If you ever find yourself in the position of being me, and or in the position of finding everyone beautiful when u are in a good mood, most definitely brush your teeth before you leave the house, because you will find it impossible not to smile at every girl you see.

But sometimes its good that you are leaving the country in a week. Also musical ques or something "ramble on" ~zep was playing in the car, and "visit" ~311 playing here, I know u are unfamiliar so the chorus "Visit!
I wanna visit the world.
So now I visit the world.
With my time on this world."

Oh yeah its so nice more tres once "sunshines!! are you outside?"

give me some feedback yall i need to hear your voices see your words, feel the vibes, know you're alive, chill, love, and thrive.

hmmm (mike debates whether to post this or not, decides it is his life too)

So I just talked to Nicole (the exfriend/girlfriend) online for like 20 mins or something, that was interesting first of all cuz she IMed me which makes me feel a whole lot better about myself, and also cuz well I haven't talked to her in like 4 months or something, and it wasn't that awkward (at least for me) so yeah. Now I have a bunch of personal thoughts that I can't share cuz she asked me not to or something (or rather cuz its not nice of me to share) . Oh well I very quickly debated whether to give her this site address (not that she would care, just the offer) and decided for it but she disappeared too quickly. I realize none of you care about this (especially cuz im not giving u any details) but well once again I must state that it is my life and even though this is a public blog it is still my fuckin journal thing. So ha, on the other hand someday when im feelin weak I will probably blab this all over anyway so just you wait. Anyway it was really nice talking to her, first of all cuz it made me feel like less of an asshole (just knowing that she doesn't it hold it against me as much as I hold it against me) second cuz i really do still have an interest and care for the girl so it was nice to hear about her from her, instead of bits and pieces from random sources when they accidentally drop something (cuz they know they shouldn't around me) third because I still wish we were friends even though under all this affection I still have some mistrust of her. OR MAYBE its like that thing where really i just see in others myself so underneath it all I dont trust myself which is most deffinately true, for serious yo I ought to be shot. I'm a bad seed but I am a tryin
anyway i gots to go shopping for some bum accessories, is pepper spray against my morals? or is defending ok? I think its ok but thats a cruel defense no? see I suck in the heat of the moment I will become blind and defensive and evil when im done. tsk tsk

"Don't you know that the devil he's in me and God she is too.
My Yin hates my Yang, but what the hell ya gonna do.
I choose a rocky ass path but that's how I like it.
Life's a bowl of punch go ahead and spike it." ~311 "plain" on Music

OK so I got like 4 things or something and im really tired cuz I woke up at 7 this morning but um so yeah if I don't say this well sorry for speaking at all
1. This trip is already messing with me because today I got some new shoes/boots which cost double what I would normally spend on foot wear, and second of all, while I was working I was actually excited about getting home and trying them on. This is crazy never in my life have I been excited about new shoes. Plus I just got my old pair to be where I like em, you know nice and comfy although I do have to color them up a bit, but they are still good for at least like a year, and if I wants going on this trip I wouldn't have gotten new ones for at least that amount of time.
2. Apparently there is a more popular taffyman out there which makes me feel bad for trying to take his popularity from him he is probably a really nice guy, and I'm not so he probably deserves it more, but I'm not changing cuz I'm lazy.
3. Oh is it just me who gets upset over the confederate flag? or is that like a Minnesota thing, or like a northern thing, or like a nonprejudice people thing? anybody?
4. sleeping bags that are warm, and backpacks that hold a lot of shit are really expensive for serious yall
Well 1 week, yall come back now ya hear

1:02 PM Mike picks up atlas, looks up England, Gasps, Faints,
1:16 PM Mike comes to, exclaims with frightened look on his face, "holy shit, England is on another continent!!"


hehehehe

in case you passed over this diamond in the rough Oh yeah thats right doin the chicken dance.
banana chocolate chip muffins...... can anything be said? If yall want me to write to you while I'm across the pond like via snail mail, u should send your address to me via e mail, or express via reg mail if you want to contribute to the feed the mike fund.

Adventures in frogdom
(rated R for rrrrrribbbittt or something)
cute little frog hops up to the road
looks left and right so as not to be bold
looks left again, just as hes been told
begins to hop, as drama unfolds
car coming quick, rims painted gold
extremely fast and recently sold
frog starts to panic, completely goes cold
tire hits the frog, frog explodes...... (oh sad)

and the fortune cookie says...

"You will soon discover a hidden talent" well hopefully its not choking to death on a fortune cookie.
and the next one
"good advice is beyond price."
Well, thank you my friend.

All right so on the way home from Leeann chin (spelling according to the fortune cookie) I turned the radio station to an interesting sound, it was like rasta man meets pot smoking ska band and they speak french together it was wonderful. I didn't understand a word they said but it must be what the play at heaven's gate. I gotta get to the islands one day. Oh and the big wu mix with you and sound rather well surprisingly, alarm clocks and cd players oh joy. My dog is licking the carpet.... I'd quote some big wu but the next 3 songs are covers. My mom woke me up about an hour or 2 after i went to bed and took me to perkins to tell me the story of her life, good times but man am I tired. Hmm by the way the aliens went back home. I have been studying yoga meditation stuff for the past few days, I got my charts and shit all printed out so I can take them to europe. If purple is a fruit, then so are cherry mr mistys and runts and therefor I have had a fruit at every meal for like 3 days now. I am a healthy boy.
joke of the day

Two Statues

Two statues are in a perk for over thirty years and all day long they just look at each others naked bodies. One day an angel comes down and grants them life for 30 minutes. The two statues look at each other and the woman statue says "should we" the man replies "Yes". They then both run off in to the bushes where there is a lot of giggling going on. The angel gives a cheeky smile as she knows what they are up to. After fifteen minutes the statues return with a cheeky smile on their faces. The angel says to them "You still have fifteen minutes left" So the man says to the woman "want to do it again?" the woman replies "Yes, But this time you hold the birds head while i shit on it."

QUOTE OF THE DAY(new york times)
"There's no doubt his hatred is mainly directed at us. There's no doubt he can't stand us. After all, this is a guy that tried to kill my dad at one time."
PRESIDENT BUSH,speaking of Saddam Hussein.

I swear I read in some history book or something that family feud wars were a thing of like, the dark ages.


(Mike overly simplifies years of studying history, to make really stupid (entirely inaccurate) joke.)
talk to ya later, lots of weird shit has gone down but none of it seems interesting enough to blab about, sorry.

The back ground noise spits fears on my conscious, keeping me from reaching unconsciousness.

I am aware, that I am afraid of starting regular life, because I fear that it will mean I can no longer continue with my own progress in becoming more enlightened. (not that my im going very fast) However I am also aware that in having a regular life it is possible that I will continue through the natural next few steps towards enlightenment. So I tend to straddle this wall, with freedom and adventure and the world on one side, and normal life (family friends career) on the other. Now I know in Buddhism they give you a bunch of choices but basically say, you should do what seems to be the natural next thing, so if you want a family, have a family. But I don't follow Buddhism to the extent I probably should. Western religions say do what you will, cuz you have a choice, but follow God and be good to people, I can do that either way. Other eastern religions tend to just make things complicated and or too simple. So religion is no help. Society says go to school, settle down, pay your bills, but our society sucks ass. So thats not right, all my friends are confused, my parents have chosen and don't seem too happy with it, and everyone else well they are too busy doing their own thing. So now you see why I have to go to Europe to get my head straight. Test the waters a little, come back with my shit figured out (hopefully) and start from there. Any questions? Comments? Suggestions?

And now if you will turn to number 151 in your hymnal(LBW)

Please share with a neighbor if you don't have your own copy. So I have had "Jesus Christ is risen today" otherwise known as the Easter song in my head for 3 days now. Thats fun, I mean its not the only song but it does drive me a little crazy. Second I have actually eaten breakfast 2 days in a row, and like at the right time too, that is amazing, I don't think I have done that in an unorganized setting in like 6 years. (Unorganized as opposed to like camp where they make you eat.) third yesterday I went to visit that friend at caribou and I don't think I said more than 30 words to her in the entire 2 hours so sorry for that if you're reading. (I was just enjoying all them other cats and she seemed busy)
So I was talking to this chica who works there now named Mary and she was telling me how she was involved with certain organizations and such, including one where her boss or something helps foreign (Political) torture victims get asylum in the US and I thought it was very strange that they would seek asylum here since it is our CIA and FBI who teach the governments of these nations how to torture the rebels that would overthrow them. According to several articles in the objector this sort of thing takes place at Ft. Benning. Anyway mad interesting, um also my new glasses make everything look funny, and I don't mean clear and visible I mean funny. Standing still everything is fine but the moment I start moving things pop in and out of focus. Its really quite fun but im not sure I should drive yet. Hmm Kristen it is possible I will be going to Morris tonight but I will call before I do anything, to see if its ok.
In other news 2 alien space craft landed in my back yard yesterday. This was rather surprising at the time, but when the aliens popped out and introduced themselves it was all good you know? So anyway if I start mentioning Zes-Cre-ll and Mods-Di-Sajk(pronounce that k) just know that they are my alien friends, good people. Have a nice day the count down is at like 9 or 10 I don't really know how to count countdowns.

