its a weird night

I should have gone out I did and returned early solo driving states and cities of madness passing by, "ya got lots of possibilities!" the thought that echoes through my head and to convince you even more representations of monetary units fly across kitchen tables several feet away. Morning promises the gray "did ye not know that son?" Figs and dates wrapped up in would be leather pouches and sold for pennies "you can get anything in this country for like a dollar man, its amazing." Sometimes i want to cry and dont know why.
In conclusion you balance the budget like so.
Split
slit and slash
pull the curtains back,
ask for the time of day then just hit play

and the world just keeps spinning...

"I must have read a thousand faces"

weird to talk to a grandmother about her recently deceased daughter and troubled grandchildren.

I have to go to work.

I just returned from probably what has easily been one of the best road trips ever. I had a wonderful time, despite constantly feeling weird and gross, but all of that is for later, then i got home and found out i got into morris, and thats cool, then i checked my mail and found out around the time i was driving through michigan a friend of mines mom went to the hospital, and around the time pete was driving through wisconsin she died.

Its weird how no words convey anything when faced with that.
We were reduced to simple "hello and bye" and i dont know what to do, i been thinking bout this girl all week and even praying for her, which is something i rarely do on a individual basis, but now what?

I had like the fourth friend this month tell me yesterday i leave town too much, and on that note Were goin to montreal!

road trips galore. So if ur trying to reach me or pete or amy a in the next few days u might want to try by means of contacting gabs. or petes cell phone which may still be working.

Also um "your balls are showing" ~ ace ventura 2

Ok well i guess thats it no great works of genious coming out of this mind today, ryan have a nice flight. Everyone else take care of yourself and someone else. peace and love from the T to the A to the double F y? cuz we flow like rivers, currents, streams of time, motionless motion until the cup overflows and spills the ills that have befallen the world, remember in "liberation," no need for your flag to unfurl. ---- thanks to the brit parliament for that one good looking out.

For everyone's info my hard lemonade tastes like lemonade with alcohol in it. Go figure eh?
peace and love from sober cab mike and steve my bald headed brother.

"March 9 – A employee of Half-Price Books, 5017 Excelsior Blvd., was taking unsold material out to the dumpster behind the building when he saw a male in his mid-20s rummaging around inside. When the employee told the man to get out of the dumpster the man jumped out, punched the employee in the face and drove off. " ~ from the sun

commentary by Tim (used without permission, sorry)

Mike,
I am positive that March 9 was the day I was in their dumpster and the guy
told me I could not be there. We talked for a while about why, I walked
away, waited until he left, grabbed my last box of books, and left. Was
that paragraph in the Sun? I hope it is made up, cause dumpsters divers are
being given a bad name, and cause no one (with a few exceptions) deserves a
punch in the face : )
Peace (as people think only of themselves),
Tim

Check out my band's website at:
www.mp3.com/youandthesound

"Approximately 6,000 people [actually approximately 3,000] perished in the
September 11th attacks. Our nation reels from that despicable brutality. But
those who died from the attacks on that tragic day were not alone. On
September 11th, 35,000 children worldwide died of hunger. A similar number
of children died on September 12th, and again on the 13th, and on every
single day since then. Meanwhile, we in the U.S. feed 80% of our grain
harvest to livestock so that a people whose cholesterol levels are too high
can have cheap meat."
- John Robbins


Thats tim's signiture
anyway i found this all amusing so why not show u what the world has come to. Also it shows the extreme bias of the media. Word up yo

"Wide pain in the blue white break up
All paths divide
Life has a way of opening up" ~Jf

A few years ago i went a trip with several friends and several soon to be friends and it was a jolly good time, though i was very sad the whole time. This is where you hear stories of long island ice teas and mrs lane being insane but in a pleasant way.
The intoxication caused by lemoncello "its a cultural thing"

Why be sad amongst so much fun, so much joy, so much history culture and beauty?
I had a crush. or rather 5 yep and thats that story, cuz u know me. Why do I say this, cuz im listening to that cd, oh memories.

"round 2, Fight!"
Last night I had a dream or rather several but I only remember one real well.

