Flowings of Your Everlasting Taffyman

I was in bed all warm, 2 cats by my side, lights off, listening to relaxing sleep hypnosis audio, about to go to sleep...

Then my roommates came home stomping around at 2 am. 

Its funny, I'm not even tired I just feel like I should go to sleep.

I actually want to go out, be reckless (drink coffee at 2 am)  have conversation, do something I'd have done 5 years ago. I just feel like its time to go to bed... because I can't think of anything else I have energy to do.

Also funny, I get annoyed with my roommates for turning on lights, stomping around etc, but I told Morgan tonight that I was thinking of moving out. There is no telling what future roommates would be like. They may be worse than these ones.

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Things that I am thinking about.

A) When I return to work there are about 4 things that will need to immediately be addressed. 

1) Testing: Retests happen right away

2) Enrollment issues: we just dropped like 13 kids that means at least that many new ones to have to teach the system to. I think the biggest problem I have with this school is the constant in/outflux.

3) Counselor: we are in the process of mending and healing. Will it be successful?

4) Classes: Sadly, this comes last  because all the other stuff is way more stressful. 

Winter group curriculum surrounds the negative side of sexuality and abuse and how our society actually promotes this, to some extent. It is some of the hardest stuff for me to teach because I often feel like I am teaching against stuff that I might otherwise think is ok (in context). We also discuss feelings!!! Stress, depression, grief, etc but this is actually the harder stuff for the students because they don't like to process all of it.   Personally I will be teaching Psychology, World History ( Early Civs) and US History 2 which basically covers the 1800s.  I am looking forward to these classes but haven't spent a whole lot of time thinking about them. I have already taught all of the classes I will be teaching... so its more about updating, refining and infusing the curriculum with an excitement boost, for instance I remember teaching psychology using a couple of text books that bored the pants off the kids. Its a hard subject but I will try to find ways to make it more exciting (more visuals certainly).

B) Tomorrow Schedule is as follows: 

Wake up

Go to 11:00 Church

Lunch with Mom

Coffee with Russ

Something with Gabs and possibly Illy

Sleep (hopefully get to sleep without going through what I am going through tonight...)

Its not so much that any of that is worrisome, its just a lot of people in a day to have good conversation with. 

I get exhausted. 

C) Projects, Secrets, Desires, Dreams

1) Ongoing project of updating that website.

2) I have been wanting to do a video project for some time. Anything from vlogging, to poetry, to hypnosis, to interviews, to reviews, to church visits, to whatever.

3) I want to write more. I was thinking of trying to write both a blog post and a creative thing every day.

4) I want to read more. I haven't been able to open a book the whole break. Its annoying.

5) I want to stop doing the same things all the time. I am addicted to my computer (half the projects I want to do relate to it) I am addicted to certain websites and I think they drain me of my creativity and my ambition.

6) I want to find someone new to be interested in. Its not so much that I am sick of the old people, but I am sick of them being people that have no interest in me (in that way). Its starting to feel rather pathetic and yet I am not sure how to proceed. 

7) It seems like every day I dream about doing something different than what I am currently. Its not so much that I am unhappy with life, I am just eager to have other experiences. Some of them come from fears... what would you do if you went to prison?  If someone died? If you lost the use of your legs or had a stroke?  Some of it comes from wanting to travel... could you teach in Yemen?  Uruguay? Malaysia?  What else are you capable of? Could I be a tour guide? A journalist? A writer? A photographer? An activist? A monk? 

Some of it comes from wondering when and where I will meet the next person who changes my life... do I need to go to new places? Take classes? Get a degree? Change schools?  Hang out with different friends? Go to bars or concerts or open mics?  Some of it comes from worrying that I am too rigid... should I be less cautious? More reckless? Should I flirt and follow up even if I am not interested immediately? Should I just say yes to everything? 
 

D) Of course  the comcast bill!!!!!

The neighbors still haven't paid me. My passive strategy hasn't worked and I am sliding drastically into aggressive, skipping the nice assertive stage I should have started with. LEARN YOUR LESSON BOY!

I think worst case scenario I get screwed over a few hundred bucks. Best case scenario they are just being lazy and haven't gotten back to me yet. I am worried they will disagree and I don't have the actual bill anymore (because I gave it to them). What measures can I take to address it if they contest? Do I call the cops and say they stole the Comcast boxes? Do I shut off their cable and hope they return it? Such a stupid thing to fight over. I don't think they even know we are fighting... because I keep giving them time to prove me wrong. Need to be assertive... tomorrow is the day.



This is what I stay up worrying about
and so much more... but now I am tired... so I will attempt again to go to bed.  Good night monkey face.

(this was the second or third try already)

Here is what I am listening to. This video is a compilation someone made of their videos and put the song to it...