nervousness....


everyting gon be aight... right?

hey i just put a new link to that guy brendan's new political debat weblog, he strikes me as intelligent, it hasnt really gotten good yet, i really am just waiting to hear from the republican guy because brendan claims he is intelligent and has some good stuff to say and so im hoping its not all crap like what im used to hearing from the righthttp://www.breakfastanytime.net/fairfight/

me with the mad hair

my girl illy

oh geez his could be bad....

Ryan came home unfortunately because of sad news (death in the family) but he seems to be doing alright, and is excited to study abroad.

steve with hair!!!! (its been a few years)

Gabs sippin espresso (this picture was just too beautiful and advertisement like to not put up.

the banner reads "domestic homocide creates empty places at the table."

This is Grant (my step father) on the big screen when he addressed 4,000 people; including leaders of our community and peoples of many different religions, who had all come together to work on the issues of education, public transportation, domestic abuse and immigration rights. These issues were discussed because ignoring them has hurt our community. Through discussion and political action the (mostly religious) community that filled roy wilkins auditorium last sunday hopes to see progressive changes bringing people together.

from tim i told him i would find some interesting things to put up from this site, and i might later but i been sick all week and im feeling pretty shitty, not to mention i think im gonna do terrible in macro econ and its required for my major, (first test on fri)

so yeah this is the progressive site its got some pretty cool little bits about bush's record, im thinking the college dems should print em out and put em in bathrooms



i been listening to syd barrett on becky's comp, reminds me of the later years of the beatles

i ran out of things to talk about long ago, i been up since like 4 and im real tired but cant go to sleep...


the more i think about the picture below the more i regret putting it up, but as of now we kind of have this thing going that we will put up any picture of a passed out person on here so i guess what im saying is expect more of this crap...

hmmm i wish i wrote more often, and had something to say but uh feel free to start a convo in the comments section even though it says posuer or something, i dont know why it says that but anywho have fun


******WHO WOULD YOU PUT ON A NO FLY LIST?*******
"probably religious extremists.. like jesus."

mike the rock coming soon....

this is mike the rock, we told him if he fell asleep while we watched the movie again we would be forced to draw on his face and put it on the internet. promise kept

look what becky did to my hair

becky and reina (her horse)

me and becky's cat

some stuff on life and the abuse of....

to start some lyrics from genesis, not that i think this song is representative of what im trying to say, but rather just anther example of how mixed up in this we all are....

"Well the key to my survival,
was never in much doubt,
the question was how I could keep sane,
trying to find a way out,
Things were never easy for me
peace of mind was hard to find
and I needed a place where I could hide
somewhere I could call mine
I didn't think much about it
til it started happening all the time
soon I was living with the fear everyday
of what might happen that night
I couldn't stand to hear the crying, of my mother
and I remember when
I swore that, that would be the Last they'd see of me
And I never went home again
they say that time is a healer
and now my wounds are not the same
I rang the bell with my heart in my mouth
I had to hear what he'd say
He sat me down to talk to me
he looked me straight in the eyes
he said:You're no son, you're no son of mine
You're no son, you're no son of mine
You walked out, you left us behind
and you're no son, no son of mine
oh, his words how they hurt me,
I'll never forget it and as the time, it went by, I lived to regret it
You're no son, you're no son of mine
but where should I go,
and what should I do
you're no son, you're no son of mine
but I came here for help, oh I came here for you
Well the years they passed so slowly
I thought about him everyday
what would I do, if we passed on the street
would I keep running away
in and out of hiding places
soon I'd have to face the facts
we'd have to sit down and talk it over
and that would mean going back
they say that time is a healer
and now my wounds are not the same
I rang that bell with my heart in my mouth
I had to hear what he'd say
He sat me down to talk to me
he looked me straight in the eyes
he said:You're no son, you're no son of mine
You're no son, you're no son of mine
When you walked out, you left us behind
and you're no son, you're no son of mine
oh, his words how they hurt me, I'll never forget it
and as the time, it went by, I lived to regret it
You're no son, you're no son of mine
But where should I go
and what should I do
You're no son, you're no son of mine
But I came here for help, oh I was looking for
no son, you're no son of mine - ohYou're no son - ha yeah, ha yeah, ha yeah, ha yeahYou're no son, you're no son of mine - oh, oh..."

anyway that song was always hard and yet really nice to listen to...

so the other day i went to tis event on campus called "take back the night"
during this event statistics poetry and stories of abuse are read to the audience and with the understanding that this will eb a respectful and supportive event people tearfully tell of their own accounts, of personal or relative experiences with verbal, physical and sexual abuse. the event the damage the learning and whenever possible the hope for the future. soo many people.... during the event i thought over my own history dealing with forms of abuse, but even more i thought of all my friends who have suffered because of the selfishness of others. the more i thought about it the more despair i felt as i realized how many i had known who had gone through, or are still going through the trauma associated with this enormous problem.

