Something I am obsessed with

So obviously I spend a lot of time thinking about love, attraction, relationships, dependency etc. I started this very young, I remember in preschool wondering how close I should become with a group of boys who were all rough and tumble, amongst that group I met my best guy friend of the last 24 years. Even then though I remember wondering if I should be drawing closer to the competitive boy's games or role playing with the girls. At that same day care, by 5 I was given special privileges that included not having to take nap time (as I was older than many of the other kids). I was later accompanied by the two girls I liked the most, and we would play various imagination games or draw together.

I don't know if I would call it a crush, but I liked them even then. I felt drawn to them in ways I didn't feel drawn to the boys, later this same feeling made me question my gender orientation, because I just felt more comfy around the ladies. 

So as you may already know I have been contemplating a lot of relationships lately (my own and others) just what connects them? What causes them to "rush in" to commitment? What causes attraction at a friend level vs a romantic level?

Its a seriously fascinating and sometimes tormenting subject.

This article has some interesting ideas

I am really intrigued by oxytocin. I think I am an addict for it, but even then I wonder why in some ways it displays itself romantically and in other ways just friendly...

There have been so many times in my life where I walked into a situation with one feeling and then upon connecting with another (sometimes like just their presence) I was immediately overcome with waves of calm, affectionate feelings, like I longed to take care of them. To touch them or tell them things, or just stare at them and enjoy their presence. 

In some of these cases I was determined to NOT love them, and couldn't help myself like my mind just switched positions...

But why is it with some folks and not others?

What is the role of safety and defensiveness?

How much is in the willful intention and how much is in the natural chemistry?