i did nothing productive today.
I watched as many Tim Minchin videos as I could on youtube. Played some comp games. Ran out into the storm to see if the clouds would swirl that one way. Didnt hang with any of the homies that asked to see me this weekend. Ate half a dinner with my family. Discussed my brother with my mom. Put together part of a puzzle. Got a letter in the mail that says I can make 17$ an hour for about 5 weeks this summer, no benefits. Typed up some writing. Ate some candy. My mom suggests I take a vacation, I think she means get out of the house. I sort of want to get outside of myself.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Surely you already know this
My mom is on a health kick. Shes making all sorts of breads made from scratch... Stuff I dont eat.
Because unless it is fried and salted, or heavily infused "invigorated" with corn syrup I don't seem to eat it.
I always thought one day that I would get healthy, but I really don't know if that will happen.
My room is tiny, cramped with stuff, people wonder how I get around.
I cleaned it yesterday and still there is but a trail of floor.
I have the materials to fill an apartment.
I live there in my mind some times.
You people and your questions.
If I had answers you'd all run away.
Waiting on phone calls from employers.
Maybe they have the wrong number.
My mom said this song made her anxious. I think its delightful.
Because unless it is fried and salted, or heavily infused "invigorated" with corn syrup I don't seem to eat it.
I always thought one day that I would get healthy, but I really don't know if that will happen.
My room is tiny, cramped with stuff, people wonder how I get around.
I cleaned it yesterday and still there is but a trail of floor.
I have the materials to fill an apartment.
I live there in my mind some times.
You people and your questions.
If I had answers you'd all run away.
Waiting on phone calls from employers.
Maybe they have the wrong number.
My mom said this song made her anxious. I think its delightful.
To Be More Than You Are
I was reading about some people, words from their mouths, hurt from their hearts, trying to be something they are not. For someone else. It’s been a while since I was that, but here I sit wanting to write a poem called “I am not one to be trusted” for acts unseen of scents pressed closely. For a thousand dark nights and day's spent in shadows. For the things I will do, regardless of my welcome.
In spring people hop together to make fruit of their flowers, and in summer they branch out seeing that the sky is greater than they had imagined. Come fall they backtrack, hurried for trepidation, winter warmth of another, early spring set asunder to repeat it all over again.
To 8 girls with no faith.
For a hula hoop and a home in Italy she’d marry –a joke, but not so different from the reality, throw in honesty and integrity and she’d be happy. I don’t understand the games you play, both want, but tear each other apart in friendship. Dependent. Leave, come back a new woman, but surely you’ll always love him. I think you love the idea of being wanted, excitement, but is he really the man of your dreams? Or are you simply biding your time with the eccentric, in and out for the demon’s pulse to throb, enthralled with mixed values. You’ve misplaced your life again, goals in everyone else’s vision but your own. The things we’ve learned, the way we’ve grown, too attached to really say goodbye, too attached not to lie. I wonder sometimes what the eyes mean, intentions are there, mysterious, but I’m not ready and neither of us is nearly as steady as we project. Grown accustomed to comfort, too afraid to leave, unready? You look at me and wonder how I can remain calm, vivid pictures suggest you weather it, but my vision is faith-driven, where as my fear is just imagination. Trust your self, no man is worth it.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
updates on mike
I haven't been drawing or writing lately. Watching a lot of movies listening to a lot of music, but I feel like I'm missing my creative energy.
I'm hoping that when this job starts progressing I can feel active in participating in something again, but until then... i dunno.
Illy and Bronchi manana. Promises to be a fun and full day.
I wish I had something to say... but I'm pretty boring.
I'm hoping that when this job starts progressing I can feel active in participating in something again, but until then... i dunno.
Illy and Bronchi manana. Promises to be a fun and full day.
I wish I had something to say... but I'm pretty boring.
morererer soundset
Well you may ask yourself, or me, why did mike put up all these shitty photos? and the answer is, I aint seen half these fools in a grip. Plus it was an awesome day, an awesome concert and I wanted to remember this stuff..
So... sorry if I took a really bad photo of you. But hey, Im glad to have seen ya at all... pretty people.
Too bad I dont remember half your names.
There were three people I didn't take photos of.
Max, Ashley E(who would have complained about it if i put it up anyway) and one of my students from last year.
anyway...
I have really awful pictures of some of the musicians but they are from way too far away. Like i said check out amber's stuff.
Artists I enjoyed:
Aesop Rock, Eyedea and Abilities, Atmosphere, Brother Ali, P.O.S. and Doomtree, Blueprint, Kanser and some random acts I dont even know but liked.
Next year? for sure but with sun tan lotion and a real cape.
Monday, May 26, 2008
you're all so bella
So I been hanging out with some cats lately... Im guessing half of these people will complain I put a photo of them up that they don't like.