"We were somewhere around Barstow, on the edge of the desert, when the drugs began to take hold."

but anyway my family and I (mi madres side no tengo un papa en el dream)
the four of us traveling through southern Iraq to get to god knows where but it was just a pass through country on a grander road trip, and yes we knew the inherent danger in our mission but Iraq was too beautiful to miss so we drove up to the border guard station (which looked like a truck stop only with a gate to let people in) where I realized i had forgotten my passport, (the plot thickens) i told my mom and she seemed unconcerned. Im not quite sure if we were using american passports or not. Anyway they let us through and we were driving along in our land rover and there was war and destruction all over but it wasnt concerning us we were more interested in the good views of the river valleys (where western civilization started, which i as a nerd, even in my dreams had to point out) but anyway then we got stopped by a tank or something and they were mean and i woke up.

I have to say the video of johnny cash doing "hurt" (NIN) is pretty fuckin sweet up there in my top videos

u should check it out

I been real shite at posting lately

not much to say i guess, Godspeed you black emperor at first ave was pretty sweet, thanks to tim and kristen for that, though i think yall would agree it was way too crowded.

and um dont watch fox news cuz they suck
and um if u pray, pray for the peoples of the world tonight cuz we need it. peace and love Taff

cats at petes on friday. one night only sounds like before we exit for montreal

rockin the tiny little socks that barely cover ur feet
"and it feels like summer everyday im with you" ~Noah

i been fucking with shit randomly so if shit is scrwy its my fault

I just wrote this big political rant hating on our current state but uh u all know how i feel.
Sorry I havent posted in a while, college shit, trips, work, crazy uplift mofo party plan
u know shit.

I had a sweet time in Boulder chillin with my homie, seeing joey and stopping by grinnell is always a treat
nova is kicken it workin her ass off in mexico right now. Now im back and i feel like a slug, cuz i aint done shit and i apparently dont have to work until i get back from montreal so watching that money. Anyone do either peace events yesterday?

the original poem from petes library

The Next Chapter

Flinging off responses so candidly
Emotions like blood spill from the flood
A retrospective, introspective
search seek and deny
My flights aren’t good enough, so why am I?
I speak upon the journey of two fortnights past
and I pass it away
Pass over it in conversation.
They tell me to write about it, as if it were the pivotal moment in this man’s life,
but for me just a flight,
more comfy than papers, math books and college applications, examinations of who I am.
I’ll take them on my own time, in foreign lands, thank you.
Soul Searching
My natural rhythm
Enlightenment my natural drive.
Rejection my fear,

Decades making this transition
This trip, my last attempt at an intermission
Before life in their eyes,
becomes mine.

Ryan's blog on the side.

I'm disheartened by the amount of comments he gets. Oh well I feel like a poodle in need of a bath. Dont ask me why.

that post from grinnell wasnt about a person by the way. I just felt like i was on drugs which is always a fun time to write.
More later this post is about the link...

Kristen i will probabaly not be back by friday so if ur goin to pleasure pause have fun and um also brendan is invited to tims right cuz he will probably be back in town and i may be giving him a ride home.

Also i am at petes place in boulder and its pretty pete style as in comfy dirty fun yeah were already into the gossip and everythings like old times. This applicaton to college thing is really getting on my nerves i dont know why. Last night i felt awkward all night i wonder why? novas mad cool.

4 books referred to in an open argument (its just what came to mind)

Common states of interest, possibly just a formality, no prerequisites in my book to have a good time, unless you perpetrate that most unholy crime.
Nova says I should look at my website for inspiration, funny to look at past adventures when having one. We flew in formation today, the two of them and I quick bonds made and lost on a trip across time. I dream of staying up all night having wonderful chats tonight. Wouldn't even have to be with her or her or her maybe you though, what you up to? Must you work so hard and communicate so awfully, much like myself I must regretfully add. Two different styles and we both come to the same sad outcome. Wouldn't it be wonderful though, lets start off with that same old line truth be told I never met you before tonight but in my dreams we can last much longer though I'm lost and gone forever en la manana. And my stomach hurts but it feels good to have this sort of energy, this calm nervousness of possibility. You inspire me you world you lovely energy you excitement and adventure you chats on war and politics and sex and secrets revealed. I've never sat at a table with so many lesbians, one or two but oh you. So did you wake up this morning and say "lets inspire him" or do u do it naturally? Are you so beautiful? Oh I think you are right now I feel it. I could never come here again and feel so____right. Tonight will end oh why you? Would you leave us so un- fed? why must you always push me away you? I'm sick of spiting you, inviting you back, I wish we were all together, me you and you and her and him but not her unless oh we must, her too, but you must inspire her or she will bring us all down.

