The reawakening of senses.

Its sort of amazing, how different things are when your nose is suddenly unstuffed or suddenly clear, or suddenly able to smell things that it couldnt just minutes before. Twice lately I have walked in to our kitchen, well aware that something was cooking from walking in the door of our house, and upon getting to the kitchen suddenly felt overwhelmed with smell... to the point of being light headed, to the point of being nauseous. it wasnt that what they were cooking was awful.. it was normal, spaghetti i think both times... I can normally handle that.

Now all of you know how picky I am, well a huge part of it is because of smell... texture and sight too... but smell is the one that gets me the most.

Its amazing what being stuffed up in a room will do. Its amazing how we can become so unaware of what is going on. Of what we are sensing, feeling, of what others are going through. And its now, when im mostly alone, spending hours doing homework by myself, up at odd hours, feeling unable to connect when i realize all the things im missing, and the realization is a bit overwhelming.

I miss her and can’t do anything about it. Both because she told me not to and because it would be making things worse for me. I’m overwhelmed as it is, questioning whether I will finish classes, getting behind, disappointing peers, professors and myself. The calendar I made has all these blank spots, but they aren’t really blank, because I have a class I haven’t even started yet, and most of the events take two to three days of research.
I woke up at 2:00 AM this morning and have been up since doing homework…. But that’s never true entirely is it…. Cuz when I’m doing homework, 99 % of which is done on the computer (typing or researching) I take breaks to check e mail, to update messages, to look through pictures, to keep my spirits up.
Tomorrow is the last open mic of the semester, and like every other one this year I keep thinking I will go and read some stuff. Got some poems ready… but most likely I will do what I have been doing, not chickening out, more getting disgusted with the whole process and feeling far too frustrated to go through with it like I believe in the whole thing. Then I will watch as others perform well, and reassure myself that A) it was ok that I didn’t perform, because those people were better and B) I’ll do it next time…
Semesters go by.
Today I realized by next semester I will have 130 credits. If I take two classes over summer like I want to that will be 138, and then another full year. What was I thinking? Its far too much work, and it wont help anyway. Formalized education only takes you so far… the degree will get me in the door, the rest probably won’t matter. And what of the cost? Financially, socially, romantically, will I be more proud of my responsibility my accomplishments? Am I already too proud as it is?
I started this semester thinking… “I should be teaching these kids.” I don’t doubt that I could. But there must be some reason I’m here, right?
I’ll bust out the God stuff on ya… God has a plan for us right?
I certainly have been praying a lot for such lately.

I might have been wrong about the whole "starting homework at 1:00 is the best" thing, something tells me this research project should have been started weeks ago, or at least hours...

But real world, the daily show, colbert good times...

need a doctor appointment and an eye appointment... new glasses coming soon.

* Sometimes you have to eat a pack of gum

* Sometimes you have to wait for the book to be done to give a review

* Sometimes you really do need a tape recorder, because that writing poetry in your head thing doesnt really work out when you have no memory to write it down later.

* Open mic is this thurday

* Lots of homework cuz i did little to none over break.

* Saw many of my homies over break... it was great.

* Had time to think, talk, plan things over break... it was great.

* Back to reality..



The rights of the offensive ex.

Well lets start this off by defining some things, the ex, is the former, sometimes the previous... the offending is the one who broke it off, or in some cases the one who caused more damage. Now lets dissect that a little, in my estimation there are two types of offenders, those who did so causing excessive harm by other actions or guilt incurring things, and those who did not. Within both of those categories there are further categories, those who caused harm intentionally or unintentionally.

Well lets see I have had three breakups.

A) In the first I was not the offender originally, but I did offend to excess afterwards, and thus became "guilty." which lead to me feeling confused guilty and ashamed.
b) The second I offended to excess though unintentionally. Thus I was "guilty" but to a degree that lead to something more like regret and confusion in me.
C) The third, I unintentionally caused harm, but not to excess, rather to some extent my not having excessively harmed previously or this time without seeming cause, seem to have made the harm worse. Thus I offended to the point of great harm, but not with intention of doing so. Thus I am "guilty" of harm, because i tried not to. which in me leads toself doubt, guilt, worry, but also a feeling of not being able to change things, and to some degree an uneasy "ok-ness" because I didnt intend, nor try to give reason to offend, nor undertake actions that would lead to excessive harm.... still harm all the same comes, and of course guilt.

