Hostel Dream

I have this dream repeatedly about arriving in a city, staying at this one hostel (recognizing that I won't be able to stay more than a night or two) and then getting stuck seeking out a hostel in the city.
I just had it.  But it had changed too.

Normally I am alone when I arrive. Normally I am alone in my struggle to find a place. It always works out and I enjoy the city (which I have come to enjoy more and more with each dream)...

This time I arrived with a group, but recognized that they were already staying somewhere else... I went to my normal place. (It didn't look the same as it does in other dreams), but I still felt the familiarity of knowing it. Knowing the guy who owns it. Knowing he is a bit miserly, very opinionated, but also just loving the atmosphere. I stayed there soaking it in. Conversation were struck up about travel and the state of the world.
It came time to leave and I knew I still needed to find something. The guy wanted to help me. He didn't know me from the next traveler, but as I talked things out with him, he came to understand that this was like the 4th of 5th time I'd come to his place and to this city (which isn't a real place or a real city as far as I know). It was a series of interactions with him giving me advice on where to stay, then walking away to attend something, then me tracking him down to get more information or a phone number. One time I used the number he gave me and got Chipotle rather than his friend who works a different hostel. He had all these opinions of hostels and how they were run, and what they looked like, but he kept suggesting the next one.
Eventually it came down to the same old thing, there is no space, go out and find something.
For some reason my Dad was briefly there and handed me 10 Euros (which I somehow knew wasn't enough).
I was getting up to leave and the guy said something about backpackers being unprepared, and I just jumped into his conversation and said without the people I'd met, I'd never have come back repeatedly. I wouldn't have continued to travel alone, and sometimes the adventure and trusting people is what makes it.
As I was leaving (all my bags on me) headed for the door, he gave me a 100 american bill. My eyes widened and he said something like "yeah" and nodded his head, but slapped me on my back and let me continue on in my journey.

I find this dream really fascinating because -A) once again it is in this city and this space that is unknown -but becoming more known. B) a space I return to despite the anxiety and survival struggle that occurs every time. C) In this particular version, I was already surrounded by fellow passengers on the journey and I made the choice to leave them to pursue my own reality. D) I was rewarded for it with money and recognition, but not with relief.  They were saying "keep going, heres something to help, but only because I know you'll keep going."

A classmate told me her dream today and it seemed visionary and left me thinking a lot about purpose and our role in the larger whole. We had been talking about feelings of social differentness- not necessarily isolation, but recognition of differences and our responses, and our theories on how we became that way.

I think this dream I just had is a rather perfect description of the way I feel in the world.  That I am recognized for my efforts, but my journey is lonely. It is self chosen. I return again and again to the same spots -determined to learn or thrive... It has moments of connection but not ongoing.

Makes me wonder where this city is and this hostel that is so familiar yet changes shape.




(((((((((((

Her dream had to do with sex -intimacy with a particular orange politician -but the feeling of both desire and subduing his terrible urges by distraction.   She talked about the sacred feminine acting upon the worst of the masculine traits... it is really a powerful association.