moments where the veil is thin

 

I had a little too much time off today between all the cancelled appointments. 

So I decided I would talk to a coworker about case conceptualization. And suddenly an hour later she was opening up about her life. And I was questioning what I had said or done to open this door, and remembered that it happens naturally sometimes. That I don't have to stay in my intellectual, problem solving, figuring it all out. Sometimes the floodgates open, because that is something that happens around me. 

I walked around the lake. All the colors were vibrant and amazing. I stood in awe a dozen times, just watching the way the light and shadow played off the flittering leaves. It felt like there were a trillion new wonders to behold. That everything was more than enough.

I attended a meeting for the UU church. It is awkward and weird, and I can't stop enjoying people. Can't stop asking questions. Can't stop pointing out things. Can't stop being myself. And I didn't care, no, I cared a lot, a cherished the opportunity to be myself, not to impress (though I may have), not to challenge others (though I may have), not to look pretty (though I may have)... just to be myself, to talk about the things I love, and love them unabashedly. 

Sometimes, whether I want to or not, everything happens, and I can just stop my self, and adore it. Just stop questioning and challenging myself and just appreciate all that is. And it is beautiful. I swoon for this universe that I am very much part of. 

I am sure I'll screw up tomorrow. I am sure I will sleep anxiously. But emmanuel you know?