saturDAY

I was nervous particularly on the one issue, how do you ask people if they want coffee sleeves?
Flyering I had done... several times over the past few weeks. I was pretty clear on what was expected, I could envision each message board, or stack of flyers where I would make my attachment or drop, but asking about coffee sleeves meant conversation, meant interaction with busy baristas.

Turns out its pretty easy to get people to take free shit.  I had no refusals. I even got the slight whiff of excitement. "Marriage Equality we are for."  "Sure we'll take them, we don't even have coffee sleeves" "Free? awesome (points to stack of coffee sleeves)".

This time around was easy, I don't know why I had been dreading it so much.
I guess because I don't know if its doing anything real... sure the people we know are seeing the message, but does it excite people? Will they respond?

The event is Mar 18th. 8 days till we find out what we are capable of the first time around. We set a ambitious goal of 200, we are wondering about 60 at this point.
Grant just got a job with MUAF so that means he can get out the word in a variety of new ways, but may not be able to promote us in the same way.

I am officially going to Portland at the end of the month to learn about other progressive congregations and share ideas. I may jump up to Seattle to see Gabs and Mel.  I could use the break, the freedom of travel, the ideas that come when all you have going is time to think. The time to reflect on what it is to just exist in a space and let time move.

I think my heart has been hurting because we are coming up on Spring Break.
I spent last year running out to England to get my freedom on, to reassure Becky that she was okay.
Turns out she is, without me. 
I have really good memories of that trip. It still means a lot to me, but now I feel this huge loss when I think about it.  I guess sometimes disappointment and rejection feel the same to me.  I am disappointed.   I feel like I love this person but hate the way they live their life, maybe I am just bitter...
When my heart hurts sometimes its hard to get my mind straight. Its like this cloudy substance that keeps me from seeing anything clearly. I have been really annoyed with that because its the exact time I need to be more clear... I have two giant projects that I call my livelihood.
I have friends who have needs. I have needs and desires that I can't quite explain or ask help with.

It's Steve's 26th birthday. He just told me he has been on medical leave for 2 weeks and that he wants to leave the state. I told him to leave the country... go find something real.
I haven't really checked in with him since we went to Denny's months ago.

Its funny to hear he is in a similar place, I am so attached yet feel kind of lost, he is unattached and feels lost.

That's some perspective for ya. 

The music at this coffee shop is annoyingly loud, makes it hard to think. I like it sometimes though... how annoying



WHEN I got here I was thinking about how lost I am. I started reading the Deepak Chopra book and started feeling more centered and then wondered if I was really lost or just feeling that way because I was dwelling on the things that were slightly out of reach. Trying to control everything. Then I wrote some notes and felt better
A list of things I want to do this week, a schedule of the days, a list of names of people I want to invite to the event on the 18th. I want to write another thing, something more comprehensive about all the things I know are going on right now. So I can get them out of my brain, and onto something to see. A quick reference guide instead of a dwelling or intuition that I can't shake.



I don't know what else to say... this is the funniest new show I have discovered.