i shared some of this with the crowd...
many more shared with me for the first time that they had suffered as well, and i went home feeling like i could never do enough to help, like i could never break the cycle.

at the end of the event there is supposed to be a march of those who are willing to stand up, and i felt strongly that i was one, and yet the weather (cold and rainy) and the fact that i could no longer see any of my friends around (went home, some too overwhelmed to stay) all that and the fact that i felt like i needed to be alone with my own thoughts and no pressure.... and i scuttled back to the dorm somewhat wishing to be consoled, to vent to scream.
i found a large group of cats in the lounge and felt somewhat angry towards them as they babbled on about complete shite ignorant and shallow and unwilling to empathise with the world i had just experienced.

we wound up talking about the word "bitch" and i hate it, and though i knew their argument had as much to with my saying that women shouldnt have to be afraid of walking down the street i couldnt give it, having thought so much about the example my brother gave me a few years ago this is paraphrased but im gonna use quotes
he said: " one in three women are raped mike "(more likely four to five and still to high)
"pick one of your three best friends and understand why you cant use words like "bitch" anymore." and as i argued that i never used it in a bad way he said " okay you dont mean it, but maybe somebody in the room overhears you and they do mean it that way or they think you mean it that way and so they go on thinking its okay to use it, or okay to abuse women, or ok to teach their children or friends or whatever that its okay to abuse women." this argument stuck with me, and now i fight for it, and its weird cuz those who i would expect to understand hold out the strongest to their pride, their shame, their guilt and hatred, they hold on to their hurt and in not confronting it often support its continuance.

days later i heard of another case, a similar story, shes come to terms with it, but cant say that he was to blame and most definitely wont press charges, and as her name is tainted on campus and as she learns to "joke" about it as if it was funny, to shrug and pretend as if she can move on, i go to try to fix anything i can and find road blocks. "hopefully it was an isolated incident" the school councilor says both of us fulling knowing it isnt.

my friends still make jokes and use the words bitch ho and slut while im not around, my female friends do too. my friends still try to get girls drunk and sometimes they try to take advantage of the situation, my girl friends still find themselves getting/needing negative attention as if they couldnt live without it and chances are they wont be able to find a place where they could....
nobody i know ever reports it, few victims i know have the strength to say they need help, and every person (male and female) goes on thinking they are all alone in a world that could relate too well....

hmm 8 days in morris, reconnection, slight adustments, new classes new peoples, new and unusual smells, becky eating pb and j samiches. etc.

uh what do i actually have to say? "bushs speech?" -becky, um not really, it was stupid and such but not really worth writing about. "new classes?" na, "no pressure, how bout your cool hair?" ah yes i have cool hair now, braided with colorful extension things, etc. i am awesome. becky did it. she gets all the compliments. oh i got geoff fischbeins demo cd, his sister lives above me practically. uh so thats cool.
i left phone messages for all my girls like 4days ago and none of them have written me back, or called i mean, which makes me feel well u know. oh i got all my shit on itunes which is cool, but i dunno if im sharing, i havent quite figured out the system, and by system i mean my economics class, which i may have to work hard in. the other classes should be a breeze, becky i did not say "screw you" i said na. :::mike dramatically breaks into song (lip synching):::::: then switches it to the spanish version for becky.
turns up the volume, doesnt know spanish...

hmm more later hopefully, i have successfully played comp games and started guitar as well as got all my homework done for the week, im on the ball "damn" says becky, im awesome says mike, (hint of sarcasm) but mostly awesome.

this was my moms response on how to deal with my step mothers reaction from the previous few posts, please read those as well but this is very chruchy as my mother is a pastor and this is a sermon, but she is also a social worker and has many of those ideals so prepare yourselves....


Sermon
July 24/25, 2004
Pastor Karen



A few weeks ago I had dinner out with my oldest son, James. He’s 22 and he’s become a man who is full of hope. He wants to be a part of changing the world and making it a world that is fair and just for all people.

I can look back on his life and see the influence of two social worker parents, it’s all he’s ever heard, “we need to help other people.”

If nothing else, my kids have this one value absorbed in their bones.

As we sat there talking about our lives and sharing I told him some of my frustration with what’s happening in Minnesota and in our community.

Frustration with how money is used and frustration with issues like education and healthcare.

After listening to me for awhile he said, “Mom, you’re a pastor, people listen to you and respect you, why don’t you take leadership to organize the church to work on these issues???

After I listed my top ten excuses I felt convicted.