There is nothing quite so cool as when the lighter makes sparks. Just try to deny it. maybe in the future i will write some interesting stuff

So I went for a walk cuz I figured there was no use laying in bed awake. A: dogs don't like the harmonica apparently. B: I returned home thinking "mike you should go to Hopkins today since you cant get to sleep" but the chica who said she would take me wasnt home. 3: I want to make a rule that Everyone Who Visits Must Comment!!!!! cuz that way we get some talking goin. Cuz I made this thing for me to communicate with yall, and yall can communicate with each other. So if u have nothing to say, just be like "yo this is Mr. E Dub (w?) I am having a angry drunk day" substituting your name for mr E dub and your feelings with angry drunk. See or just say "my last thought was How ezra will kill me if he ever sees this" you of course substituting your thoughts in where the ezra comment went. Got me? good Peace have a good day even if the dogs do mock your harmonica playing.

"Our Grief Is Not A Cry For War"

The cover of The Objector, a publication put out by the Central Committee for Conscientious Objectors, a group who supports exactly what it says. So um some sweet propaganda in there I'm sure you can get a copy or check out their site and find the info. Yeah so they sent me that today. Also if you are a chili peppers fan AOL has a performance of theirs you can see, Hopefully that link will work if not go there. AOL kinda sucks but they keep me happy Oh Materialist Mike. The show includes a Frusciante song off Niandra LaDes, some (off beat) Dylan lyrics, some jamming, and about 4 of my fav chili peppers songs, but no new stuff(as far as i know). In other news if you are planning to go to Europe in the next year feel free to contact me on here, and sometime in a little less then 2 weeks you will no longer be able to Instant message me, E mail and this should be fine but I will post far less im guessing. Keep things flowing peacefully.

I think its funny how I can be spiritual and incorporate all sorts of stuff into it, but occasionally I find something and I'm like "ok where the fuck did this come from and how does it work?" I mean its good that that happens I like it, its challenging and generally just opens up my view even more but certain specific beliefs sometimes feel threatened. So I was in this chatroom and someone mentioned Mithra (feel free to look up) and I was like "hmmm I have heard that name before..." cuz im a big mythology monkey but I couldn't remember who or what mithra was. So I looked into it, and I was like "oh shit" cuz I mean most of it I don't believe in anyway (I mean like virgin birth, dec 25th, that sort of shit I figured was made up) but sometimes things are too similar, "so what?" I asked myself and couldn't come to any conclusions except I felt threatened in some way. I still don't know why, I mean none of my real beliefs are threatened, just some side notes that people tend to throw in with them. Oh well its good its good. Um I need to start keeping a list of all the cds I have to buy when I get back cuz I got like 10 already and that sucks.

Something popped into my head last night I was gonna share it, it was like a story and a feeling and now I cant remember it. My Mom is getting all nervous about my lil trip, this is strange because at 12 she took me to Hong Kong and let me roam around on my own. Around the same time she encouraged me and Pete to ride our bikes into Minneapolis even though Pete's Mom wouldn't even let him ride to knollwood. We always went to ridgedale anyway, samples of daq from the BR, little pink plastic spoons. I guess if she is in, or around the city, she has no problem. She has seen the world and has only been afraid of one place as far as I know, (one of her last trips to Africa, she said the people were beautiful but there was no hope) One of the few times my Mom has ever said anything like that.

Oh yes the YMCA in Hong Kong is a fancy place, not like a gym or a youth center or whatever it is here, its like a resort, fancy meals you have to eat with manners. My Mom and I and this other guy (can't remember his name) sat together at one table. I was mad at him at the time, because he had scolded me at a little cocktail party thing we attended, (I didn't like something i was eating so I threw it on the sidewalk, not like it was big or messy or anything just like a little appetizer, and he was really pissed about it for some reason but then when i picked it up he told me to throw it in the bush 2 feet further away) anyway he was sitting with us at the YMCA to make sure we(me and him) were cool. I guess I had no reason to be mad at him, but to this day I still don't get it. Anyway I found out what chocolate mousse is at that YMCA restaurant. I called it pudding someone corrected me end of story.

Sorry that just came to my head last night, Hong Kong is an island, and it is mountainous and hilly and to keep landslides from happening they cement the hills, but then they have little air holes and stuff in the cement, its weird. Did I mention all around the government housing area in Hong Kong are giant sky scrapers, you don't see anything else even though the mountains and hill housing and stuff is visible because some of the world's richest men live and work in those buildings, and from their office windows they look down on tiny cubicles 4 square feet on top of 4 square feet, no fourth wall, family of four. needless to say no kitchen, dining room, bathroom, game room, kids play in the dirt and trash lot that is their home, while their parents scavenge for food in the dumpster 2 blocks down. I know I have written all this before (maybe here maybe in other places, just fun images)

"do the evolution" and "pagan poetry" are still in my top videos of all time, I suggest you find them they are pretty stunning each in their own way. (i saw them today) according to Courtney Love a new nirvana CD will be out by Christmas. wonder if I will like it... I think I have listened to bleach more than any other in the past few years. followed by muddy banks and unplugged. I was amazed at how And justice for all (metallica) could bring me back so easily last night, I was depressed like back in jr high, great music but what makes a person devote their life to being depressed all the time? Was I so unaware of the beauty this world held? or just in culture shock.

"and every breath that is in your lungs, is a tiny little gift to me, is a tiny little gift to me.." ~white stripes one of those cds i have to get (plus they are mad hot), also the strokes even though i have a love hate relationship with them they have one part of each song i love and that makes it ok. in "someday" its the chorus especially when he goes higher on the "alone we stand, together we fall apart"

im gonna hook up with some european cats and form a shitty band that becomes popular and then yall can claim you knew me before i became an even bigger jerk it'll be great, and yes u can all have free tickets, but back stage passes are reserved for those who perform sexual favors and/or smoke as much crack as I do. Tropical punch kool aid is the ultimate in refreshments, even though its not good warm like diet coke.

hmm also I realized once again working alone tonight, that yes, I was frightened by large men who approached me fearing repeats of angry man last week, I almost felt weird rocking out to "the last stop" by DMB even though I love that song, just cuz it sounds "arabian" and talks about war. Fucking guy made me paranoid. fucking me. Shit I wrote a lot. Oh well talk to ya later.

13 days, similar to the movie in a weird and semi-charming way, yes semi-charming, thats where you whistle at a truck stop and all the trucks follow you to mexico, at the point they are of course stripped naked and probed in the most mechanical of ways. Thanks to Adrianne for being so faithful if you ever feel like rubbing peanut butter on a shoe im your man or my shoes are at your disposal or something. Anyway I will report in the next time I have something to say. Oh and at Todds site they are having a debate or something on whether you are dating adam, maybe you can clear it up so they dont have to gossip, um sorry to gossip on here Oh its all gone to hell now!!!!
Fuck it i think this mosquito could live all winter long if me or my brothers keep sitting in front of this computer. We must provide life to those in need I guess. Also Michael A who is travelling in europe gave me distrubing news today which i will not go into, but um my thoughts go out to the loved ones and such. Peace yall remember to tell some random person you love them today, only you can prevent forest fires.

sometimes you pass by things you shouldn't, I think Tim found thisinteresting stuff
I had some thoughts on these and other things but I don't feel good enough about anything to share them. but maybe this I think I hate when metaphors become permanent, like when a song always brings up the same thoughts and emotions, because yes it is comforting but also limiting. Who wants limits at a time like now? If I didnt have limits I would be pursuing love right now, but it is 4:02 AM I am in my pajamas, alone, with a mix of emotions and thoughts, wondering about how tomorrow will be. Oh the things that I could share, but would anyone care..... I probably wouldn't.