Three different situations, three different versions of guilt and confusion, three different outcomes.
but back to the rights of the offending ex.
outcomes
A) dont talk
B) do talk, friends supportive
C) dont talk (yet?)

It seems in all these cases I was overwhelmingly concerned for the other, as well as myself but to varying degrees. The rights of the offending ex, really come down to nothing but what the other allows, is comfortable with, and to what extent you can justify interaction.

with A) I justified interaction, but this didnt help, because I was too caught up in anger, and eventually we stopped talking -leading me to a place where I still wonder how she is, still like hearing news from others.

with B) I justified interaction, based on mutual interest in friendship, but tried to respect her right to privacy, and did not confront to the same degree that I had with A) (which i had justified, because originally i was the offended)

with C) I have an interest in friendship, but with confidence shaken and fear of causing more harm, refuse to promise security, which leads to her not being able to trust me, (not that she feels she could) which leads to frustration, more hurt feelings, and a feeling of necessity to protect, which leads to no talking, no interaction, for me- unsettling and painful, confusing and worrisome. unknown from her.


Hmmm why you ask am i saying this on here?
I asked some people today how she was doing, and they told me they didnt think it would be ok (or their place) to tell me. I understood this and didnt make any attempts beyond that, but also had a harm time not thinking... and didnt know who i could talk to because there just seem to be these things, where I dont have rights, nor options to make things better, a constant wall, that I apparently chose but cannot overcome. So whats the point of telling people the specifics because there isnt anything to do about it, and why blog? because I always need to rant about the things im struggling with...

so here i am, right,
tryin to be the man, right
using my gun to see at night
sleeping with my flash light

Thanksgiving, that had nothing to do with thanksgiving...
what an odd celebration... i spose there are some patriotic or protestant meanings... theres also just a holiday to celebrate.
Well i got much to be thankful for, family friends, life, school all this stuff...
certainly done a lot so far with my life, thats something to be thankful for.

but i guess, theres some people out there not celebrating with their loved ones.. and thats sad. I hope they are finding things to be thankful about, or meeting new people to be thankful of and with.

cheers
-i told myself i would do homework but im feeling fairly tired.

Its 7 AM, I have a presentation to give in 2 hours... i of course started working on it far too late...what I have is a great start for the paper due in a few weeks and should be more than enough for the presentation...
but its 2 hours away and the eternal question... go to sleep?
if i oversleep i lose all the points


I have to drive home after the presentation.... 3 hours of boring ass driving...
and when i get home im gonna wanna do stuff with friends and such... or brothers maybe.

My sleep schedule lately is ridiculous...
Listening to Load by Metallica, its been too long and its really rocking me right...

this might not make sense without the argument im responding to, but uh part of a fun on going... anyone have any thoughts? on life,war etc?

Its an interesting set of points you bring up.
First off primary sources, well that works for some things, the foot soldiers account of the battle front for instance... is surely more accurate from the soldier himself, but we were talking about policy decisions not battlefield tactics. When I bring up soldiers tactics or lack there of on the ground I blame the higher ups, I do think soldiers should be held to the same moral standards as normal people, but I certainly blame their higher ups both dems and republicans for putting them in that position. Primary sources on accounts of Iraq, well luckily some of the public does speak English but most of our soldiers don’t speak Arabic. I have seen numerous clips of American soldiers breaking Muslim etiquette rules without even realizing, in fact very proud about the job they were doing and of course these are the routine. I have heard from my friends in the military that they are stepping up cultural training, but it seems a little too late. That being said primary sources, in this case soldiers on the ground, are not educated to the degree they need to be to "win the peace" they insight hatred without even realizing it, they oppress without understanding their own role. This is not something that is native to soldiers, it is a common problem in all travel and cross cultural experiences (believe me I know).. however soldiers, particularly outside soldiers have a tendency to be seen as occupiers when they aren’t backed by local leaders, when they don’t follow local customs. If you read the declaration of war signed by members of al qaida including Bin Laden this is one of the number one concerns of Muslims everywhere, it is one of the violations they see the US committing against Muslims... So it doesn’t make for good counter to their claims... one could say "well what do I car what the terrorists think" but if you don’t listen to why they fight, you can never win a "war" against their cause... because you cant eliminate or even do damage control over what is giving them fuel for their insurgent fire...
but to stick on that issue, soldiers may have a better understanding of what is going on in their personal realm... but they are lied to by their bosses as much as you claim our press lies to us. We both know that, and if you look at the websites and propaganda the military puts out it clearly shows that what they are saying and what the facts are, are two different things.