Convicted by my son who knows what I value and sees where I have failed to stand up to work towards making these changes.

Have some of you had this conversation? Or one very similar?

Maybe some twinges of guilt over the years for not following through on trying to make our community a better place?

When we read the paper or watch the news do you hear yourself saying many times….”this is wrong”.

We shouldn’t let it continue.
I wish someone would change this.

There’s a whole list of issues we can agree on…it doesn’t matter what political party you consider yourself.

As Christians we hold values that Jesus taught us that at the bottom line have to do with love for our neighbors.

And as my son pointed out to me, the church, the whole church ecumenically, has failed to collectively organize our power to make changes in our community to care for each other as neighbors.

In the culture of the church, we often shy away from the whole issue of power.

Some of us even consider “power” a negative word.

God doesn’t consider power to be a negative word.

Do you remember the story of when the early church received the power to go out to all nations?

At Pentecost the Holy Spirit gave us power.

Do you remember what book in the Bible this story is recorded in?
ACTS

It’s not called the musings of the apostles,
or the dabblings,
or the social concerns of the Apostles,
it’s called the ACTS OF THE APOSTLES.

[please follow the bulletin cover with me]
We live in a time in history in which the American dominant worldview is one of:
1. Isolation: I am on my own. It’s very sad for me to hear that our elderly people in this congregation when they have to go to have a medical procedure done, two women I recently spoke to, serious things like having her heart shocked or receiving a skin graft and they had to take a cab or arrange for the bus from the building they live in to drop them off and pick them up.

That’s not the way I want our elderly people to live. Do you agree with me?

I want someone to take them by car and hold her hand through the pain and be with her when she’s afraid and take her home and make sure she feels okay before she’s left alone.

Another example is kids who are home alone. Latch key kids who want to go outside and play in the street after school.

But now we live in a world in which moms have to tell their kids, “Stay inside until I’m home.”

It’s the only way parents can protect their children when they’re at work and unable to be home to watch the kids.

Because the neighborhood no longer cares for all our kids.

Scarcity: I am in competition for scarce resources.

How often do you find yourself trying to think through how much money you should give and one important thought is, ‘I don’t want to give too much or we won’t have enough?’

Or you feel jealous of someone who appears to have a lot more money or toys or cars – a bigger house, and you feel badly that you wish you had more.


2. Fear: I have to protect me and mine and fight for what is mine.

Every man is out for himself, you better stand up for yourself or you’ll be taken advantage of.
Don’t be a fool, no one is going to help you, you have to help yourself.

The disciples, James and John, might just as well be sitting in a church pew in the year 2004.

They express to Jesus the values of the dominant culture.

Are they really so far off? I don’t think so.

Power – can be a ticket to making sure you’re on top in a world that lives with isolation, scarcity and fear as dominant values.

But Jesus works with James and John with some powerful imagery of his own, the cup and baptism.

These two symbols turn the dominant worldview upside down.

There’s a paradigm shift for those who follow Jesus.

Jesus calls his disciples, each one of us, to a different set of values and to ACT on these in our community.

Let’s look at a few of our faith values that contradict the dominant world view.

FAITH VALUES

1. Community: All are made in God’s image and our lives are intertwined. Like the example in Acts, each gave according to their ability to those in need.

2. Abundance: God provides enough for all and we are stewards. Even in places we consider poor, places like the Phillips neighborhood or near north Minneapolis where we serve Loaves and Fishes, the homes I visited as a social worker when I worked for LSS, the people I’ve met share what they have with me.

They know at some deep level that God has given that they might give and so they share from what they have.

3. Hope: In partnership with God, we have the power to transform our communities by actively living out our faith.

This takes me back to my conversation with my son James.

Hope. I need to live my life with a belief in our power to organize to change the systems in our community that stand outside our values to love our neighbors.

Not be building more food shelves, although God knows we need them.

Not be educating people about how they may be eligible to receive a government subsidy,

Not by teaching our Sunday school children to collect for the homeless……..all of these are good things, but you know what?

They just become bandaids until we decide we are going to ACT to change the systems that enable people to continue to live in poverty.

Poverty isn’t rocket science.

I honestly couldn’t possibly figure out how to build a rocket to carry a person to the moon.

But even me, I can see how together we could end poverty in Minnesota.
It is doable and I do have hope in God’s people that with God’s help we can do this.

I believe that collectively we have the power in the church to effect our community by working with our government to make changes that are for the good of all.

Today I want to tell you about one opportunity to be a part of bringing your faith values to the way we shape and decide how we will live together here in Minnesota.

On October 10, at the Roy Wilkins Auditorium in St. Paul, we can be a part of an event that brings hopefully 50 of our state legislators together with 4,000 people of faith.

