Flowings of Your Everlasting Taffyman

had a really good time last night hanging with jenny e and her friend nicole and michael a...
Hadn't seen any of them in quite a while.
Both Jen and Nicole do massage therapy stuff, they were talking about all these techniques that help heal people and the sort of life changing things they had seen. I suddenly felt this overwhelming feeling that I had spent my life learning a lot of things that weren't necessary, meanwhile they were on some wonderful path. Of course I told them this, and they laughed at me and reassured me, but I really did feel very strongly about it. I guess its hard for me to simultaneously be a strong believer in other forms of medicine and yet having never had any experience with any of it, and certainly having no training, I cant really say I feel involved or a part of that world.
Four things I would like to know more about:
1) the world and its ways
2) some holistic (non biomed) healing
3) Indigenous beliefs about such.
4) the gay communities

The last two are harder because I don't have any sort of "in" nor do I feel that I can be a helpful part of either community without a lot of help and pity from those within. In the case of the first, often this is seen as sort of awful and selfishly motivated by the people. In the case of the second, its hard because I find my interactions with the gay communities to have been both positive and negative experiences. Often times people who have been hurt or struggle with society feel the need to prove that they are different, or push themselves away. I find this to be both understandable and hurtful to the overall picture. a friend of mine said recently that one of the reasons she is moving to ------ was to be around gay jews, something that I thought was interesting. She felt that she hadn't been as involved in either community as she would like, and felt somehow that these people would understand or relate to her more.

As a majority person, its hard for me to understand this need. Anywhere I go I am fairly accepted, or at least established... not necessarily "me" as a person, but me as a figure.
This identity has often been very upsetting for me in my life because clearly I am not always the typical white guy, but at the same time I cant necessarily dis-identify with this character because of course I not only benefit, but am very much a part of that society.

Anyway, I am a fairly open minded person, I try to be respectful, but that doesn't always mean good things come about. I will pursue these goals cautiously.

one thing I think is funny is that when I learn about the traditions of others, even if I believe them, I don't necessarily take part in them the same way. I often feel that that might be disrespectful. I have been invited to be part of events and ceremonies from other cultures and declined (probably not the right choice) because I didn't trust the other white people who were invited. Because I felt like to them it had no meaning and thus was a form of blasphemy. One thing I may have to get over (besides my defensiveness) is this very black and white (semi-western) idea that there is only one right way in a given situation. There is only one way to be respectful etc... those other white people felt that they were being respectful by participating regardless of whether they understood or not. Some people throw themselves in so as to try to understand... but like I said... I pursue my goals cautiously.