http://www.defendamerica.mil/ - 12 of the 14 or so prominent stories are relatively positive. 2 out of 14 deal with the issue of casualties US or Iraqi, when at least 112 people were killed yesterday..
I’m glad you brought up the point about the difference between those who died in hostile action vs. non, but the 500 or so person gap there cant be explained by normal peace time training missions, if we had 150 people die per year in military training don’t you think some people would get brought up on charges? Negligence by someone...

Media, bias, news, whats the alternative? I watch both sides, I read both sides, I look for the crazy independent people, i look for the stuff from the people there, i look for the stuff from al jazeera BBC and other foreign press. well I put together a picture from that, that might still be biased.. but a news story or a quote or a letter written by an official in charge seems like fair game to me. Rumsfeld wrote a letter to the president on 9/11 saying we should use this opportunity to attack Iraq even if we find it has nothing to do with it... so they did. That seems like fair game to criticize, question etc. Why? 20 years before Rumsfeld was shaking Saddam's hand as allies and now they are enemies. The gassing of the Kurds happened while we were still allies. the Iran-Iraq war was part of our alliance even though we were selling weapons to both sides and the Kurds at the same time. Why the change?
We didn’t even send troops in to Kuwait (the first gulf) till after we had secured Saudi territory. (The reason Bin Laden hates us)

so yeah that might seem biased to read or watch the news, but some of it is the people making the policy, the people I’m keeping in check by my vote not so long ago... By the way I don’t give a flying fuck about Michele Bachmann’s record on criminals she has openly come out and said she doesn’t believe in gay people, other religions, global warming, stem cells, evolution, feminism (though she wouldn’t have the rights without it)she called terri schiavo "healthy" and these are all direct from her mouth no need for the spin....
of course the attack ads are biased and even though wetterling didn’t put them up she certainly got flack for it, but bachmanns ad's did the same thing to wetterling... so the people voted and bachmann was elected because that’s what they want in that region of MN... they must be "hot for Jesus"
)__________
ok the next big section

Human rights violations are not crimes committed by individuals the term is used when governments approve of or allow the abuse of people by forces in power. -basically when it is formally or informally sanctioned.
Now its true that some are looked out for more so than others, blatant human rights violations being things like murder, genocide, torture, slavery, institutionalized rape, or keeping basic human necessities from the people.
and once again I’m not saying Saddam didn’t commit these crimes I’m saying we
A) allowed and supported them
B)and should we decide to change that policy, should do so holding ourselves to a higher standard, which I don’t think we are... with massive amounts of instituted violations, and the instances where they have been brought up, dealt with only when they became scandal (IMPORTANCE OF MEDIA) and including obvious cover ups and scapegoat... why do I expect my government or officials to self incriminate? Because we ask Saddam and the "terrorists" to do so. If we aren’t even living up to the standard we are trying to instill in others, then it is certainly doomed to fail.

