Flowings of Your Everlasting Taffyman

Such weird events taking place without me, and i feel absolutely homesick.

2 months still

Zagreb is beautiful im glad i came, and had i had this city toshare i could stay for days but im leaving tomorror for split, moving on in hopes the time will go faster i guess....
what will i do....

I spent last night in metelkova going t clubs and having a wonderful time. i got 4 cds today on suggestions from people about Roma music.
I havent listened to them... i cant relax.

on the train i started day dreaming about my wedding. about the ceremony and i think i want to do a variation of what my mom did. she has a small half circle.. i want a large circle of the people who mean the most to me, i want them to each add something (like how traditionally the parents light candles or whatever) i dont want any heirarchy, i want everyone to be equal. I want my wife and I to share the personal moments that we have had with each person (to eachother probably before hand) and then go around so that each of us can thank our own and eachothers guests because they helped create the situation...
they brought us to where we are..

then i got to the down side...
Ever since Issiah Brokenleg read my palm (and im not sure he knows what he is doing or not, but more the idea) he said i would have several loves but none would last forever. it was the first time i really thought about that and it scared the hell out of me. I cant imagine going through this again and again.
i cant imagine tellin my possible children why they have so many aunts and uncles... too hard to explain that my friends and "ex loves" mean more than those terms allow, that english doesnt have the right word, so blood is the closest i can compare.. they are my blood. they give me life.


i added some more crap poems to the other site...

as many of you know i have a overactive imagination (which is often as real as life)which is partially why i have so many fears, and partially why i have such a hrd time worrying constantly..
normally when im tired or scared or its dark or im in a differet place or well... lots of times.
i tend to see people, dead people hurt people, etc etc...sometimes animals, often monsters and such...
right now more than anything im seeing bugs. bugs that are there one second and gone the next. this has happened at least 3 times in the last 20 hours... maybe im sleep deprived.

becky loved meeting alexis. this makes me proud, i didnt need her approval but it means a lot to me.

i hate waiting, i hate moving on... why cant i relax?
i need to focus on my guides in life.
peace and love -taff