"A little less conversation, a little more action please
All this aggravation ain't satisfactioning me
A little more bite and a little less bark
A little less fight and a little more spark
Close your mouth and open up your heart and baby satisfy me
Satisfy me baby"

I went into work all early this morning, to find the problems the solutions and such. It all worked out and no one seemed the least bit concerned that i fucked up royally. They even thought it was funny that i was concerned enough to wake up this morning (my only day off this week) and show up to figure it out.

I really need to spell check these. Everyday i look over a few random posts and everything is all wrong. Matt I took cold medicine for a week and it didn't help at all, its all in our heads. I have been officially sick for like 2-3 weeks and unofficially since i got home from some other land.

Elizabeth of mauled by bears fame (she claims she will never post again, but i will keep trying) Is having babies, err the guinea pigs she is taking care of are having babies. We will keep u updated.

Enjoying these new cds mucho. Speaking french to myself in the car. They are spraying our lawn to make it chemically active, the lady that showed up to do it was looking at me like she either didn't believe i was who i am, was trying to figure out if she could take me in a fight, or really wanted to hop my bones. We will keep u updated. Maybe

Ever seem like life is just fuckin with ya? fir kicks maybe

Things i got to wonder about.

*Whats with my lil brother having 8 sticks of deoderant while i go a whole week reeking of BO cuz i ran out.

*Which of my family members threw elizabeth's bike down the hill.

*What the fuck i did wrong today at work that made the paper work for the till thing so fucked.

*What the fuck am I gonna do tonight?


So very monkeyish right now.

The kind of stuff my mom leaves carelessly around my house, and i tend to think is directed at me, because as james even admits, i tend to be a bit of a hypochondriac.

She had that printed out. Its pretty standard, as far as that stuff goes. Some of her other stuff is better but thats what was on top today. Im gonna go to work. Have fun.

check your news,
anyway u gotta love the fact that whenever our government is looking for something, say to link al Qaida and saddam, *poof* it just shows up. Hmm something to make france look bad, *poof* "we found it" weapons of mass destruction *poof* "why not over here?"

Im not saying none of this shit exists, i mean it all could, but if it doesnt, we will find it anyway, unless it serves a greater purpose to find it later, like in Syria.

Fun times. Charlton heston stepped down as pres to the NRA, a democrat looked really bad debating a republican on the gun issue this morning on cnn.

HMM Aimee took me and chris and her girls to a party thrown by a guy at jamba juice. So many heads that looked familiar, and yet i knew no one.

My drug needs more sugar, i gotta wake up, opening and closing and working alone at the mall today, pretty big responsibility considering its like my second week. Oh well wish me luck.

Gabs dont get SARS!! or whatever cuz thats some scary shit and u would probably live through it (it does not kill most) but ur boy mike aint got an immune system according to the note u left in my senior year book, so uh just dont get it.

do your rents still have you do chores when ur at home?
i went and get another job for my mom and now shes giving me work on top of the fact i work about everyday now.

im not mad i just think thats inconsiderate. Not that im not sayin im not alway inconsiderate to her, just one of us should be mature no?

sure everyone is entitled to their own views and such but i very much dislike the polls i see on political or even stupid issues, like aol's today about boycotting france.

this janis cd rocks the world i be working tonight home round 9:30ish think i can make the train?


i jumpon

Ever have those dreams where you and a pack of rag tag civilians are running from a giant army of renegades in some futuristic scenario, as in postapocalyptic, and there is just no where to go so you have to fight, or at least stop the army from finding your next hiding place. No? well your next hiding place is a circus pizza or something of the sort. (indoor kids carnival)

that is all i have to say for now. I think.

finally got some of those cds i been wanting,
the essential janis
the new big wu cd
chili peppers
and audioslave
also i downloaded the whole soul postition cd cuz it only has 6 songs and i already had 1 so no need to go there. Sadto screw the underground but maybe i can turn someone else onto buying a cd.

hello to all dont be shy say hi

how mike spends 3 mins so as not to be bored

and I'm not really that hungry
just bored
aint got no money,
to ride out to perkins
and sit amongst the friendlies
Yo escucho soul position
download pics for mass emissions
and its night time
makin me noctournal
yo escribo en mi journal

cause the last deck to fall
amongst the stars
create and relax
and watch the passing cars
corner of minni and lou
watch those who would pass through
through my town my sound my eternal hand pass through the city keep driving to get to foreign lands
u can tell u've gone to far
cuz it starts to smell
something fell
lets go back to the stars

I see distance and time as a giant piece of pie
and mines a bit of chocolate mousse
wipe the cream on the side
keep the swirls for the girls must impress and digest she likes a clean plate but u cant wait to take her back to the car.

oh have we gone too far? again
we can bend
spoons and shoelaces
across our brains and elbows
you get the coffee i'll say my hellos
fellas what you doin here?
always smoking section somewhere near the rear
i blame thee not the best view in the room
i like the freaks but cant handle the fumes
and that girl with the red hair caught both our eyes
cuz shes one of a kind
like the one u keep by your side.
my mouth is wide open and ready to be kicked
this shit is whack yo (oh yeah.... i like the "little less conversation remix" elvis song or whatever that is)

anonymous ~"the thespian gateway drug is coffee and methylphenidate. And the typical "mikey mike" friend (even though it should be a thespian, but it isnt) otherwise known as the skateboarding kid's gateway drug is alcohol and marijuana."

so i keep a lot of my e mails and look at them later or keep them until i respond.
4/5s of the e mail i have right now has in the subjects line "hey" "yo" or "dude" yall should tell me to shut my trap and get a new word.
"
I thought I was her daddy but she had five more."

also any of u rhymesayer's fans should hook me up a soul position cd next time u head to the store, that "oxford you really owe me" song is muy excellente. I pay u back and such, we kick it grand style.

If anyone still talks to ben cohen yall should tell him to get me a copy of his sweet bbq video, i been rockin out to that song all week and its bringing me back to late night viewings channel 14.
Summer will bring much communcation hopefully.
2 skinny j's are disbanding actually so ben's video will become all
famous and smokin and such amongst the underground at least. We must circulate.

Also vh1 is doing a diva search do u have what it takes?
(mike busts the dress out the closest)

ha no but this dude kept staring at me yesterday i wouldnt say he was unattractive, but it freaked me out cuz he kept coming back. That means i got 2 fans up at the mall that i have not intention of getting with. (the girl from the icing)

Hmm billy joel I havent been there for the longest time either.

oh and uh the check is in the mail

peoples i need to talk to
natasha
steph
morgan
elizabeth
french girl (not for any particular reason but u know)
sarah
fairchild
nova

dude thats a long ass list fuckin ell mate

yo sorry once again for um typing up that nonsense, and sorry especially to my mother and illy who apparently can never understand a damn word i type.
and uh from Sa martinez to ur lovely eyes


"here I go
my vibe is holy
my eyes closed
Either im asleep
or what im thinking is deep
Eventually I sigh and kick the sheets
and try to piece together why Im here
nothin except my own damn eyes and ears
and then it severs
so i listen to my heart
always and ever
if its not good it might get better
if its not good it might just sever.

we're waking it up
face up and shakin it up
we know of an extended field
this is the deal
letting and getting the vibes we want
open up your heart and proceed to feel
now you're inchin up
to the summit never plummet
boot your system up
and then bail with the middle
finger up
why you so abrupt
baby dont be corrupt!" from "sever"

"i wanna be a senator!!"

The summary for this Japanese page contains characters that cannot be correctly displayed in this language/character set.

sorry for the hella long posts lately but reading is good for ya, and im yo daddy apparently

(The following message is for anyone i had at least 7 different people in my head when i was writing and i dont mean no disrespect to no one.)