Anyway... Lately I have actually been trying to take less photos because while at morris I think I photo-ed myself out a bit... but
I snapped one of nova, a few of jen and her friend and about one of each person I saw at soundset... more pictures of that will be above... but really u should check out amber's facebook pictures because they are awesome.
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Southern Energy
First of all, that is a beautiful song so if you ever can check it out. I often quote it on here... if you are a long term (long term) reader. The song always reminds me of driving into Winnipeg with Nikki, even though that was very north. It was something about the dawn breaking over the cool fields.. late in summer... bella.
Anyway...
This song just reminded me that I really need to take a road trip... I gotta figure a way to do that this summer.
Anyway...
This song just reminded me that I really need to take a road trip... I gotta figure a way to do that this summer.
had a really good time last night hanging with jenny e and her friend nicole and michael a...
Hadn't seen any of them in quite a while.
Both Jen and Nicole do massage therapy stuff, they were talking about all these techniques that help heal people and the sort of life changing things they had seen. I suddenly felt this overwhelming feeling that I had spent my life learning a lot of things that weren't necessary, meanwhile they were on some wonderful path. Of course I told them this, and they laughed at me and reassured me, but I really did feel very strongly about it. I guess its hard for me to simultaneously be a strong believer in other forms of medicine and yet having never had any experience with any of it, and certainly having no training, I cant really say I feel involved or a part of that world.
Four things I would like to know more about:
1) the world and its ways
2) some holistic (non biomed) healing
3) Indigenous beliefs about such.
4) the gay communities
The last two are harder because I don't have any sort of "in" nor do I feel that I can be a helpful part of either community without a lot of help and pity from those within. In the case of the first, often this is seen as sort of awful and selfishly motivated by the people. In the case of the second, its hard because I find my interactions with the gay communities to have been both positive and negative experiences. Often times people who have been hurt or struggle with society feel the need to prove that they are different, or push themselves away. I find this to be both understandable and hurtful to the overall picture. a friend of mine said recently that one of the reasons she is moving to ------ was to be around gay jews, something that I thought was interesting. She felt that she hadn't been as involved in either community as she would like, and felt somehow that these people would understand or relate to her more.
As a majority person, its hard for me to understand this need. Anywhere I go I am fairly accepted, or at least established... not necessarily "me" as a person, but me as a figure.
This identity has often been very upsetting for me in my life because clearly I am not always the typical white guy, but at the same time I cant necessarily dis-identify with this character because of course I not only benefit, but am very much a part of that society.
Anyway, I am a fairly open minded person, I try to be respectful, but that doesn't always mean good things come about. I will pursue these goals cautiously.
one thing I think is funny is that when I learn about the traditions of others, even if I believe them, I don't necessarily take part in them the same way. I often feel that that might be disrespectful. I have been invited to be part of events and ceremonies from other cultures and declined (probably not the right choice) because I didn't trust the other white people who were invited. Because I felt like to them it had no meaning and thus was a form of blasphemy. One thing I may have to get over (besides my defensiveness) is this very black and white (semi-western) idea that there is only one right way in a given situation. There is only one way to be respectful etc... those other white people felt that they were being respectful by participating regardless of whether they understood or not. Some people throw themselves in so as to try to understand... but like I said... I pursue my goals cautiously.
Hadn't seen any of them in quite a while.
Both Jen and Nicole do massage therapy stuff, they were talking about all these techniques that help heal people and the sort of life changing things they had seen. I suddenly felt this overwhelming feeling that I had spent my life learning a lot of things that weren't necessary, meanwhile they were on some wonderful path. Of course I told them this, and they laughed at me and reassured me, but I really did feel very strongly about it. I guess its hard for me to simultaneously be a strong believer in other forms of medicine and yet having never had any experience with any of it, and certainly having no training, I cant really say I feel involved or a part of that world.
Four things I would like to know more about:
1) the world and its ways
2) some holistic (non biomed) healing
3) Indigenous beliefs about such.
4) the gay communities
The last two are harder because I don't have any sort of "in" nor do I feel that I can be a helpful part of either community without a lot of help and pity from those within. In the case of the first, often this is seen as sort of awful and selfishly motivated by the people. In the case of the second, its hard because I find my interactions with the gay communities to have been both positive and negative experiences. Often times people who have been hurt or struggle with society feel the need to prove that they are different, or push themselves away. I find this to be both understandable and hurtful to the overall picture. a friend of mine said recently that one of the reasons she is moving to ------ was to be around gay jews, something that I thought was interesting. She felt that she hadn't been as involved in either community as she would like, and felt somehow that these people would understand or relate to her more.
As a majority person, its hard for me to understand this need. Anywhere I go I am fairly accepted, or at least established... not necessarily "me" as a person, but me as a figure.
