Flowings of Your Everlasting Taffyman

my train leaves for Split in an hour, im gonna go in 20 minutes though, because i need to get off this son of a monkey

I know i need a few days away from the computer, because i check e mail like several times a day when its free. but it sucks because so much of me wants to go home, and internet is the thing that often keeps me feeling connected.
its true i still enjoy meeting people, i enjoy the cities, the trip isnt all bad... but i want so much for it to be over..
i asked steve how bad he needed to come out, and he said he was looking forward to it.. which means im not leaving till june.
so what 55 days? its been 102... that means im only a third done and im so ready to be home.
everything seems to be going so wonderful and i can only hear about it through e mail. its depressing to feel like you are disconnected from whats important to you.


i was so happy last night.. my dad and becky sent me these amazing letters. I was hoping to hear from lex, and it looks like i gotta wait a little while longer, but i couldnt contain my excitement and sent her my thoughts..
i want to wrap myself up in love, the vibes and words are great but im sick of the teaser. i want the real thing. and whats more im sick of being jealous all the time... im sick of wanting and the only time im not wanting is when i have it, im selfish and i want it near me.


its not like i havent done this before.

god i hate complainging about this so much, but even at the end of a great day (and today was beautiful) i just cant think of any reason why i need to be here except that i would be letting down others... and i dont want to do that..

The other day becky told me i shouldnt come home, and part of me wonders if it would be too hard for her, and part of me wonders if she needs to be selfish in this matter because its helping her so much for me to not be around, so that she is doing her thing and not worrying about what i think or relying on me. and i honestly think its wonderful, its turning out wonderful but now that everythin seems so wonderful between everyone i just want to get home and enjoy myself.

i have these plans and countries i told myself i wanted to visit and im doing it...
(another reiteration of plans...)
tomorrow is the third city out of 6-7 and then i meet rachel in turkey on the 22nd...
visiting at least 2 cities i have never been. and then maybe i meet melissa in greece and visit another country i havent been to (and always wanted to)

im really not sure what to do after that...
i have 11 days to fill and no way to get to where my brother is going to meet me without spending a fortune, do i spend it in greece painting and relaxing on the beach? to i visit more cities, do more traveling, work my way up to the designated area?
do i fly to britain spend a night in london and then fly to meet my brother and then fly back to london to leave?

what do i do?
i told you i suck at traveling alone, i get all weird...

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today i spent at least 5 hours people watching in the sun, and writing poetry and stupid songs.. and that was fun and beautiful... but is that why im here?