You pimp you pusher, you've got me hooked. I cant believe you could be so openly cruel. Don't slap, you, you selfish and insecure oh why do i become so disgruntled with out you?

There should be more but i got distracted so no more for you

In other news, due to budget cuts transcripts now cost $5 instead of the already pricey $1, and they wont give ya any of the info you need when u go in to get info. Gotta love high school kristen and tim if i dont get into morris im sorry maybe spring, next time i will be better prepared, but my application will be holy. oh yeah i got to use holy. also kristen if u read this and happen to go to school this week and see jeremy maybe u can ask him about recomendations cuz i couldnt find the brother today. Also i have less cash in my account then i thought previously. Maybe it was the tires, and now i get to spend even more on gas. Looks like a budget week for me. Well adios sorry for the compaints peace and love Taff

Going to Boulder CO with a stop in grinnell maybe even des moines. Im goin it alone cuz a couple of my friends dropped out last min but this is the time, so i gots to go yo. Hopefully everything will be fine and the worst that will happen is i get a little bored on the road, but if not yall got my love spread it around as much as you can. Shit works out for the best. Peace and love Yo

I took my little brother down in a quick brotherly fight today. (I suppose this "brotherly fight" thing is something I totally take for granted having 2 tougher than I brothers. but that can be a different post)

No real reason why I did it, he was talking shit to me and my older brother which he usually does, but all of a sudden it was time, and so I did. Now I have never lost a fight to Steve but we also haven't fought in years and he has grown a good amount. So although I usually claim I can still take him down, I was actually quite surprised. As im sure all of you are if you have ever seen the two of us.

Now im not bragging here I wanted to say this for the peculiar pride adjustments I saw afterwards. Also I'd like to state that Steve was at a slight handicap since he worked out really hard last night and was pretty sore today, I knew this going into the fight and took full advantage of it. Also my fighting style tends to be (if I have one) just keep the guy unable to hurt you, which means the kind of holds and such that keep a person disabled. So not like we were hurting each other or anything. Also he gave up much quicker than I thought he would and if he would have continued for say another 5 mins I would have been out of whatever strength I have.

And now for the pride__ immediately after the fight (which took place in front of several family members, Steve's favorite shit talking time) I could tell his pride was a hurtin. He didn't want help getting up from anyone, and he didn't even want to really get a ride home (to my moms house) from me, but I wasn't like rubbing it in or anything so he did come with me, and then he didn't talk. Not that we always talk or anything but he will usually say something, but not a word this time. Now this may not be because of the little fight we had, but it seemed kind of weird.
And now me, now I was trying to fight it off, but I don't know if that worked a whole lot cuz I really don't think of myself as a physical person and I wasn't really expecting to win that fight, so the fact that I did kind of made me feel big I guess. I think its really weird how things like that happen. My brothers have been asking about climbing Mount Kilimanjaro when they go to Tanzania in the early summer. My Mom and I don't think its a good idea, having been there and seen it and such, but they are both very eager and the fact that my Mom and I tell them no just makes them want to do it more. I have been trying to reason with them cuz basically I know they could do it but I don't think they should at least on this trip. They are staking their manhood on it I believe I think that's pretty stupid, but after having just beaten Steve in a lil fight, I guess a guys got to do what he's got to do.

"i want you near, the way i am" ~ jf

im a junkie also i forgot the one song kristen asked me for on the cd i was supposed to make her like 2 yrs ago or something.

Also i have been saving this e mail from this guy i met on my trip, whom i thought would never end up sending me anything cuz i dont know he was mad cool and i figured he just wouldnt get around to it, and the other day i open my e mail and there is a letter from him and its like incredibly flattering and he completely didnt have to send this to me and im still just blown away (were working on incredibly long run on sentences) but anyway thats like great and stuff i mean makes me big headed but very nice of him and i just dont have a clue what im gonna write back, so yeah, actually i havent been good at writing anyone back lately, i got like 6 people who's e mails im just saving to write them back later with or something. (long enough? of course its not grammatically correct or anything)

Morris

well im probably gonna go there next year isnt that enough? Na i had a wonderful time chillin with my homies seeing andy and ashley was excellent cuz its been months. I dont know but it pretty much ended up being exactly what i expected so thats cool. Actually i got really nervous going into one their classes (at first) but then it ended up being fine, i dont know if today was like the easy classes but i could totally handle the ones i saw. I dont know about tims mad philosphy 4000 (didnt go, but sounded, in depth) maybe in a few years. Also tim and kristen first off thanks for having us, second if i do end up being in one of your classes and talking my ass off just slap me it works.

