Pain

I suck at dealing with physical pain.

The last few days I've had groin and then hip pain. Probably from walking too much, or sitting too much, but maybe cancer. Who knows. It takes all the energy and motivation from me.
I can't walk even a few feet without limping.

So... I was trying to plan my future life, but kept getting distracted by the pain/idea that maybe it doesn't even matter.  Depressive thoughts come up too quickly when I am like this.

The idea of cancer for instance. Who cares if I die? Again the timing is pretty good.
These are the types of thoughts I had before adding M to my life, so now it makes me feel like I am not doing a very good job of living.

Oh well.

A friend recommended CBD oil, so I bought a bottle. I just took some drops. Not sure how it will go with my stomach issues. It doesn't taste great. Will it resolve some of the pain? Will it resolve some of the mental issues?


Maybe I should just go back to bed.