I find myself close to tears a lot lately as if there is something im holding back and it comes out at every chance. Close to ears is not really accurate cuz I spose I cried a little but it wasn't like sob sobs or nothing.
On the way to Tim's last night I found myself really overwhelmed with this feeling of responsibility (I guess) just like taking on too much in too little time and not feeling the weight lifting and realizing it would be ok when I got to Tim's something like that. So thanks to you two and to your parents Tim, good people. I feel really um I guess comforted just by that fact all of you exist.

hmm I guess I should talk about the Easter thing, and really I don't want anyone to be offended or like stop reading cuz its about to get ll Christian again and I know yall aren't always down with that, which I find I dunno sort of sad in a way.
I was telling a friend the other day that it makes me really well sad, that none of my friends are comforted by a religion, and knowing about only a few and truly knowing only 1 or 2 I guess I feel the need to share.

So cuz im Christian and it was Easter I'll rock this one out.
And I should start this by saying I have been really unsure about what exactly I believe in the past few months, but uh still.
So Jesus was this due right? and maybe he was God, maybe just inspired by God, maybe he was a schitzo it don't matter, for me he was at least in symbol an act of God telling people "look ur fucking it up, but i don't care anymore cuz i really just want to chill with you and yes, have you worship me." now a lot of humans are going wait worship? what's so great about God? well thats where some spins on life come in and its really hard to explain those (look in the archives i try all the time) but anyway, life is pretty sweet even when we are depressed and everything is shit the world is still fuckin unbelievable and really we all just forget that constantly, one reason we suck. but i guess most of us believe that there is a higher power of some sort not necessarily pulling strings or zapping shit with his kick ass lightning bolts or anything but something sort of looking out. We want to believe and honestly (at least for me) i think it helps make stuff all the more beautiful to believe that. So for me following in several million people footsteps, i was raised with some judeochristian beliefs and they seem to keep things rockin which is nice, and i also went out and tested that shit like mad and still do as much as possible cuz its good for ya.
(i will stop here for a sec to recap this babble)
Mike raised to believe in higher power, thinks its good, likes to think about it, yesterday was Easter, Jesus is a dude, who lived and died a while back, Jesus is a Jew, God says "look fuckers u suck, come dance with me."

got that? ok so Jesus was walking around preaching peace and love and maybe even a bit about a coming sword but i tend to believe that shit is beyond comprehension so screw that for now, but anyway Jesus pisses some people off cuz hes got all these dudes following him around and some local dudes in power don't like it so they execute him, and he knows its going to happen and he doesn't try to stop it.
So he dies. Yep hes dead as shit sitting up on some wood and people are going "hey what the fuck?"
so Jesus gets laid in this tomb and whether u believe this part of not, he comes back the day after the Sabbath (i believe) which is Sunday and he appears to some friends and he's like "yo i told u I'd be back where's my dinner?" and they give him his dinner and kiss and hug him and everything is coo for a month or so while he tells em how to live their lives and then they all go out all around the known world and u know the rest.

Why is the "Easter story" important? cuz i was thinking about it today and i was like seriously the God i believe in, this perfect being who created everything good I've ever known and ought to be praised and worshipped and all this stuff one day just decided, "hey u know what, "i care, i care enough to do some dirty work." now that's not just like some random guy who has to work a bit before the party this is like the rich dude who aint never had to work or been told to work, looking at his servant and saying "dude u don't have to do that, i can do it, u chill, I'll get the shit done and then we can veg out and have margaritas."
any of this making sense, are we at the "mike ive heard the damn story 4 times today already." point?

I dunno its weird how the more u let go of what ur holding onto and just let whatever come in the more it hits u how amazing life is.
to quote zach, and I will have to explain afterward but "i need more church in me."
and though I don't mean it how he did its good to have that relationship, bounce ideas off of and such.

whatever yall fuckers don't care but we be coo and i keep thanking God for yall and tellin him to watch ur backs.
peace and love and much respect to ya Taff

used without permission (my brother sent it to me in an e mail

Published on Wednesday, April 16, 2003 by
CommonDreams.org
'A Chill Wind is Blowing in This Nation...'
Transcript of the speech given by actor Tim Robbins to
the National Press Club in Washington, D.C., on April
15, 2003.

TIM ROBBINS: Thank you. And thanks for the invitation.
I had originally been asked here to talk about the war
and our current political situation, but I have
instead chosen to hijack this opportunity and talk
about baseball and show business. (Laughter.) Just
kidding. Sort of.

I can't tell you how moved I have been at the
overwhelming support I have received from newspapers
throughout the country in these past few days. I hold
no illusions that all of these journalists agree with
me on my views against the war. While the journalists'
outrage at the cancellation of our appearance in
Cooperstown is not about my views, it is about my
right to express these views. I am extremely grateful
that there are those of you out there still with a
fierce belief in constitutionally guaranteed rights.
We need you, the press, now more than ever. This is a
crucial moment for all of us.

For all of the ugliness and tragedy of 9-11, there was
a brief period afterward where I held a great hope, in
the midst of the tears and shocked faces of New
Yorkers, in the midst of the lethal air we breathed as
we worked at Ground Zero, in the midst of my
children's terror at being so close to this crime
against humanity, in the midst of all this, I held on
to a glimmer of hope in the naive assumption that
something good could come out of it.

I imagined our leaders seizing upon this moment of
unity in America, this moment when no one wanted to
talk about Democrat versus Republican, white versus
black, or any of the other ridiculous divisions that
dominate our public discourse. I imagined our leaders
going on television telling the citizens that although
we all want to be at Ground Zero, we can't, but there
is work that is needed to be done all over America.
Our help is needed at community centers to tutor
children, to teach them to read. Our work is needed at
old-age homes to visit the lonely and infirmed; in
gutted neighborhoods to rebuild housing and clean up
parks, and convert abandoned lots to baseball fields.
I imagined leadership that would take this incredible
energy, this generosity of spirit and create a new
unity in America born out of the chaos and tragedy of
9/11, a new unity that would send a message to
terrorists everywhere: If you attack us, we will
become stronger, cleaner, better educated, and more
unified. You will strengthen our commitment to justice
and democracy by your inhumane attacks on us. Like a
Phoenix out of the fire, we will be reborn.

And then came the speech: You are either with us or
against us. And the bombing began. And the old
paradigm was restored as our leader encouraged us to
show our patriotism by shopping and by volunteering to
join groups that would turn in their neighbor for any
suspicious behavior.

In the 19 months since 9-11, we have seen our
democracy compromised by fear and hatred. Basic
inalienable rights, due process, the sanctity of the
home have been quickly compromised in a climate of
fear. A unified American public has grown bitterly
divided, and a world population that had profound
sympathy and support for us has grown contemptuous and
distrustful, viewing us as we once viewed the Soviet
Union, as a rogue state.

This past weekend, Susan and I and the three kids went
to Florida for a family reunion of sorts. Amidst the
alcohol and the dancing, sugar-rushing children, there
was, of course, talk of the war. And the most
frightening thing about the weekend was the amount of
times we were thanked for speaking out against the war
because that individual speaking thought it unsafe to
do so in their own community, in their own life. Keep
talking, they said; I haven't been able to open my
mouth.

A relative tells me that a history teacher tells his
11-year-old son, my nephew, that Susan Sarandon is
endangering the troops by her opposition to the war.
Another teacher in a different school asks our niece
if we are coming to the school play. They're not
welcome here, said the molder of young minds.

Another relative tells me of a school board decision
to cancel a civics event that was proposing to have a
moment of silence for those who have died in the war
because the students were including dead Iraqi
civilians in their silent prayer.

A teacher in another nephew's school is fired for
wearing a T- shirt with a peace sign on it. And a
friend of the family tells of listening to the radio
down South as the talk radio host calls for the murder
of a prominent anti-war activist. Death threats have
appeared on other prominent anti-war activists'
doorsteps for their views. Relatives of ours have
received threatening e-mails and phone calls. And my
13-year-old boy, who has done nothing to anybody, has
recently been embarrassed and humiliated by a sadistic
creep who writes -- or, rather, scratches his column
with his fingernails in dirt.

Susan and I have been listed as traitors, as
supporters of Saddam, and various other epithets by
the Aussie gossip rags masquerading as newspapers, and
by their fair and balanced electronic media cousins,
19th Century Fox. (Laughter.) Apologies to Gore Vidal.
(Applause.)

Two weeks ago, the United Way canceled Susan's
appearance at a conference on women's leadership. And
both of us last week were told that both we and the
First Amendment were not welcome at the Baseball Hall
of Fame.

