“Dude lets hit up chi-po-tul!”
“We just had chipotle yesterday!” (Chi-pote-lay)
“yeah but its shark week!”
“What’s that got to do with
anything?”
“dun duh, dun duh, dun duh….” (mimicking
Jaws)
“No seriously what
does the fucking tv show teeth bonanza called shark week have to do with us eating
chipotle for the third time this week?” (Chi-pote-lay)
“dun duh, dun duh, dun duh..”
(mimicking Jaws)
“Dude you are an idiot”
“I’m an idiota for guac-a-mole,
YES!”
“Fine chipotle, I still have a gift card I can use up.” (Chi-pote-lay)
____________________________________________________________________
“What can I get you fellas?”
“Two chicken bur-I-toes with white
rice, black beans, all the salsas, sour cream, no cheese, but hella guac-a-mole
please. Oh and can we get two bowls as
well?”
“You know the
guacamole is extra yeah?”
“Fo SHO…. Oh and also two bags of chips with EXTRA
Guac-a-mole”
________________________________________________________________
“Do you think the chicken is a
little undercooked?”
“What? NO! Shick is satifactorally
awesomer!”
“Satisfactorallly awesomer or just
awesomer?”
“You know what up…. Besides the salsa kills any of the bacteria.
Throw in the lime and you’ve got a bonanza of festivity in your pie hole.”
“My what?”
“Dude check this out… see you dump
out your bur-I-toe in the bowl, then mix it up with the guac-a-mole then take your delicious lime salted fried
corn chip and walah!
Duh dun, duh dun, duh dun…”
“Again with the shark week…”
“Don’t you get it? The chip in the
bur-I-toe mix is like a shark fin in the mothafluxing ocean dig me?”
“You are an idiot.”
“Please… I am an idiota for
chi-po-tul”
“Why
can’t you ever pronounce anything like a human being?”
“Human what?”
“being.”
“What?”
“Human being. A fucking human
being?”
“Oh you mean a human bean! Yes I’ve
got those, watch out the shark is going to get them ahhh!”
“Why do I hang out with you?”
“Because Im a killin it, I’m
almost 2/3rds done and you aint even got half your bur-I-toe down. I’m the
beast!”
“ Shiii you wanna see some beast
mode?
I
got this GGGRUUUGHHH”
“Holy shit what the flux? You just unhinged your jaw and pounced that
shickkk”
“
Well yeah I told you I was beast moding…”
“Yeah but what the flux? Normal people
can’t eat a bur-I-toe in one bite. That shick was sloppy-confuse-a man.”
“Well yeah a man… a human being
but I’m a beast, didn’t you know?”
“Well I’m just a little surprised
I neva seen you do it before, you should be a competitive eater!”
“Yeah I would but they don’t allow
my kind”
“Your kind?”
“I’m
a mer-man, you know like half dolphin half human. I fit in though don’t worry.”
“Worry shick! This shicks
mythological like waaaaaa”
“Hey we should get out of here,
like quick”
“Why?”
“Well I gotta go...”
“why, whas up?”
“My stomach is beast moding…and …
oh no… oh shit
Gurgle gurgle gurgle
oh shit… oops sorry dude”
“For what?... oh my God!1! THAT IS INHUMANE!”
“Yep in- human, for sure…
That’s
why I had to leave the sea, they used to make fun of me and call me the...”
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