Flowings of Your Everlasting Taffyman

I’m a total jerk lately. I don’t mean to be, I just have an increasingly hard time of holding back my frustration when I haven’t had time to sit alone and reflect. Or perhaps it’s the lack of people to confide in, or the ability to, but knowing they aren’t the right person. Maybe its impending doom, or impending change. Maybe it’s the fact that I don’t know my place here, or don’t have a place here… anymore.
My friends come home for the holidays, and spend their time at sports bars, but there is only so much bowling and darts one can take without a real conversation. And what is a real conversation when time and place and direction are all different. Are we playing friends, or are we friends estranged? Movies and coffee shops, and dinners and lunches… pretending it’s like the old times, but we don’t have a dorm lounge to lounge in, and we don’t have Pete’s basement. I spend my time wanting to escape into the arms of someone familiar, someone comfortable, but I don’t have one of those relationships right now.
Each night I plan to watch a movie, paint or draw, read a book, play some computer games… whatever it takes to get this weight off my shoulders that makes me hunch, that are forever crunched together… but I cant seem to relax, and I fall asleep from exhaustion and worry about the next day… perhaps momentarily comfortable… but knowing a big day will come tomorrow…
And each day I wake as stressed as I had been, because I wake worried I had missed something, or someone… because I wake too early, or too late… and sleep isn’t my friend right now… it’s too hard, too jagged to keep me longing for my bed, and yet… I’m so exhausted.
My mom says I’m an introvert, and I tell her its cuz I haven’t been alone in 6 days… and the foreseeable future doesn’t include real relaxation for at least a week… and Steve bursts into my room, asking me to go shopping with him “It’s just an hour, you got nothing better to do.” And I say “Steve, No.”

I need my own place… but I need it to be in a building where all my friends are the neighbors.
College kids… enjoy your time.