Some stuff to write about coming to you in 7's its like almost biblical or something

1. Yesterday was a good day at work, everyone got along the customers were good people, and people left with smiles. Tony ran around the mall looking for women he could fool around with, we all laughed a lot. Plus everyone had my back about the guy who visited the night before and like Aimee, said they would have just beat him up.

2. Last night me and Elizabeth went to a party at Jessica V and Jenny(i) E's house and that was good interesting times. There were lots of people there including a surprise visit from Sarah F, many cats with their own individual styles/images even if they didn't work on it everyone looked and acted different it was good times to observe. It was amazing cuz like half the people there looked like the actual real life versions of characters I have drawn, (cuz I draw a lot of long haired men with cool looks and such) and after a while I sat down with like 4 guys who talked about pot for like 2 hours, this included:
(Pete) the neighbor, a plumber from across the street who seemed to be very active in the legalization process.
(cool looking guy #4) he had locks like a dread though i don't think he was a rastaman, plus a goatee, he was skinny and maybe 5 and half feet tall, he was probably the most sober cat at the party besides myself but it didn't seem like he wanted to be, but this also meant that he could talk politics easily and he seemed to have a lot to say against capitalization and for the working man, and that was mad cool. I cant think of who he reminded me of but some character in some movie)
(the neighbors, people from upstairs)
one of these guys was drunk as shit drinking straight from a bottle of bacardi, but for the first half of the conversation he held his own except he kept telling us about how he and pot were not always good together, like maybe he had a history of being a lazy ass, then his roommate was this guy who didn't talk till like the last half hour of the convo (i think he was figuring out where he fit in and who we were, but much less drunk then his friend) anyway he also looked a lot like Erik T of Franklin Ave. and he seemed to be a very cool guy.
(who else) many cats popped in and out of convo or at least with me, like Mike S (of mad hatter, mu maker) he I never realized is quite a silly guy, he explained to me that he never really liked serious convo amongst drunks because no one could talk very well, and then when someone in the convo would say something like a drunk we would have a good laugh. It was good though, also Brianna H and Jenny E both pooped in at times, 2 girls I have had love for in my day. I dunno it was a good house good people,
I got to see Brent S(mad hatter)smile which is always good makes a bad evenin good again, and Elizabeth seemed to have a good time which is fun.

3. um oh I have a lazy eye according to the pictures of me in front of me(yup that sounded funny) err well maybe not lazy maybe one just looks off to (my) right a little bit more oh well also I have noticed that my head doesn't seem as wide as it use to.

4. Pete called today that was good times, Pete is best friend for all of you who don't know. He is going to school in CO he will probably comment on this post.

5. Public urination (which im a fan of) at 2 AM is a lot different then at 2 PM

6. Its very cold, stupid summer gave my body false sense of security.

7. last thing i swear, shit i forgot, ummm (Mike cant think of anything to say) oh yes I hate how 60 mins sounds so very factual in their reporting like once they do a story on it, it is set in stone. So apparently all of us are supposed to be ok with torturing "terrorists" just cuz they say some experts are, well as someone who has been accused of being a terrorist with in the last week, I say no, no torture.

It is 5 AM, I've had been sleeping all night but I woke up and was on an hour ago looking for all you late night party people whom I would assume would be getting back drunk as shit by 4, but none of you were there, so I made some food. And yes sadly though I have dropped the anger, I am still thinking about what could cause that guy to do what he did tonight. If you didn't wuite understand before, this man literally popped out of nowhere and decided to verbally attack an 18 yr old kid (me) while I was working alone in a mall, all of this in front of his family. The weird thing though is it didn't seem like he was doing it out of like recent hurt or anything it was just like being a bully, and the guy was like 35 or something. It was so weird, I was taken by complete shock because people have hassled and joked with me before but he wasn't at all. He was dead serious. It was like Mr. Ross popping out of nowhere with a soldier story only this guy didn't have the story he was just their to intimidate and show off. At least Mr ross would joke about it, at least he might have something intelligent to say or at least he would make something up, like the time during the clinton hearings or whatever when he told a group of us clinton was worse then Nixon, we were all like "um, yeah, right...." one lies about sleeping around, the other tries to help rig an election, oh yeah. Mr. Ross (super soldier) as we liked to call him was at least a good honorable guy most of the time. This guy did not seem to have that training. Hell I don't even know if he was in the army, it was one of several options that came to my head, along with maybe he had friends or family in the wtc, maybe he has friend/family serving, maybe he is just really racist. All of them didn't seem to be good reasons but under the circumstances I could see any one of them backing him up. I realize I still havent told you anything he has said but its really not important because all of it was shit and had I been feeling better tonight I could have easily made this man look like a fuckhead in front of his wife and kids, but I didn't first of all cuz it wasn't the right situation, second because he scared me, third because if he did have friends serving, or who were killed or injured I'm very sorry he has to deal with that. But seeing me not respond only seemed to make him want to say more. I was truly blown away. Sorry its just this wasnt some short political discussion, or some kid on the street who is pissed off, or some elderly man who fought in ww2 and is a little racist towards japanese people (not that I think its ok or anything) Im just saying grown man, with family, In mall, attacks the beliefs of random kid, for like 5 mins.
What the fuck??

Mike had a rough day, he will now complain about it

no fuck that heres the thing, today although I was feeling sick and tired all day, I was still in a good mood. Why? because at the mall I saw at least 10 kids with the most beautiful big brown eyes I have ever seen in my life, I saw at least 50 little kids with smiles on their faces looking cute as ever, I saw parents who cared about their kids, fathers who would run after their children when they ran away. Old people who had as much energy as the annoying teenagers in line after them. Everyone was nice or at least tried to be nice, people could see I wasn't feeling well and they didn't mind that I was a little weird when I helped them. Everything was fine, and then one guy 10 mins before I closed (right as I felt like I was about to pass out) decided that he would vent a little on me (in front of his wife and kids) because he held on to just a little too much anger and pain in his life, and he didn't like the little plastic symbol I wore around my neck. And as I feel like shit, and as I try to keep my cool (or in fact regain my cool since I already feel like shit, he continues on, even though I haven't said a single thing to insult him or his family or anything other than defend myself and answer his ignorant comments which he hoped would belittle me a little. So after he leaves (possibly stealing money from me) after I say "have a nice night, don't worry about it" to his wife (who has made a sorry ass apology on his behalf) I get to spend the next 30-40 mins feeling like shit full of anger, sadness, disgust full of so much stupid shit that i don't want to feel, basically making me forget all those wonderful eyes, smiles, faces, voices, and good vibes, and worst of all I dont even know why.... On the way home im actually hoping a cop pulls me over (not that I was doing anything wrong) just so I could ask him if the world is really a good place. Sorry i just need to vent a little please please be kind to everyone you see for at least an hour after you read this please smile, please make sure everyone around u as well as yourself knows the world really is a good place and people are good make them believe it. please just so maybe one of those fucken kids with their beautiful little faces will get to stay so very beautiful
I dont know what else to say just believe this from me to you Peace and Love

If all goes according to plan Sunday Oct. 6 a brand new day

So I thought it might be appropriate to show you the blogs I read just in case you want some perspective or get bored with mine easily, some of these guys update regularly some don't, and basically they are friends of Adrianne's or their friends or something meaning I don't know any of them. Well not some of them anyway.
err but first the people you may know
Elizabeth (bettie)
Sarah F
Adrianne M
Ms Jurewicz, She is on a world tour
Her picture and movie site (takes me back to tanzania)
Elite people I dont know
Ben
Adam (i think he hates me, its ok though
Todd
Brendan, love his stories, bottom left

If you start one which i suggest, just cuz its fun and then i wont feel so grand having one, I will put up your link mos def. Also today i may find out when im leaving this is very nerve racking because i will actually have to choose like a date and that leaves me with only so many days left, at least with college yall got to sit around for a few months and get ready. Yall should really comment more often I dont care if it has to do with the post, just say"hi this is___ I am doing ____ mike you should try to get in contact with me at ____" it will be great i swear.
So last night after watching cast away and vanilla sky I fell asleep till like 6 this morning thats like 12 hours or something. though i did wake up momentarily to say hi to some folks on here. Hmmm maybe I will end up on a tropical island somewhere in the atlantic(yes i know its not tropical) and then i can spend 4 years chillin with a volleyball. "Wilson!! Im sorry Wilson!! Im soo sorry wilson!!!" or my brother's fav line "I have made fire!!" hope yall are doing well to anyone at Morris maybe this (me getting tickets) will put some urgency on my trip there and I will kick my own ass until i get there, which reminds me elizabeth if u come on, call me before tomorrow night. And um "lets go ____(sports team goes here)___!!!"

