Flowings of Your Everlasting Taffyman

I need to learn how to be ok with not controlling everything. This is like one of the themes of my life.
Its hard though, when I was younger I felt like everything was so out of control that I had to put it back together. Then as a teenager when things were out of control I tried to gain control by hurting myself. Then as a traveler I tried to realize that I didn't have control -so I needed to be able to rely on the smallest things and trust in the universe... and then in college and summer jobs I realized by trying really hard I could control my surroundings and that people responded rather positively to me trying to take control.
As a teacher I am told that i must control a classroom. That if things are out of control it is my fault. Also that if students fail it is probably likely due to me as well... and when staff fail that's my fault too. So I have to have control over those things...Or when I invite speakers in and it doesn't go according to my expectations that of course is my fault... and when there are problems in my family that of course is my fault... and when I am too overwhelmed to deal with my friends that is my fault, and when my friends are too overwhelmed that of course is my fault, and when I like someone that is my fault (and they don't like me), and when someone likes me (and I don't like them) that is my fault.   

So much desire for control...
my dreams lash out sometimes... that's part of why I love them.
In them I sometimes act on the things I know I wouldn't actually act on... but even there I have the desire to control.

I dunno... maybe I need a bit more Taoism, or Buddhism, a little more go with the flow, a little more don't attach to the material.

Probably need to take a break from all the being in charge stuff... winter break is only a week away.