Having a hard time focusing or wanting to be at work today. It’s a mix of things. But it’s making me feel kind of yucky in general and I’m anxious about not attending to stuff. Always feel like I’m falling behind.
So some of the things:
E having surgery
Feeling like I fucked up on paperwork
The business continually getting delayed and feeling like I’m behind and it will cost me
Having a different project I’m kind of invested in
Not really wanting to be social right now… maybe some compassion fatigue and boredom
A new (old) game that’s fun
Allergies, headache, arm pain, not getting enough sleep
I’ve had two clients today so far, and it was fine with both. I have three more this afternoon, it will be fine. But I don’t like the feeling when I’m not invested in my job or what I am doing. Every job has parts that suck, but when the thing that is usually fun and fulfilling feels dumb… that’s the problem.
I’m not sure what that means. I kind of decided I was gonna do the spiritual direction training at some point but I’m not feeling very spiritual right now either… or I am, but I also feel disconnected.
Maybe I want to teach again in some way. The other project is basically a video series about how I am thinking about the current crisis, I did hours of work on Monday. I screwed up and need to redo it, but unlike the screw ups here, the idea of fixing and making that project better isn’t draining to me. At least the idea of it. So that means something right? Maybe that I need to teach workshops or do something other than sit one on one and talk with people all day.
I have a bunch of family stuff happening this weekend. Seeing gabi at class tonight and illy for dinner tomorrow.
I feel like I need another day off, and won’t get one till May.
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