Sick of thinking in monotone, single file lines

There are those days or moments rather when you want to write something truthful, impressive, worldly, perhaps uninhibited. Whether it is a bold statement of theory or just a restatement of old truths, it doesn’t matter. A well worded opinion, a creative gesture drawn out, a reflection, anything that might cause the reader to think for just a second to share in that moment something real –a learning experience. Good conversations are like this, but I haven’t been having those lately. Good classes are taught like this, but I haven’t been teaching those lately.
The whole thing is held up by this need for originality or creativity or something insightful you know? It’s tough to hinge the moment on such a fleeting concept, when will the muse land?
Still, there are those moments when the desire is great, so you find yourself writing, just to write really…
I can’t decide why all of a sudden it hits me right now. Maybe the conversation about politics and teaching at the coffee shop. Natural elements like tested friendship versus relationships yet to meet their critical moments. Maybe just the caffeine, a drug to knock through the haze that has been my forever (it seems).
But for just a few minutes it’s nice to be able to process more than one thought. It’s nice to be able to intellectualize into the gray, and maybe throw in some emotions, maybe throw in a dream, maybe throw in some devil’s advocate just to mix the situation up again, all just a reminder that you are not as slow as you seem lately. Just in time, I was beginning to lose hope, I thought maybe I am done being a teacher. Maybe I am done with this whole learning thing. Maybe my body is losing and taking my mind down with it. Maybe this is a dying breath, a last hurrah, but I hope the haze falls away permanently soon. Subdued everything is so mundane.