So taking that in to consideration, certainly there is crime and always will be but in this case when our soldiers are acting as criminals they do so in other countries, hurting foreign people, and acting as occupiers. (this strengthen the support of those we are fighting against, because whether we like it or not, some of them are actually just fighting for their freedom.)
Finally on that point I find it unbelievable that you would show the “mundane-ness” of these crimes and of these deaths, certainly people die every day on the road, smoking, drinking etc. And we do in fact have public laws and safety regulations to keep this from happening.. this is the exact opposite of your general theory on this war, which seems to be coming from a standpoint of “if they want to fuck with us, we will fuck them up more.” Namely for two reasons, one it doesn’t end the cycle of violence, the way we are operating would be like if some guy is acting reckless and gets in car accident we send out a squad of cars to run him off the road (“hoping to avoid casualties” but of course he knows we are after him, so he is gonna hide amongst noncombatants)
War to solve violence doesn’t work. You point to WWII but WWII ushered in the cold war, which brought up all of our conflicts until the 90s and some could point at Afghanistan and Iraq being directly linked to WW I and WWII the “terrorists” certainly do. Second. You use this argument to say that we don’t overreact when it comes to other crimes, the normality of crime, of people being hurt, but that is in direct conflict with the stated agenda of fighting back. If crime and killing is an everyday thing, if starvation and violence are an everyday occurrence with no one to blame, (because you argue our troops shouldn’t be blamed nor our leadership for HR violations in Iraq) them the reason for going to war is null and void in the first place… 9/11 people dying is an everyday occurrence.. and therefore shouldn’t be revenged… this is clearly counter to many of your other arguments.
What I’m pointing out is that your “realism” approach here (and that’s the theory, “our nation over there’s, your people over theirs, you over them”) is ethnocentric and causes the problems that you supposedly wish to solve… it means fighting and killing until every “other” is eliminated or pacified and you will never run out of “others”.. which means perpetual war, perpetual fear/anxiety, perpetual build up… ->which certainly doesn’t sound the same as the “crime happens, don’t worry about it” approach you were saying before.
- it also goes counter to the “their freedom, our security” argument, because you cannot have freedom nor security in a state of constant war… and what are we in? not a war against a nation, but an idea a belief system… how do you eliminate it? the largest religion in the world was built off the backs of martyrs(Christianity), and the fastest growing is certainly thriving in the same way (islam)…

Your last 2 points cuz I agree this is getting old…

1) retreating/pulling out will cause more death

2) wars are won in the will


-1. A)Viet Nam cost 58,000+ American casualties… for an ill-justified, ill-conceived, ill planned, and certainly ill executed strategy. It was not until we left that American stopped dying. It was not until after we left that Viet Nam found peace, so much so that our current president was just welcomed there… to a communist unified “prosperous” country. If some soldiers were killed on the way out, it was still less than having them all there.
B) Iraq is a similar situation, according to our leaders and those executing the orders.
This does not mean I’m “for” pulling out immediately but it certainly doesn’t help to continue the way we have been. Things have gotten worse, according to our own generals and intelligence agencies, within 6 months the entire country will be in full scale civil war. What would I propose, well Iran and Syria are meeting with the leaders of Iraq soon, that and other local help is the only way things will stabilize and we should have been fighting for that, not war against random people, in the first place.
If we get killed on the way out, it will be because we were stupid walking in, and when we got there we fucked shit up even more, the “insurgents” capitalizing on a “divided” country, well that’s not the fault of the people who wish them to be safe at home, that’s the fault of the leaders who sent them unjustifiably into a shit hole because it served his own interest or his misguided and ignorant beliefs.

2) “war is won in the will”. I disagree, conflict is won in the will, and then only sometimes. It is peace that is won with will. The will of peaceful people is what brings together nations, states, cities, communities and people. It is only by believing in, and pursuing peace that you will find it. It is only through seeking similarities that we find the means to bridge cultural divides. It is not through the stick, the sword, gun or bomb. If you ask the terrorists why they fight us, they will say for freedom. If you ask us why we fight we say for freedom. Something is off here if our definitions of freedom impose upon each other. You could say competition for resources, but that is the fear mongering that leads to oppression. The fear of scarcity enables us to enslave, kill and commit genocide. And though one could make the argument that hoarding resources protects, ensures survival for the future… what is the point if we lose our humanity in the process? The traditions and values we cherish… you talk about standing in the window holding a gun to the invaders, well just like the Chinese who build the biggest wall and had the largest and best equipped army in the world it doesn’t stop invasion, it only keeps you in.


