Trying something new

try clicking the title for that music poem

(update apparently it wont let me automatically add music in the link unless I update my account to a pay account)

Word of warning to this post... extreme cheese writing (read bad rhyming).. like always... but just lettin you know.


Well its been a weekend, not sure what else to say.
Remind me to call this job tomorrow.
Tomorrow is also my presentation (last day of class) which I haven't finished working on yet.
There should be some sort of celebration after. Followed by a week of such.
Pretty soon I will return home, I'm sure I will think of Morris very fondly and of course the people here, but also I will be aware that I got what I came for and more. So it will be a fond parting... and then return to my room in my mom's house and become something else.

I'm thinking about how weird friendship is. I'm sure I am entering some new stage where friendship will not take its same form, and I worry, and I wonder, and I hope, and I move on because I have no choice... and I can hear it in their voices, and their eyes which look away too quickly, without pause and without anxiety, proving they haven't hidden anything away... just done with it all. Suggests I move on too, without said anxiety.
I feel sorry for the young ones, but am excited for them. Step up to your throne. Step up to receive the gift and horror of responsibility.

We step too with worried toes- testing the water, who first to swim?
We watch as those who have gone before us exhaust themselves treading and pleading for some plastic raft, a kick board, to make it all just a bit less harsh. How many years must I tread they ask? Or have you seen a better way?
Assured somewhere down the road that we will all be well.

Well I sadden at the loss of possibility, but to cling is to die, so lets give it a try.
You too with your cut and run, you too with your fly away, you too with your man, you too with the fiancée, you too with your bum, you too with the drugs, the fun, the flail and wail, the dedication to grass or suit or booze or cheer- far and fast to slow and near- to fulfill a need or breed some more, to anyone and everywhere and every dream that we could dare. I say damn straight we ready for it, dancing strong, fear in our eyes, see some holding close some cutting ties. and I's figurin we ain't doing nothing new, just walking forward with our untied shoes.
Unprepared, and loosely fittin, prepared to jump from the shoes in which this path is written. But my fortune cookie states it clear if you can get over the sappiness, an unexpected event will soon bring you some happiness.

I absolutely love it when a piece of music moves me. tears at me, makes me shed a few, makes me convulse, makes my heart pulse, makes my knees shake, makes my shoulders ache, urges me to participate, stretched bare to the invisible sky, asking God why, in my mind's eye, I could be so blessed to experience bliss, for just one moment like this, how my blood surges how my spirit urges to connect forever this way, so bound and so free, solitary yet connected to thee, with color and spirit, with energy movement with compassion and passion, unsure what is real, what is dream, and if this is true it would seem that I'm in love again and wishing this song would never end.

So what do we do, you and I my neglected friend?

Striving for some comfort from your madness,

It worries me you don’t call

What good am I without you after all?

I often tell people that I accidentally use rhyme and alliteration. Moments ago I was reading a draft of a paper thats due tomorrow and I noticed I used the word "struggle" and followed with the word "juggle" in the next line, well actually i used juggling, which wouldnt be a true rhyme... but there are only 3-4 words that rhyme with struggle, and there is really no reason I would use the word juggle in a paper... i haven't yet. I'm fairly sure I did this without thinking.
Thats for your mom.

The majority of the people who go to my poetry website are people who google "face slapping" which brings up a poem I wrote in the middle of the night because I couldn't sleep and was very angry with someone. Its technically a poem trying to justify my feelings of anger, at an individual but also at myself for the things I have done in my life.
It sort of bothers me that this "deviant" behavior is in many ways exactly what I was disturbed by, and the cause of my frustration. -if you aren't following, I am about 99% sure the people who google that are fetishists, which doesnt bother me, but I have always tried to keep an open mind to what people enjoy.
The problem in this case is that it does actually bother me when people hurt each other... and its hard to come to terms with the reality that some people enjoy that kind of treatment (both being on the giving and receiving end) and at the same time knowing that many of these relationships are really unhealthy.
Its sort of the double edge... how is something that is supposed to be good and ok -like sex and trust and sharing, also something that can be horribly abusive... cuz thats the nature of the beast right?

I dunno.... this isn't very coherent... I guess I just wanted to say something about it because it weirds me out a little... -not the people, but the idea that i was writing about how horrifying stuff like that is, and then people are finding it while trying to enjoy themselves... i guess.