Flowings of Your Everlasting Taffyman

A quick recap of augusta

Left to go interview my grandpa in sioux falls
did about 4 hours or so of interviews, spent time with steve (my lil brother) had some good convo etc.
got back hung out with come cats saw gabs for the last time for a bit.
headed off to boulder with zach.
we spent a few days hanging out at petes new apartment, going out to bars and meeting his friends (most of whom we already knew from previous visits)

I've been really weird lately like depressed and anxious and sensitive and stuff and while I was there one night I felt a bit rejected, so I went off on my own, (very angsty) and I was just trying to learn and love the city, watch passerbys etc. It was kind of nice I got to feel independent for a while. And I wrote this really bad poem

"like birds to a window
boxed in by glass walls
glass ceiling
flocking to glass mirrors
glass slippers from fairytales
glass pendants to adorn
glass rings to treasure
glass eyes to hide their scorn
and glassy smiles for
glass personalities
and glass hearts
thus treated like fragments
when they break apart

hunters stand triumphant
crass phallucies in hand
crass perspectives plague their sheltered views
bragging in crass language
english teachers couldn't understand
crass treatment of their mothers, sisters, daughters and lovers
crass example of manhood
for their legacy
crass penance when we remember we share the planet
we share our land
unacceptable we box our partners
in those castles made of sand"

so anyway we met up later and everything was G but that may have been the first real weird thing where i felt really sensitive about stuff.

Anyway a few days later we found ourselves in missoula montana, where we met up with maritsa and aimee (whom i havent seen in quite a bit) anyway we were staying at maritsas' and i figured i should go find aimee and get as much time as i could get with her since zach was anxious to get out on the road.
I met aimee at a bar that she and her friends had been frequenting. She had just received a free t shirt (i believe) for completing a contest they do at the bar (more like a club the bar has) called "50 ways to love your liver" where you drink the 50 different kinds of beers on tap (different days) aimee introduced me to a boatload of cats who all seemed to have long hair and beards(the montana style trustafundian/trustafarian) She also exlained that the population of the town was like 7-15% minnesotans and demonstrated by tapping random cats (i assumed they had met before) and asking them what city they were from. lots of minnetonka wayzata etc.
aimee was rather intoxicated and gave me lots of info she probably doesnt want me to spread but i got a bit worried about her. the problem is she thinks shes havin a blast and who am i to tell her otherwise, so the next day i simply told her to take care of herself so that i could see her again sometime, and we departed after a breif tour of the campus.
zach and i realized some differences we have in how we invest our feelings and time in people, im not sure if he was irritated or impressed (it didnt matter) i needed to see my girl again.

Maritsa told us not to drive on the highway out to glacier at night and she said that each of the crosses was a person killed by drunkdriving. she also said they counted over 200 one night, and though i thought that was exaggeration the actual number of crosses must be very close of more, the thought of all those people who never got to say goodye to their families and friends and shit has been fucking with me ever since i saw the first cross (like i have been cryin over it)

:::as a side note maritsa also took us out to breakfast at a place in which at ten in the morning there were people drinking at the bar and playing slots all in the resturant above the bar were a number (20?) of rifles.


At glacier we spent a night at the base camp and the nex day hiked 6 miles mostly downhill to a campsite.
pete had gotten me a bit sick and so when at first i felt a little achy i thought nothing of it. we spent a night at the camp, didnt see many animals and the views so far were mostly of fields and mountains, (cool but not like amazing) the next day we did like almost 7 to a lake campground that was beautiful and i think that night we met some guys who let us mess around with their ngithvision goggles which was soooooo cooooool
they also had really friendly deer, as in they walk right up to ya for food, and zach got pissed at this.
we survived on pumped and filtered water, freezedried foods and granola bars.

my legs were killing me, and not like muscle but like joint pain, and it was kicking the shit out of me, te next day we had a vacation hike to an ever more gorgeous place and i barely made it it felt like.
so i decided that instead of doing the really hard climb on the last day i would hike back ou the 14 miles i came in and sleep in my car.
the day before that day i saw a black bar across the lake and zach decided to swim across a pool area of the lake (i remind you this is glacier run off water) and he spent the next hour shivering in his sleeping bag)

so the last day we parted ways (i'd been limping an shit just walking--still am)
so the hike for me was hell and it started raining the last 3-4 hours. it took us like an hour and a half to do like 5 miles (this is hiking with a 30-40 pack on your back in high altitude) and it took me like 4 hours to do the last 6 miles. literally limping watching horses walk by without shit on they backs.

that night i met this girl at a general store and she was in charge of operating the hotel next door they didnt have a room because of the rain and snow (no one wants to camp) and i told her i'd be sleeping in my car, she was from minnesota and was hella nice and offered me some old hotel blankets. the next day i had coffee at the diner across the street and talked to her all morning. she also worked there and i thought it was pretty sweet how she seemed to love everyone who walked in the door. (this was not a romantic thing-but i love cats) and she reminded me of the people from cesky krumlov following adventure to a small town and finding fairytale like excitement in every character of the place.
i wrote a poem about her that was even worse then the one above. and lost my appetite watching the news.

after seeing so much nautral beauty (and forgive me atheists, and agnostics) but seeing and feeling god working all around me, the news showed pictures of palestinians breaking into synagogues (spelling?) and i couldnt help but hurt for the victims on all sides.

I read animal farm, cats cradle, and bill mahrs(spelling?) new rules. im almost done with a clockwork orange which i also started on the trip.

anyway the day i got back, or rather the morning after i had a horrible nightmare and have felt insecure ever since (though rapidly improving)
the dream involved people i love changing. not needing or wanting me anymore etc.
i couldnt understand or accept anything, and felt more uncomfortable than i had in many years.

i talked to illy and becky about it and they helped a lot.

i said my goodbyes to illy just in case sort of... bu i intend to go back either this or next weekend.
i told my mom i was a pron addict the night before i left and she suggested i get on some low dose of something for anxiety and depression. and though i have strong feelings against that shit i told her i would.
im also looking into checking out some groups.

school:

as much as i was looking forward to coming back things have been kind of different.

me and tom are rooming together and that cool and all but im sure him and his lady could use some space and im missing my rock out time and my messy expressions of private anger fear pain and joy. so im looking into moving upstairs.

these cats is cool though many more guys than normal. and there are some ladies but im fucking weird right now.
we went and saw 40 yr ld virgin on sat and that was cool. i got my appetite back in some ways but it still leaves sometimes, im guessing im gonna gain weight rather than losing though...

school isnt all that exciting, but i think i got lots to look forward to im just putting up walls before it gets here and i need to climb some sort of tower so i can see ahead and unlock the fuckin gates etc.

im rushing now cuz im suppsoed to meet som cats for lunch t 12:00




new :
311 sage francis and mel gibson and the pants cds
i like em



peace and love i will talk more later