Flowings of Your Everlasting Taffyman

someone asked me a question... which meant a lot to me... this was my response after a few days... (im sharing this because i think it is bigger than just her, and i would like to share it with everyone.)


I know it may seem really dumb, but im amazed you would give me a second thought. I always have such high hopes for long distance stuff and i just dont follow through... but once again if i can be honest, i often feel like writing you and asking you the same but chicken out because i feel like i must just piss you off...maybe im being too much of a 12 year old.. I often tell my friends they need to have faith in our friendship or in me enough to understand that i wont judge them for little human things... but I cant seem to get it through my head that i need to trust in other people not to judge me on my flaws..
whats beautiful? tonight was my first day in a while when i felt at all like things werent always beautiful... but by the end of the night i felt good again. what is it that is making things so beautiful?um 2 things... the first is, im working at a highschool with a cooperating teacher, but i love it, it seems like where i want to be, it feels comfortable, it feels exciting. the students are fun, the activities are good... etc... the teacher today took me aside and said you know what mike, you are ready to teach... and he then spent the next 5 minutes saying it again in different ways, until i really felt the compliment rather than just sort of shrugging it off.. it was really nice.

the second thing: i started this semester off, and much of the summer wondering where my love of people had gone... then i met a whole bunch of new exciting people, i have crushes, i have excitement and warmth... and its nothing like -wanting to be in a relationship with them... its meeting and making friends with interesting amazing people... and even more, its having someone who is so amazing come up to me and say "mike i want to tell you about myself, because i know you will care." its not an ego thing on their part, its opening up... and knowing that they will open up to me makes me feel like i have some sort of purpose, some sort of special quality... and makes it tremendously easy to look around and see how beautiful other people and life is... it makes it easy to see their gifts, what makes them special, and makes whatever gives them excitement beautiful too...so happiness in that sense...im doing well... and i love people.

and the fact that you dont hate me, and ask.... well thats amazing you know?
so please, if you feel you can share... tell me the same..? tell me what is beautiful, what is ok, what is reality, fantasy, what hurts, thrills, comforts, confuses and on and on... and even if i dont always respond..
i can assure you i will cherish it.
peace and love to youtaff