Ok so before I forget I wanted to thanks some folks publicly for making my life better in recent days.

First off since tonight was my last night at work (for a while) I gotta say the mall (though its gross) is a pretty swell place, mall employees are wonderful, and Nick's employees are even cooler.
Next Kristen and Tim thank you so much for stopping by, I am very grateful for your friendship and hope that in the future we can have many more conversations on whatever we are currently thinking about. Yall inspire me to be a better person, make the world seem like a better place, and bring a strange comfort to my heart (its kinda indescribable) And also as a struggling (because I suck, not because im poor) artist im glad you like modeling, cuz we need ya.
Next to Illy and Aimee and Lauren and Lacey for taking me to Hopkins and sharing with me another piece of your lives. I had much fun, I am very glad yall let me tag along. And basically that goes for the past few months too, without yall I would have gone a bit crazy I think, and I really enjoyed spending time with you, and talking to you and Aimee don't worry about Foulkes, I am so very sorry you have to put up with his childishness. Um I hope to see yall when I get back and maybe tomorrow before your dance.
Uh Steph and Fairchild Im sorry I did na see ya that much, I really enjoyed seeing you when I did stay good, look me up in a year. I'll be glad to come visit ya wherever ya are uptown, St. cloud, Argentina, wherever you know lots of love.
Gabs I got your letter today and I was amazed at how much stuff you wrote down and oh thank you so much. I wont ever be able to tell ya about the smile you bring to my heart just know its there. Um yeah
Elizabeth, Jenn and Jess, heh besides just the wild experiences, um I love spending time with yall, you keep me on my feet, you make me feel good about myself, you make the world seem interesting and make me love it. I really hope yall look me up when I get back too, OR stay in contact or something cuz guys I got phone a phobia and well I will eventually call ya but it may take a month to work up the nerve. (im weird, maybe not when i get back though)
um Sarah sorry i wont be able to see ya again you know how to get a hold of me, Im glad you are doing well, I hope your mom starts feeling better, if school don't work out thats fine, just don't give up on life, you know?
Uh Adrianne you are too cool, I will probably continue to read your blog dont worry.
Jesssss S sorry I may not be able to see ya please stay in touch seriously I know we never hung out much or anything but you have always been one of my fav people.
Everyone else on the internet at your separate colleges or whatever have fun Im thinking bout ya. Peace and love to everyone Im off in exactly 36 hours.

Bad poetry time (really its bad)

Lovers in the Jungle

Two souls wandered around through that loveless vagrant town, amongst the gaps bags and cell phones>
They seemed to bring life to the place, and all who looked on even in disgust, knew that thought
through veiled jealousy. But then, one of them held one of those paradox devices, and the illusion fell rather tattered rather uncool. My soul leaped back in fright and held itself in so as not to be further disturbed.

But with or without my souls approval my mind followed them longer, and traced their cosmetic cover, joined them together
just so, with some sort of love welding device and told my soul, to take another look, and it was very beautiful.

Their strands of long locked hair were no simple look, no Halloween costume. She placed her hand on his back with little resistance, and all the comfort in the world. He followed her from store to store holding her bags and knowing no greater pleasure except maybe had she been just a touch closer. My park bench shook under the weight, the energy uncontainable.

"Can a ---------- get a table dance!?!"