-wow that was overly dramatic eh? I know that’s taking the argument to the extremes but I think history shows that’s the end all to “realism.” If you want to be a part of something bigger, why not be for a shared humanity…
You can say, yeah that’s why I fight for the Iraqi people, well if you do so by supporting those who enslaved them I can guarantee you the chains will not be lifted. If you say, yeah I protect those rights you talk about, I’m the big stick to ensure peace, then I say “thank you” to some extent, but also don’t be so gung ho, if you end up only protecting your self interests then you are no better than those you fear.. including the fascists of whatever religion… attach any of our government’s statements on terrorism and the war to the following. (of course one could counter thats what the terrorists are spreading too, my point is does that make us better? no)
Nazi Party
• “The broad mass of the nation … will more easily fall victim to a big lie than to a small one.” — Adolf Hitler, in his 1925 book Mein Kampf.
• “If you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to believe it.” — Nazi Propaganda Minister Joseph Goebbels.[5]
• “Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in any country.” — Nazi Reich Marshal Hermann Göring during the Nuremberg Trials.

im just saying why are we following in these foot steps? if its inevitable human bullshit then i welcome nuclear war, because we dont deserve this planet. If there is something better then lets go for it.
the counters are easy, be honest, be upfront about things, take in to consideration all points of view, do not deceive yourself by thinking you are more important, better or above this pettiness. sorry to be confrontational... but we can keep this up or not....

peace and love to you and your peoples
-taff

Motivation is a fleeting motherfucker...

It sort of sucks I have a test tomorrow and a presentation on wednesday, another presentation and paper coming up... but im draggin my feet mostly since yesterday's test... which wasnt very challenging... I guess its funny cuz the reason i take so many credits is partially because i tend to do less work if i have less classes.. something about the challenge... and yet just a week or two ago i was stressed out beyong repair... now im chillin (still behind) but sort of apathetic bout getting shit done.. i guess a lot of it is that instant gratification stuff... at least with every day homework you can talk about it in class. Im doing shit for 3 weeks from now.

Not much else to do though, sort of bored... sleeping a lot...
hard to have the motivation to do other things... yesterday i felt sick all day after the test, and slept like half the day and then went to bed at 10 PM...

wow is this a shitty blog entry, clearly i want to talk to someone or something and no one is around.

SO everyday I wonder about how Lex is doing, and everyday I get no answer... Im not sure if that makes it easier or harder.

HMMMM so the big test i was worried about... is going on right now... but i didnt take the math one so they kicked me out for an hour. The reading one seemed incredibly easy... like easier than you would think -but it is a basic standards... Someone recently brought up the fact that we are in college so it seems kind of silly to require a basic standards test...but it is a state test not a university one so i guess bullocks to us or what not. The writing one will be a little more difficult... i dont have writing skills.

HMMM this weekend I am trying to wrap up a project i been working on for a few weeks. I present it on wednesday right before I head home, but the paper isnt actually due till the 4th... still I would like to have it done, or close to done...
The project was to record observations at the local town cafe/malt shop. I chose a ridiculous time all early in the morning and have been exhausted because of it.
Last night and today will be spent organizing and codifying all the typed up notes. color coordinating and such so that when i try to do analysis it will go smoother, demographics + observation = such and such...

Tonight is the second Jazz concert, I was talking to my friend Tall D (his real name is mike meyer) who is one of the top trombone players in the band, and he said the new drummer (who is awesome and a freshman) played a solo combo last night for about 5 minutes in which he uses cellphones and other random things to get weird sounds out of the drums and the vibrations of the drums. Must have been sweet.
They usually have about 5-7 combos inbetween the 4 main bands (each night has differnt combos). Our school is known for Jazz throughout the midwest. I have heard many students here say that they came to this school simply from attending a concert here when they were in highschool. Lots of highschools come for the big Jazz fest at the end of the year... usually there are guest performaces from people from around the world...
anyway... jazz tonight... Brian, (tall d's roommate also a friend, and also a trombonist) stopped me on the way home yesterday and asked if I was coming.. I replied "yeah but only saturday" he thought it was funny that i was ONLY coming saturday... I always try to make it to both shows (for the different combos).
I was thinking about how, the jazz kids get to hear and see it all the time, but for the rest of us its 1-5 times a semester, depending on if you go to the jazz dances (for some reason i dont go to those)...
anywho...