This identity has often been very upsetting for me in my life because clearly I am not always the typical white guy, but at the same time I cant necessarily dis-identify with this character because of course I not only benefit, but am very much a part of that society.
Anyway, I am a fairly open minded person, I try to be respectful, but that doesn't always mean good things come about. I will pursue these goals cautiously.
one thing I think is funny is that when I learn about the traditions of others, even if I believe them, I don't necessarily take part in them the same way. I often feel that that might be disrespectful. I have been invited to be part of events and ceremonies from other cultures and declined (probably not the right choice) because I didn't trust the other white people who were invited. Because I felt like to them it had no meaning and thus was a form of blasphemy. One thing I may have to get over (besides my defensiveness) is this very black and white (semi-western) idea that there is only one right way in a given situation. There is only one way to be respectful etc... those other white people felt that they were being respectful by participating regardless of whether they understood or not. Some people throw themselves in so as to try to understand... but like I said... I pursue my goals cautiously.
Friday, May 23, 2008
you know whats fun?
my life...
How about you?
__________________________________________________________________
So I got a summer job at least. So thats cool... Everyone and their mom is telling me it will work out through the fall but I don't want to get my hopes up until thats confirmed.
So I wish I could tell you more, like what subject and what not... but I don't actually have any information yet except that it starts in about 3-4 weeks. Which I will spend probably freaking out and planning activities. Good times eh?
I witnessed something pretty silly today. In the long run it will go down as a minor event. But it seemed to take on epic proportions quick. I cannot say much more than that.
___________________________________________________________________
The other day I saw a deer in the middle of the road that had just been hit by a car, and it was sort of sitting up, it seemed to be fairly tall, and then when I was driving by I noticed it was bleeding from the mouth. I couldn't tell what the look was. In hindsight I like to think that it went into shock and was not feeling any of it. I like to think that this deer understood a higher purpose. I like to think that I will write a novel about its noble sacrifice, but part of me worries that it was in agony and torment.
___________________________________________________________________
I watched a movie last night called No End In Sight.
A documentary about the iraq war... made me pretty upset.
We have incompetent fools running the government.
_____________________________________________________________________
I was listening to that atmosphere song today called "lovelife." I think I realized around that time that I need to convince people that that is important. I always thought people were supposed to do that without thinking... But I noticed a few of my friends lately really arent enjoying their lives all that much. Sometimes it really is just a matter of saying "I love my life" and then thinking of all the wonderful things. If you arent doing this at least every once in a while... You should try to do it more often.
How about you?
__________________________________________________________________
So I got a summer job at least. So thats cool... Everyone and their mom is telling me it will work out through the fall but I don't want to get my hopes up until thats confirmed.
So I wish I could tell you more, like what subject and what not... but I don't actually have any information yet except that it starts in about 3-4 weeks. Which I will spend probably freaking out and planning activities. Good times eh?
I witnessed something pretty silly today. In the long run it will go down as a minor event. But it seemed to take on epic proportions quick. I cannot say much more than that.
___________________________________________________________________
The other day I saw a deer in the middle of the road that had just been hit by a car, and it was sort of sitting up, it seemed to be fairly tall, and then when I was driving by I noticed it was bleeding from the mouth. I couldn't tell what the look was. In hindsight I like to think that it went into shock and was not feeling any of it. I like to think that this deer understood a higher purpose. I like to think that I will write a novel about its noble sacrifice, but part of me worries that it was in agony and torment.
___________________________________________________________________
I watched a movie last night called No End In Sight.
A documentary about the iraq war... made me pretty upset.
We have incompetent fools running the government.
_____________________________________________________________________
I was listening to that atmosphere song today called "lovelife." I think I realized around that time that I need to convince people that that is important. I always thought people were supposed to do that without thinking... But I noticed a few of my friends lately really arent enjoying their lives all that much. Sometimes it really is just a matter of saying "I love my life" and then thinking of all the wonderful things. If you arent doing this at least every once in a while... You should try to do it more often.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
A note
Hey sorry about all this, Im trying to mess around with different things to see what I can do, both on here and my other sites... Some of this is because I am trying to set up a professional blog style website that I can use with my classes. Thus files with comments would be helpful so I can inform students of things.
Let me know if that worked by the way.
Also does anyone know how to upload word files with comments directly to a blog?
I can copy and paste... but that doesn't bring the comments.
I could probably convert it to a pdf, but I would have to download another program for that.
if you know anything help a brother out.
Let me know if that worked by the way.
Also does anyone know how to upload word files with comments directly to a blog?
I can copy and paste... but that doesn't bring the comments.
I could probably convert it to a pdf, but I would have to download another program for that.
if you know anything help a brother out.
Trying Something New
try clicking that and see if it brings you to a document with lyrics and comments.
Ina Mae and the Sea Arrows
A Conversation (if I remember it correctly):
Person A: Yeah she said I could replace you in the Sea Arrows! (Jokingly)
Jered of Ina Mae and the Sea Arrows: No way, that sucks.
