Flowings of Your Everlasting Taffyman

On changing things you have always been....

Someone wrote something about whether they should try changing the way they have always been.... I’m not always sure it’s possible, though I constantly try to push certain friends in that direction...
and I?
Well some have tried... I think the majority of my little personality traits come from when I was young, exceptions being things like personal space... but the food/germs thing is old... the wanting to help people is old, the talking so much is old...

The secrets are the big thing... those are the ones I struggle with... because I feel so guilty about them. Becky confronted me pretty recently trying to tell me that I am more liked than I admit and things, but I keep a pretty strong distinction between those I think would still love me and those who I would never tell.
Which (right or wrong) often leaves me feeling like I really don’t have as many people to rely on as others might assume I do.

When confronted by those people who love me, have accepted (for better or worse that I am the way I am).... and they asked why I don’t change... I always pointed to it being a lifelong thing... and it always has been... so I'm not really sure what the alternative is... or who I would be...?

and in the meantime I learn to love the positives, of always feeling different... or always being weird, whether I act on it or not, hide or thrive in it, I am him (whoever he is) and the connections -oh for love of life... connections in weirdness, connections in humility, connections in fear and vulnerability, connections in loving love, connections in creating, caring, worrying.

And on that note:

I was thinking in the shower, that I should thank Morris for the wealth of connections... thank the women of Morris in particular... who offer up such beautiful variety that one is rarely left not thinking of someone. Probably on average a new friend every other week... a new smile, a new background, personality, set of reasons to be excited....
if I am a vampire, I have fed well... if I am human I have seen the presence of God so often I feel as if some angel has given me their wings...
And I understand the pain of that devil... for who could ever want to be disconnected/replaced from this heaven,
Who could not want to protect that goodness?

And in my heart I know it’s not a place, or group of people, but people themselves...
But still can’t I be a little happy to have found a nice place?
If I walk away overwhelmed with loving feelings... cant I try to piece together some awfully ridiculous thank you?

Thank you
-to everyone I have met here (those still and those departed)
you have made it wonderful.