Literally the worst quote ever, in the history of quotes.
So one day Jess and Jenn started thinking about pornography. Then they took it one step further (being smart kids and all) and started wondering about the differences between pornography and erotic art and things of that nature. Maybe they are closet sex fiends, or maybe they were just curious and felt they needed some way to make it seem less dirty (Like I would if it were a discussion) or possibly they are just far less dirty than me and really wondered what the differences between the two are. (most likely) So anyway they decided to deem this week "pornography week" and as part of this week they decided they would have to go to a strip club. So tonight was the night, and because they and Elizabeth were all going and I really wanted to see them again plus satisfy my own curiosities on the subject I decided I would go. (thats the subject of strip clubs, I know pornography and erotic art pretty well by now)
So I guess I will share my perspective of the strip club.
So I went into it in observation mode. This is the mode you people watch in usually, the mode you are in when you look into things you are interested in, but its mostly mental. So in observation mode I saw many attractive women in various forms of undress, a pretty decent building, and a nice friendly staff. The people partaking in the show seemed reasonable, not too drunk, not too obnoxious (for the most part) everything was fine. The girls(my friends) asked and answered many questions amongst themselves and seemed to be interested (if a little creeped out) I don't know how to describe the whole thing, I mean they had the flashing lights the loud music the birthday people getting their dances. The women didn't seem too into it but I mean they have long shifts (as we found out from interviewing one) Um I guess it wasn't so bad, it was obvious it was male fantasy fulfillment, and everything was sexual but in observation mode that can be ignored, its like seeing a woman topless on a nude beach, everyone does it so its not so bad. Uh the interview went well, though I know, not all of the questions we wanted to ask got asked. Uh she had to run back and do part of her job but she said they get paid well, and although there is some shady deals its mostly legit, dances money everything in the open. Uh they have long shifts and have interesting ways to get the girls working, and after a few hours being there seeing these women go up and down the stairs every 5 mins, do pole dances, walk around everything I mean it seems like a really exhausting job u can see why they cant smile the whole time. We also talked to a bouncer there who works as a male stripper, and he said mostly its just a job but I think we all agreed they must either be hiding or in denial about some of the consequences of working there. Uh this one girl came up to me and introduced herself, she looked about 19-20 and said she was from Chicago and a look in her eye could tell ya she was not doing too well. She told me she didn't like it here but kinda implied here like the state though (most likely she meant her current situation in general) I felt really sorry for her actually and she was really nice and I kinda felt like, this is a girl you could have a conversation with about just about anything in-between classes or something but um (with me not trusting myself especially as of late, I probably wouldn't get too involved)

Uh lets see I guess I can talk about what was bugging me when we left and still kind is. So I think, (from talking to guys and knowing myself) that in most cases guys separate fantasy from reality. At a strip club guys do only see sex (that doesn't mean they aren't respectful, but they are there for sex) However most guys can then go home to their wives and girlfriends and sisters and moms and daughters and nieces and say "this is a woman I respect and love and could never harm in anyway." This is why I think pornography is ok to an extent but only for that sort of use. If a guy can have his 3 second fantasy and then go back to treating every woman he sees with respect Its ok, im not saying the women at the strip clubs done deserve respect Im saying they know what they are selling and that is a fantasy. Obviously a job is not just a job, as the guy was trying to say, and their jobs do have consequences in their lives, but most of these girls will have the issue before they work there, and those who done will make enough money to keep their daughters from having to do it. So once again going back to the guys, uh hopefully they do not degrade the women there, hopefully they don't cross that line and start thinking they can degrade women else where (yes its a rough line which Im about to go into)

Uh me so yeah like I said eventually I got bored and started thinking sexually of these women (not to mention I mean they are beautiful its not all sex, but to an extent it can be how well they sell it.) arrghh so anyway I stared, I enjoyed a few shows, and I felt sort or weird doing it but oh well gotta be honest. However after further pondering "the line" or whatever I started thinking about how if the line is so easy to cross with just mental and emotional respect in simple friendships, simple relationships, then it probably also applies to physical ones. So if I hurt someone in a friendship, I am capable of doing the same physically sexually. There for once again I am not ready to have a relationship. Second I need to work on building that line up so that I dont cross it.