A famous middle-aged rock-and-roller called me last
week to thank me for speaking out against the war,
only to go on to tell me that he could not speak
himself because he fears repercussions from Clear
Channel. "They promote our concert appearances," he
said. "They own most of the stations that play our
music. I can't come out against this war."

And here in Washington, Helen Thomas finds herself
banished to the back of the room and uncalled on after
asking Ari Fleischer whether our showing prisoners of
war at Guantanamo Bay on television violated the
Geneva Convention.

A chill wind is blowing in this nation. A message is
being sent through the White House and its allies in
talk radio and Clear Channel and Cooperstown. If you
oppose this administration, there can and will be
ramifications.

Every day, the air waves are filled with warnings,
veiled and unveiled threats, spewed invective and
hatred directed at any voice of dissent. And the
public, like so many relatives and friends that I saw
this weekend, sit in mute opposition and fear.

I am sick of hearing about Hollywood being against
this war. Hollywood's heavy hitters, the real power
brokers and cover-of-the- magazine stars, have been
largely silent on this issue. But Hollywood, the
concept, has always been a popular target.

I remember when the Columbine High School shootings
happened. President Clinton criticized Hollywood for
contributing to this terrible tragedy -- this, as we
were dropping bombs over Kosovo. Could the violent
actions of our leaders contribute somewhat to the
violent fantasies of our teenagers? Or is it all just
Hollywood and rock and roll?

I remember reading at the time that one of the
shooters had tried to enlist to fight the real war a
week before he acted out his war in real life at
Columbine. I talked about this in the press at the
time. And curiously, no one accused me of being
unpatriotic for criticizing Clinton. In fact, the same
radio patriots that call us traitors today engaged in
daily personal attacks on their president during the
war in Kosovo.

Today, prominent politicians who have decried violence
in movies -- the "Blame Hollywooders," if you will --
recently voted to give our current president the power
to unleash real violence in our current war. They want
us to stop the fictional violence but are okay with
the real kind.

And these same people that tolerate the real violence
of war don't want to see the result of it on the
nightly news. Unlike the rest of the world, our news
coverage of this war remains sanitized, without a
glimpse of the blood and gore inflicted upon our
soldiers or the women and children in Iraq. Violence
as a concept, an abstraction -- it's very strange.

As we applaud the hard-edged realism of the opening
battle scene of "Saving Private Ryan," we cringe at
the thought of seeing the same on the nightly news. We
are told it would be pornographic. We want no part of
reality in real life. We demand that war be
painstakingly realized on the screen, but that war
remain imagined and conceptualized in real life.

And in the midst of all this madness, where is the
political opposition? Where have all the Democrats
gone? Long time passing, long time ago. (Applause.)
With apologies to Robert Byrd, I have to say it is
pretty embarrassing to live in a country where a
five-foot- one comedian has more guts than most
politicians. (Applause.) We need leaders, not
pragmatists that cower before the spin zones of former
entertainment journalists. We need leaders who can
understand the Constitution, congressman who don't in
a moment of fear abdicate their most important power,
the right to declare war to the executive branch. And,
please, can we please stop the congressional sing-a-
longs? (Laughter.)

In this time when a citizenry applauds the liberation
of a country as it lives in fear of its own freedom,
when an administration official releases an attack ad
questioning the patriotism of a legless Vietnam
veteran running for Congress, when people all over the
country fear reprisal if they use their right to free
speech, it is time to get angry. It is time to get
fierce. And it doesn't take much to shift the tide. My
11-year-old nephew, mentioned earlier, a shy kid who
never talks in class, stood up to his history teacher
who was questioning Susan's patriotism. "That's my
aunt you're talking about. Stop it." And the stunned
teacher backtracks and began stammering compliments in
embarrassment.

Sportswriters across the country reacted with such
overwhelming fury at the Hall of Fame that the
president of the Hall admitted he made a mistake and
Major League Baseball disavowed any connection to the
actions of the Hall's president. A bully can be
stopped, and so can a mob. It takes one person with
the courage and a resolute voice.

The journalists in this country can battle back at
those who would rewrite our Constitution in Patriot
Act II, or "Patriot, The Sequel," as we would call it
in Hollywood. We are counting on you to star in that
movie. Journalists can insist that they not be used as
publicists by this administration. (Applause.) The
next White House correspondent to be called on by Ari
Fleischer should defer their question to the back of
the room, to the banished journalist du jour.
(Applause.) And any instance of intimidation to free
speech should be battled against. Any acquiescence or
intimidation at this point will only lead to more
intimidation. You have, whether you like it or not, an
awesome responsibility and an awesome power: the fate
of discourse, the health of this republic is in your
hands, whether you write on the left or the right.
This is your time, and the destiny you have chosen.

We lay the continuance of our democracy on your desks,
and count on your pens to be mightier. Millions are
watching and waiting in mute frustration and hope -
hoping for someone to defend the spirit and letter of
our Constitution, and to defy the intimidation that is
visited upon us daily in the name of national security
and warped notions of patriotism.

Our ability to disagree, and our inherent right to
question our leaders and criticize their actions
define who we are. To allow those rights to be taken
away out of fear, to punish people for their beliefs,
to limit access in the news media to differing
opinions is to acknowledge our democracy's defeat.
These are challenging times. There is a wave of hate
that seeks to divide us -- right and left, pro-war and
anti-war. In the name of my 11-year-old nephew, and
all the other unreported victims of this hostile and
unproductive environment of fear, let us try to find
our common ground as a nation. Let us celebrate this
grand and glorious experiment that has survived for
227 years. To do so we must honor and fight vigilantly
for the things that unite us -- like freedom, the
First Amendment and, yes, baseball. (Applause.)

to follow that last note
To whom it may concern

So I woke up early as shit for 2 reasons, 1 i gotta work from 10:30 till 8 so obviously some coffee was in order. The second and only decided upon after I woke (shower thoughts) I should write a friend an e mail since i probably wont get to talk to him till monday and the matter is concerning. Heavy letters at 9:22, is that a proper undertaking? Im not really sure and i dont want to fuck this one up.
So maybe monday, a call, more coffee.

Publicly stated intentions of would be interventions, for now suspensions of deep thought and of matters concerning...

for mat J
hopefully this sounds familiar ~ the weakerthans

"We emerged from youth all wide-eyed like the rest. Shedding skin faster than skin can grow, and armed with hammers, feathers, blunt knives: words, to meet and to define and to... but you must know the same games that we played in dirt, in dusty school yards has found a higher pitch and broader scale than we feared possible, and someone must be picked last, and one must bruise and one must fail. And that still twitching bird was so deceived by a window, so we eulogized fondly, we dug deep and threw its elegant plumage and frantic black eyes in a hole, and rushed out to kill something new, so we could bury that too.

The first chapters of lives almost made us give up altogether. Pushed towards tired forms of self immolation that seemed so original. I must, we must never stop watching the sky with our hands in our pockets, stop peering in windows when we know doors are shut. Stop yelling small stories and bad jokes and sorrows, and my voice will scratch to yell many more, but before I spill the things I mean to hide away, or gouge my eyes with platitudes of sentiment, I'll drown the urge for permanence and certainty; crouch down and scrawl my name with yours in wet cement."

when i have a brain to think with i think i'll start posting again, until then fair well and have fun

sick as a motherfucker

working all week

partied down with some cats tonight

"I'm in you
You're in me
I can't tell"

with plenty of friends with suvs (cuz really doesnt everyone need one!!!)

Hmm I bet they make mad cash off the kids who buy the stickers though

i had some great lines tonight in a chatroom.
I will now try to recreate them

(other dude to another person, not me) jesus is standing at the door, will you make the choice to let him in?
(me) yah jesus is like "yo im outside and its raining, let my ass in"
then there was silence for a sec maybe cuz they were thinking maybe cuz i said "ass" and jesus in the same sentence.
so i finished it with
(me) ass as in donkey
(me) cuz jesus likes donkeys

oh the hilarity!!!!!!

also i apparently helped a woman get back on her feet. so thats cool good deed of the day and such

Well a person can work up a mean mean thirst

dude whoever is rocken out at the chartermi.net and coms here quite often u should stop that.
not that i dont appreciate it i mean it makes me feel like a champion but the truth is that one: i aint so entertainging and 2: i may post often but it aint worth stopping by for every lil tidbit.

