Flowings of Your Everlasting Taffyman

Things really started looking up, there for a sec. It was really nice, a good reminder of the possible. Its funny how fast things change even when you're trying desperately to fight it. Maybe im not trying hard enough. Maybe I dont have the skills, the training or the support needed.
I dont really want to go in to details, cuz I wouldn't want anyone to get the impression im mad with them or anything I just wish we could hold things together better. I wish my fragile state was a bit less fragile so that I was actually dependable right now. I wish others could be depended on (I don't mean anything by this except to acknowledge we are all frail at times).
I wish I had counseling appointments twice a week rather than once, because its hard to get through the week sometimes, and at other times things are so good we might be able to get something accomplished.

I tried to write today for like 2 hours. I was listening to sage Francis and some other stuff and trying to just freestyle into something cool since I didn't have a topic. I wrote one other poem but it isn't any good either. Its disappointing I thought maybe I was gonna get back on the trolley, the open mic is like 2 weeks from now and I have nothing new. Its harsh to be riding high and then fall so quick. Its harsh that one of my main coping mechanisms is a vice im trying to get over and failing at... and its harsh that the people I would normally talk to have their own shit to deal with and I feel even worse cuz I wish I could be there for them.

Im not as excited about the future anymore. This could change in a heartbeat and I hope it does. But plans aren't as exciting when they become realistic, intricately wound with all the casual failings of actual reality.

its also funny, cuz if i though faking cheery would help, i might consider it, but it seems like everyone is aware shit is stupid right now, like october is the off month, and we all scrape by to see if we can survive.