So if I post like 90 things today and they seem to get ever crazier its just cuz I got little sleep, so because I was bored and had things on mind on the topic I sat down and wrote the final chapters to the "Nikki Story" which none of you will ever read. I started writing this story like in may or something because I was feeling particularly nostalgic and I had just fought with her, and I hated myself at the time, and she had been feeling very betrayed by the fact that I was sharing anything about her with my friends, who were just helping me deal. Not like I was really bad mouthing her or anything but I decided I should just write out the story and it would help me deal and it has, but I basically have only written 4 out of the 5 chapters and its missing number 3 which is the middle and longest chapter. None of you know what I'm talking about and you are all just going "ok Mike why are u telling us this?" cuz its important in my life, I'm still getting over first girl friend syndrome and because that coincides with loss of friend it was a little rough, not that i haven't had months to recover and wonderful friends to help me deal, just still I have to lay it to rest at my own little pace. Which for me takes awhile if u know me just think the mike f era or the dad thing or whatever. When I feel betrayed in loss I take it very harshly gets at my core issues as my mom would say. by the way fairchild is still one of the coolest chicas I know and I thank her for giving me a reason to get dressed yesterday or something. Sorry peace and love yall i talk to ya later

in pursuit of a pulpit to sing from

Why is it whenever words come naturally, pen and paper or a tape recorder are never present? I had a dream, I don't know how long it lasted. I was asleep for approx. 2 and half hours and although philosophy probably filled my head a good deal the dream only ended in it. I woke, I went to the bathroom, I removed much of my clothing because I was sweating. I tried to go back to bed. I spent a half an hour going over line after line rhyme after rhyme everything made sense in a half dreary sort of way. Something about speaking philosophy as a russian aristocrat, No I was the son of a russian aristocrat who spoke of the old roman ways, philosophy in politics, he spoke in french in Paris, with crowds around him, the place a tavern of sorts, on a fairy swan pond, but at the same time i was a reporter in new york, we heard all that went on translating instantly through the old dixie cup method. 1 cup over your mouth 1 cup to your ear. It was bizarre every line that came out became a new translation on the life of man, a new theory showing one separate aspect of life. Minutes after that was over and I was actually struggling to find a pen and paper I gave up again, finding more comfort with a back scratcher, I dreamed these things again a half awake half asleep with a permanent backdrop of a light through window shades, but also actors on a stage. They were playing improv games, each time the lion roared a new actor would take the place of the old, giving an instant monologue off the top of his head. This man's had to do with him trying to tell the tale of his winning over an audience, speaking poetry of course. He told of how he at first could not succeed but then as he became more uncomfortable and quieter the more the crowd loved him. He ended with something about "near silence I found only futility." The actor spoke the line grandly but with such tone that the meaning came out he too was hoping for applause in this case such as before, he continued the improv sketch when no one bowed in. He became a famous actor receiving roses and gentle words in loud tones and he thanked them with a sort of mocking voice, not really mocking just like face gratitude. It was really odd, because no one stopped him no lion roared to take him out though he made all the gestures an improvist would love to take the place of. Still they sat and watched. Then they all vanished and I woke up for real. and could get nothing out of my head except this and that and wanting to take a bath except what would i do once i was in the bath? nothing sorry it just needed to be recorded

Gabs recommended this play to me six characters in search of an author and I have to say im astonished and amazed by it. It loops in and out so crazily and really beautifully examining many different angles and staying very very true to itself and it really gives you the impression the author loved these "characters" and how he works them in and out is just well amazing. I don't know what to say its so very strange and wonderful, and sad, and human in such a weird way. Like the author showing u his soul 3 times over or something without ever explaining it, but in actuality explaining every little bit. Sorry I just read it so im still a little jaw dropped Maybe later i can explain better. Anyway um if anyone has comments on it feel free to post, or other things to recommend by all means i probably have the time. peace and love

Next I have decided from now on that all new friends or loved ones I intend to have i must meet in a bar, because bar people are so much cooler, I mean seriously they talk all loud cuz the music is too loud, their breath smells of alcohol, and they get all friendly next to you. Its like Utopia, no deep conversation nothing too interesting everyone slightly fakey and shallow, people laugh at jokes they didnt even hear the punchline to, and there is always an expression of "yeah i dont know what im doing here, I dont know if i like this person, I cant hear them and they keep checking out the person next to me." Its great cuz everyone there is slightly out of character and no one really knows how to cope, but most try to play it as cool as possible embarrassing themselves greatly.

Oh wonderful, no no wait I think I'm remembering something, ah yes, that it I think I hate bars!!

Simplicity ran around, wild through the streets, lifting her skirt and showing young boys the wonders of nature, then running away before they could leap on it. I suppose in this I both loved and worried about her. Spent constant hours trying to find her in the dead of night, summer and winter alike, putting off piles of homework, studies, and all they said I would need in life just to find her gentle arms. They taught the nature of taming the temptress, progress was her tears, her screams against the slavery the feeling of guilt we would have instilled in her.

"Shame her, disgrace her, watch as she draws ever closer to you in civility and abandons her pagan beliefs. The crow and squirrel drones to the coin, the light of a shiny new car catches the eye of any passing deer. Make simplicity say "dear" to you and you have simplicity caught and bound and never to let go, and the captured bird will be well worth the struggle the fight for her. Buy simplicity a drink but make her sip next to you in the bar, instead of wandering the streets of night. That way you wont have to worry, wont struggle anymore, wont find yourself in rage and jealousy wont find displeasure in the pleasure of those who have chained her. Or spend the night in madness looking for her in the jungle, the alley, the bathroom at the tavern, the couch of your cousin's mate. Spit up your food in Lhasa, Jerusalem, she wont find your spirituality smooth at all. She finds farming hysterically funny, camping in the woods a mysterious self made hardship. Your fisherman's village and quiet desert town, lose their charm too quick to keep her there long. Your idealism is hell, if happiness is found with her, than make her your whore. Taint and devour, toss when its old or less of flavor and buy a new one."

Yet as she dances across the street, this nymph who is so unafraid of yellow taxis. Who's warmth turns each little hair on every man and woman's skin so gently to her, like fall flowers in the sun grasping for one more spring time fling. She with stamina so great all young poets and adventurers have to stop for breath a dozen times during the chase, all to give up for the night, lonely and cold. She who's beauty alone brings joy, and anger, and exhaustion, and pride, and embarrassment, and all the world's feelings combined in a second, who leaves one smiling and crying and frustrated night after night. As I see her escape me again, above all these thoughts and feelings, is the passion the desire to keep going, the urge to live on. In the pleasure of pursuit one can learn to love all the things that give him the strength to pursue. She shows you the life of the world with each passing glance as she guides you through it, her warmth its love, her freedom its true beautiful state.

Like 7 Little Things to Keep Me Edging on Insanity

1. I spent the day wrestling with evil in my dreams, I swear it was an epic battle of Sci Fi proportions and though I must have woken from this dream like 30 times I continued to make the choice to go back in and make sure good prevailed. It was loco to say the least, I don't know how or why this came about but it was overly dramatic and I slept till 6 PM warding off the forces of evil. I also missed the SOS and human mosaic meetings because they just seemed less important. I don't know when this dream started but if I had to guess I would say like 2 and ended at 6 with me wanting to go back after vanquishing the evil forces but wanting to make sure everything was OK in the other dimension or whatever.

2. On my way to visit a pal at caribou I noticed the most beautiful and amazing things, everything seemed magical and poetry exploded from my head at 62 words per second it was truly incredible.

3. When I got to caribou all my words disappeared and left me wondering where the fuck they went, similar to that last posting.

4. This friend of mine at caribou (I don't say names cuz I don't want people to stalk my friends) always makes me feel rather joyful for some reason as do her friends, which is weird cuz a couple of em I barely know but I smile every time I see em, but anyway she always offers me drinks, which always comes as a surprise for some reason, but since the caribou is right next to evil mcdonalds I usually get some food and one of those huge cups full of coke, and then I have no room for coffee and feel weird not having any caribou since I'm sitting in there.

5. On the way home I may or may not have seen Nikki's Mom riding her bike, but I thought I did, so like a million weird thoughts ran through my head like, "does she hate me? Are parents required to hate the bad ex boyfriends of their daughters? Who is she to judge? Does she even know? If she had come into caribou and sat down would we have had a conversation and would it be comfortable?" weird questions anyway, sorry I just occasionally think these things.