Hmm second i dont understand how any jam band type person isnt into yanni. have u heard live at the acropolis es muy excellente.
(my guess is after that yanni comment chartermi wont be back for at least 3 days)

and on top of that, cannon in d fucken beauty

i been watching too much history channel lately, i wish professional nerd was a job, not like paper writing nerd moe like couch potato nerd, cuz i would rock out like mad style.

also my brother steve also admitted to loving brad pitt today and we are pretty different so either its a family thing or everyone loves brad pitt.

"sorry to shit all over the place dude."
"Dude, its ok."

(i told myself i wouldnt post today)
"White riot - I wanna riot
White riot - a riot of my own
White riot - I wanna riot
White riot - a riot of my own" ~the clash

Gophers, victory, dinky town, flaming cars dumpsters paper stands, one looted beverage store, broken signs and street lights, glass, riot gear, drunken collegiates, pot smoke and tear gas, mace, large wooden beat down sticks, crowds, obstructed traffic, Sid Danny Elizabeth and I.

Pressed into tragedy
exacting ransoms in their entirety
throw off shackles why? I'm weary
lost in my idol
call it complacity

Pressed and pressed and pressed again, papers suppressed and thoughts revoked, breathes and coughs and coughs and chokes, the air was hot I don't remember when.
Find you pen and write it down three parts to depart with ink and blood fill it's void, it's fantasy
slip back to complacity

Slide she said in un done tone, find your thoughts and dreams to roam
slide in fact and slide again slide in dreams where feathers bend, slide your days until the phone, wake to dream you were alone. Slightly off and slightly free slightly less of you and me, slightly gone, still eyes are free, rest me there complacity.

The needle in the needle out, freak and fold, hung up on poles. Sun in warmth with strides to high, crying, our unearthed foundation.
Famine feasts and finds us fasting nearing on the everlasting, verge of heaven, maybe insanity
shedding our complacity.

Lay me down, while splatters and trickles, reach the sides the forth drawn sickle
lay me down in beds of clay, mold me, sculpt but find a way
to reach through walls millennia old
draw me back into the fold
lay to find in trance and beat, cast off complacity to be complete.

I've become apathetic and dull, where are you?
stuck in continuance not yet full, where are you?
absence continence feel its pull, where are you?
im devoured

Isnt it ironic?
at the aspen institute there is a William Randolph Hearst minority scholarship.

(hearst was pro nazi, anti minority, and had an extreme hatred for mexicans. He is even somewhat credited with helping start the spanish american war of 1898)

what a guy

(cuz i been rapping this lately to myself)
The proper use of an english class (to not do the assignment and write rap songs with the other singer in your band (HUNG)) oh yeah.

Circle entities leave me feeling left out
out of time out of rhyme with no feelings of sublime
why when caring gets involved are the walls brought up and who complains in the rain if the suns still out?

Artistically challenged brought to the form and formality
constantly waiting for a new surface reality
ever emerging, the Earth and the sorrow it bred
ever submerging new thoughts in my head
uplifting the guilt I've been shifting and fitting it into the next womb
who's next to be consumed
ripped through, but danced with
please interact with those feelings you've displaced you brought them to this place
showed them with your face
its aggressiveness formed from the shape of your brow
and the flared nostrils still wondering how?
get rid of it you don't need but still repeat it end up once again with everyone gettin cheated and you ask how to beat it?
I already told you once why much I always say things twice?
don't you think a single moment of pure truth should suffice?
but in the end I'm not representing nothin but vice
so I say it with forgiveness and the roll of some new dice

Circle entities leave me feeling left out
out of time out of rhyme with no feelings of sublime
why when caring gets involved are the walls brought up and who complains in the rain if the suns still out?

I got my cloud my chair but my air is still missing
still waiting for breath and some life to be kissing
like the girl in the dream that I had last night
she was strange and deranged but left me feeling so light
my heart heavy with thought as I search and wonder
mind displaying and betraying all the secrets I ponder
my deliberations in the morning will be of life and reward
instead of reality, a life I cant afford
not that I couldn't get it, I mean I could If I tried, and I would if I thought these gentle visions were really such a bad ride,
like the truth in your eye, shows you know I never lied, until the day I came to you for help and got denied.
still
Circle entities leave me feeling left out
out of time out of rhyme with no feelings of sublime
why when caring gets involved are the walls brought up and who complains in the rain if the suns still out?

I been dancing round in my head for a day and three nights
dissecting and rejecting looking for the cause of these fights
the flights from reality, my mind just one fatality, not worried bout punctuality, the truth in its totality
Is what I got to find when I do I'll bind it to my brain
all these fools looking at me askin "is he insane?
does he pick a lane, or swerve from left to right?" tryin to do it all mindful of police and stop lights.
stoppin school yard fights, up all night in search of new heights,
picked on by big dogs with loud barks and harsh bites,
Could I be the one in the alley shootin smack?
more likely the shy and sober one standin in the back
thats the way I play cuz all around me
got the pale imaginations of a crazy monkey,
always seems to be one guy who's convinced im a junky
sorry to disappoint I'm just a bored student flunky.

Circle entities leave me feeling left out
out of time out of rhyme with no feelings of sublime
why when caring gets involved are the walls brought up and who complains in the rain if the suns still out?

things brought to u by the number 2 + 2

Uno: I get to eat all the candy I want at my new job, first off on this note, im trying to lose weight not gain it but second I could easily put this place out of business by myself.

dos: my mom finds it extremely funny that when she gets her name changed (marriage) and they move in, mail will come to the reverends stevensen's, as in dos revs stevensens.

tres: Grant my mom's fiance is mucho proud of the fact that certain republican pastors at the Lutheran seminary in St. Paul petitioned against his (major) role in the service for the not yet dead of this war. He plans to buy a frame at target.

Chris (my future step brother) says "not really" to my want to say anything question.

Update on that dressing up looking nice thing

I look like a bozo

as you may or may not be able to tell by the fact I have posted three times in the last like half hour, im sort of nervous.

A couple days ago my mom offered to pay me to cut my hair for her wedding. "I want it to look nice" she said sort of whining.
"it should be long enough to tie back by then."
"ugggghhh" ~my mother

Yesterday she said she wanted me to work 40 hours a week.
I understand some of yall out there probably do that.
But lets be honest, do i seem like a 40 hour a week guy?
35 max

I just got an e mail that said QUIT SMOKING NOW!!

Well I dont know how they knew, but I guess since they do I should probably follow their orders, so from now on whenever I say I'm gonna smoke crack I need you guys to tell me "no mike!"

This may be a trying time so I'm sorry if I seem a bit stressed.
and if I pick up a bad habit like I dunno meth for instance, I'm sorry I let you down but most of all I'm sorry I let you down.

So after doing up my hair all fancy last night I asked my lil brother Steve if it looked OK,

I said "Steve does this look OK?"
He said "well um what's it supposed to look like?"

Now this is the about the normal level of reassurance one can expect from a brother however it wasn't very reassuring.
However just moments later he was saying something like "I'm gonna shave my head every other day from now on."

So I figure its muy bien.

I find this funny. my mother's sermons

dude hot or not blogs please work.