Thanksgiving is coming up and fast. Im not sure how i will feel when its happening, but im hoping to make the most out of the weekend which means no rest.
I got people to see and work to do when im not seeing em.
I have another presentation and paper due when I get back... and still another group presentation and paper after that.
They really dont give us much rest around here.

What to say....
more later... im gonna get something to drink or chill or monkey around a little.

I had the night off, and by that I mean i only had normal everyday homework and my directed study stuff to work on... (so not as much)
so i spent that night so far sleeping from 1-5 exhausted... and then went to pizza ranch with alicia and tom and tall d which was nice... and then i tried to do something.... but couldnt think cuz i was tired again, so i laid in bed fromlike 8-30ish just thinking about animation and poetry, and then spent 8:30ish-10 sleeping and not wanting to wake up and being crabby when i was woke...
but when i did, i flipped on some Ani, and bought a copy of adrianne's new poetry book. and now i sit talking to you all. keen

Its really sad when you start thinking that not drinking beer might be holding you back in life.

Sometimes when other people are discussing their failures, they might be talking about things out of their hands sometimes things that have happened to them and their inability to cope, and still others and maybe the harshest situation, their very life may be at stake...
-me I cant find something to pinpoint excitement or happiness to right now.. I know what I was using as a gauge, and suddenly that doesnt seem to work anymore... so then maybe its the other things that get me pumped, but they seem to fall far below what ever it is im looking for... nights spent doing the same thing, fearing the same things, worrying about the same things, the same pressures the same small joys...
and I look at subtle indicators like my intake of pop and candy, the more coke and chocolate the more im in trouble... but I got bags of candy and its not so thrilling.. I got groceries today thinking maybe if i just eat right... and that didnt work... sleep seems to wonderful, warm and beautiful, the dreams are hard to leave and that plays hell for the weekends, its like watching a movie, getting lost. but my movies have all been seen and I cant justify taking the time for renting... still i spend at least that or more watching youtube or looking for the slightest change in random people's facebook profiles a hint of excitement.
Maybe the truth is im not happy... and I just keep thinking i should be. Or maybe I am and dont have the time to enjoy it.. or maybe I cant enjoy it because i made the wrong decisions... took the wrong things seriously, promised myself the wrong goals to obtain.
When did i get so obsessed with minors and majors? when did i start worrying about grades?
I had a real long talk with Ben my roommate... and so much of what he said felt like me, or felt like her, and I felt shitty because not only was I not able to make any sense of it and end up with something positive, but Im not that person anymore, and i dont know how to be, not that im sure its what i want. but her criticisms hit harder than i expect them to, because a huge part of me sees the same thing...

in so many ways im numb and in so many ways afraid to not be. the other day I was suddenly chaotic with emotions and couldnt stand it.
but within minutes I was acting like nothing had happened and that made me feel even worse.
I havent written anything or drawn or painted and i long to. but i cant find the time the motivation or anything else, and when i do its terrible and i hate it.
whoever I was seems to be gone, and im not sure who i am now... where i am headed, if its just a short period or something more dramatic....

Its funny, i can control the burning in my stomach with pills but i cant seem to pull the whole thing together, alternating between the extremes i wont allow my heart to go to...

Im getting projects and homework done, but i dont care... why we do this to ourselves? work at things we couldnt care less about.

random songs seem to do things justice for a second, but they all have a tone of sadness and beauty, and to take the time to listen seems like a waste and seems like the only true connection left....

Kettle Whistle (Jane's Addiction)

What makes a kettle whistle?
What makes gold precious?
How come some people
They'll show you everything?
How come some people
They don't like nothing at all?

Well I know why..
We all want to be..
Beautiful too..
Beautiful too..

What makes a baby cry?
What makes a poor baby
Older than a rich one?
And why do we need to belong
To someone else?

Well I know why..
We all want to be..
Beautiful too..
Beautiful too..

well i guess some important things in the past week.

