January seemed so good, now I feel like I am fighting every day to try to keep a bit of that. My mood shifted, maybe with the weather, but suddenly I am crabby and feel a strong desire to isolate. Its not even hibernation, with the exception of tonight I haven't been napping or anything. I even stayed up too late this weekend one night. But its weird, a week or so ago I felt like I had everything under control, felt really on top of my game, felt like I could handle what came... now I am stressed and irritated. I messed up something at work, situations get out of hand, relationships seem hard. I don't want to see anyone and yet I feel incredibly lonely. The loneliness is hard because I have roommates who are right outside my door, and I could easily join their conversations or ask them to play a game or something... I should be doing more around the house. It makes me feel bad. I owe them money for small bills, I haven't paid in awhile but only cuz I haven't had cash. But I don't really want to run errands, answer emails, run testing, grade papers, lesson plan. I am doing these things. I am doing them well (to some extent), but I don't want to... I want to be in love, or I want to be lost in a fantasy world, and neither of those options seem like a good "reality" right now.
Tim introduced me to this Alt J, I kind of like it, sometimes I am a little annoyed but over all I like it.
One of my students introduced me to this Andrew Jackson Jihad, which I also enjoy.
I want to write and read and draw and play computer games and listen to music and fuck off.
No comments:
Post a Comment