6. Radiohead, good band. Anyone who thinks otherwise is entitled to their opinion however my opinion is that they are just fooling with themselves. Admit the truth.

7. I'm about to go to a party made up of people who work for the democrats. It will be interesting hopefully.

Where the fuck did that muse go?
I wrote a bunch of posts and they all got erased either by me or the computer and that nasty Internet slut. The majority of these lost posts contained me ranting about politics the news and what music I have been listening to lately. (you didn't miss much)

You ever feel like you're off your game?
"yes Mike I feel very off my game lately."
oh I'm sorry to hear that but I think I feel the same way.
"maybe we should have sex..."
maybe, maybe that would just be pathetic
"most likely"
ok well then maybe later, but its good we can be honest.
"yes it is"

Every once in a while I can just be snappy and emotional and somehow pass it off as art.

Yesterday a coworker told me something about fasting is also considered purging so technically I am bulimic. Case solved after all these years of wondering what exactly the name of this eating disorder is. Except some liberal Christian people in chatroom told me my coworker is not correct, but only one of them was a doctor so....
Take careful notice of how "There's nothing calculated, nothing planned" (evita)
and now to describe the mood, an old poem that probably should stay in the folder (but its too late)
Simple Siren
I Know a man who has bastardly ways
I know not what that means or pays
but I do know that these ways are not as my own
for I am a child that grew in 2 separate happy homes
and forged myself from tears did I

I'll cut the pathetic shit talk from here,

Here my cattle call - find my master
this boy toy often meets disaster
fleeing from him makes my heart start pounding
like a tiny mouse bounding for the forest calm
a place of safety a fortified home

The choice of words is often overlooked
like fatty chicken overcooked
it speaks volumes of the chef
this poet writes as though he's deaf
beauty takes a back seat
because of an idle mind

Who prepares a careful thought?
"not I" said He, who's mind was fraught
with things more important then philosophy
time is money, no place for beauty,
and now we sit bored with nothing to entertain
our choice is shite we choose it over and over again!

oh loathing if you were a food I would pass you by at the grocery store and only feel slightly bad about it. fuck edge edge brings decapitation or dehearting whatever that is called

And in other news, are country sucks (for now)
nytimes article

Im not saying its wrong to arrest a known terrorist, but it clearly states they found no weapons, plans, or anything else to think that these guys might actually go through with anything, even if they were trained, haven't we all been "brain washed" at some point? Seriously after sept 11th isnt it easily possible that these guys realized that it wasn't worth it? Second it also said the FBI has been on these guys asses for months and last week a couple of em finally admitted to training. After months of BS from the FBI they probably weren't gonna do it anything anyway, so really where is the crime? One time I wanted to kill this guy I even trained in how to use a knife, and took karate lessons, but then one day I realized it wasn't worth it. (not true, but same damn thing really, no?)

On any good day there is more stuff to complain about then there is time to complain about it. But when you start forgetting there is good shit too, first off stop chatting in AOL chatrooms second, call me, or any other friend, and third just remember how you actually have time to sit and have these thoughts on these overwhelming feelings, some people dont have the luxury. Some people cant speak (for fear of imprisonment/death) about it when they do have the time.
Should I be happy or sad that china is turning capitalist? Despite the news of them continuing to tell the chinese press and such to not to mention certain things.
oh I gotta stop reading the news.
There is an article called "burning of chemical arms puts fear in the wind" thats just like wow i mean the title i didnt actually read the article
Also another article informs me that people of high rank in the government told the environmental protection agency to not release(shred) a chapter of their official public report this month on global warming and air pollutants
With White House Approval, E.P.A. Pollution Report Omits Global Warming Section
short quote from article

"White House censors may have made global warming disappear from this report, but that won't make it disappear as a serious threat to our environment," said Jeremy Symons, an authority on climate policy at the National Wildlife Federation.
Bush continues to scare the hell out of me
Ah wonderful check out the nytimes or your local censored news paper concoction

Oh good lord i could go on forever not to mention the many many religious things (chatrooms, stories, mission project info) I have done today its not even 8 in the morning
Franklin Ave at westwood lutheran church tonight (7 or 8 cant remember) and
Mu maker at the lab same time i think Sadly I can not attend both I have already promised to go the franklin ave show.

Also um besides the local stuff I been listening to lately I have to recommend At the Drive_in not official site, but probably my fav harder rock band at least since the metallica thing faded a bit System of a down sometimes, fun, sometimes beautiful, sometimes political, sometimes scary and Primus kinda like system only weirder and maybe slightly less "beautiful"

Why is it so hard to convince your Mom that your clothes and other belongings just naturally look better scattered carelessly on the floor throughout the room?

sorry to bore all yall with this wannabe deep shit here is something much cooler the sun sailor online version who has been letting me down lately has returned to posting the slp police report you have no idea the joy this brings me dont ask why I just find it incredibly funny sometimes like when a burning paper bag of poo on a persons front step started the screen door on fire who reported it thats right the sun sailor so check out the local news link on the side here and go to public safety oh wonderful oh wonderful. Sorry its just amazing to me because all of it is so unreal seeming like they dont say who or why or anything just money was stolen at blah blah blah street damage $50
oh monkey please enjoy

Now children observe Mike attempt to clear some stuff up and watch as he loses half his audience

First off I must say I spent a good deal of the day cranky delirious confused and really really tired, after that I spent an hour feeling sick and gross, and then I spent the rest of the day happy. So I must say thank you to Aimee and Ilanit and Lacey for bringing that smile to my face. As yall always seem to do. Um so I was talking to a friend of mine, and she was asking me what I thought about different aspects of relationships and love in general, and we agreed on a lot of stuff which gave me a good boost, uh I told her I would write on love tonight, so I have been thinking about it, its weird cause this stuff is so natural to me that I have a hard time expressing it. I even went and looked up some love poetry and stuff and I'm listening to nice church camp stuff which always makes me think of love. The hippie sites had some nice stuff but not clear cut enough for me. Basically this is easy stuff, yall probably already know it in some form and if not its like (mike scrambles to think of something really easy) breathing with a completely healthy body and such.

So this one time I was at a party (KP's house) real chill, real casual, good times had by all, and I was talking to all these kids who I wouldn't normally talk to, not cuz i dont like em just cuz well Im not a "cool" party person, I mean im cool with em we'd say "whats up?" but nothing else, anyway we started talking bout religion and politics and energy and music and the flow of the world and we were all bouncing off each other and explaining everything to each other and it was like perfect bliss (like thats what my life is for I know it just having conversations like that) and I was trying to lead these kids to something I had discovered sometime on some trip in my head and my heart and my soul, and we got to this point where we were just like "Life is love, and love is life." And we didn't have anything else to say we all sat there shaking our heads going yes everything makes sense that way. (I was also trying to teach them they could figure this out with out acid and cacti and fungi and shit like that but they weren't having that, they must have all thought I smoked mad pot or something)

Anyway I was gonna go on and talk about all these smaller love questions and stuff tonight, but like I realized its much easier to just tell that story, everything I have ever known to be true in my life works with that equation and I still question it constantly but it works out. So when my friend (and I'll broaden this in a sec) asks me what I thought about people who dont believe in love like should they just kill themselves or something. I told her life isn't life without love either the person calls it a different thing, or he(she) is just keeping life from himself(her) deceiving themselves or something. So apply that to the world every living thing in every culture with every belief just wants love just wants life, everything is equal everyone is united everything is everything am I makin sense? I'd love to hear any comments on anything.

On another note, so I can wrap all this up in a nice neat little package, this also works with my whole Christian thing, cuz basically just replace those words with God and it all works out again. (we had this same discussion at a party at Petes once, I fell in love with this chica names Josie, cuz I fall in love real easy and she has some passion to her)

So basically if u see me flipping out which I do, cuz I get confused and stupid sometimes, just say "Mike what are you doing is this in the love plan?" and sometimes when I cant find any other options I do occasionally flip out on the love plan cuz im weak and I cant find any other way to do it so sorry for that in advance. I'm still an asshole for now. but uh Peace and Love spread it and sorry if I gave ya a comp virus (i hear it just sends porn to people-which yeah) anywho as Nick hexum says "stay positive and love your life"

Today someone kindly notified me that I have a computer virus on my comp which connected to my e mail and possibly this website and so I suggest you not e mail me or open mail from me if possibly and ooh do a virus scan if you have recently should be looking for something like Trojan worm klez or something anyway I dont know when I will be able to get rid of this thing but I will notify yall when i do sorry peace and love

My parents have told me numerous times that you are suppose to like watch repairmen and people when they are in your house. So its 11:30 I have been awoken and the old guy in the navy blue jump suit is working his ass off down stairs, I went down there, to check up on him or whatever. First off why do I care if he is stealing some sort of copper wiring out of the ceiling, second how am I to know thats not what he is supposed to be doing? I dont understand, if the guy walks off with the tv I think I'll notice and call the company. So whats the point of me watching him stress and sweat under my watchful eye when I dont even know what the hell hes here to repair? Just asking. Oh and how do I write a check? seriously do I look like a guy who whips out his check book or credit cards every 2 seconds I barely have 5 bucks in my wallet, and at least half of it is in change. I work at the most 2 days a week. I just think these important life lessons and tasks should be given to someone who lives an ordinry life, Ion the other hand have had 2-3 hours of sleep even the guy who dropped off the damn dryer looked better then me and im sure he was stoned or on crack or something.

