I guess it's been a week - I didn't realize it had been so long since I wrote. Its already May 6th.
Last Friday I took the day off and went to two protests. The first was at a bridge downtown and some young activists stopped traffic and got arrested. It took the cops a surprisingly long time to get there -like over 30 minute? then another 15 to arrest them. All the while we stood singing songs and waving our posters on the other side of the bridge -where traffic was allowed to leave downtown. I imagined the truck union drivers that did it in the 30s or whatever... how easy it was to stop the entry/exit points of the city.
After that I walked around the north loop a little. I haven't really been down there in years. It was really cool and I kind of missed city life. There is a big difference between St. Anthony Park and the north loop... but really, it would have been at least back to Dunn Bros time and before that When I and L lived down there. Its crazy how you can just not go to a neighborhood or an area of the city even when you live in it.
Speaking of which, I have been investigating the St. Anthony Park neighborhood a bit more when it is warm out. Its a really cool area, old houses, not a lot of uniformity, liberal, art, gardens, anti ice signs everywhere. I wanna keep checking it out, but another part of me is considering moving -especially if I don't get to stay in my office (a bunch of drama in itself).
Last Thursday I went to an open house/happy hour thing on the 2nd floor and met people, and socialized and it was really nice. It was like we were all waiting for someone else to make it happen and then they did and it was nice. I emailed the owner of the building on Friday and said I'd like to renew... he said he'd get back to me -despite the deadline for renewal being in mid -may. Anyway... now I feel like I am not welcome, so I might as well start looking for a new space for November... and maybe a new apartment too.
In the meantime, I decided I am going to NYC in August for a week. J said I could stay at her place which cuts down a lot on costs... I know my mom offered a trip, but I'd prefer to go to Mexico City with her... Maybe next year?
Her birthday is coming up.
My Dad just had his. Leading up to it was all sorts of mixed feelings, but on the day before the party we went for a walk and I told him I didn't really see anything changing... so I probably wouldnt be there. I added to his gift, told him I'd take him out for a dinner. Aunt T reached out and said she missed me, and that she was upset by her brothers and their politics... I said it was better for me to not be there.
Instead of the birthday party (the last for a while thank the loid)... I went to the May Day Parade and loved every bit of it. Ran into KT, gotta reach out to her again. Saw some other folks, but didn't really talk to anyone. Sat for hours in the sun people watching, praying, taking in the positive vibes and saying thank you. Then the ceremony started, I cried my eyes out, sang, praised, hugged the guy next to me... It was sooooo beautiful and so great, and it made me want to move to powderhorn -or north east more likely... but just the vibes of minneapolis.
I did have some moments wondering why I am all alone in a crowd of amazing people...but I also had some moments in which I felt grateful I was so that I could have my own experience and not be worried about someone else, or catering to them. It was soooo lovely, and part of me just wants to promise myself that I will always make room for it. A promise to myself that I get to celebrate this beautiful thing you know...
I made the decision RE: NYC and for a while after skipping my dad's thing, doing the May Day parade and generally feeling like I was being true to myself -I felt empowered, optimistic, really like-seize the day emperor energy.
Then this week has just felt all over the place with work. Really exhausting... crisis, revelation, family drama, celebration, surgeries and potential hospitalizations, insight, and on and on... some of it is the same old drama, some of it is like -everyone who is sensitive is extra sensitive, everyone who doesn't feel like they belong feels extra like they don't belong. Parts of me see so many parts of me.... and I am just like yeah... its hard, but I am also somehow optimistic still?
Two more days, but it has felt like a week already. At lunch time I see my neighbor people and I cant even think about socializing. Generally I am feeling caught up, but I am also feeling very drained.
I need to claim what I want... I don't really know how to meet someone, the rest is easy enough. Pack up your stuff and go.
