Dear body,
I have been trying to be a little more inclusive of you in my thoughts lately. You know, thank the lord that you work to some extent.  Try to think of you positively and not always negatively like normal.  Look I know I am critical, I know I "other" you a bit too much (like right now),  but   think we all would both do better if you stopped this whole  "getting sick every time you're nervous" thing.  Its really not helping that I have to run to the bathroom when I am trying to process things. Its not helpful to have such a typhoon of queasiness interrupting every other aspect of my life, because it only makes me more nervous and causes me to become fixated on whatever is going on. So... in conclusion, not helpful.
Thanks
Mike's brain (which is causing the problem, but would like the rest of you to handle it better)

Hello hello

So...  I guess in a few days I will be in England. Hanging with Becky, kicking it brit style. In the meantime I have a few people to hang with, namely Jess V, Lace and Illy...
I got a list of things to do... like make some cds, buy some mints, pack a bag, pick some books, 2 days of work.
I would also theoretically like to play one more game of CIV V before I go, but that doesn't seem to be happening... maybe if I get the other things done tonight.

What to report... we are in evals time for winter trimester. Its weird it brings out the best and worst in people.
Its amazing how some things cut through to the character of a person.

I spent a few hours thinking about things my students had said and that I had overheard...

One was a student showing disbelief and contempt when he thought another student had said something about it being sad that a rapist had died.  The student had misheard the other, I don't know what they were actually talking about, probably therapists or something... but since yesterday it has been a topic around school since a sex offender was seen in the parking lot talking to some of the middle school students. 

Protecting my students is of course a major concern, I don't want anything to happen to them and would do as much as I could to protect them, but the one students contempt got to me.  

It was as if the person wasn't human... this mystery dead "rapist" was undeserving of any feelings of sadness, his family didn't matter, his friends didn't matter.  It was "good that he was dead." 

Similarly many of my students first reaction to hearing that there was a sex offender in the neighborhood was "I'll kick his ass". As if hundreds of sex offenders didn't live in our neighborhoods. 

I guess it just bothered me how easily they could disregard this person's humanity because of their crime.  I know its not the same thing, but it reminds me how easily a rapist can disregard their chosen victims humanity.

It scares me. 

My reaction surprised me. Just a month or two ago I wanted to go out hunting for certain people... I wanted them hurt, humiliated, brought to justice. I still want justice... but I can recognize their humanity now too.

Similarly, it bothered me when I overheard a different group of students talking about how funny it  would have been to see a woman embarrassed and humiliated, this was a different situation... I didn't catch who or what the situation was... but basically they wished they had been there to witness a woman's mistake or something... maybe it was a teacher... I dunno. I can understand their voyeurism, I watch failblog, the most embarrassing mistakes and blunders... but from a distance. In the moment, were I there I would be sympathetic, I would worry, I would want to reassure, or help... but that was not my student's reaction.

makes me think this shit is real

Now what to do about it?

I don't know what is wrong with me lately... I seem to be more irritable than normal, tired, cranky, in and out of feeling productive. Part of me is super focused for a few hours and then totally worthless.

I don't like how weighted down my mind feels.
I don't like my body.
I don't want to do anything.
I'm really sort of stubborn about seeing people.
I'm still following through on most commitments which is good, but ugh who wants to be around this?

On a side note, its hard to fantasize when you don't do anything, or meet anyone new.

I contribute to this website regularly...

We are doing some pretty cool things with a group of cleaning workers who are trying to get recognized as human beings. They are the people who clean all of our retail stores but unlike their fellow employees they do not get benefits, fair wages or even union recognition.
You can find out more about them over here

Hmmm what else is going on.  
I am going to England, did I mention that?
Finals start this week, so the kids are going crazy and self-sabotaging. 



I have been having those moments of nostalgia a lot lately...

Hey    how are you?

I don't have much to say.
I saw a play last night.
It was brilliant and the audience was really white.
I judged the guy next to me poorly, and later when we talked he seemed really nice.
Its weird to go to a big fancy play by your self.
I miss people.
I really need to do laundry but don't want to go to the laundromat (all week). I already bought socks to keep me from having to go.
I haven't been wearing deodorant all week... and decided it was necessary after work today. I don't like the smell of my own BO.
I have no idea what is going on with this charlie sheen thing, but I think the shit I have heard sounds pretty weird.

I am going to England for spring break. I imagine that I will have time to explore the city and I am kind of geeked at getting to see some medieval shit again.
I know I simultaneously love and hate traveling... but I think this will be a good trip.

I got nothin for ya