Adrianne wrote a thing for the 9/11 thing so just go there thats just about how I feel although I personally would have added in that on like a computer game scale, (like no real people involved) we totally deserved it. Thats really sick and gross I know and it sounds heartless but how many people did I let die of curable disease today? How many people did I let starve to death? Any answer over 0 doesn't make any sense.

God that was somber, fuck I just used a word I had to look up in the dictionary just to know if I used it right, Oh stupid monkey butter!!

whatever I came out here with this piece of paper with a quote from a movie I just saw so that is what I'm gonna write about.
"life sucks, but in a good way, falling in love, falling in hate, getting laid, getting hurt, whats one without the other? When it comes to the ritual of growing up sometimes you smile cuz you're happy, other times you smile just cuz you've survived, but hey a smile is a smile." interesting way of putting it but there's a belief I have had for a while.
on a more News style note, I went to school was "that guy" even though Dras told me not to, and I was the most popular kid in school, A couple of stories and jokes from Becker and Mr A, a compliment from McLean, a chat with Ms Lee about drugs and hostels in Vancouver, a chat about guns with Bohnsack, seeing Jeremy and Red talk to their students with a grin on their faces like they really enjoy their jobs, Why did I wanna graduate again? to top that it was echo day and there was a SOS meeting seriously Elitist and activists what more could you want from life???
oh and I did yoga with my little brother and my dad today... Oh God how can I even call myself a slacker?
peace and love baby

First off thank you to Illy (who will never see this cuz she dont go online) and Kristen who will cuz she cool like that for making this a good day, second thanks to anyone with the patience to write comments even though stupid enetations will probably just erase them anyway. So now I figured I'd clear some shit up cuz I keep saying I will talk about stuff later, well its 3:08 and you are all in bed, so thats late enough no?
__Ok so since like 7th grade (I really dont know how long Im just making a stupid guess here) I have been trying to like be honest and open, and figure myself out and blah blah blah. So a few winters ago (winters are the worst, they make me a little psycho) I got this john frusciante cd (he is the funny looking guy who plays guitar in the red hot chili peppers) anyway he has 3 solo albums 2 of which I have and 1 of which he doesnt want sold cuz he thinks he wrote it for drug money (which is probably true) so anyway i got the first one for christmas from my brother who bought it at cd warehouse or something for like 5 bucks. So I started listening to this cd like non stop cuz first off its really weird, second its pretty beautiful and third it just sent me to another world. This cd by the way is called Niandra LaDes and Usually Just a T-shirt. Anyway the cd which everyone I have shown it to thinks is just ok, is one of my favs cuz it kinda documents this man's descent into madness and heroin addiction. So during the winter I started listening to this like basically all night and I changed I became a little weird It was like Fight club shit where I would put it on and wake up the next morning and wouldnt remember what I did that night, but I'd have all these weird writings and drawings and scribblings and it wasnt good stuff but I could tell it meant something to me, so I started dabbling in this whole "going inside" thing which basically just meant I allowed myself to be honest with myself for a few mins and although this led me into a deep depression each night I would wake up feeling very relieved and found it much easier to cope with life, so thats that I occasionally allow myself to digress a bit. Plus its always fun to see what comes out though it can be a bit scary. but like john frusciante says "you dont throw your life away, going inside, you get to know who's watching you, and who besides you resides, in your body." Um Its good to find out who you are you know? personally I cant think of any other way to live, though find your own method of course. plus it shows what is influencing your daily life. (the other cd I have of his is called To record only water for 10 days and is much more POPish but still pretty cool at the same time and I fell in love with it and about 5 chicas in a week in Italy.) hmm what else, that call for help finding a girl friend, I just been lonely lately, which usually means I end up thinking of the only major (not really major just big in comparison to nothing you know?) relationship I have had in my life which would be Nikki, I wish I could tell you the story but I dont think she would enjoy that plus I dont even know what the story is cuz I have twisted it around too much in my brain. All I know is I really liked this girl once and then we had a falling out and I got really really pissed for a while and then I felt really guilty for it but every time I tried to make it up I just ended up messing things up more and I have a hard time letting go. But now she is like a whole new balanced and cool person in the eyes of the world and Im just pathetic its weird very very odd oh well, what else. Oh spilling your guts aint so bad plus you know I'd give you all this shit in person so whats the point in keeping it private? strangers make great friends. Apparently the new perkins isnt even 24 hours cuz I went up there at like 4:30 am some morning and they were locked up. Lets see tickets nope quit asking I'll keep ya posted, Franklin ave played friday I just about passed out cuz the depot is hot as shit. Those guys are good musicians but they aint got no emotion, not the greatest lyrics either though they can jam live which is nice, still im for the old school rockers anyday. Whatever yall can wait no? its good to hear from yall cats that keep talkin not necessarily on here I mean call e mail anytime I love yall have good day remember its all good yo

Ok so I been chillin on drugs and such (due to wisdom teeth removal, I believe all 4 but I cant really see the top ones anyway I will tell you about it when I have the patience) anyway my comments crashed again so I went back to enetations to find that they have this hug deal now instead of just a tiny little script to put on your template, but thats not the point, so Hopefully comments are back up. Now I'd like to introduce Sarah to the mix even though she has kept this little thing secret from me for like years or something, anyway Im gonna go spit up blood now and then go to bed after a quick session and possibly go to highschool and be that guy who graduates and then comes back like a loser, but since I am a loser I have no problem doing that plus I gotta see some cats. So anyway Hope yall are enjoying college, highschool, adventure, work, other and Um make sure you all have a good self love session on me, no wait not ON me im not a big fan of that bukkake shite (if you dont know dont ask) just have fun and if you know any girls who are perfect and would like to help me become a wise man as well as you know be my girlfriend make sure you tell em to email me. shoo
"chill winston"
sorry im weird its ok I can blame it on the drugs Peace and love for serious (pete do the thing with the hugs) (gabs dont do the green stuff unless your sure its real)(Elizabeth please call/e mail so we can go visit kristen)(Kristen and tim stay cool)(Adrianne i mean it about the travel thing Im gonna need to see a friendly face once in a year) (everyone else/new "my underpants are on backwards" ~bobby

comments Please work

making sure comments works
peace and love

Why does benzodiazepine/diazepam sound so much like benzedrine when they are completely opposite things?
drugs are weird no?

2 things one and most importantly if you scroll down to the bottom you will notice I have a completely blank user input section i.e. comments section thats just sad cuz I know there are at least 2 cats who visit here each day or else my site meter thing is feeding me bs
second I originally intended to write about the depot and shit cuz I went there tonight but my head hurts so im not gonna do that, because either I have west nile virus or I overworked myself dancing again and made myself sick(surprisingly not the first time several visits to the doctor have been right after concerts) Anyway tomorrow I get to take the 2 little yellow pills 5mg each of diazepam (valium) this will be my second major drug ever other than like massive amounts of tylenol and cold medicine, anyway the other was this stuff called lariam which is an anti malaria drug which makes you crazy, and if you dont take it with food like instructs to do (who reads instructions) you keel over in pain cuz it lights your stomach on fire. So anyway I still have about 1250 mg of lariam left from when I went to Tanzania (Tan -ZAN- e-a) which my mom told me not to take cuz she didnt want me to go loco. Cuz basically lariam over time, brings down all the little mental and emotional walls in your brain which makes you paranoid and schizo and this missionary lady we know had that happen to her. She basically said she wasnt fun to be around and it almost caused her to lose her job, husband, kids you know the works. Probably one of my greatest fears. Anyway peace and love wish me luck this weekend I see ya later

Sometimes it's good to digress a little go inside a bit, but when the walls start tapping their fingers in irregular and ever-changing rhetoric aimed at you and your heartstrings, well then I think its best boy to just leave it be, turn on the lights man!