All this making sense? Comments I know some of yall got opinions on the subject. Anything goes its a talk talk talk fest. Its weird cuz I don't even know if I agreed with all the shit I just said but its what I got for now. Oh well sorry to bother you

"that's enough of the devil and his famous pickle, were gonna make another dramatic, if somewhat rickety segue into another song called "cruising for burgers" ~zappa

Ok so I wasn't sure if I wanted to put this up but hey why not, so for all yall votin cats, this is a pledge to not vote for any democrats who vote for war against Iraq
A peace pledge, Michael Moore's site
um yeah so I feel kinda weird cuz im not going to be voting this year, 2 reasons
1. I don't feel educated on the candidates (easily remedied but)
2. I wont have a permanent address to vote absentee from, which will cause problems.
but I did vote green on the primaries and was somewhat educated on a few of the people, and I did this even though my brother had been campaigning for Wellstone for weeks and I did feel bad, but yeah.
Uh yeah so its up to you to vote and stuff make changes slowly we can get something accomplished on the government level while we work to educate ourselves and the people on a smaller level or something. Yeah I would go into politics, but one I inhaled and two I would need the best speech writer in the world.

Yeah so uh If I was smart I would have a great opening line (but yeah)

So has anyone here ever heard me swear I would never go to the vu and if I did I would be horribly grossed out? Well, I guess in a few hours we shall see, cuz I am apparently going. Not that I planned it, and Im going with girls, and they intend to have a conversation about it afterward. So I guess I will have a story to tell you when I get home tonight. And yes that is the only reason im going, an experience, a story, and well apparently I am easily talked out of my morals by girls I like. Oh well we all gotta live, and them chicas need money but if I start crying its not my fault.

So I think a truly amazing jam band can make you think, that without each artist playing their particular instrument, the world would be like a bad place. Does that make sense? So like without the bass on this amazing song, the whole world would end, without the violin the world would end, not because they are showing off I mean they might be playing the simplest part in the world, but without that single part the world would be so much less beautiful. You put 4-5-6-7 -15 musicians each doing that, making wonderful music all together, I think you can experience the world sitting on your bed (but I suggest you close your eyes and dance) So anyway I'm watching this bela fleck dvd and just listening and seeing it a little bit on this tiny little computer is giving me incredible kicks. Plus I never liked horn sections until this, I mean I didn't mind them, sometimes I thought "hey that kinda adds" but these guys make it so smooth and I dunno its amazing. check em out they got so blue grass stuff, some jazz stuff and some far out stuff and its all good. Um yeah have fun

A Word On a Rival

I went to Hopkins today, short trip cuz they had a half day, but good hostess. We only went to one class and I didn't understand more than 50 words cuz it was all in french, but I like french so it was fun to listen to. I must say having never been to hopkins I was kinda shocked at the size, or maybe if its not even that big just how they make it feel huge with large rooms and halls and open space everywhere. It definitely has a different feel to it. Of course the actual learning experience seemed about the same, 5 year old textbooks, and the same old overhead projectors. I think people should be allowed to visit high schools just to people watch. Maybe I will visit some in Europe. Whatever I have been having problems thinking lately (at least when writing) like I cant remember words, and phrases don't come easily (thus nothing poetic) and these posts probably seem very uh jr high writing level. (I couldn't think of anything) see yeah so um I see ya later I gotta go to the bank and get some food.

Oysterhead reminds me "there aint no cure for suicide."