Mike starts a new job tomorrow possibly if they let his hair fly. oh yes mike has freaky hair how will the new job handle it?

um so yeah i shaved and tied it all back as best i could but who knows really.
should i dress up all fancy?

yo to the vegan readers how do yall feel about silk?
just wondering i was thinking it was kinda gross in the same way as all the other stuff we do, but i was reading into it and first off the moths are no longer wild creatures, second most of em cant fly anymore because of breeding and third, they die in a day or two after hatching anyway so the industry is keeping the species alive. vegan society-- silk production

For seconds, i'd like a plate full of sliced fruit


i mean not that i dont want to see this shit too, but really isnt it a little convenient that the peoples they show cheering on the news come from the most discriminated sections of iraq? no shit the kurds are happy until the turks come in next week. Yes the people in saddam city are gonna be cheering cuz they aint got shit from the iraqi government since the damn thing started. But chances are you aint gonna see the people in the al-Mansour neighborhood cheering for a few more weeks when a hundred thousand saddam city folks move in (The poor people will go squat in the rich houses when they are vacant, there for u will see the same folks cheering again, cuz they just moved up a step or two in the materialistic sense of life)

Im glad the people are getting "liberated" no one in my house likes saddam but im still saying we didnt need the high fucken casualty count

really someone tell me for serious yo, why is it that tobacco companies arent supposed to advertise to kids but the us army can?
and on a side note to that question, why cant a 18 yr old drink if he can vote kill (for the army) and be tried as an adult?
not that i want all yall fuckers drinking im just saying u need to get ur asses up off the damn sofa and vote this shit to the fucken curb yo. that goes for your favorite little herb too.
You really think the adults who would keep u from getting this shit are voting in record numbers? na were just to damn apathetic to try anything.
my 2 cents after watching 10 mins of news, 5 mins of music videos and 2 mins of commercials. Back to you bob.

I need to stop preaching and teaching it aint my job.
always telling cats what to do and how to say. and sure sometimes they ask but really they aint asking and it makes me feel nice to go tell it on the mountain u know so i take advantage and spiel forth public goo.
but alas it will continue cuz its what i do. but yall should say once in a while "mike, shut the fuck up. we all know what u saying we sick of hearing u blab blab blabbin. ur jibber jabber though sometimes funny and insightful is mostly just deluded nonsense. we are smarted than you, dont u forget it!" ~you
yes thats what u should do.

Ryan im gonna make a public apology for always blabbing on ur site, in uno minuto.

some one should create a drink that tastes like orange juice after u have just brushed your teeth, or chewed mint gum cuz Im sure some masochistic motherfuckers would buy it.

yo lil miss um sorry to walk out on ya like that, especially while u were saying such nice things, but the nerd in me had been calling all night and i couldnae resist anymore, shite i tell ye i didnae even have a fucken chance mate, for fucks sake i couldnae resist.

also im worried i dont see half my friends enough. this girl ive known for a while like a friend of a friend recently said another friend of hers runs her relationships by quantity not quality (basically she was trying to say the girl has a million friends and never spends time with any of them) im worried im getting that way. I have like 5 people im sposed to call per night, like i was spose to have called natasha tonight but then i had to work and since illy and aimee visited me at work it seemed kind of rude to say "no i cant go chill with u for an hour"
but it really sucks cuz like i like all my friends i want to spend time with em. (none of the ones in town read this so its ok) but like i want to go do something with fairchild or jenny e but first off i aint got nothing to do and second i never know when to call em. and like they all got work or school and they all got their own lives and i dont really feel like im part of their lives but they all say "call me" and i want to. also and i hate to say it but i do need my alone time i gotta chill and be a nerd by myself sometimes. arrrgghhhh its sad cuz some people would see this as me complaining that i have too many friends and technically they'd be right (im noticing this as i keep writing) but that aint what im trying to do i just feel really bad for not being a good friend and its getting to me.

and this is gonna be one of those straight up bio posts: as in "this was my day."

Nick woke me up, thats little nick, not my boss, and said "i got lots of homework, u should work for me tonight" and I said fine. So i struggled to get ready though it was 3:00 pm and i had to work at 4:30 but i was up till 7:00 this morning playing computer games like a nerd (something i have been getting back into) so i figure it was ok for me to be sleepy despite the hour. At the mall, my boss greeted me and said it was dead and we talked about my new job options as in im probably gonna be working at the candy shop across from my work for the next few months, and that will be swell cuz i owe my mom like 500 bucks for car insurance and thats just for 6 months. Anyway then I started a working and oh boy was it fun (sarcasm applied) cuz it was slow, but there was one good thing, the damn easter bunny is set up across from us and today there was a youthful bunny. A youthful and flirtatious bunny, dancing and prancing and waving and miming all sorts of conversations. picking up little kids, playing hide and seek. Anyway it was entertaining, and she liked me.
Several cats i knew stopped by not necessarily for me, since nick was supposed to be working. Anyway after work i got some fast food cuz i was starving and then lauren and illy and aimee drove me around in their earth killer mobiles and they drank and smoked and i ate french fries.
Now im trying to convince pete to smooth over relations with aimee cuz they been a squabbling.


and i'll be honest i actually did spell check this and just ignored a lot of what they told me to do so ha

"fuck this noise!" as zach would say
hot or not blogs can kiss my ass

"Oh, if You're ever unsatisfied with the way life's treating You
You know You can count on me to take good care of You
I love you honey oh yes I do You know that's true of course
and if your dog or cat ever dies, I'll buy You a Ewe" ~ phish and I

Tim those under water cameras say outdoor only for a reason.

sorry no party or montreal pics

25th hour is an interesting movie spike lee dont let a brother down

Natasha is a funny girl, she goes "so you should call me"
I say "like when in a few days or next week?"
"oh whenever, im pretty clear for the next few days."
"so i should call u in the next few days?"
"na, i have sat free, sunday free, monday..."
"so i should call you in the next few days?"
"sure."
and then we said goodbyes.

hmm it occured to me the other day that i have very few pictures of my friends, other then yearbooks.
I need a camera (i have 3 i dont use) and some money to develop (even though i got a friend on the inside)

yep im lazy but i do love ur smilin faces

"Last chance for owner to claim ring

The St. Louis Park Police Department has a men’s 14-carat gold ring that was found Nov. 4, 2001, along 39th Street and Lynn Avenue in St. Louis Park. Engraved on the ring are the initials “D.S.K. to G.P.B.” The owner of the ring needs to provide the date engraved on the ring to police.

Information: 952-924-2612 (Sgt. John Geible). " sun baby sun

whoever said the slp police dont do no good yall


Come on guys that ring could be yours! all you have to do is guess the lucky date.

its really funny to hear native spanish speakers say the word "job" cuz they say it with an h like "hob" only hold out the o a bit like "Hobe"
but then for some reason that almost makes more sense, like a hob (by) only its not always fun and u get paid so its only half a "hob"

anyway i need a hob.

"I took the goo!" ~hung (with 2 johnsons)

Im trying to get this hot or not blog thing going and it isnt working

hmm pete pretty much came up with this but for future reference, if u hear him or I refer to a "penis friend" that just means a friend who is male. If ur hear either of us refer to a "vagina friend" that simply means a friend who is female.

That should clear up any confusion. (lets see if this gets censored)

When I was in Paris, 3 French kids played covers and originals on acoustic guitars underneath the moonlight and the Notre Dam cathedral.
One of these tunes was "La Bamba" a classic. The 2 Italian kids we were with (both of whom were really cool and the chica mad hot) sang along. The rest of us, a sorry group of americans, canadians and australians struggled to remember the words but wanted so badly to be part of that wonderful chorus. Later that night I decided I would learn that song (and several others) cuz I owed it to the world and myself. So the next time u here it. remember these words.

Thats the richie valens version me thinks enjoy.

V card holders please stand up,

me and gabs were just compiling a list, im on that list, its a weird thing.

Always someone there to keep my eyes in pride

Yall should give me suggestions for songs to put on a mix cd

A friend of mine over the phone a sec ago, said this while talking about the relationship change between him and a former enemy while under extreme circumstances.
"I would start fights with him, and then he would beat my ass."


i found that amusing...

Hello again dear, well i have 15 mins so why not post since blogger has kept me out for a bit.
3 links from special people.

Godspeed You Black Emperor!'s call to peace (curtesy of tim)


Strongbad curtesy of pete

Matt curtesy of oh wait i guess just 2 special people, cuz this one is from me in repercussion or something. I havent seen matt in a long time. He likes smilin liar or liked anyway, i know a guy in that band. I should have thought out an intro before introducing eh?

Anyway look for them on the side in the future. Not right now though cuz i gotta go.