Break up with Alexis...I think technically I called it off, I still like her, but she doesnt like me anymore... it was the right decision, but I still dont like the consequences...

Election:
Happy and proud of James, funny kid, I call half an hour after the victory and he asks me how im doing....
happy senate and house....
Sadly pawlenty and Bachmann.... what the fuck people???????

Currently:
* spending an hour at Don's cafe every morning.... doing a observation project for sociology...
* Debating with the legend over policy, politics and society... at first on eachother's walls and now on e mail
* an asshole to more people than i wish to be... I guess these intense times i lose sight of who i wish to be... and I do feel bad, I just feel like the intense times are important to give weight to.... i guess I am not nearly buddhist enough and give way too much to this illusionary world...
* missing a lot of people, wishing i had more time to have fun, to see people to do the things i want to do...
* starting a research project for systems of oppression... my teacher today said I was doing really well and asked me to be a TA, I (being an asshole) criticized his ability to write multiple choice tests...

I guess goodluck to everyone, I know there are a lot of you about to make big leaps...or arent sure where you are going, but heading their fast... heres some innitials J, Z, A, B, A, L, I, M, S, M, R, J and my debate partner the legend
***I'd like to add an m and a k.... not because i didnt think about it before but because i was thinking about it in a different light... but certainly thinking about them all the same. *****(doesnt help the asshole factor much does it?)

keep looking out for yourselves whether you know it or not im thinking about you, and despite being an asshole I do hope and care...
peace and love
taff

My brother (James Ha--ar) and his boss the new secretary of state Mark Ritchie. sitting at a desk when they went on tv.... (IF IT DOESNT SHOW UP CLICK ON IT FOR A LARGER IMAGE!)

I just want to thank anyone who helped get Mark Ritchie elected.
Im sorry that we didnt get more dems greens or indys in office but i cant tell you what it means to me personally... what it means to my family.
We have been waiting and watching James work without rest, for years and finally success... This last campaign was really a lot of him, I know that he tried his best, and i hope he takes this time, and uses it... maybe goes back to school so that any success he has with this can launch him up again in the future. Maybe im not making sense... im really excited and really exhausted... im sure no where near as much as he is...
anyway. thanks to everyone.
I hope the results please you as well..
thanks

A letter from james:

Friends,

I am writing this email towards the end of another very long day. We’re no
longer counting down to Election Day one day at a time, it’s now hours.
Something like 35 of them before the polls open at 7:00 a.m. Tuesday
morning.

As many of you know for the past 18 months I’ve been the campaign manager
for a man named Mark Ritchie who is running for Secretary of State (the
person in charge of our elections and making sure everyone can vote, and
every votes counts). Since all of my work over the past year and a half
really comes down to one day (Tuesday), I’m writing to ask you for a favor.

I took this job because during previous campaigns I had always been shocked
and appalled by the poor service, partisanship, and at times incompetence of
our current Secretary of State. I’ve also watched closely the last two
presidential elections. I’ve been scared by the things I saw in Ohio and
Florida, and how Secretaries of State there seem to be deciding who gets to
vote and who wins elections. I remember working at a Holiday gas station on
election night in 2000. I was working overnights and listening to the radio
all night. I remember feeling hopeless. I remember thinking that whether
Bush or Gore won, whether the election was stolen or not, I had nothing to
do with the outcome. I had, at least for that election, made no difference
whatsoever.

I don’t ever want to feel that way again. That’s why I took this job,
because voters should decide elections, not officials, not faulty machines
and hanging chads, voters. Whoever gets the most votes should win. I am
working for Mark because he believes that too. He is dedicated to the same
idea and he will always run elections fairly, even if it means he or his
party will lose. It’s about the voters.

This is going to be a very close election. We’re down the ballot in a race
not many people know about.

I need your help.

There is a message below, about Mark, about the office, about how to vote,
and about why it matters. Please read it, if you agree with it, please copy
and paste it, please pass it on to friends, coworkers, family, post it on
blogs and even list serve’s if you can. Please send it to anyone who might
vote in Minnesota on Tuesday.

