

Its 6:45 or 18:45 if you are here i had no idea they went on military time but they do. it takes a min to get use to. some other things that take a min,
A. currency exchange (always remind yourself a £1 is not $1) a euro is though roughly
B. um people drive on the left side of the street, but there are many one ways, this isnt really hard to remember just dont know which way to look for turning cars.
C. um if someone says "you got a fag?" or "got a light for a fag?" they arent asking about homosexuals. (i knew that before i came, and still i am shocked everytime.)

hmm like i may have said in comments(one of my comments got erased), i went to 5 museums today thats was fun, 3 art, 2 history. I have to go stay at the airport tomorrow night and i dont know when the last bus to the aiport is.

I am gonna run out of money, the english people are rather cheap when giving money. I gave a guy a half can of pringles today. Its weird cuz i probably have enough money to get us both a bed and food for a month, but im trying to stretch that money so that i can get a bed and food for like 2 and a half months. I feel selfish everytime i walk by. um so u can walk around edinburgh, like rather then take a bus (there are 4 bus companies) but your legs will get tired cuz its hill country. Another thing to remember if you ever come here, just cuz its blue sky and sunny, with only a few clouds, doesnt mean its not gonna rain in 2 mins. Also if the people you walk by look, worried, frustrated, or pissed off that is normal. The majority or europeans look that way when walking, I discovered this with pete and zach and some cats while in italy. I think it is like a defense to keep the wind and rain out of their faces. But if i come back and look that way all the time its just cuz i came here. Also they dont get much fruit up here, so bring your own, and pulp free orange juice is "smooth style" with "no bits". I guess thats all for now i will update when i get to amsterdam probably thursday or friday. unless i am really bored tomorrow.

Ok so a couple of things, the other day i went out with Michael A and his friends good people good times, made me feel happy and have hope again. Yesterday I took a bus from London to Edinburgh, I like Edinburgh its a good place, but its gray and rainy as well, which is not so good. I have never had SAD explained to me so well then to live the past few days. So I have all these stories I was gonna write but I dont think I have time, so maybe later, most of em are in my journal anyway so I can write them later and yall can keep up, Im gonns go walk around a bit today. Things I like about Edinburgh(the short list, many more not included) I like the accent people have. I like the red and gold sidewalk near my hostel, I like the fact that there is a giant cliff, and all along that cliff are cool castles churches and old buildings that are rather impressive. I like the fact that the map of Edinburgh that they give out looks like the city (unlike london) I like the fact that I have seen man y hot chicas here in the day I have been here. I like the fact that there is a cool hostel for £11 near the castle (I dnt like the fact I am no longer staying there) I like the fact that people are basically friendly, I like the fact that they dress for winter so I dont stand out (like in london) I like the fact that I can have like an hour and 12 mins on the internet for a pound. Um hmm here is the plan, stay here a few more days check out the town, hopefully fly to amsterdam thursday and have hostel available. Meet up with michael A and friends thursday night or friday spend weekend with them. More to come sorry everything sounds so shitty lately. Also dont believe anything i say on here, I mean London people do smile occasionally just not often, and not all of them are drunk when they do, just most. My descriptions will be entirely based on how i am feeling. But London is still the most expensive city i think.
Oh yeah i am home sick for the first time in my life, which is a weird feelings and i dont even know if thats what this is, but it would make sense so yeah, I see and hear my friends and family everywhere, or rather things remind me of them, and then I get kinda sad. Also that thing that happened in Bali is really sad and they play shit on the news here and I cry way too easily. hmm this trip will get better, not that its been bad, how about this my mindset will get better. but if it doesnt it will just mean i get to visit all of yall and see your beautiful faces again. Pete they say cheers here more than you can imagine you would have a time. we should have done this together, we will sometime in the future. Also if anyone wants to come out here feel free just bring a friend ask me if ya want its good times. Oh my god this is all babble oh well. Peace and love yall everyone hug the person next to you. Taff

