This week is very busy, if ur out there, we plan on being in madison on friday staying at a motel 6 but only 4 or 5 of us. We hope to see you.

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i have two tests this week and they will be rough cuz i suck at school, is it warm in here or is it the fact i got an hour of sleep? The first time to go to my first class in more then a week. Should be fun, guilt trips, nervous grins as if to say "its ok to fuck with me im harder and more secure then that."

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"why cant you see that you are my child?
why dont you know that you are my mind?
tell every one in the world that Im you
take this promise to the end of you"

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The winter is coming and we have no shelter except plastic overcoats and they have flaws like broken zippers and they seem so much like life sometimes.

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If any of this seems depressing im sorry, im not really depressed yet, i get made quite happy as the day goes on. I do need to vent. remind me to go to class in ten.

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a word to myself
Its funny how tightly we hold on to these egos, these "securities" so desperate, clinging to them. Dont you know you have nothing and its ok? let go, fall, they wont hurt you and so what if they do?
Spirit moves through all things.

We have trouble waking up, morning less glorious when you've already witnessed the sunrise holding tightly round the waist, this last taste completing the evening and wrapped gloriously about the head so that when wakers come they must ridicule, sad and shameful living life like dreams, glimmers in the eyes and half smiles show their jealousy.

(system of a down lyrics)
Round, Round,

Circumventing circuses,
Lamenting in protest,
To visible police,
Presence sponsored fear,

Battalions of riot police,
With rubber bullet kisses,
Baton courtesy,
Service with a smile

Beyond the Staples Center you can see America,
With its tired, poor, avenging disgrace,
Peaceful, loving youth against the brutality,
Of plastic existence.

Pushing little children,
With their fully automatics,
They like to push the weak around,
Pushing little children,
With their fully automatics,
They like to push the weak around.

Round, Round,

A rush of words,
Pleading to disperse,
Upon your naked walls, alive,
A political call,
The fall guy accord,
We can't afford to be neutral on a moving train,

Beyond the Staples Center you can see America,
With its tired, poor, avenging disgrace,
Peaceful, loving youth against the brutality,
Of plastic existence.

Pushing little children,
With their fully automatics,
They like to push the weak around,
Pushing little children,
With their fully automatics,
They like to push the weak around.

Push them around,
A deer dance, invitation to peace,
War staring you in the face, dressed in black.
With a helmet, fierce,
Trained and appropriate for the malcontents,
For the disproportioned malcontents,
The little boy smiled, it'll all be well,
The little boy smiled it'll all be well,

Pushing little children,
With their fully automatics,
They like to push the weak around,
Pushing little children,
With their fully automatics,
They like to push the weak around.
Pushing little children,
With their fully automatics,
They like to push the weak around,
Push the weak around,
Push the weak around,
Push the weak around,
They like to push the weak around.

I woke up after an hour and a half of sleep, my body telling me the night has just begun. My cousin got married today. My favorite female cousin. She happens to be the hottest cousin I have as well, but shes incredibly nice and smart and funny to boot and if i were a bit older I would wish she wasnt my cousin. Doesnt that sound sick? Anyway her boy Tim is a lot like her and really funny and apparently they have been friends/ together for a long time and it was just an amazing wedding, and incredibly beautiful and i was very happy for them. (almost even cried) I guess I was most taken just by the way they joked and smiled and talked eachother through it, completely in love, like real love like better than fairytale love cuz they really know eachother. it was a beautiful service too, and one of my uncles performed it. I have to say the rest of the wedding, the venue, the atmosphere, were just complete shite. I mean i like my family now and it was nice seeing them, and we seemed pretty functional and all, but like i guess the rest just didnts seem to fit right. I could imagine this couple getting married in comfy sweatshits and old jeans, understanding that it didnt matter, and yet they got this big old hall (which is beautiful) but it doesnt work for the amount of people, and the amount of people doesnt work either. Half of them didnt seem to fit, they werent immediate family, or friends of the couple, they were the ones invited by his dad who didnt care to pay the bill for em. I dunno i guess i just thought the atmosphere could have better suited them, despite the fact that the venue and all the flowers and fancy clothes were like fantabulous, they just seemed too overdone, and though it was obvious someone put a lot of thought into it, it didnt seem like the same love that the wedding service and the couple had was put into it. thats all.


oh yeah i want to get married. I want to have a family and kids. I want to be in love like that.

I forgot to put becky's jokes down, so when someone says "so..." u say "buttons" and when they say "well..." u say "thats a deep dark hole."
fun stuff, i didnt think so at first but it grew on me. Now i try to get her to say it and she wont.


so anyway, i dont think i will get dreads, i just cant do it. Maybe braids for a long while, but i cannae commit to dreads.

i sot of suck at school, no big deal. I suck at life too. I couldnae find the time to call chris and aimee this weekend. Like when i do it i wanna have some time to talk and i never know when im gonna have that so it sucks.

