Thats ok because I don't have any plans anyway.
Last weekend I went up north with Rachel. We stayed in the yurt, we had some good hikes and some shopping at Grand Marais and Duluth. It was nice to get away and reminded that life exists beyond work.
This weekend I have no plans. It's not technically a long weekend, but MEA has reduced the amount of work the last couple of days. A few sessions, a bunch of paperwork. Nothing much. I left early and voted today. Took about 40 minutes with the line. They say 900,000 Minnesotans have already voted with two weeks until the election.
I am wrestling with the realization that I might not see anyone or do anything in the next few days. Certainly not tonight... maybe eat popcorn for dinner.
More than that, I am anticipating the loneliness. I've been overthinking lately about relationships. Thinking about how I don't know how to get in one. About how friendships just aren't what I am looking for anymore. About how I actually think I was a pretty good boyfriend, or maybe I was a horrible one and drove her away? I don't know, I am questioning these things as the days get colder and shorter. I am wishing I had someone special to cuddle with.
Thinking about how each day that passes, reminds me of the years that passed without anything.
Thinking a bit about how it doesn't matter at all... because I am happy most of the time. And also because the universe doesn't owe me anything. Also how it kind of does matter...
I guess I am just rambling.
Gonna play computer games all night. I did my civic duty. Might as well disappear for a night.
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