Repeating

Sometimes I feel like I am stuck in a time loop. The same old experiences. The same old people. The same old thoughts. 

Yesterday I walked around uptown with Illy. We went to a store I have heard about for years but never been to. We ate at Leaning Tower and a former student waited on us. I tried a hibiscus berry tea that had berries in it. Today I sat inside spy house for the first time in a year. I started a new chapter of my book. It doesn't feel grounded in anything, but it was new and had to be done. 

Today I walked around the lake listening to Hair, thinking just a bit about the mindset in which you meet new people. How the energy has to be right, and how I rarely bring that kind of energy to my life. But it also felt possible. The city was warm. People were wearing summer clothes. It made me want to eat every meal outside. To sit and write and read in the glow. Even with allergies flaring, and making me want to sleep. It felt lovely and hopeful. 

Tomorrow I go back to work. 

How do I integrate?  Why do parts of me feel so distant. 

I keep thinking some partner would heal me, or at least provide the new experiences that make me want to heal myself. But that's not how life works. 

Gotta raise my own vibrations.