The haunting

I just had this random reminder that the reason I left my job in 2014 was because I was 30 years old, and even though I loved my job and loved my coworkers, I didn't feel like I was getting anywhere. My faith community of progressive types had fallen apart. The school was being forced to change. Many of my friends had left the state. I decided to go to south america and then central america. I had a wonderful time, and learned a lot about myself and the world. I came back, wrote for a year and decided to go to grad school. I now have a degree and I am a year away from becoming fully licensed as a social worker. I will be working at a small school/day treatment with similar goals for the students. A team of folks I will probably come to rely on and appreciate. I attend a faith community of progressive types. I still write. I still see many of the same folks I knew before the trip -old college and high school friends, old coworkers. A smattering of folks from grad school and social work. 
I had two relationships during the last 6 years, which is more by two than the previous 6 years before that. One of them I still play phone app games with, and check in with. I love her, but likely will never see her in person ever again. The other, I also love, but don't think I should ever try to see again, because it would be me doing all the work.  Plus she has kids who I care too much about, and how could I keep my heart from falling all over itself again? I am making only about $1,000 for each year since then (meaning if I got a raise of 1k each year). I live on my own now. I eat more healthily. I have more health issues. I think I complain just as much. Have I learned anything in 6 years?  I suppose. Has anything changed all that much? Not really. I think it is obvious that my life is missing a key element, and it is really the only thing I care about other than trying to continue to grow as a person. It makes total sense why I was willing to sacrifice just about anything for the ex, I've had all the rest and still wasn't happy. Life doesn't go anywhere when you are alone. The minor changes mean so little without anyone to share your successes and failures with. 
Just getting old.