So I went shopping I got a backpack and sleeping bag and even looked at $15 socks (of course I didn't buy them) then my Mom wanted some Mexican food and since I don't eat Mexican food we went to the Lone Spur Grill or whatever on cedar lake so anyway I was checking out this amazing painting they have that seemed totally out of place in a restaurant, cuz it was dark and creepy (which is why I liked it) but it did have like western us kinda stuff. Ok I will describe it. It had like an oxen skull thing or whatever that is thats always in the desert, which was the main thing and rather large like dividing up the picture. and inside that was an American Indian man with long black hair and he had his back to the viewer and his arms raised, above the eyes of the skull, but like reaching into the sky, but he was like blended into the skull so that you didn't like have to see him but he was there. and on top of the skull there was like a dark blue and black sky with like American Indian crosses which were like birds flying and below on both sides of the skull was like orange redish streaks like fire but also like prairie and then like darkness its really hard to describe but it was like so cool. Then while I was staring at this the waiter in a pink shirt and a big grin on his face came around the corner and looked at me, and he looked really familiar. So he took our order and I kept think about it and I was sure it was this guy I knew and like respected but I had never seen him up close and it had been a year since I'd seen him and he didn't have any facial hair, so I wasn't entirely sure. So my Mom and I ate and everytime he would come back I was like sure I was like "its gotta be him" so I told my Mom and she persuaded me to ask and I agreed, but then we kinda finished up and he gave us the bill and I scanned it and saw the name Geoff. So I got up all quickly and asked a manager what Geoff's last name was and he was like "uh he can tell you, or wait" and he went back and found out and he goes "fischbein" and I was like "oh yeah" (really cool) So I waited around for fish to come out and I was like "hi um I'm shy but uh I wanted to tell you uh I have seen you play a couple of times and I think you are amazing and um I like you" and he was smiling the hole time and he was like "yeah done I, haven't we meet?" and I was like "yeah maybe at the bon, but um hey you know that public access thing u did, when is that gonna be on again?" and he's like "i dunno but i can get you a tape if you come in next Wednesday, im workin" and it was so great and he shook my hand twice and then as we were leaving i noticed my mom only gave him a couple of bucks tip (if u know me u know i do like 5 minimum) but anyway yeah that was my story i saw fish cuz he works at Lone spur. Hes so nice though ah. Anyway just to give u some background if you don't know who I am talking about Fish went to park I think and hes pretty old now but um he use to open for mu maker and some other bands and he plays acoustic guitar really well and in a different style then most and hes just really good and I like him very much although not everyone does. Yeah so like just a week ago I found myself trying to find him on the Internet so I could get that videotape of him on public access and now he said he will copy it himself for me oh wonderful world. Of course even if I can convince someone to go get it for me Im still not gonna see it for a year but its worth the wait I think, after all its been a year since I saw it. Oh well anyway have fun.

I'm always amazed at how different people can be in beliefs, like even if raised in similar ways. So I just went and read some blogs and some of em were pretty political and even conservative which is kinda unusual, but I guess they do exist. So these kids were taking the same articles I was reading and seeing different things in them, and being proud of things Rice and Ashcroft and even Bush were saying. I kept trying not to be offended, but at the same time I'm like glad they say things and stand up for what they believe, its kinda weird. Err so I went shopping which well yeah, and um i got some neosporin stuff or whatever and while i was in the car I decided to use some on that cut I had cuz I was still kinda bleeding all over my steering wheel, but anyway I wasn't really paying attention to what I was doing cuz I had to like drive, but then it exploded all over, and got on my face hands glasses, and in my hair, and this is the cream kind so I got home and it was like Something About Mary all over again or whatever that movie was. Yeah now I gotta go shopping again, Im gonna end up spending like $400 today and thats gross.

I wanted to write some poetry or decent prose to post today, and after many failed attempts, I have decided to reluctantly just update, cuz I don't want yall to get bored, I realize it only takes a sec to read anything at all. I have mixed emotions right now on a variety of topics and I feel the need to express them but I don't know how so Im listening to some big wu but sadly this cd tends to just make me have a million more emotions. I feel heavy with emotions the chair is shaking though I have lost weight. Another dilemma to add to the compounding problem. You ever have those moments of truth where you're just like "God too much to handle, too much to share." Think to like the ending of anything, play parties when the show is over. The end of a trip you have taken. The end of a relationship (not necessarily already spoken but you know its done in your head) Thats how I feel today. Which is bad cuz I gotta bunch of things to do. I went out with Elizabeth last night we had hours of conversation and visited Illanit (at her work) and Elizabeth's work. I had fun, she will read this some time today probably and be able to tell you what she was thinking if she wants to. I keep waking up all early and it is messing me up but I suppose its good for me. I think I am visiting hopkins highschool manana just to see how it goes. I just cut myself accidentally on a tape dispenser heh we shall see what comes. hmmm now I feel all young slasher girl like 9th grade. God I love this cd. (live at the fitzgerald theatre 4.21.00)
Sometimes I wonder if these moments have already been lived through, too much deja vu. Well, since I don't really have anything to say now I suppose I will leave yall alone, today I gotta call the travel agent, get a backpack, sleeping bag some shit from target. My dad got me some multi vitamins that taste and smell really bad and a swiss knife. I never realized how expensive that shit is, both pills and knives. I can make crescent moon shapes with my bleeding thumb can you?

