Flowings of Your Everlasting Taffyman

I broke down in fron of becky yesterday. I've been doing that a lot, but it seemed really odd because i hadnt dealt with that particular issue in a long time- nt in that way, and it seemed even odder that it seemed to be the same trigger i was thinking about some stuff my dad had said)
One of the things im having the hardest time with is my seeming lack of coping skills. for years i felt like i had been gaining the knowledge and self awareness to deal with whatever came up, and for some reason right now all of the knowledge just doesnt apply. I feel like im like 14 again. I feel depressed and anxious and unneeded and unwanted, and unworthy and unlovable. (im currently describing myself in general terms right now im feeling okay...) but even considering i feel okay i have this impending sense of that ending at any moment and that tends to remind me im not the same person, or at least im off my game.

yesterday it said something like "playas live here" on me and tom's door, my initial reaction was like "thats stupid bullshit and i hope no one actually thinks this shit" and then i just thought it was really funny, because me and tom are like the opposite of playas, we get confused and talkative every time some little thing goes wrong, we have a hard time even pretending we are not upset when we feel like someone is mad at us or hurt or doesnt like us.
its kind of funny...

dreams of californication...