Ok so I havent written in a few days right? well Um firstof all I went ot a new hostel, well actually a hotel, which you would think would be nicer but its actually alot more scummy. Thats not really a problem cuz its cheaper, and Michael A and his friends are at a hotel a block away(no vacancies there) Anyways I hung out with them this mornign and maybe later we might get together. They just went to the tower of london which I have seen before and is really expensive, before that we all went to the globe theater along the Thames (a dirty dirty river) and took the tour there which was nice but probably too expensive. I hear paris is expensive too, but london takes the cake, some of the cats im staying with at the hotels, and hostels actually have jobs and cant afford their own flat or dont have anyone to share it with. Uh yesterday I saw buckingham Palace and the park outside of it which is a really nice park. Also I saw the abby and parliament buildings and walked past new scotland yard twice which was kind of intimidating, and i went to an arcade and got some free tickets from a machine and got some candy with it, and sort of attended a high school film class, cuz i was near y while they were doing everything and i listened up. 2 days ago I went to herrods, the marble arch, and figured out the bus system, I got out of central london a bit which was nice. I saw/talked to a woman briefly who reminded me very much of Elizabeth S, which brightened up my day cuz she had the most energy and excitement of anyone I'd seen. By the way I did talk to some people at the last hostel one night and that was really good, but then I left the next day so that wasn't. Um the city is kinda i dunno i get really weird, like one minute im fine the next i have these weird depression anxiety attacks almost Its kinda like the same thing i use to get a couple of years ago only 2 or 3 times a day and not only depression but like fear. I try to tell myself to stop but my mind wanders easily. I think I might start thinking out loud.

So a couple of things I have learned from signs in london.
1. English people love to hump, and when they hump, they hump for yards.
2. "To let" apparently means to like rent or something like "flats to let" but I cant figure it out why
3. "Fowling a path" and "dumping rubbish" seem to be like the biggest worries of any london building owner/ resident.

Hmm some observations of people on the train. English people dont seem to be happy, at least Londoners. They almost never smile, always seem to be by themselves, and seem exhausted tired and kinda well drone like. They dont look at other people, are alone with their own thoughts often, and don't seem to like change anything. Even the people walking in the park didn't seem that happy. Just well more content. Also even though the buildings could be seen as beautiful they're all really cold and depressing.
My back is killing me today, I dont know why.

I have decided I can never live in a major city (especially if they are like this) for one you can't see anything above the buildings.
2 there isnt enough living things (grass trees)
3 Its kind of cold and depressing (at least here, and chicago)
4 I dont know why but i feel claustrophobis alot here.

So at the advice of Mchael A im gonna get over to the mainland soon. Probably right after my grama stops here on the way home from ireland. Before that though I will probably go to Edinburgh, just cuz i have fond memories and a couple of people said its nice to see.

1 more story, I was in st. james park just chillin, (cuz it was cold and i was tired) thats the park across from Buckingham by the way, and I saw this old guy (like 60)walking along with a pigeon on his shoulder. He seemed fine with it and kept walking, I amazed, kept watching him, after about 50 feet some more birds flew up and I was wondering if they too would land on his shoulder. One flew by his head and he got freaked, noticed the bird on his shoulder (apparently he hadn't before) flicked it off, got freaked out in the middle of the path and then walked fastly away checking his shoulder every few seconds. I was laughing my ass off.