If you ever find yourself in the position of being me, and or in the position of finding everyone beautiful when u are in a good mood, most definitely brush your teeth before you leave the house, because you will find it impossible not to smile at every girl you see.

But sometimes its good that you are leaving the country in a week. Also musical ques or something "ramble on" ~zep was playing in the car, and "visit" ~311 playing here, I know u are unfamiliar so the chorus "Visit!
I wanna visit the world.
So now I visit the world.
With my time on this world."

Oh yeah its so nice more tres once "sunshines!! are you outside?"

give me some feedback yall i need to hear your voices see your words, feel the vibes, know you're alive, chill, love, and thrive.

hmmm (mike debates whether to post this or not, decides it is his life too)

So I just talked to Nicole (the exfriend/girlfriend) online for like 20 mins or something, that was interesting first of all cuz she IMed me which makes me feel a whole lot better about myself, and also cuz well I haven't talked to her in like 4 months or something, and it wasn't that awkward (at least for me) so yeah. Now I have a bunch of personal thoughts that I can't share cuz she asked me not to or something (or rather cuz its not nice of me to share) . Oh well I very quickly debated whether to give her this site address (not that she would care, just the offer) and decided for it but she disappeared too quickly. I realize none of you care about this (especially cuz im not giving u any details) but well once again I must state that it is my life and even though this is a public blog it is still my fuckin journal thing. So ha, on the other hand someday when im feelin weak I will probably blab this all over anyway so just you wait. Anyway it was really nice talking to her, first of all cuz it made me feel like less of an asshole (just knowing that she doesn't it hold it against me as much as I hold it against me) second cuz i really do still have an interest and care for the girl so it was nice to hear about her from her, instead of bits and pieces from random sources when they accidentally drop something (cuz they know they shouldn't around me) third because I still wish we were friends even though under all this affection I still have some mistrust of her. OR MAYBE its like that thing where really i just see in others myself so underneath it all I dont trust myself which is most deffinately true, for serious yo I ought to be shot. I'm a bad seed but I am a tryin
anyway i gots to go shopping for some bum accessories, is pepper spray against my morals? or is defending ok? I think its ok but thats a cruel defense no? see I suck in the heat of the moment I will become blind and defensive and evil when im done. tsk tsk

"Don't you know that the devil he's in me and God she is too.
My Yin hates my Yang, but what the hell ya gonna do.
I choose a rocky ass path but that's how I like it.
Life's a bowl of punch go ahead and spike it." ~311 "plain" on Music

OK so I got like 4 things or something and im really tired cuz I woke up at 7 this morning but um so yeah if I don't say this well sorry for speaking at all
1. This trip is already messing with me because today I got some new shoes/boots which cost double what I would normally spend on foot wear, and second of all, while I was working I was actually excited about getting home and trying them on. This is crazy never in my life have I been excited about new shoes. Plus I just got my old pair to be where I like em, you know nice and comfy although I do have to color them up a bit, but they are still good for at least like a year, and if I wants going on this trip I wouldn't have gotten new ones for at least that amount of time.
2. Apparently there is a more popular taffyman out there which makes me feel bad for trying to take his popularity from him he is probably a really nice guy, and I'm not so he probably deserves it more, but I'm not changing cuz I'm lazy.
3. Oh is it just me who gets upset over the confederate flag? or is that like a Minnesota thing, or like a northern thing, or like a nonprejudice people thing? anybody?
4. sleeping bags that are warm, and backpacks that hold a lot of shit are really expensive for serious yall
Well 1 week, yall come back now ya hear

1:02 PM Mike picks up atlas, looks up England, Gasps, Faints,
1:16 PM Mike comes to, exclaims with frightened look on his face, "holy shit, England is on another continent!!"


hehehehe

in case you passed over this diamond in the rough Oh yeah thats right doin the chicken dance.
banana chocolate chip muffins...... can anything be said? If yall want me to write to you while I'm across the pond like via snail mail, u should send your address to me via e mail, or express via reg mail if you want to contribute to the feed the mike fund.

