Progress is a not measured in clarity of mind.

Spent the afternoon hanging with Vic. Talking through a bunch of shit, but not necessarily feeling cogent. We walked around the lake. We took in the sun. We ate at caravelle. 

It was a good day. 

Yesterday I got a job. Though I suppose I still haven’t signed a letter. Seems like I will start work in early March. 

I was excited. I felt more stable and grounded, and comfy. Then almost immediately I felt lonely, and lost, and not sure what the next steps of my life would be outside of this pillar. Part of it was that I told all the people who I thought might be interested, and then I went home and was by myself all night and all morning. Like… yay me! Oh ALL me.  

 I know, first we get the jobs, then we get the khakis… but there is some significance to the idea of moving into a new position in which I will be serving others, for who knows how long, and what will my life be besides that?  How will I get all the other things met?

The other reason is that my tarot lady said I would find out that molly was dating someone on Friday. I didn’t find that out. I think there are a lot of times where I hear the tarot/horoscope message and get grounded in it, and then assume the shoe will drop or whatever… but it doesn’t always. I am pretty sure she is dating someone, but I didn’t find that out yet, and maybe I never will. Ir maybe it will be today and not yesterday. I need to stop assuming everything is literal when some cards predict it. Could be talking about a million other people. 

But generally the cards, the horoscopes, etc have been pretty accurate lately. 

After accepting the job yesterday my fortune cookie told me I woud be successful in business. Signs from the universe?

Balance. 

Or rather, “order, balance, harmony, flow” as the Sourcepoint book would say. 

I didn’t go to the event today obviously. I will probably go home and read or play computer games. 

Tomorrow is white fragility book club and church.

Monday I run errands with my Dad. 

Tuesday?

Wednesday I have neurofeedback.

Thursday I get my car fixed.