I think I have an anxious romantic attachment style, but a secure friendship attachment. So when a potential romantic interest becomes a friendship I become settled into my role, even if I secretly want more or crave their attention it is easier for me to feel confident in the boundaries and the reality that I won't be crushed when they don't want me.
My romantic relationships have almost all begun during times when I have multiple crushes, and I was able to jostle the different possibilities for long enough that I could settle into feeling somewhat secure in the role, because the positive feelings of each counterbalanced the highs and lows, after feeling more secure in the role, I have at times been emotionally drawn away by friends needs, but never physically (I haven't cheated).
I probably seem avoidant to most people, because in my attempts to stay secure, I over compensate towards avoidant in order to not lose myself. I know my tendencies to be drawn by each batted eye or scent.
The book suggests I fall for someone boring long enough to have a secure oxytocin connection rather than be drawn to the highs and lows of chemical anxious system response.
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