I just got back from what will most likely be at least one of my future colleges, but more on that in a sec, are u outside? its mad beautiful tonight, light snow fall lit up sky, the kind of night where u can write warm poetry cuz the world is your friend. The kind of night I loved coming out to when i snuck out of my only girl friends house at 5 am on several occasions (dude i totally just fell asleep) the kind of night where if you have just had a long conversation with a anyone, a stranger a loved one, whether it was good or bad u know the world will be ok cuz its lovely out. These nights fuel dreams of love, of being loved. This is the reason for snow and cities, only to light up the sky with love on winter nights. Inspiration and i aint got nothing to say except its good to be alive.

"Because we love to, and I will again."

Off to morris maybe get my learn on and such. That sneakiness in your tires is supposed to be there, its like your ping rating for yu nerds out there, but i got cable access now so u best be watching ur asses.

"You and I we gotta get back to love, spend our days chatting away as if the world were in perfect existence, cuz isn't it?"

"its disrespectful
your grimace
your shadowing away."

"Locked into a time of decadence
dispute the candles
refuse their glow."

"She with the shame of the tales we've told,
forgotten, or not
her mold broken, still she lays so frail."

"If you were the razors edge, how forceful would you be in your living life, gleefully slicing, or careful of those whom gave you meaning."

"Ever evading the games of chance, who missed out,
you and the ones around you."

"In purpose alone, we've done it on purpose."

"Art shots,
I want to live sporadically, at least today."

"Formless you treasonous imbecile
you sell the skins of those closest to you,
tortured are those organs."

"she's old, what's it mean?
plans of dog kennels, bird houses, tool sheds, gardens,

unplanted."

"This old man has a foul old mouth,
the beauty of elderly rebellion."

"Taking on the necessity of change-of modernization
your grandchildren's play grounds
strung up on the top floor of buildings, 14 floor elevator to the top,
I'd play tag, but it seems like a long way up."

"Porcupines rebellion
splitting souls with pine needles
you ever seen the signs of relief playing POW with your nervousness?"

"See her embedded in her robes like a stone in the floor, she sips on a latte."

"And you young man when did you grow up?
throw off mittens, colorful hats and baseball bats,
If ask now it will be on a sort of account."

"3 sit there without any care, who'd kick you out? You've already been there."

"who's place is it to worry bout you? If you push us away what the fuck we spose to do?"


Shit from boredom at target, waiting for my new tires I think im gonna start writing this shit everyday just as something to do, maybe more writing will help me improve. hope u can bare it.

Hey legal adults (18+) pleasure pause at the cabooze, friday the 14th 8 pm, i dont think i can go but i would if i could and if ur interested i have a couple of these sweet little flyers they are handing out, so contact me.

You ever do something you like have to do (but u dont really want to cuz its gonna be rough, and possibly painful) but u have to do it, so u do cuz nothing in the world feels right until u do it, but then when its done, and u feel better, u still feel like shit. Cuz its possible that the thing u did may not work out for the better of how u want ur life to be, (your relationship, your job, your whatever) so basically ur sitting there half crying and wondering if maybe u didnt really have to do it, (cuz it couldnt have possibly been that much worse then the feeling now and u could have taken it) but still u know u did have to do it.

I fucken very much dislike that.

There's some bad energy staying with me and I don't know how to get rid of it. But it showed up yesterday while I was with some friends and all of a sudden I just felt like maybe I hated everyone, and I was just fooling myself. I don't think that's right, but this weird feeling is about the size of a grape fruit and its chilling and I don't know what to do with it. I believe it is like all the extra shit, tiny bits and pieces of things dealt with years ago, and small things that just flew over the defenses like germs riding the sneeze, built up and compacted, and since it got through all my defenses I don't know what to do with it. Just don't want to be mean to people, not when im having such nice days. Peace and love yo.

ok like 3 or 4 things, just for the sake of telling them, and i will start off with the one that deals with the shit im about to do.