Person C: Couldnt you both be in the Sea Arrows?
Jered of Ina Mae and the Sea Arrows: No theres only one Sea Arrows.
Anyway follow that link for crazy cool music made by some friends at Morris. but maybe I have already sent you there.
___________________________________________________________
In other reflection:
There are many differences between some of my friends at morris, at least the ones who graduated this year. (last years crop were more like my friends at home)
Anyway, they are super creative geniuses.
Not that my friends here dont have gifts in different areas... but these kids are performers... and I havent had that around since high school... unless you count my boys and I goofing off around camp fires and in petes basement.
Anyway that was something I realized I would miss when everyone graduated...
There will probably be more updates on these people when they get all their shit online... but also... here is
Huck
Person A: Yeah she said I could replace you in the Sea Arrows! (Jokingly)
Jered of Ina Mae and the Sea Arrows: No way, that sucks.
Person C: Couldnt you both be in the Sea Arrows?
Jered of Ina Mae and the Sea Arrows: No theres only one Sea Arrows.
Anyway follow that link for crazy cool music made by some friends at Morris. but maybe I have already sent you there.
___________________________________________________________
In other reflection:
There are many differences between some of my friends at morris, at least the ones who graduated this year. (last years crop were more like my friends at home)
Anyway, they are super creative geniuses.
Not that my friends here dont have gifts in different areas... but these kids are performers... and I havent had that around since high school... unless you count my boys and I goofing off around camp fires and in petes basement.
Anyway that was something I realized I would miss when everyone graduated...
There will probably be more updates on these people when they get all their shit online... but also... here is
Huck
Trying something new
try clicking the title for that music poem
(update apparently it wont let me automatically add music in the link unless I update my account to a pay account)
(update apparently it wont let me automatically add music in the link unless I update my account to a pay account)
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Mabbot sent several of us this. Its a speech a teacher of his gave at a graduation ceremony.
"I must begin by first apologizing for the somber tone of this speech. I understand the normal celebratory nature of graduation, with family and friends gathered, presents distributed and bright dreams of the future dancing tantalizingly before your eyes. But, this is a fearful world we send you upon. No matter your political ideology, your religious dogma or personal ethic, these are indeed troubling times. Beyond the timeless issues that have consistently divided our country for decades (right to life and death, war, concepts of justice), beyond the specter of partisan bickering (stem cells, Iraq, judges), we live in a world where a child is assaulted and then left to die under a pile of garbage; where two teenage boys justified the brutal beating a homeless man by saying they were bored. Closer still...we belong to a community, a neighborhood, struggling for its very soul, torn between pride and development, violence and survival. Closer still...we live, work and learn in a school community still looking for closure, still healing from the pain of extreme betrayal perpetrated by one whom we trusted, we celebrated, we honored. The darkness of which I speak, the darkness that troubles me, is not merely symbolic. This darkness is not just metaphoric of what you may face in this life. This darkness does not just dwell in the suburbs of our hearts, this darkness is right outside our door, lingering in our homes and hanging out down the block, on the corner.
Of course, it would be arrogance to suggest that ours was the only time or place to experience the throngs of darkness. The annals of history are brim full with example after example of the evil men do. Yet, often times, the ancient past held the means to combat this enormous collective sorrow which hangs heavily on our souls. Unlike us, the ancients possessed the heroic myth. Like the darkness, these myths transcended simple symbolism. For our ancestors, the myth served as a tangible description of mankind at its bravest. More than mere stories of explanation, the heroic tale was a shout in the dark, a cry in the night, defiance in the face of overwhelming despair and disillusionment.
One of the most enduring of these epic tales comes to us in the form of the Greek myth of Prometheus. Prometheus is a Titan, one of the old gods who held sway over the Greek pantheon before they were usurped by Zeus and his siblings, and then sent into the pit of Tarturas. Prometheus actually helped Zeus with this regime change, betraying his own kind in the belief that this maneuver benefited everyone. Prometheus was sorely disappointed. No sooner had Zeus assumed power than he announced a plan to wipeout all of mankind. Zeus found humans to be weak, ineffectual, flawed. To him the only answer was extermination. Prometheus could not abide by this butchery. So, Prometheus stole the one great advantage the gods held over man, fire, and gave it to man. From fire, man was able to create ten thousand tools and could endure the fickle nature of their gods. For his part, Prometheus was punished by being chained to the top of a mountain to have his liver eaten by a giant eagle every morning for all of eternity. What makes this myth a tale of inspiration though, is not Prometheus' grand larceny skills, it is because Prometheus knew what was going to happen to him the whole while he did it. Prometheus' name, literally translated, means 'before thought'. In other words, Prometheus' divine power was the ability to know the future. And yet, despite his omniscience, Prometheus did what he thought was right. He fully understood the consequences of assisting Zeus, of stealing fire, of helping mankind, and he did it anyway. We admire Prometheus for his resolve, his resolve to do what he had to do, because he had to do it. Period.