hmm so Because of my over all down feelings I am very much looking forward to my brother coming to visit, and like many of you were thinking I will probably cut my trip much shorter than I had originally planned. I guess I just don't have what it takes (for now) This means Gabs I probably wont be around to see ya, but to make it up to ya I will visit you at college or something. HMM its so sad i really wanted to stay longer, I just need more people I know around, I am way too dependent on people. Thats one of the things i was gonna try to cut down on but eh. So I will probably return around my birthday, this is not set in stone if I really like the rest of europe or hook up with some cats or whatever I will of course extend it but eh. Maybe its just the mystery that bothers me like being afraid of the dark. Also I am afraid to spend money, and it keeps me from doing things I might normally do. Hmm so mid Jan probably which is like 3.5 months instead of 12-8 hmm unless i get a job or get hooked up with something or find the south to be really chill and nice a beautiful. But they do also say the first month is the hardest and after that its all good. the backpackers actually make me depressed a bit cuz they seem so pessimistic about things. Just hard working people I guess. Hmm I guess I will talk to yall later i hope everything is going fine back home and yall wont be too dissappointed in me coming back early. Peace and love Taff

Oh here heres the thing about hostel relationships anyway, you know how some of yall have had trouble making friend at college and stuff? now think about that and the people are only there for a night or 2 then they are gone. So some of you are like well shouldnt that be easier? like everyone knows they have a time limit so they make the most of it but no cuz they are human, not always confident, used to being on their own, already with people they know, live there, or have no energy as well. So at least at this hostel its a bunch of people (all ages) watching tv. saaaaddddddd (thats a staph L sad) oh well sorry for only complaining i will give you good stuff later, maybe a story maybe something grand. but possibly more complaining

I love that you guys are all postive when im not feeling it. So Im at a cafe this cost me apound an hour or roughly a buck 65. Yeah so I have already gotten lost 3 times which wouldn't worry me if i was feeling good, but im not for some reason. I have had few conversation and dont really know how to proceed in having them but i guess i will have to figure it out. Oh well London in a huge city, I haven't yet hooked up with michael which was a goal for today but he must not have checked his e mail. Uh I think im jet lagged, I went to the museum of natural history today which is like the science museum, It was pretty interesting at first but I realized i was too well versed i the subjects and hadnt really learned anything the whole time. Kinda nice to se people checkig it out on a tuesday though. So I sat down on a bench in the earth gallery or whatever (geology department) and fell asleep sitting up. This is nromal for me but i didnt think it would be so easy in an unknown place like this. The area i am at is called kensington and its a huge mostly residential area with shops every few blocks, and some chrches and a few very small parks. The builldings are all 3 stories or higher so u can never really get a view of the larger city in any direction. The churches are petty amazing but they are all in the middle of like houses and stuff so you cant get a very good view from farther away(I was gonna draw one from the park it didnt work out) Its not people are unfriendly here they just dont approach me so i dont know what im doing. The people in the hostel are interesting but i dont know if i wanna stay at this one much longer, I think it would be good for me to go see more of the city. I have already taken several walks around this area, i think i might go for a bus trip tonight if i dont hook up with michael. There is this lady a the hostel who is german (overheard a conversation) and she sits in the smokers lounge for hours watching music videos and i'd guess shes like 40 (but i really cant tell) its funny though others come in and watch but she gets into it its prtty sweet. hmmm so if u havent figured it out im pretty damn lonely. Maybe I need to go hang out with tourists and stuff, oh well if my back didnt kill and i didnt keep losing energy I might be having a great time, after all this is a sweet city. Bouts of depression fun. This book Illy gave me (the celestine prophecy, or something) is pretty interesting and talks a lot about what is going on for me right now, like ways of receiving energy, I dunno its the kind of book where the author is trying to tell you something directly through the story kinda like those daniel quinn books Ishmael and the story of B both of which i really like but i do get a bit annoyed that the person in the sotry is a dumb ass and needs everything explained 4 times. Some of these backpackers have like 4 bags which is rediculous but they must also have tons of money to stay in these expensive hostels, (london ones are the most expensive) but thy are nice, I actually had breakfast this morning. I dont know what im gonna do for dinner Probably french bread water and apple and tour on bus, of course it will be dark later so maybe i shouldnt do that. (cant see anything from the bus when its dark) I keep worrying about money but the truth is I have lots of money I just dont want to use it. I want to rough it but roughing it is rough (who'd of thought) Its weird cuz i new stuff like this would happen, I knew i would be unhappy at times, lonely, feel like shit and i perpared for it but i guess u can never prepare enough. As the book would say im craving female energy. I need to concentrate or something, actually i have been doing yoga and meditation and it works for a bit but then i get even more tired cuzi spent energy doing that (although it should be opening me up to getting more energy) well thats that for now
give my love to everyone back home yall, hope yall are doing good in your respective places. feel free to keep writing it can only help, and if Michael A goes online (like on AIM) tell him to e mail me. Peace and love from a backaching fool I check ya later Taff