This is going to be a very close election. I’ve given most of the past 18
months of my life to it and I want to win. I would really appreciate it if
you would pass the message below on to your lists, and when you go and vote
on Tuesday, I’d really appreciate it if you would go down the ballot to the
Secretary of State’s race and vote for Mark Ritchie.

Thank you, peace and love,

James


When you vote on Tuesday (and you SHOULD vote!) after you get through
Senator and Governor and Congress you’ll see the Secretary of State’s
office.

The Secretary of State has a few responsibilities, the most important one is
being the chief elections officer for the state. That means they decide
what kind of voting machines we use, they run the voter registration system,
they’re the person in charge of counting votes, and so on.

Now obviously the problem here is that the person in charge of our elections
has their own political views and has to run for office themselves. So the
most important quality a Secretary of State can have is to be nonpartisan,
they should treat all voters and candidates equally, and should count votes
fairly.

Our current Secretary of State Mary Kiffmeyer doesn’t do that. She is
famous for bringing her political views into the office and using them to
help her party succeed. She’s been sued multiple times and the Minnesota
Supreme Court has had to tell her on multiple occasions to do her job right.
She is actually being sued right now and the Supreme Court will likely
have to hear a case on Monday.

Her biggest challenger is a man named Mark Ritchie. Mark has 20 years
experience in nonpartisan organizing, voter registration, election
protection, and electronic voting work. He has spent his life outside of
party politics and has instead focused on helping everyone register and
vote. For more information on him you can go to www.markritchie06.net.

For those of you who care about parties Mark is a Democrat.

When you vote on Tuesday please go down your ballot and vote for Mark
Ritchie in the Secretary of State’s race.

Voting information:
• Polls are open from 7am to 8pm
• You vote in your own neighborhood, your own precinct. For information on
where to vote go to www.dfl.org. If you scroll down a bit in the middle
you’ll see a place to enter your zip code and find your polling place.
• If you are 18 years old, a citizen of the United States, and have not had
your voting rights taken away then you can vote.
• If you are not registered to vote you can register at the polls on
Election Day. Click here
http://www.markritchie06.net/register/index.html#sameday for details on what
you need to bring to the polls to vote

how quickly one gets lonely

Well I finally find myself with some free time, but dont necessarily have the energy to do any of the fun things i was waiting for time to do... maybe later.
Rock wants to watch strangers with candy tomorrow... everyone else will be out of town, so as long as i get some homework done.... shouldnt be too bad.
three papers and a test finished this week...
next week I got one test, and have decided to give up my tuesday after class to the democrats... for my brothers sake.

what will happen if his guy doesnt win?
I cant imagine spending a year working toward one goal and not accomplishing it.
Elections are not easy things, you sort of got to feel bad for someone either way...
but i do think its about time we won.

i sort of dont think i will go to the play this weekend but that bums me out too... normally i think i am very open to theater..

i spose i have nothing important to say right now... so later.
peace

im happy, as long as i wake up on time, 2 papers and a test done and out of the way... and im not worried about them being bad like i normally would be. maybe its cuz im tired right now, but i just read my asia paper and it made sense... which is a good sign...
tomorrow is my only day off of the official week days....
thursday i have two possible meetings and a paper due friday plus the normal overload of friday homework...
two of my teachers make weight fridays down with more reading because they are supposed to be discussion days...both teachers assume we will spread the readings out ourselves... but following the as yet named system college students seem to fall in to ---you know the one, where you get behind in one class and then all of a sudden instead of being on top of each class before the next session, you are trading off trying to constantly improve the one you are the most worried about, while the next one slides down because of your neglecting it... further illustration... I worked on methods, systems, and asia, so right now i am behind in war class, after i do the paper for friday in there i will work on systems for the test next week and the presentation after that, and while im doing that i will screw up on methods and asia class.... cuz its relatively cyclical...

---anyway

tonight i missed rocky horror... i own it so it doesnt REALLY matter... but it would have been nice to have finished this paper sooner and go with all these dressed up cats... maybe pictures of the fun my roommates had with out me soon.


_____
in other news
I have been having the funnest and craziest most realistic dreams lately... and thats awesome...

__________

um and zambra