Or, from another Greek legend, the Trojan War, we can imagine noble Hector. Hector has been challenged by the invincible Achilles. Hector knows he can not beat Achilles. Hector's people know he can not beat Achilles. Hector's wife knows he can not beat Achilles. Hector fights Achilles anyway. Of course, he ran from Achilles for half the day before stopping to fight, but in the end, he stood firm. That is the wonderfully nature of these myths, these heroes where fallible, they were not perfect, they were like us, but when it counted, when it became a necessity, these heroes rose and meet their destinies; they overcame their own weakness, and that is what it means to be heroic. And, it is because the heroes of these stories are like us that they should inspire us and challenge us to take a stand in our own lives and do what becomes necessary. And that is the challenge I present to you today, become your own hero, create your own myth, defy the dark, rise superior to your circumstances...rise superior to your circumstances. One of Socrates most famous aphorism is, “character determines destiny”. This is true. Your character will ultimately define your destiny. Yet, in these times, your character will not only create your own destiny, your destiny will become that of the neighborhood's, of the community's, of the school's. No matter your destiny, rise to meet it with honor and courage. Congratulations class of 2005, good fortunes on your journey. God speed. Namaste."
"I must begin by first apologizing for the somber tone of this speech. I understand the normal celebratory nature of graduation, with family and friends gathered, presents distributed and bright dreams of the future dancing tantalizingly before your eyes. But, this is a fearful world we send you upon. No matter your political ideology, your religious dogma or personal ethic, these are indeed troubling times. Beyond the timeless issues that have consistently divided our country for decades (right to life and death, war, concepts of justice), beyond the specter of partisan bickering (stem cells, Iraq, judges), we live in a world where a child is assaulted and then left to die under a pile of garbage; where two teenage boys justified the brutal beating a homeless man by saying they were bored. Closer still...we belong to a community, a neighborhood, struggling for its very soul, torn between pride and development, violence and survival. Closer still...we live, work and learn in a school community still looking for closure, still healing from the pain of extreme betrayal perpetrated by one whom we trusted, we celebrated, we honored. The darkness of which I speak, the darkness that troubles me, is not merely symbolic. This darkness is not just metaphoric of what you may face in this life. This darkness does not just dwell in the suburbs of our hearts, this darkness is right outside our door, lingering in our homes and hanging out down the block, on the corner.
Of course, it would be arrogance to suggest that ours was the only time or place to experience the throngs of darkness. The annals of history are brim full with example after example of the evil men do. Yet, often times, the ancient past held the means to combat this enormous collective sorrow which hangs heavily on our souls. Unlike us, the ancients possessed the heroic myth. Like the darkness, these myths transcended simple symbolism. For our ancestors, the myth served as a tangible description of mankind at its bravest. More than mere stories of explanation, the heroic tale was a shout in the dark, a cry in the night, defiance in the face of overwhelming despair and disillusionment.
One of the most enduring of these epic tales comes to us in the form of the Greek myth of Prometheus. Prometheus is a Titan, one of the old gods who held sway over the Greek pantheon before they were usurped by Zeus and his siblings, and then sent into the pit of Tarturas. Prometheus actually helped Zeus with this regime change, betraying his own kind in the belief that this maneuver benefited everyone. Prometheus was sorely disappointed. No sooner had Zeus assumed power than he announced a plan to wipeout all of mankind. Zeus found humans to be weak, ineffectual, flawed. To him the only answer was extermination. Prometheus could not abide by this butchery. So, Prometheus stole the one great advantage the gods held over man, fire, and gave it to man. From fire, man was able to create ten thousand tools and could endure the fickle nature of their gods. For his part, Prometheus was punished by being chained to the top of a mountain to have his liver eaten by a giant eagle every morning for all of eternity. What makes this myth a tale of inspiration though, is not Prometheus' grand larceny skills, it is because Prometheus knew what was going to happen to him the whole while he did it. Prometheus' name, literally translated, means 'before thought'. In other words, Prometheus' divine power was the ability to know the future. And yet, despite his omniscience, Prometheus did what he thought was right. He fully understood the consequences of assisting Zeus, of stealing fire, of helping mankind, and he did it anyway. We admire Prometheus for his resolve, his resolve to do what he had to do, because he had to do it. Period.