So since i got back i obviously have no new amazing exciting things to tell, because well, park may be a happening place but thats like once a year, and im usually not invited, so my ramblings online will increase to be boring shit, that has no point and sounds like well, what its been sounding like. This pisses me off in one sense because i am a nerd and read other "blogs" and go "fuck why cant i write like them, have interesting posts shit people might actually care about?" and i would if i thought it were possible, but at the same time sometimes i like saying what i actually did that day cuz then maybe in like 4 years i can look back and see "i hung out with some cats tonight" and i can then think back to the good times before i became sad and lonely. Still wouldnt it be wonderful if all this shit were mad interesting, insightful, spectacular or at the very least slightly entertaining, but i have lost all that by the time i sit down to the screen no excitement to write some shit for yours and my eyes. And I know ive said all this shit before, but now im actually thinking maybe i will just stop posting for a while and only write shit when i have something to say, neglect the journal aspect and concentrate on proper blogging like a true fucker. Maybe we shall see what happens,

Until then I hung out with some cats tonight. Now I have something to say on this for once, and its something that i think i dont really like but it happens enough i ought to say something. So its not like im thinking this consciously, not like i plan it out before hand, but always by the end of the night that subconscious thought fucks up my night. Usually it also only happens with girls, or people i really respect, or want to know better. and now ur wondering what the fuck mike? um so i dont even know, i be chilling with someone, and i dont know exactly what it is i secretly want, whether its one of those long amazing nights of just chatting or if its like some adventure or if its like sex, or what (probably just female energy in most cases) but towards the end of the night when it hasnt happened i just get this sad feeling. Like the night and life arent all they could be. Like life got me hooked on something and then with held it. Fuckin addict. so like its 2 AM and i just hung out with several people whom i seriously love but im like sad too, like it was great while it lasted but fuck man. (I sound like "known alcoholic boy" talking about alcohol) "you cant just give me one beer fuck you!"
This all runs into all the spiritual shit i read about how u should be complete before u like hook up with others so u dont fuck each other over, but thats fuckin rough man, "i aint never been a whole person and i dont know that i ever will be, but i feel fucking good when im with these people so i want to be with these people"
Also this makes me feel guilty because there has been a number of times where im absolutely having a great time and i ditch the people im with because i suddenly get weird, suddenly get tired, suddenly think of something i should (but dont have to) do. Not that in any of these cases im not having a good time, i had a great time tonight and thats why i dont like this feeling, cuz why should i feel sad when i just got to hang out with some of my fav cats?
I think thats it on that subject for now.

next thing, it really makes me feel good to know that even though my brother and his friends pick on one of their friends and dont seem to have any respect for him, it doesnt mean they arent mad concerned when he does something (like gets in trouble). thats pretty much it for that one.

fourth and final thing i believe.

some time ago, i had a friend, then me and this friend had a falling out and it was both our faults (if u can even say that, i mean it was mutual stupidity in my eyes but maybe it was meant to be that way) however at the time although i would easily admit i was to blame for a lot of shit, in most of the conversations i probably over blamed this friend and under blamed myself, part of this was because i was trying to get this friend to see the error of their ways but also because i was being selfish and arrogant. After a while i started seeing that i was a complete dick and tried to make amends or at least stop talking about it however half my friends still hang out or at least know this person, so they come up in conversation and now i keep feeling like shit all the time cuz sometimes i still get carried away and i really really dont want to, however a side of me does. so one a friend of the former friend brings something up i will say "u shouldnt tell me this." and they will say "yeah i shouldnt" and then stop cuz they know. however sometimes we get into it anyway, later on or something and although i can logically put it all behind me and act fine about it, it still either makes me feel guilty as shit (as is my nature for such things) or gets me all pissed off about old shit that i can, once again logically put behind me. So what the fuck should i do? yall have these occurrences in your lives? that one big mistake that shouldnt have been a mistake but was all your fault cuz u got carried away and shouldnt have, and it just never leaves ya alone. ???? all my friends will tell me "it wasnt all your fault." and i know that, but the part that gets to me is the fact that the part that was my fault is still being my fault. still going on with or without my authorization. A mind of its on hopping in and out of the picture whenever it feels like it.


Mike u have no authority, to do anything, what u call authority is arrogance. I gotta stop this talking to myself and being arrogant thing.