It’s called Faith In Democracy.

It’s Republicans and Democrats coming together.

It’s people of faith gathering together in our hope that we can create through our power and organization the community that we hold in our hearts – where all people are valued and cared for.

Now I have to be honest on a personal level again.

Being a powerful person, using our power to lead or to organize is not easy. Stuff gets in the way.

Like those top ten excuses I mentioned earlier.

#1 is fear I’m afraid to take leadership.
I’m afraid to step up and take a stand on things because people may not like what I say and conflict is hard – especially here. I want you to be happy with me in my work.
I remember a story I once heard about a heckler who interrupted Nikita Krushchev in the middle of a speech in which he was denouncing the crimes of Stalin.
“You were a colleague of Stalin’s,” the heckler yelled, “why didn’t you stop him then?”
Krushchev apparently could not see the heckler and said, “Who said that?”
No hand went up. No one moved a muscle.
After a few seconds of tense silence, Krushchev finally said in a quiet voice,
“Now you know why I didn’t stop him.”

All of us who want to act as Jesus’ disciples have to work through our own fear. Because what we’re working towards – matters.

#2 Uncertainty I don’t know how to organize people to work together to effect change.

The good news is, that there’s people who do know how to identify an issue and form a strategy for how to act and help the people involved stay accountable to each other to do what we say we want to do.

They’re called organizers and their education, gifts and training are in the area of organizing people like us to act on what we want to change.

#3 Lack of Confidence I’m not sure I have the knowledge or skills.
I don’t want people to find out I don’t really understand how our political system works – it was a long time ago they taught us about government in school and I’ve forgotten, I don’t want to look like a fool or feel stupid.

I’m with you….but I’d hate to go to my grave realizing the reason I didn’t act in the world on the values I hold as a Christian is because I was too afraid to ask questions and show people I don’t understand….that’s just plain human that until we get into something fully we don’t really understand it all and how it works.

#4 Church and Politics don’t mix

Jesus was very political. He took on all the leaders of his day to challenge the systems in the government and in the church that oppressed the poor and those who had no power.

Martin Luther began the Lutheran Church by pinning a note on a door with 95 reasons why the church had to reform its direction.

There was corruption in the government and in the church and he acted.

The church needs to have a strong voice in politics and government. Not just from one perspective, like the evangelical far right, but from all those in the middle who hold the values of love for neighbor.

#5 Busyness I have a lot on my plate, life’s a game of picking and choosing and this isn’t my top priority.

True for all of us. At my husband’s church a few people found out during the coffee hour one Sunday that Elsie, an 80 year old long time member had drug dealers in her apartment building. It was scary and she felt afraid in her own building.

The people who heard about this said it’s not right for Elsie to live in fear and they organized a meeting with their councilman and the police chief and had Elsie tell her story.

They got on it and her building is now clear of drug dealers.

Sometimes it is only when something hits close to home with someone we know or care about that we get off the dime and it matters enough for us to do something to change it.

I think these same kind of issues exist in the lives of our members and in our neighbors lives.

I’m saying lets love our neighbors enough to care about the issues that effect them and work on the things that hit close to home in our community and Minnesota.

Let’s begin by having real conversations 1-1 in our church about the things we are passionate about and then let’s join together with those who have the same interests.

You can fill in some of the other top 10 reasons for not acting.

Just for a moment, I’d like you to name in your own mind what holds you back [pause] Then turn towards the person next to you and share. [allow a minute to share]

Jesus has given us the power to ACT.
Jesus has given us the vision for loving our neighbors.
Jesus promises to equip us for the task.
We have to say….I’m in, count me in Pastor Karen.

I want to be a part of the church organizing to share our values in the community.

I have placed a sheet for you to sign your name to in the sign up book in the narthex if you will commit to go with me on October 10, to the Faith In Democracy Event and join 4,000 other Christians who want to make a difference in Minnesota. I really want to see your name in the book.

When we were confirmed these words were spoken: [read from green book page p.201]
“You have made public profession of your faith. Do you intend to continue in the covenant God made with you in Holy baptism:
to live among God’s faithful people,
to hear His Word and share in his supper,
to proclaim the good news of God in Christ through word and deed,
to serve all people, following the example of our lord Jesus,
and to strive for justice and peace in all the earth?”

And you said, “I do and I ask God to help and guide me.”

Today, once again, I ask you to recommit to your promise to strive for justice and peace in all the earth.

Let us pray
Faithful Lord, you have set a vision before us and equipped us with the gifts that we need to bring peace and justice to a world in need. We ask this day that you would guide our actions and help us to organize ourselves in the church to love our neighbors in your name. Amen