I think its better when they just interrupt me give me a wake up call.

Ok im pretty sure were gonna go to madison.

i suck at updating here.

hmmm we just tried to watch the ring in a barn with the lights out and it was pretty freaky cuz im afraid of the dark, but eh. it worked for awhile but the battery went out on the comp. becky tried to make me walk next to the horses in the dark. i like horses, i think they're amazing and beautiful and like incredible and all, but i am very in awe of their power and their portential to hurt things, and thus im slightly afraid of them, especially in the dark.

So i spent monday with elizabeth an gabs and that so wonderful. so very wonderful. just nice to see them smile, and then me and elizabeth went for a half assed adventure and thats always sweet with her.

hmm steve and his friend angelo came up for a few days. seemed to have a decent time, everyone liked having them around, and steve seems to have developed the family trait of analyzing people. They wrote notes to everyone they met, and packed up all their shit with out waking me. I felt bad for not saying goodbye, i apparently waved them off while sleeping. I had very little sleep.

Russ left for the services today, i felt really bad for not being awake to say goodbye. Hes a pretty great guy. fun to talk to. back in march i spose. It will be a different time. Hope hes ok, has a great adventure and meets lots of wonderful cats in the middle east.


hmm becky's jokes,

i should get some new jokes

maybe write some poetry
do my homework



i'll write again later

dance the night away
(its a song, dont worry about it)

anyway

and then there was a gathering in grinnell, twas a mass of partying peoples, good times, nova got drunk and tried to tell me i shouldnt refer to only penis and vagina sex as sex even though i only refer to it that way when talking about traditional heterosexual couples. She said i was wrong, made a good point about using these terms to make people feel more comfortable but i still disagree. plus she was drunk and needed melissa to help make her points, which was fine, cuz i love melissa. for some reason i wasnt expecting her to be there, but it was an incredibly nice suprise. Im a weirdo. Her and joel are wonderful together and it makes me quite happy. Um jake seemed to enjoy himself and got along swell with the other cats. sarah came down to see matt which was sweet. I dunno it was like a couple fest.

so then there was also a concert. Much work, much delay, much irritation, a bit of good music. As i told the band, i wouldnt say it was their greatest show. (were talking about; it was just for you, that light show) But they played well and i thought they were better then the band they opened for. though everyone was quick to tell me the band has better music then they played. I guess the crowd reaction was ok. but not wonderful. Homans was all about being a drunken monkey with his pals and it kicked up the energy level a good notch or two. hmm i guess i just didnt think the band had the energy needed to rock out hardcore. They were sweet but not amazing. Jake and I agreed the sound system didnt do them justice either. It was loud but killed all the intricate shit.

and then there was a party. Oh yeah so it was grinnell's biggest bash of the year thing. which is pretty damn big for only having 1300 kids. but its all cuz these fuckers have no adults around telling them no. Its all run by them for them and its amazing. I mean the kids step up to the plate, and then reward themselves like a motha fucka. free Kegs on campus without much guard. pot all smoked up in the buildings and yet its pretty safe and pretty harmless. and the party goes smooth with a bit of flare and then kids pass out or hook up and i stumble upon them at 4 am and giggle at their panting and moaning. (cuz i find that sort of thing quite cute)

um i dunno. everything was pretty smooth.

Gabs is home so i should be seeing her manana, and then back to morris on tuesday. maybe see natasha and get my pics.
sort of missing someone, wondering what they doing.

Sorry i have nae been doing a good job of updating for ye, tis a sorry ass mate ye got.

But i figured i should hook u up with the details of my life before it gets to wld and crazy. (yeah right)

Hmm morris is a several horse town. We have a pomida, a willy's a coborns. We go to them cuz there is no where else and we have nothing to do except grocery shop. Our softball team is playing the best team in the league tonight and we will probably lose and get dropped from the tournament. that will be sad cuz these mofos practice like monkeys.

My motha got back from greece yesterday and said she had a great time. Sort of made me want to go. i told her its on my list. hmm I dont really know what the future holds, i care not (most of the time) let it come we can dance together.

This weekend is fall break for morris. My roommate is spending it here, alone. Im going to Iowa to see it was just for you that light show at grinnell. A bunch of my homies together in a room. Should be good times. when i get back i get to hang with chris and gabs. This weekend will be a good weekend me thinks. then i have a spanish test on wednesday. but thats cool. whateva i gotta git to class then. peace and love taff

Im a little worried i been a bit self destructive, im a little worried the next week will be shite, im a little moody.


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this girl had a reacurring problem come up again last night so people were giving her advice. I felt like mine wouldnt matter up against the crowd shouting blood. I imagine the first time there was someone there who felt the same way and the course of events has unfolded to be the same.

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They were right the jazz around here is pretty sweet. I think i'll go again tonight, can anybody guess why?

(Mike needs to work some shit out.)

I need a new perspective.