Sticking and Bouncing

I've been back and forth all afternoon, thinking about this job. Trying to meditate and lean into my intuition. 
The truth is that I don't think its a very nice way to set someone up.

But I am also able to understand why things like this would make sense from there end, perhaps even consider it as a recognition that I could do well. 

There is an assumption I am making that the other program is less well established, and maybe struggling which I don't know to be true. But there is a feeling none the less, that it will be more challenging. 

And I am aware that some part of me wanted to feel comfortable. To fit in. To slide right into a made bed, and thank the heavens for a fit in the world, rather than jostle my way into one and be part of the transformation. Maybe I am reeling because I don't yet feel ready for the challenge. 
Maybe I am supposed to say no. 
Maybe I am supposed to jump on board and take up the new path, make it my own, carve my niche. Or maybe to take a few turns on the spinning wheel, and then dismount more gently into the next thing. 

I don't know. 

In the source point book they talk about the help of guardians. A brief meditation on the "golden egg" -the surrounding sphere of energy that you exist in/as. I have been feeling the familiar low vibrations of grief and insecurity, or being lied to/ taken advantage of, and I am unsure what is real and what is just my fear.

The world doesn't seem as hopeful as just hours ago. Nicola promises ascendence, is this that? or do I choose that by walking away?    I guess I find out tomorrow.