Or, from another Greek legend, the Trojan War, we can imagine noble Hector. Hector has been challenged by the invincible Achilles. Hector knows he can not beat Achilles. Hector's people know he can not beat Achilles. Hector's wife knows he can not beat Achilles. Hector fights Achilles anyway. Of course, he ran from Achilles for half the day before stopping to fight, but in the end, he stood firm. That is the wonderfully nature of these myths, these heroes where fallible, they were not perfect, they were like us, but when it counted, when it became a necessity, these heroes rose and meet their destinies; they overcame their own weakness, and that is what it means to be heroic. And, it is because the heroes of these stories are like us that they should inspire us and challenge us to take a stand in our own lives and do what becomes necessary. And that is the challenge I present to you today, become your own hero, create your own myth, defy the dark, rise superior to your circumstances...rise superior to your circumstances. One of Socrates most famous aphorism is, “character determines destiny”. This is true. Your character will ultimately define your destiny. Yet, in these times, your character will not only create your own destiny, your destiny will become that of the neighborhood's, of the community's, of the school's. No matter your destiny, rise to meet it with honor and courage. Congratulations class of 2005, good fortunes on your journey. God speed. Namaste."
So I am back in the cities... if i didn't make that clear.
I think the interview went really well.
Probably hanging with Miss Ilanit today.
Becky let me know she is kind of seeing someone.
Jealousy is far worse than the truth, meaning I haven't had a bad reaction to that news yet. Maybe when I'm more lonely. Um I have to keep applying for jobs... remind me of that.
I'm not sure what else there is to say, that was me news.
I think the interview went really well.
Probably hanging with Miss Ilanit today.
Becky let me know she is kind of seeing someone.
Jealousy is far worse than the truth, meaning I haven't had a bad reaction to that news yet. Maybe when I'm more lonely. Um I have to keep applying for jobs... remind me of that.
I'm not sure what else there is to say, that was me news.
Monday, May 19, 2008
I'm going to an interview with the school I think might be a really good fit for me... in like 2 hours.. I was planning on leaving really early to make sure I got there on time... but now I am awake and don't really have all that much to do. I'm more excited than nervous, but my body cant tell the difference. I find that that bit of nervousness can get easily transferred to other things think and feel right now, and that is distracting and perhaps a little negative.
On face book there are now many graduates, at home, with nothing to do.
I don't know what to say to them. I am basically free after this interview until I find something else to do. So I spose hit me up. There are a lot of summer movies I want to see, so especially if you are excited about one of these big movies coming up.
I haven't sat down in a coffee shop in a while.
I haven't learned to relax yet apparently either.
On face book there are now many graduates, at home, with nothing to do.
I don't know what to say to them. I am basically free after this interview until I find something else to do. So I spose hit me up. There are a lot of summer movies I want to see, so especially if you are excited about one of these big movies coming up.
I haven't sat down in a coffee shop in a while.
I haven't learned to relax yet apparently either.
Friday, May 16, 2008
I keep pressing next on my itunes shuffle to find a song that fits my mood... and i like some of them... but they arent about this.
This is me being weird, but ok with it.
I took something like 400 pictures last night, and erased 135 this morning... the rest are eh.
I was overcome with beauty last night, and then got all types of overloaded, and then got all types of lonely, but not really lonely... just out of place.
I walked home under a beautiful moon, in a quiet dark blue town, and rapped angst to myself and enjoyed it.
Bullshitted with mike the rock so we could feel good about our choices, went to sleep and woke rejoicing. I dreamed of sinful things like excitement and attachment to someone new and different, while being eyed by those who wouldn't want me to be so freewheeling. It all took place in a mother's bed, and I felt like a child committing some secret crime. What was the crime?
I looked a woman I barely knew in the eye and made her smile. oh tragedy.
Speaking of which.
The past week or so I have been hearing all this strange gossip about this one girl. I have been hearing people's opinions, their dislike, their disdain. They are all "friends" of hers, but they really have no respect for her at all... and its sad. And I am more and more curious.
Sad.
to the last normal day of morris, probably end up at dons and make myself a larger mammal.
This is me being weird, but ok with it.
I took something like 400 pictures last night, and erased 135 this morning... the rest are eh.
I was overcome with beauty last night, and then got all types of overloaded, and then got all types of lonely, but not really lonely... just out of place.
I walked home under a beautiful moon, in a quiet dark blue town, and rapped angst to myself and enjoyed it.
Bullshitted with mike the rock so we could feel good about our choices, went to sleep and woke rejoicing. I dreamed of sinful things like excitement and attachment to someone new and different, while being eyed by those who wouldn't want me to be so freewheeling. It all took place in a mother's bed, and I felt like a child committing some secret crime. What was the crime?
I looked a woman I barely knew in the eye and made her smile. oh tragedy.
Speaking of which.
The past week or so I have been hearing all this strange gossip about this one girl. I have been hearing people's opinions, their dislike, their disdain. They are all "friends" of hers, but they really have no respect for her at all... and its sad. And I am more and more curious.
Sad.
to the last normal day of morris, probably end up at dons and make myself a larger mammal.
this is cool as shit.