And now for more bad shit coming from me to you curtesy of the number 2
and batman's underpants

Estrange

To top it all off I've got a book of screws, not books of mechanical parts, drivers, hammers or wrenches, though I spose some of these have been real driven, or pounded and in this last case certainly a wrench in the works of what he once thought natural. But isn't it natural, isn't it? Was it not meant to be biologically?
Repeated thoughts of disaster, confused and enraged,
at once in doubt of every thing taken for granted, every molecule's existence. You can wind your way down that alley my friend, but be weary of where it takes you.

its a weird night

I should have gone out I did and returned early solo driving states and cities of madness passing by, "ya got lots of possibilities!" the thought that echoes through my head and to convince you even more representations of monetary units fly across kitchen tables several feet away. Morning promises the gray "did ye not know that son?" Figs and dates wrapped up in would be leather pouches and sold for pennies "you can get anything in this country for like a dollar man, its amazing." Sometimes i want to cry and dont know why.
In conclusion you balance the budget like so.
Split
slit and slash
pull the curtains back,
ask for the time of day then just hit play

and the world just keeps spinning...

"I must have read a thousand faces"

weird to talk to a grandmother about her recently deceased daughter and troubled grandchildren.

I have to go to work.

I just returned from probably what has easily been one of the best road trips ever. I had a wonderful time, despite constantly feeling weird and gross, but all of that is for later, then i got home and found out i got into morris, and thats cool, then i checked my mail and found out around the time i was driving through michigan a friend of mines mom went to the hospital, and around the time pete was driving through wisconsin she died.

Its weird how no words convey anything when faced with that.
We were reduced to simple "hello and bye" and i dont know what to do, i been thinking bout this girl all week and even praying for her, which is something i rarely do on a individual basis, but now what?

I had like the fourth friend this month tell me yesterday i leave town too much, and on that note Were goin to montreal!

road trips galore. So if ur trying to reach me or pete or amy a in the next few days u might want to try by means of contacting gabs. or petes cell phone which may still be working.

Also um "your balls are showing" ~ ace ventura 2

Ok well i guess thats it no great works of genious coming out of this mind today, ryan have a nice flight. Everyone else take care of yourself and someone else. peace and love from the T to the A to the double F y? cuz we flow like rivers, currents, streams of time, motionless motion until the cup overflows and spills the ills that have befallen the world, remember in "liberation," no need for your flag to unfurl. ---- thanks to the brit parliament for that one good looking out.

For everyone's info my hard lemonade tastes like lemonade with alcohol in it. Go figure eh?
peace and love from sober cab mike and steve my bald headed brother.

"March 9 – A employee of Half-Price Books, 5017 Excelsior Blvd., was taking unsold material out to the dumpster behind the building when he saw a male in his mid-20s rummaging around inside. When the employee told the man to get out of the dumpster the man jumped out, punched the employee in the face and drove off. " ~ from the sun

commentary by Tim (used without permission, sorry)

Mike,
I am positive that March 9 was the day I was in their dumpster and the guy
told me I could not be there. We talked for a while about why, I walked
away, waited until he left, grabbed my last box of books, and left. Was
that paragraph in the Sun? I hope it is made up, cause dumpsters divers are
being given a bad name, and cause no one (with a few exceptions) deserves a
punch in the face : )
Peace (as people think only of themselves),
Tim

Check out my band's website at:
www.mp3.com/youandthesound

"Approximately 6,000 people [actually approximately 3,000] perished in the
September 11th attacks. Our nation reels from that despicable brutality. But
those who died from the attacks on that tragic day were not alone. On
September 11th, 35,000 children worldwide died of hunger. A similar number
of children died on September 12th, and again on the 13th, and on every
single day since then. Meanwhile, we in the U.S. feed 80% of our grain
harvest to livestock so that a people whose cholesterol levels are too high
can have cheap meat."
- John Robbins


Thats tim's signiture
anyway i found this all amusing so why not show u what the world has come to. Also it shows the extreme bias of the media. Word up yo

"Wide pain in the blue white break up
All paths divide
Life has a way of opening up" ~Jf

A few years ago i went a trip with several friends and several soon to be friends and it was a jolly good time, though i was very sad the whole time. This is where you hear stories of long island ice teas and mrs lane being insane but in a pleasant way.
The intoxication caused by lemoncello "its a cultural thing"

Why be sad amongst so much fun, so much joy, so much history culture and beauty?
I had a crush. or rather 5 yep and thats that story, cuz u know me. Why do I say this, cuz im listening to that cd, oh memories.

"round 2, Fight!"
Last night I had a dream or rather several but I only remember one real well.

"We were somewhere around Barstow, on the edge of the desert, when the drugs began to take hold."

but anyway my family and I (mi madres side no tengo un papa en el dream)
the four of us traveling through southern Iraq to get to god knows where but it was just a pass through country on a grander road trip, and yes we knew the inherent danger in our mission but Iraq was too beautiful to miss so we drove up to the border guard station (which looked like a truck stop only with a gate to let people in) where I realized i had forgotten my passport, (the plot thickens) i told my mom and she seemed unconcerned. Im not quite sure if we were using american passports or not. Anyway they let us through and we were driving along in our land rover and there was war and destruction all over but it wasnt concerning us we were more interested in the good views of the river valleys (where western civilization started, which i as a nerd, even in my dreams had to point out) but anyway then we got stopped by a tank or something and they were mean and i woke up.

I have to say the video of johnny cash doing "hurt" (NIN) is pretty fuckin sweet up there in my top videos

u should check it out

I been real shite at posting lately

not much to say i guess, Godspeed you black emperor at first ave was pretty sweet, thanks to tim and kristen for that, though i think yall would agree it was way too crowded.

and um dont watch fox news cuz they suck
and um if u pray, pray for the peoples of the world tonight cuz we need it. peace and love Taff

cats at petes on friday. one night only sounds like before we exit for montreal

rockin the tiny little socks that barely cover ur feet
"and it feels like summer everyday im with you" ~Noah

i been fucking with shit randomly so if shit is scrwy its my fault

I just wrote this big political rant hating on our current state but uh u all know how i feel.
Sorry I havent posted in a while, college shit, trips, work, crazy uplift mofo party plan
u know shit.

I had a sweet time in Boulder chillin with my homie, seeing joey and stopping by grinnell is always a treat
nova is kicken it workin her ass off in mexico right now. Now im back and i feel like a slug, cuz i aint done shit and i apparently dont have to work until i get back from montreal so watching that money. Anyone do either peace events yesterday?

the original poem from petes library

The Next Chapter

Flinging off responses so candidly
Emotions like blood spill from the flood
A retrospective, introspective
search seek and deny
My flights aren’t good enough, so why am I?
I speak upon the journey of two fortnights past
and I pass it away
Pass over it in conversation.
They tell me to write about it, as if it were the pivotal moment in this man’s life,
but for me just a flight,
more comfy than papers, math books and college applications, examinations of who I am.
I’ll take them on my own time, in foreign lands, thank you.
Soul Searching
My natural rhythm
Enlightenment my natural drive.
Rejection my fear,

Decades making this transition
This trip, my last attempt at an intermission
Before life in their eyes,
becomes mine.

Ryan's blog on the side.

I'm disheartened by the amount of comments he gets. Oh well I feel like a poodle in need of a bath. Dont ask me why.

that post from grinnell wasnt about a person by the way. I just felt like i was on drugs which is always a fun time to write.
More later this post is about the link...

Kristen i will probabaly not be back by friday so if ur goin to pleasure pause have fun and um also brendan is invited to tims right cuz he will probably be back in town and i may be giving him a ride home.

Also i am at petes place in boulder and its pretty pete style as in comfy dirty fun yeah were already into the gossip and everythings like old times. This applicaton to college thing is really getting on my nerves i dont know why. Last night i felt awkward all night i wonder why? novas mad cool.