Adventures in frogdom
(rated R for rrrrrribbbittt or something)
cute little frog hops up to the road
looks left and right so as not to be bold
looks left again, just as hes been told
begins to hop, as drama unfolds
car coming quick, rims painted gold
extremely fast and recently sold
frog starts to panic, completely goes cold
tire hits the frog, frog explodes...... (oh sad)

and the fortune cookie says...

"You will soon discover a hidden talent" well hopefully its not choking to death on a fortune cookie.
and the next one
"good advice is beyond price."
Well, thank you my friend.

All right so on the way home from Leeann chin (spelling according to the fortune cookie) I turned the radio station to an interesting sound, it was like rasta man meets pot smoking ska band and they speak french together it was wonderful. I didn't understand a word they said but it must be what the play at heaven's gate. I gotta get to the islands one day. Oh and the big wu mix with you and sound rather well surprisingly, alarm clocks and cd players oh joy. My dog is licking the carpet.... I'd quote some big wu but the next 3 songs are covers. My mom woke me up about an hour or 2 after i went to bed and took me to perkins to tell me the story of her life, good times but man am I tired. Hmm by the way the aliens went back home. I have been studying yoga meditation stuff for the past few days, I got my charts and shit all printed out so I can take them to europe. If purple is a fruit, then so are cherry mr mistys and runts and therefor I have had a fruit at every meal for like 3 days now. I am a healthy boy.
joke of the day

Two Statues

Two statues are in a perk for over thirty years and all day long they just look at each others naked bodies. One day an angel comes down and grants them life for 30 minutes. The two statues look at each other and the woman statue says "should we" the man replies "Yes". They then both run off in to the bushes where there is a lot of giggling going on. The angel gives a cheeky smile as she knows what they are up to. After fifteen minutes the statues return with a cheeky smile on their faces. The angel says to them "You still have fifteen minutes left" So the man says to the woman "want to do it again?" the woman replies "Yes, But this time you hold the birds head while i shit on it."

QUOTE OF THE DAY(new york times)
"There's no doubt his hatred is mainly directed at us. There's no doubt he can't stand us. After all, this is a guy that tried to kill my dad at one time."
PRESIDENT BUSH,speaking of Saddam Hussein.

I swear I read in some history book or something that family feud wars were a thing of like, the dark ages.


(Mike overly simplifies years of studying history, to make really stupid (entirely inaccurate) joke.)
talk to ya later, lots of weird shit has gone down but none of it seems interesting enough to blab about, sorry.

The back ground noise spits fears on my conscious, keeping me from reaching unconsciousness.

I am aware, that I am afraid of starting regular life, because I fear that it will mean I can no longer continue with my own progress in becoming more enlightened. (not that my im going very fast) However I am also aware that in having a regular life it is possible that I will continue through the natural next few steps towards enlightenment. So I tend to straddle this wall, with freedom and adventure and the world on one side, and normal life (family friends career) on the other. Now I know in Buddhism they give you a bunch of choices but basically say, you should do what seems to be the natural next thing, so if you want a family, have a family. But I don't follow Buddhism to the extent I probably should. Western religions say do what you will, cuz you have a choice, but follow God and be good to people, I can do that either way. Other eastern religions tend to just make things complicated and or too simple. So religion is no help. Society says go to school, settle down, pay your bills, but our society sucks ass. So thats not right, all my friends are confused, my parents have chosen and don't seem too happy with it, and everyone else well they are too busy doing their own thing. So now you see why I have to go to Europe to get my head straight. Test the waters a little, come back with my shit figured out (hopefully) and start from there. Any questions? Comments? Suggestions?