tomorrow I will post for real from a cafe instead of the hostel pay by the second kinda thing, uh i am at Earl's court hostel and life is ok for now, not groovy not horrible, my back hurts, I had a converstion with a south african who seemed really nice but fed up with politics and had a weird not racist but interesting attitude towards south african government but he was a nice guy and didnt say anything harsh just didnt think it ended up like they all hoped for. Um yeah London is cool i think i dream too much and i am almost through with the book i brought thanks to illy. I will probably leave it on the shelf and ggrab another its like an echange thing, peace and love yall

Not much timeso this will be quickand not spellchecked,the flight was quickandshort but it tookmelike 3 hours to get to the hostel and my backisalreadykillingme. Had one greatmoment ofnosecond thoughts and 1 greast moment of what the fuck was |*&\£ i thinking? Oh well talkto yalllater i already spent toomuch money today. Peace and love,Taff

I was gonna write a big long thing but there is no pointand i have nothing to say i got about 10 mins till i leave, its all good pete thanks for calling nice hearing your voice even if ya are tired. Well um take care of yourselves people I dont want to come back and hear sad things. So yeah please keep in contact i be missing ya and I will write pretty damn soon im guessing.
Always remember its all good Peace and love taff

In 10 hours I will be at the airport, but already I know im lacking in a few departments;
1. color art utensils, im not bringing paint cuz its messy and the brushes would be fucked, markers suck and I dont have a single box with every color, crayons break, and colored pencils just dont seem like enough (but I am bringing them)
2. A proper e mail, and address, and telephone list, like with everything i could possibly need (my mom wants me to type one up tonight, its a possibility)
3. A decent pencil sharpener, this one is broken and it sucks anyway.
4. Um I know there is a fourth, oh yeah I forgot to go to the post office and get blank postcards that I could draw famous things on and send to people, like the people who went to my grad party and never got a thank you letter from me, meaning all of them.
Also music of course I am not bringing any music which is like mike without soul, it just doesnt happen, but music is everywhere so all I really have to do is listen you know? plus i got my handy harmonica which I suck at but by the time i get back should be able to play 1 or 2 songs. 2 songs in 1 year now there is a goal In really gonna have to stretch for.
PS thanks to Illy for the braids they were a real hit with the waitress at the steak and ale. Either that or she felt really uncomfortable and overcompensated. Hope yall had fun at the dance.
I will probably post once more before I go but for now back to packing and cleaning my room.

Cats are far superior to dogs. Also eating a large steak in front of your vegetarian brother is not exactly a fun experience even if he doesn't say anything or give ya a look or anything.

Another thing to publicly state, if anything does happen to me on this trip because I am american or whatever, like if my plane gets hijacked, suicide bombers, snipers, if i get beat up if i get verbally abused if anything should happen to me at all, and especially in the case of if i get killed i want yall to know that is no reason to get mad at anybody, to blame any group, or people. Dont go bomb iraq cuz i got killed thats just stupid. And if something like that does happen and some how our media gets a hold of it and uses it to further that bullshit its your duty to make sure they get this shit straight. I know yall know this stuff I just wanted to give ya some proof in case, you know? sorry but shit happens so I guess I wanted a last will and testament sort of thing , yesh well good great monkey fun. Hahaha this is funny peace and love yall thats all i gotta say