(ok so the night's short madness session, as best as I can type up whatever the hell it is I was saying, I know this first part has something to do with the storm and the fight against the taliban in Afghanistan, anything like this means Im guessing at a word, I will explain how/when I started doing this sort of thing later)

I
And in that brief unquiet but natural moment of solitude, amongst candle and lightning, unending adrenaline drops of redistributing spring water, attacking, attacking, leaf and tile and carved and uncarved wood, deck and cement, never penetrating never satisfied recollected like the annual tax only much more often ever sooner than the last
molded to a new group "the new legion awaits you son!! REDISTRIBUTE!!"
cracks like the earthquakes dividing the sky BOOM! BOOM! artillery all around us in the distance ever approaching machine gun rattles "how many were taken?!!"
"we count 5 bodies sir"
"Too bad I'd hoped this lot would be the last. REDISTRIBUTE!"
II
plaid shirts and overalls undercovering insomniacs in all their brutal forms. Shift the weight that pine can handle more, crack, split, who guesses? sirens in the distance. undercover babystrollers parked along great expanse 7 lane highways no shoulder, covered by the navy Blue uniform shirt shoes meek service, insatiable appetites supressed repressed and pressed again no use in a shirt being worn-out and old no use in its own ignorance as a form of supression
The impression I get is that he wants to take the drugs "see what will happen."
Scattered amongst broken dreams parts of airplanes still flying fragmented scattered through the air the shrapnel of old wars forgotten or untold.
"this cats got vigor I can feel it"
feel it you havent felt a thing in 2 long years whats the difference anyway your pawns play the role quite well in your absence
"who sent you!"
the truth sent me smoldering in a shes (possibly ashes, but doesnt look like it)
fulfilling prophesized discribuination foil wars/wals/wahs
too many candles!
This one cant speak for all "NO SUMMIT!!!"
no submission to new wills we havent gotten to know them yet you know?"
III
this is not a proper learning environment not permitted not instructed
not in check with the attitudes we've already granted. Its in use its already taken the line is long and we havent developed the patience,
not like the other crops the wheat is tall and golden and stetches from here to Cambodia under your discretion but its not ripe and cant be tested until fall or spring of the next year
IV
"in his courage he forgot about yoga."
Do you hear its brutal sound echoing chotling his dull affection interrogata(ion?) thai trees they will at least give you laughter bored with pennies shinyness never was an option too perfect too easily Tarnishus(ed?)
in its sad unanimity this one takes the cake the hive is too well oiled to pinned down to out of phase/place with its own ineffaction
V (my favorite part just cuz i dont know who or what Sangtr means/is)
I Sangtr hear the willows plead beg at their knees(vknies?) and watch in summers storm bring down the winter, haze knows no laughter as lightning and thunder drifts of snow eased their way up the dirty sidewalk and planted themselves in a black shiny mailbox
pollen specked and proofed like cocaine cut and cut and still the skin remains too tired and old and bragged out stories still show their inerptiturze you arm hurts the veins broken
Splinters in Splinters out dragged about and placed in front of a vacuum a lawnmower of some sort that took down a few of the lucky broads with it. still it chased us until we were stalled by our vehicle and backed it into the building save a few lucky onlookers, just looking...
VI
to think of the hours we spent in front of sad computer monitors, monitoring our every move as if once we placed a foot outside that sad circle off the chair we'd go never turning back,
Solace in Solitude too affront to embrace it, I made(nude) my way east with a shallow grin on my face, trails of old lucky to be told what to do long broken, some speak of Senile-ty
I speak to the trackers and trailers sneaking out of the dark thinking I dont see them all the while directing their visions straight toward me
some ask why Im afraid of the dark(thuudarz)
I say only, "these fucker mean business" ( may be from fear and loathing cant remember, anyway I was kinda scared so it popped into my head)

I remember a cold solidday
when something crept up on me and I let it in
it was too cold, too cold to contribute then, but in the summer months thawed and wound confusion on me

wrapped up then unknowing and bound by visible ropes like spiders netting I told you they were deviant even now hiding among potato bags and blue couch cushions

the one under the table is contemplating sticking me but knows if he did this he'd give away his position and cant think of a single place in his reach of mortal infliction(inflicting)

This is racked opposite of mate on me left who has some sort of fishing(fighting) equipment and looks like an 1800s or new england Sailor
VII
back to the remedies the doctor seems to want to prepare intoxication number 1: would leave untold numbness and possibly future depression number 2: dreams of madness and number 3: Euphorific incantation to be told of at a later date somewhere in the town of november, just to be ssure maybe I should grab a knife, battles with peace and passivity,
VIII
Still the freezer doors stood open if fallout goodness screaming and chanting like Catholics of old verses(curses) in latin, Satan supression DEMONS dont seem to visort(visit)
much anymore anymore more more more more more more more more(marc mare mork)
he looks away in quiet jest
approval of what Im doing not not be granted little man.
IX (all this was written very large)
Still the days of loving were filled much more and days(dans) of longing seem lesssssssss discriminant but maybe more

A-L-C-O-H-O-L Everyone else(velee) does it just a little(litfledslt)

X
His maddening hands lay everwhere
caressing Kitchen instruments sage brush flower pots bouncing off walls and leaping through the air right above my eyeline
I can(am) hear his whispers groans of endorsement saddened by the lightening also he sits down and pours hwoself(himself) a drink quiet disenergration

The 6 Minute Relationship

This craft has not yet been perfected, and by perfected I mean tried by me or any other person as far as I know so maybe YOU and some unknowing random person can be the first to experience the joy and wonder that is The 6 Minute Relationship.
What is The 6 Minute Relationship you ask?
The 6 Minute Relationship is the new and improved way to have a relationship in just under 6 minutes and 1 second.
"No way!!!!!" you say.
WAY!!!!
"How do I get The 6 Minute Relationship?" you ask.
Easy by simply following these easy to follow instructions.
1) Check yourself out in the mirror, make sure your nose and face are clean.
2) Find a possible mate.
3) Ask mate if they would like to experience The 6 Minute Relationship.
4) If would be mate says "yes", proceed to have The 6 Minute Relationship with mate.
Nothing could be easier, more smooth and more enlightening then The 6 Minute Relationship. All your friends will want to follow your example immediately. Simply show them how it's done by having The 6 Minute Relationship with them. Yes your campus, town, city, bedroom will be infested with The 6 Minute Relationship. The 6 Minute Relationship is a trademark of The 6 Minute Relationship company and cannot be used in any way unless authorized by the The 6 Minute Relationship company in Minuteville, Iowa. All parts included some assembly is required.

Anybody got any suggestions for what to post on? That first week I felt like I had a million things to say and now I have zero, and since I don't really have anything going on in my life I don't have many things to say. Lets see in the future I will probably be attending Hopkins high school for a day with some pals, and slp high for the diversity thing, and Morris to visit Kristen, Tim, Andy and Ashley, and we are trying to get a trip to go visit Pete in CO but I dunno if thats gonna happen before I leave so, Yeah. I'm still workin on priceline to get a good deal if not I will probably go through Hobbit travel who said I can get a flight with delta for like 455 plus tax. I suppose I still haven't told you the purpose of my trip but like many other things I haven't formulated it into words, so its not time yet. Hmm I can tell you its got something to do with dreams, faith/spirituality, politics, life, self improvement and growth, giving, seeing the world, and opening myself up to it. So basically like most things, it's about love. See how it would be hard to put all the specifics into words? All right well I also still haven't written my thank you cards/letters from my graduation party which was like June 20 something. Oh joy Oh joy Well maybe I will tell you a story later, but for now even though I woke up to You and the Sound I started singing Jesus Christ Superstar in the shower. So

"what's the buzz? tell me what's a happening" ~apostles from jcss

Ok so Saturday I get my wisdom teeth out and all weekend I get drugged up, second If you are the kind of person who really gets into music like for serious, dont bring highly emotional or really energetic music to the dentist, cuz you'd think it would be good you could take your mind off of the pain you are going through, but really you are just causing yourself more pain by the constant movement your body is making even though you dont realize you are doing it sucks to be you. Although I do enjoy a good rage against the machine tape.