In other news, Im 14 again.
Clarification asked for by two people on previous post. I was just saying I seem to not be responding to a lot of people on e mails and letters and things. While I was student teaching I was too busy to be a good friend all the time, but now i just seem to be lazy. I feel bad, but i havent done anything yet.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
I just had some of the weirdest interactions ever. I'm sort of glad I don't look to pick people up at bars... cuz jesus christ does it get weird quick.
You cant follow the same rules you do when someone isn't drunk.
Emotions spill like crazy, and they aren't the kind that can be easily tamed.
And also: I really dont understand guy culture.
Macho, jealous, insecure, and then play it off like you're cool, while steaming.
I get the feelings, I understand the self consciousness, I like the approach, but why are we bullshitting when we could just be straight with each other.
You cant follow the same rules you do when someone isn't drunk.
Emotions spill like crazy, and they aren't the kind that can be easily tamed.
And also: I really dont understand guy culture.
Macho, jealous, insecure, and then play it off like you're cool, while steaming.
I get the feelings, I understand the self consciousness, I like the approach, but why are we bullshitting when we could just be straight with each other.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
This is T-roy's kid, but some people were joking today that I might be pregnant... so thats what you get... a kid.
Dont ask me why I used this picture but one of the thoughts I had this weekend was that "When am I gonna find another love?" question...
Looking through pictures the last few days for school projects reminded me I have seen some sweet things and been to some amazing places... and that I should do that again some time because its beautiful.
If there was a 4th picture, it would be some sort of symbolic picture reminding me of someone who's picture would be taboo on here. I hate that sort of thing, I often want to put pictures of people up because I am thinking of them... and then I don't because what would it mean? what would I be saying? oh shit call the cops... I still obsess over the beautiful people I have loved...
Tomorrow I have presentation about how awesome I am as a teacher... its gonna suck. Hahaha
and before I go... (because clearly I am avoiding the necessary work)
I have been questioning how strongly I believe in my "no physical intimacy" rules a lot lately... not seriously question about anyone.. well rather questioning about everyone... because I realized the other day that it has been something like 20 months since I have even kissed anyone.
Word of warning to this post... extreme cheese writing (read bad rhyming).. like always... but just lettin you know.
Well its been a weekend, not sure what else to say.
Remind me to call this job tomorrow.
Tomorrow is also my presentation (last day of class) which I haven't finished working on yet.
There should be some sort of celebration after. Followed by a week of such.
Pretty soon I will return home, I'm sure I will think of Morris very fondly and of course the people here, but also I will be aware that I got what I came for and more. So it will be a fond parting... and then return to my room in my mom's house and become something else.
I'm thinking about how weird friendship is. I'm sure I am entering some new stage where friendship will not take its same form, and I worry, and I wonder, and I hope, and I move on because I have no choice... and I can hear it in their voices, and their eyes which look away too quickly, without pause and without anxiety, proving they haven't hidden anything away... just done with it all. Suggests I move on too, without said anxiety.
I feel sorry for the young ones, but am excited for them. Step up to your throne. Step up to receive the gift and horror of responsibility.
We step too with worried toes- testing the water, who first to swim?
We watch as those who have gone before us exhaust themselves treading and pleading for some plastic raft, a kick board, to make it all just a bit less harsh. How many years must I tread they ask? Or have you seen a better way?
Assured somewhere down the road that we will all be well.
Well I sadden at the loss of possibility, but to cling is to die, so lets give it a try.
You too with your cut and run, you too with your fly away, you too with your man, you too with the fiancée, you too with your bum, you too with the drugs, the fun, the flail and wail, the dedication to grass or suit or booze or cheer- far and fast to slow and near- to fulfill a need or breed some more, to anyone and everywhere and every dream that we could dare. I say damn straight we ready for it, dancing strong, fear in our eyes, see some holding close some cutting ties. and I's figurin we ain't doing nothing new, just walking forward with our untied shoes.
Unprepared, and loosely fittin, prepared to jump from the shoes in which this path is written. But my fortune cookie states it clear if you can get over the sappiness, an unexpected event will soon bring you some happiness.
Well its been a weekend, not sure what else to say.
Remind me to call this job tomorrow.
Tomorrow is also my presentation (last day of class) which I haven't finished working on yet.
There should be some sort of celebration after. Followed by a week of such.
Pretty soon I will return home, I'm sure I will think of Morris very fondly and of course the people here, but also I will be aware that I got what I came for and more. So it will be a fond parting... and then return to my room in my mom's house and become something else.
I'm thinking about how weird friendship is. I'm sure I am entering some new stage where friendship will not take its same form, and I worry, and I wonder, and I hope, and I move on because I have no choice... and I can hear it in their voices, and their eyes which look away too quickly, without pause and without anxiety, proving they haven't hidden anything away... just done with it all. Suggests I move on too, without said anxiety.