4 books referred to in an open argument (its just what came to mind)

Common states of interest, possibly just a formality, no prerequisites in my book to have a good time, unless you perpetrate that most unholy crime.
Nova says I should look at my website for inspiration, funny to look at past adventures when having one. We flew in formation today, the two of them and I quick bonds made and lost on a trip across time. I dream of staying up all night having wonderful chats tonight. Wouldn't even have to be with her or her or her maybe you though, what you up to? Must you work so hard and communicate so awfully, much like myself I must regretfully add. Two different styles and we both come to the same sad outcome. Wouldn't it be wonderful though, lets start off with that same old line truth be told I never met you before tonight but in my dreams we can last much longer though I'm lost and gone forever en la manana. And my stomach hurts but it feels good to have this sort of energy, this calm nervousness of possibility. You inspire me you world you lovely energy you excitement and adventure you chats on war and politics and sex and secrets revealed. I've never sat at a table with so many lesbians, one or two but oh you. So did you wake up this morning and say "lets inspire him" or do u do it naturally? Are you so beautiful? Oh I think you are right now I feel it. I could never come here again and feel so____right. Tonight will end oh why you? Would you leave us so un- fed? why must you always push me away you? I'm sick of spiting you, inviting you back, I wish we were all together, me you and you and her and him but not her unless oh we must, her too, but you must inspire her or she will bring us all down.

You pimp you pusher, you've got me hooked. I cant believe you could be so openly cruel. Don't slap, you, you selfish and insecure oh why do i become so disgruntled with out you?

There should be more but i got distracted so no more for you

In other news, due to budget cuts transcripts now cost $5 instead of the already pricey $1, and they wont give ya any of the info you need when u go in to get info. Gotta love high school kristen and tim if i dont get into morris im sorry maybe spring, next time i will be better prepared, but my application will be holy. oh yeah i got to use holy. also kristen if u read this and happen to go to school this week and see jeremy maybe u can ask him about recomendations cuz i couldnt find the brother today. Also i have less cash in my account then i thought previously. Maybe it was the tires, and now i get to spend even more on gas. Looks like a budget week for me. Well adios sorry for the compaints peace and love Taff

Going to Boulder CO with a stop in grinnell maybe even des moines. Im goin it alone cuz a couple of my friends dropped out last min but this is the time, so i gots to go yo. Hopefully everything will be fine and the worst that will happen is i get a little bored on the road, but if not yall got my love spread it around as much as you can. Shit works out for the best. Peace and love Yo

I took my little brother down in a quick brotherly fight today. (I suppose this "brotherly fight" thing is something I totally take for granted having 2 tougher than I brothers. but that can be a different post)

No real reason why I did it, he was talking shit to me and my older brother which he usually does, but all of a sudden it was time, and so I did. Now I have never lost a fight to Steve but we also haven't fought in years and he has grown a good amount. So although I usually claim I can still take him down, I was actually quite surprised. As im sure all of you are if you have ever seen the two of us.

Now im not bragging here I wanted to say this for the peculiar pride adjustments I saw afterwards. Also I'd like to state that Steve was at a slight handicap since he worked out really hard last night and was pretty sore today, I knew this going into the fight and took full advantage of it. Also my fighting style tends to be (if I have one) just keep the guy unable to hurt you, which means the kind of holds and such that keep a person disabled. So not like we were hurting each other or anything. Also he gave up much quicker than I thought he would and if he would have continued for say another 5 mins I would have been out of whatever strength I have.

And now for the pride__ immediately after the fight (which took place in front of several family members, Steve's favorite shit talking time) I could tell his pride was a hurtin. He didn't want help getting up from anyone, and he didn't even want to really get a ride home (to my moms house) from me, but I wasn't like rubbing it in or anything so he did come with me, and then he didn't talk. Not that we always talk or anything but he will usually say something, but not a word this time. Now this may not be because of the little fight we had, but it seemed kind of weird.
And now me, now I was trying to fight it off, but I don't know if that worked a whole lot cuz I really don't think of myself as a physical person and I wasn't really expecting to win that fight, so the fact that I did kind of made me feel big I guess. I think its really weird how things like that happen. My brothers have been asking about climbing Mount Kilimanjaro when they go to Tanzania in the early summer. My Mom and I don't think its a good idea, having been there and seen it and such, but they are both very eager and the fact that my Mom and I tell them no just makes them want to do it more. I have been trying to reason with them cuz basically I know they could do it but I don't think they should at least on this trip. They are staking their manhood on it I believe I think that's pretty stupid, but after having just beaten Steve in a lil fight, I guess a guys got to do what he's got to do.

"i want you near, the way i am" ~ jf

im a junkie also i forgot the one song kristen asked me for on the cd i was supposed to make her like 2 yrs ago or something.

Also i have been saving this e mail from this guy i met on my trip, whom i thought would never end up sending me anything cuz i dont know he was mad cool and i figured he just wouldnt get around to it, and the other day i open my e mail and there is a letter from him and its like incredibly flattering and he completely didnt have to send this to me and im still just blown away (were working on incredibly long run on sentences) but anyway thats like great and stuff i mean makes me big headed but very nice of him and i just dont have a clue what im gonna write back, so yeah, actually i havent been good at writing anyone back lately, i got like 6 people who's e mails im just saving to write them back later with or something. (long enough? of course its not grammatically correct or anything)

Morris

well im probably gonna go there next year isnt that enough? Na i had a wonderful time chillin with my homies seeing andy and ashley was excellent cuz its been months. I dont know but it pretty much ended up being exactly what i expected so thats cool. Actually i got really nervous going into one their classes (at first) but then it ended up being fine, i dont know if today was like the easy classes but i could totally handle the ones i saw. I dont know about tims mad philosphy 4000 (didnt go, but sounded, in depth) maybe in a few years. Also tim and kristen first off thanks for having us, second if i do end up being in one of your classes and talking my ass off just slap me it works.

I just got back from what will most likely be at least one of my future colleges, but more on that in a sec, are u outside? its mad beautiful tonight, light snow fall lit up sky, the kind of night where u can write warm poetry cuz the world is your friend. The kind of night I loved coming out to when i snuck out of my only girl friends house at 5 am on several occasions (dude i totally just fell asleep) the kind of night where if you have just had a long conversation with a anyone, a stranger a loved one, whether it was good or bad u know the world will be ok cuz its lovely out. These nights fuel dreams of love, of being loved. This is the reason for snow and cities, only to light up the sky with love on winter nights. Inspiration and i aint got nothing to say except its good to be alive.

"Because we love to, and I will again."

Off to morris maybe get my learn on and such. That sneakiness in your tires is supposed to be there, its like your ping rating for yu nerds out there, but i got cable access now so u best be watching ur asses.

"You and I we gotta get back to love, spend our days chatting away as if the world were in perfect existence, cuz isn't it?"

"its disrespectful
your grimace
your shadowing away."

"Locked into a time of decadence
dispute the candles
refuse their glow."

"She with the shame of the tales we've told,
forgotten, or not
her mold broken, still she lays so frail."

"If you were the razors edge, how forceful would you be in your living life, gleefully slicing, or careful of those whom gave you meaning."

"Ever evading the games of chance, who missed out,
you and the ones around you."

"In purpose alone, we've done it on purpose."

"Art shots,
I want to live sporadically, at least today."

"Formless you treasonous imbecile
you sell the skins of those closest to you,
tortured are those organs."

"she's old, what's it mean?
plans of dog kennels, bird houses, tool sheds, gardens,

unplanted."

"This old man has a foul old mouth,
the beauty of elderly rebellion."

"Taking on the necessity of change-of modernization
your grandchildren's play grounds
strung up on the top floor of buildings, 14 floor elevator to the top,
I'd play tag, but it seems like a long way up."

"Porcupines rebellion
splitting souls with pine needles
you ever seen the signs of relief playing POW with your nervousness?"

"See her embedded in her robes like a stone in the floor, she sips on a latte."

"And you young man when did you grow up?
throw off mittens, colorful hats and baseball bats,
If ask now it will be on a sort of account."

"3 sit there without any care, who'd kick you out? You've already been there."

"who's place is it to worry bout you? If you push us away what the fuck we spose to do?"


Shit from boredom at target, waiting for my new tires I think im gonna start writing this shit everyday just as something to do, maybe more writing will help me improve. hope u can bare it.

Hey legal adults (18+) pleasure pause at the cabooze, friday the 14th 8 pm, i dont think i can go but i would if i could and if ur interested i have a couple of these sweet little flyers they are handing out, so contact me.