Contrary to popular and even my self righteous views humans are not always like melted plastic

Sure the majority of us can be made weaker or stronger, stretched, bent into whatever shape the crafter chooses. Not everybody though, some people can handle hell to keep their secrets, their shame, their ego, their hatred their love. Maybe its cuz they have been melted once too often, maybe they have a special ingredient, I dunno what's the word for a plastic alloy? Maybe the flame is too weak I dunno. Maybe its a good thing maybe not maybe its just one of those things I should stop trying to figure out. Maybe I should stop putting candy wrappers in candle flames, and mixing up stupid similes in my mind and wasting all your time. PS sometime soon Im gonna go on about the whole 9/11 thing I dont know if i can do the whole thing justice or include every little thing I have thought about it but its one of those things you gotta talk about so look forward(or not) to that. Peace and love

Introducing Elizabeth starring hopefully at least once a day at Elizabeth:mauled by bears talk to ya later im gonna go wait and see what she types. Peace and love

"Communication Breakdown, It's always the same, I'm having a nervous breakdown, drives me insane!" ~ Led Zep

Yeah so if you have been on in the last few days you may have noticed the comments didn't work and were being stupid, and if you haven't been on then enjoy, but as part of this little thing apparently some of the comments on stuff during and a few days before the breakdown got erased which sucks so feel free to either comment again or e mail me. Hopefully this shit wont happen all the time when Im gone but if it does oh well I can still post. Im currently using enetation which isn't too great but nothing else works so oh vell. Hope yall are doing good Tim if you are reading feel free to advertise anything Arise! related on here like via comments. Uh second sorry to anybody trying to talk to me last night I was dead, because yesterday was truly horrendous at the mall. Third Elizabeth is back in town, maybe we can work on a new adventure for ya. Stay tuned I be back later with something to say maybe Peace and love
"It was really, really good.
You made me happy every single day.
But now!
I've got to go away" more zep

By the way feel free to call me a hypocrite cuz I could barely get out of bed without a pepsi this morning. You work on your shit and I'll do the same we can help eachother we'll make a game of it. Although you gotta give me some credit cuz I only got 4 and a half hours of sleep and I aint on my 3 hour school schedule. Of course I use to catch another 2 hours everyday during school anyone in my classes can attest to that. 2 stories for ya, Jurewicz who I always liked even though no one else did, let me have pop openly in her class for like 2 months, It may have been because I had a note from a Dr Monkee in pocket it may have been because she liked me who knows. Actually just about all my teachers let me have pop, a few of em even bought me them in return for staying awake. Story number 2 I know these arent funny but I take pride in them for some reason, Ms Lee liked me, probably just cuz I was in Mandala, but anyway I had her as a teacher last hour second semester of senior year, Mike F (whole nother story) had been telling this story about me to all my friends and me and basically are entire class, and I didnt fight it cuz it was true for all I know, but basically said I would fall asleep everyday but keep my pencil moving like I was awake, so Pete and Zach (my pals) popped in one day and saw me and apparently sat there for like 5-10 mins while I was sleeping but didnt wake me up. By the time I woke up they had gone but the whole class was eager to tell me 2 of my best boys had come to watch me sleep.

Its weird how missing depression in joy is almost just as bad or worse than missing joy in depression. At least in depression I have some reason some thing to grasp onto, some starting point, some subject matter to deliberate over, in Joy I just am. In depression I find situations, realizations, reactions, counter reactions, the "what should I do?" "what were they thinking?" "what should I have done?" "why didnt I do it?" Now I have the "well that was fun, how can I share this, oh right cant" I have nothing to complain about, nothing to think through. Some people ask why I make an argument that some people are happy being depressed, its cuz sometimes I am. I have no life purpose at 5:20 in the morning without it, nothing to contemplate. Nothing that compels me to spend the next 3 hours thriving in emotion and thought, as I go over and over every little detail of some stupid event that made me depressed. Now I sit here, and go "should I go to sleep? I have nothing better to do. " I go to bed, some mindless boring detail pops in and I follow that to nowhere yet continue to be awake during the entire stupid duration of it. So I guess I want to be happy so I can spread love during the day, but depressed and angry at night when there is no one around so I have something to do. Is that too much to ask? Is there something wrong with choosing manic depression? And another thing fuck drugs. Be human deal with shit, like boredom, love, anger, guilt, numbness, self hatred all of that its so much more fun than hanging with you zombies, and your alcohol or other induced nonsense. Sorry just felt like having some company who I can talk to. Peace and love to YOU from a dumass who wants to be depressed. Also you who are in school please learn and expand and teach me I will love you forever I promise

I aint gonna write about this artistically cuz that would be stupid but I do have to mention it, so Perkins reopened like yesterday after a 3-4 month continual letdown, and I have become a big fan of perkins over the past few years. I mean i rememebr last summer me and my pals would go once every week or 2 and when I was bored and hungry and alone at 4 in the morning i would go just to people watch, cuz the food wasnt that bad and the place had atmosphere like you wouldnt believe at 4 in the morning on a wednesday. So this reopening was like a big deal for cats of all ages, sober and non sober alike, cuz we were sick of visiting our cleaner more respectable and wealthier neighbors in Hopkins and Edina all summer. I mean they didnt have that friendly cop who would seat ya on the weekends when the place was packed, and they didnt have waitors who were on crack or mad ganj all night, who would sneak into the backrooms with a smile on their face, cuz they were gonna blaze at work. Not to mention the waitors, as well as the customers at our Perkins are just way friendlier than the snotty cats who actually vacuum their carpet. So anyway it opens, I didnt go cuz I was playin cards with my homies, takin cash off Nick H, but I did go tonight and well Not great. Me and my companion for the evenin both decided (even though she went yesterday too) that its just not the same. No ripped up cushions in the booths, no booths basically, and the atmosphere is literally cut in half cuz the smoking and non smoking sections are now divided (what fun is that? Ok i will probably be less likely t die young, but life is about livin) So anyway the food and service was better, but its less casual its like an actual resturant. We decided that maybe after a few months when its been thoroughly broken in it might be able to win some respect back. For now, I miss laying down with a foot up staring at all sorts of interesting cats, on slashed seats, piggin out on bad food, good convo, a story to tell to friends who werent there at least every other time (word up to shawn or whatever that guys name was) bad service by cool cats who I know goo in the sauce which I will never use, and a friendly or at least a "oh i think i remember this kid" look everytime I walk in the door. Thats the perkins I know and love thats what I will remember (throw back to earlier post on me and love)

So I So I have been reading the manifesto of the communist party
I believe this is the real one, I dunno maybe its a rip off, anyway it was pretty damn interesting, sadly I had never read it before, it was on "the list" of books to read. I'm not sure I agree with it all, I mean I definitely don't like the violent overthrow stuff, and being a nice little Christian boy I of course don't want to give up my old ways of thinking. I do see how with what they are saying that basically is the only way to work it but its sad. Anyway mostly I was just amazed the whole time at how accurate it portrayed capitalist society and how each prediction basically came true. So I give mad props to old cats livin 150 years ago. Anyway I'm obviously one of those socialistic capitalists for now and in 5 years maybe when Im fed up of that do-gooder Jesus I will change my views, probably not though I'm pretty hooked on living and loving. Speaking on that last night I was lonely (so desperately dependent on peoples for a good time) and I was readin all sorts of poetry and stories of my pals over the years and I started disliking myself cuz I cant write well, so I posted that poem. Every would be poet/philospher/artist/wiseman has a poem about words you know I got 4 or 5 and I posted that one. Whatever this is a sad attempt at a decent post eh?
check out Atmosphere, Lucy Ford my fav rap cd ever Slug has good lyrics makes me want to meet him and the fact that I have heard he's even a nice guy really helps out.

So although I have written it I dont believe this, I just wrote it to make myself feel better, I think. Also apparently the line breaks and shit get way screwed up when I post this so, it looks and feels better (according to mike)


The other sort of comfort

Somewhere in-between joy and depression,
right before numbness and full of confusion
I found words that could melt ice--------
felt their delicate curves, the texture and taste left in my mouth
yet once spoken the words lost all meaning, lost or taken for granted
forever unused crackers, going stale in the back of the cabinet
no hope of a future other than that of all broken, once spoken, phrases,
having realized this and its always bitter harvest
I felt betrayed by the world and sympathetic to the words
but found, with time
they were incapable of feeling the same...
creating little but boredom
the light shone, words
were a falsehood, a magnificent facade a glamour a touch of sweet in a bitter world, of cold
but they are not warmth, not fire nor sun, a flicker, a night light bright shock at most and incomprehensibly dull in themselves
but who's lips, who's tongue caressed touched moist and loving, not even caring about the words spoken, the feeling placed in them the cozy comforting touch on your heart as you listen
goosebumps and shivers