Been struggling to figure that out lately. I went through a few months where I was starting my private practice and worried about money and trying to get everything settled and stable. I moved across the river and have been working out of my new office and trying to meet new colleagues and establish new routines. Felt like I was working towards something, even if it wasn’t exactly fun all the time. Now (since about mid october) I feel a little more stable and a lot less clear about what I’m supposed to do with my time and energy.
I’ve been going to more protests and things, but not feeling like committing to organizing - cuz it’s so exhausting.
Been trying to say yes to random things, like the singing thing in the bar. Been seeing friends and family. Trying to keep up with the news… being very functional -as in keeping my apartment relatively clean and cooking, and trying to exercise a little and pay bills and what not.
But not feeling very inspired or clear about what comes next. It’s a little boring. I am sure I could create a more dramatic narrative, but it’s kind of like I rush to get a stable platform underneath me, and then sit on my ass uncomfortably- unsure what to build on it. Not feeling inspired by the outside world, and not feeling very ambitious myself.
And my country is a shit show… and it’s obnoxious how every day there is a new headline to grab the attention and direct the outrage, but nothing seems to change. Lots of protests, but similar to my personal life, unclear of the direction - definitely feels like shit will get way worse before it gets better, and it’s very easy to be cynical in recognizing that it is all our choices.
Trying to focus on little stuff, local stuff, eg local workers, local environmental stuff. Seems more possible.
Trying to give back in the ways I can, as in not stressing when my clients who are way more scared or stressed than I am, miss an appointment or can’t pay me. Or like buying my broke friends a meal or taking them places when they don’t have money.
I wouldn’t say I’m depressed, I’d say I’m content and that feels uncomfortable and kind of stupid given the world has always been on fire.
I think doing my own therapy work has been weird because now it’s harder to guilt, shame, judge myself into doing things… I’m kind of like, “meh, that doesn’t sound appealing.”
Somebody used to say I see lions everywhere, and that I need to start recognizing sheep are sheep, not lions in disguise. I feel like I’m getting closer to seeing the complexity of lions and sheep, but being less scared of both… but still not sure how to interact with them or even if I want to. I don’t know if that makes any sense.
How are you? What have you been up to? What’s inspiring? What’s bringing some joy, laughter? Sorrow? Connection?