I feel sorry for the young ones, but am excited for them. Step up to your throne. Step up to receive the gift and horror of responsibility.
We step too with worried toes- testing the water, who first to swim?
We watch as those who have gone before us exhaust themselves treading and pleading for some plastic raft, a kick board, to make it all just a bit less harsh. How many years must I tread they ask? Or have you seen a better way?
Assured somewhere down the road that we will all be well.
Well I sadden at the loss of possibility, but to cling is to die, so lets give it a try.
You too with your cut and run, you too with your fly away, you too with your man, you too with the fiancée, you too with your bum, you too with the drugs, the fun, the flail and wail, the dedication to grass or suit or booze or cheer- far and fast to slow and near- to fulfill a need or breed some more, to anyone and everywhere and every dream that we could dare. I say damn straight we ready for it, dancing strong, fear in our eyes, see some holding close some cutting ties. and I's figurin we ain't doing nothing new, just walking forward with our untied shoes.
Unprepared, and loosely fittin, prepared to jump from the shoes in which this path is written. But my fortune cookie states it clear if you can get over the sappiness, an unexpected event will soon bring you some happiness.
Friday, May 09, 2008
I absolutely love it when a piece of music moves me. tears at me, makes me shed a few, makes me convulse, makes my heart pulse, makes my knees shake, makes my shoulders ache, urges me to participate, stretched bare to the invisible sky, asking God why, in my mind's eye, I could be so blessed to experience bliss, for just one moment like this, how my blood surges how my spirit urges to connect forever this way, so bound and so free, solitary yet connected to thee, with color and spirit, with energy movement with compassion and passion, unsure what is real, what is dream, and if this is true it would seem that I'm in love again and wishing this song would never end.
Laurel is a really good writer. I wish it were easier to break into the literature world because she could easily write a million best sellers.
I am supposed to be writing papers.
One of them is a philosophy of education. I was enjoying mine until I realized it was probably not what they were looking for. I'm considering starting over, at the same time I'm pretty sure it is written with my voice and isn't that what its supposed to be about?
I am also only half way through another paper.
It is 3:38. I am doubtful and my neck aches.
There are these jobs I should really apply for today (deadline today) but instead I will probably hang out with my friends. When I am complaining about not having a job, money, a means to an end. remind me that I was the one who chose coborn's runs and friends over preparedness.
And then slap me for doubting that it was the right thing to do.
I love you.
Thursday, May 08, 2008
I have found that the live version of the song "King Without a Crown" by Matisyahu (shown on video here) is a great way to wake up.
I have to finish some papers. You're amazing.
I have to finish some papers. You're amazing.
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
I often tell people that I accidentally use rhyme and alliteration. Moments ago I was reading a draft of a paper thats due tomorrow and I noticed I used the word "struggle" and followed with the word "juggle" in the next line, well actually i used juggling, which wouldnt be a true rhyme... but there are only 3-4 words that rhyme with struggle, and there is really no reason I would use the word juggle in a paper... i haven't yet. I'm fairly sure I did this without thinking.
Thats for your mom.
Thats for your mom.
It suddenly hit me that I dont know how to spell the slang word "fienin" or feining or fiening...
I wrote fiending which seems more legit... but that doesnt have anything to do with the word...
then I started wondering about the origin...
to fien means to crave... in slang
but thats not a real word, and the closest thing that the urban dictionary can come up with is a reference to people in ireland..
so then...
common usage would be something like "im seriously fiening for ------.." "Im fiening for ya" etc..
im "Feeling like" In "fittin to" none of these seem to match up right...
anyway thats what i was thinking about.
Paper due wednesday, 2 papers due thursday, 1 application and paper due by friday. 1 presentation on tuesday.
you enjoy yourselves.
I wrote fiending which seems more legit... but that doesnt have anything to do with the word...
then I started wondering about the origin...
to fien means to crave... in slang
but thats not a real word, and the closest thing that the urban dictionary can come up with is a reference to people in ireland..
so then...
common usage would be something like "im seriously fiening for ------.." "Im fiening for ya" etc..
im "Feeling like" In "fittin to" none of these seem to match up right...
anyway thats what i was thinking about.
Paper due wednesday, 2 papers due thursday, 1 application and paper due by friday. 1 presentation on tuesday.
you enjoy yourselves.
Saturday, May 03, 2008
Do you think the fact that tornado alley also makes up a significant part of the bible belt has any relation?
I imagine people who live in an area where everything they know and love could be taken in a minute would be much more likely to believe in some higher purpose, and believe not only that god exists but that god must have some sort of plan/demand.
I imagine people who live in an area where everything they know and love could be taken in a minute would be much more likely to believe in some higher purpose, and believe not only that god exists but that god must have some sort of plan/demand.