You ever do something you like have to do (but u dont really want to cuz its gonna be rough, and possibly painful) but u have to do it, so u do cuz nothing in the world feels right until u do it, but then when its done, and u feel better, u still feel like shit. Cuz its possible that the thing u did may not work out for the better of how u want ur life to be, (your relationship, your job, your whatever) so basically ur sitting there half crying and wondering if maybe u didnt really have to do it, (cuz it couldnt have possibly been that much worse then the feeling now and u could have taken it) but still u know u did have to do it.

I fucken very much dislike that.

There's some bad energy staying with me and I don't know how to get rid of it. But it showed up yesterday while I was with some friends and all of a sudden I just felt like maybe I hated everyone, and I was just fooling myself. I don't think that's right, but this weird feeling is about the size of a grape fruit and its chilling and I don't know what to do with it. I believe it is like all the extra shit, tiny bits and pieces of things dealt with years ago, and small things that just flew over the defenses like germs riding the sneeze, built up and compacted, and since it got through all my defenses I don't know what to do with it. Just don't want to be mean to people, not when im having such nice days. Peace and love yo.

ok like 3 or 4 things, just for the sake of telling them, and i will start off with the one that deals with the shit im about to do.

So since i got back i obviously have no new amazing exciting things to tell, because well, park may be a happening place but thats like once a year, and im usually not invited, so my ramblings online will increase to be boring shit, that has no point and sounds like well, what its been sounding like. This pisses me off in one sense because i am a nerd and read other "blogs" and go "fuck why cant i write like them, have interesting posts shit people might actually care about?" and i would if i thought it were possible, but at the same time sometimes i like saying what i actually did that day cuz then maybe in like 4 years i can look back and see "i hung out with some cats tonight" and i can then think back to the good times before i became sad and lonely. Still wouldnt it be wonderful if all this shit were mad interesting, insightful, spectacular or at the very least slightly entertaining, but i have lost all that by the time i sit down to the screen no excitement to write some shit for yours and my eyes. And I know ive said all this shit before, but now im actually thinking maybe i will just stop posting for a while and only write shit when i have something to say, neglect the journal aspect and concentrate on proper blogging like a true fucker. Maybe we shall see what happens,

Until then I hung out with some cats tonight. Now I have something to say on this for once, and its something that i think i dont really like but it happens enough i ought to say something. So its not like im thinking this consciously, not like i plan it out before hand, but always by the end of the night that subconscious thought fucks up my night. Usually it also only happens with girls, or people i really respect, or want to know better. and now ur wondering what the fuck mike? um so i dont even know, i be chilling with someone, and i dont know exactly what it is i secretly want, whether its one of those long amazing nights of just chatting or if its like some adventure or if its like sex, or what (probably just female energy in most cases) but towards the end of the night when it hasnt happened i just get this sad feeling. Like the night and life arent all they could be. Like life got me hooked on something and then with held it. Fuckin addict. so like its 2 AM and i just hung out with several people whom i seriously love but im like sad too, like it was great while it lasted but fuck man. (I sound like "known alcoholic boy" talking about alcohol) "you cant just give me one beer fuck you!"
This all runs into all the spiritual shit i read about how u should be complete before u like hook up with others so u dont fuck each other over, but thats fuckin rough man, "i aint never been a whole person and i dont know that i ever will be, but i feel fucking good when im with these people so i want to be with these people"
Also this makes me feel guilty because there has been a number of times where im absolutely having a great time and i ditch the people im with because i suddenly get weird, suddenly get tired, suddenly think of something i should (but dont have to) do. Not that in any of these cases im not having a good time, i had a great time tonight and thats why i dont like this feeling, cuz why should i feel sad when i just got to hang out with some of my fav cats?
I think thats it on that subject for now.

next thing, it really makes me feel good to know that even though my brother and his friends pick on one of their friends and dont seem to have any respect for him, it doesnt mean they arent mad concerned when he does something (like gets in trouble). thats pretty much it for that one.

fourth and final thing i believe.

some time ago, i had a friend, then me and this friend had a falling out and it was both our faults (if u can even say that, i mean it was mutual stupidity in my eyes but maybe it was meant to be that way) however at the time although i would easily admit i was to blame for a lot of shit, in most of the conversations i probably over blamed this friend and under blamed myself, part of this was because i was trying to get this friend to see the error of their ways but also because i was being selfish and arrogant. After a while i started seeing that i was a complete dick and tried to make amends or at least stop talking about it however half my friends still hang out or at least know this person, so they come up in conversation and now i keep feeling like shit all the time cuz sometimes i still get carried away and i really really dont want to, however a side of me does. so one a friend of the former friend brings something up i will say "u shouldnt tell me this." and they will say "yeah i shouldnt" and then stop cuz they know. however sometimes we get into it anyway, later on or something and although i can logically put it all behind me and act fine about it, it still either makes me feel guilty as shit (as is my nature for such things) or gets me all pissed off about old shit that i can, once again logically put behind me. So what the fuck should i do? yall have these occurrences in your lives? that one big mistake that shouldnt have been a mistake but was all your fault cuz u got carried away and shouldnt have, and it just never leaves ya alone. ???? all my friends will tell me "it wasnt all your fault." and i know that, but the part that gets to me is the fact that the part that was my fault is still being my fault. still going on with or without my authorization. A mind of its on hopping in and out of the picture whenever it feels like it.


Mike u have no authority, to do anything, what u call authority is arrogance. I gotta stop this talking to myself and being arrogant thing.

Mr Rogers is dead yo! that aint right man just aint right.
In other news i probably be going out to CO to see pete in about 2 weeks, and about a week after i get back go to see Gabs in montreal. Also I have no clean underpants. "dude does it just suck to be you?" im pretty sure thats from bsaketball, like remur talking to kenny. yep so im a nerd, back to reading books, and hoping someone calls me.

u best be walkin

"Is there anybody out there? "

i have multicolored hair you?

so lets see, i went to sos today, dyed my hair, or rather had sarah dye it for me, and uh saw donnie darko which is pretty interesting. Other than that lousy just lousy. No actually i had a wonderful day saw some old pals, some teachers who i admire, the new gym, found out people are still being active in the 2 major groups i participated in in highschool, all sorts of fun. just good times, also i had a dream last night that i was giving a friend a massage in a movie theater yep thats about it. For now, i no there aint nothing to comment on but im getting roughly the same amount of visits as i did when i was away, so someone ought to say something k? how bout u! u look nice. Peace and love Taff

hey one of the blogs i read has some nice anti war propaganda currently Ned
also if ur ever bored and looking for more blogs i tend to read Ben's pretty religiously, bard may seem incredibly elite and i would never fit in there but i have always looked up to elitest in a stupid way and these guys spill their lives publicly which is like "hey kid, i know u like this sort of shit, so here it is." and thats the story of the day. Cuz i didnt do nothin but work today, mad little kids(as in many) too many peoples who's ages i cannae tell.

Olde english site back up link on side, me at work tonight, i'll give ya a free soda (paid for by me) if ya stop by. Hmm the dead puppies sketch is pretty rough, i believe it is what got them so many visitors to their site that the site overloaded or whatever but OK. So i started reading this book, im like on page 25 or something so really i havenae gotten anywhere, but its a book my mom recommended about men finding their hearts through regaining their masculinity so thats real fun for me to read, but at the same time a lot of it seems to ring true, still got that nature vs nurture thing but its also a religious book so they feel they can skip that with out a second thought. Oh well maybe i will broadcast some of it later. Who knows when or where we will go from here, spend most my life trying to tame that fucken beast that hear people will like me better without who the hell cares though really, we just babbling baby we just babble our life away.

So u may or may not know that i got a couple of religious peoples in my family, ordained religious folks, so anyway there is going to be like a march and remembrance funeral thing for the not yet dead of the upcoming war, from the cathedral to the capital march 16th anyone interested?
those of you who arent religious will have to put up with some relgious stuff and those of you who arent political will have to put up with some political stuff but still good cause, me thinks.

also sorry for that overly vague post but i been told to keep it all on the DL so what am i supposed to do?