Thursday, September 27, 2007

ok its 2:30 am.... and to be honest i may not have a clue what im typing right now.

Its sort of a hard position to be in when people have expectations, or feelings they dont share with you... but some how expect you to fulfill. I could give several cases right now... but rather than that.. I will assume you are all well aware that occasionally this happens in a relationship and we can move on.

Now what to do?
*I like to be respectful of people's feelings, even when I am unsure of what they are, because I feel like sometimes we should just assume that if they could, they would tell you... or maybe they are personally trying to deal with it and would actually prefer the space... or so on and so forth... its important to respect feelings, feelings are valid regardless of the situation... they should be respected...

but...

sometimes when people dont share, be honest or whatever... or act dramatically... in some sort of fashion to express those feelings.. or try to get attention for them. (we have all done it) the other people can have multiple reactions to that sort of thing, but one of them is going to be confusion... because they dont know the situation, they may interpret the feelings incorrectly... so this confusion can lead to a variety of counter-feelings... such as defensiveness, anger, etc...

Im currently experiencing some of that... because I dont know what I'm supposed to do.

Does one go to a friend, when they havent been called out and try to make amends for unknown greviences? or assume that a friend would come to them if they had some complaints?
Does one support honesty and communication by bridging the gaps when another hints?
or does one wait till the other works up the strength to committ themselves to the relationship, by moving past their own feelings to try to make a connection where they feel one is lacking/declining... thus the reward goes to those who put forth effort.

Now Im pretty sure I am in both positions right now with different relationships... but Im ok with the ones where I withdraw on purpose because Im not sure I actually value the type of friendship I was getting.

At the same time, I am underappreciating many of my friends, simply because I am not near them, to relate to them... and in my closest friendships it goes without saying that that is ok... because the moment im back with them we connect...

but I know there are several people who are wanting more... and to be honest right now....
although I am willing to try... a good portion of me feels like i shouldnt have to. If they cared they would make the effort... not test me on mine, not judge me when im genuinely busy, or with other friends, or tired or stressed or too depressed to put forth an effort...
and many of those things i am not right now...
but I am trying to make a community here, because I need it... and in that I will accept that people need to come and go... I will head down to the cities when I want to... I will hang with whoever i want to.... and enjoy it. because thats what they should be doing too... and if they want me around...
Im very thankful.
Im very thankful that so many people have been so kind.. supportive... understanding...
I love it.
but I wont baby them unless they ask for it...
Because truly caring about a person and respecting them requires a level of integrity, believing that they will act the right way when the situation calls for it.
and I will expect that from the people I care about because I believe in them.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

This is an icky situation and as far as I can tell you are both right. I have talked to him and it doesn't sound like he is going to come to you. I hope you'll go to him. I hope you guys will actually talk about this instead of letting time pass and pretending it is okay until it happens again. It sounds like it has been building up for a while.
I don't know. You two are big boys and can figure it out without my help. After today I will leave you to your ways.
-Kat