Left between protecting my concept of you, and my concept of myself, I throw myself out the window to protect my heart (and concept of you).
How many times have I expressed that in a million ways.
And still... even though it causes me to act out, to hurt, to hate, to be bitter, I keep doing it.
Some part of me has tied this idea to the larger self... its a values thing.
I am only forgivable for my actions, if I can forgive you, believe in you, love you.
Is this a christian thing? (my child version of christianity was extremely black and white)
Is this an empath, middle child, child of divorce, caretaker thing?
I am an optimistic cynic. I will acknowledge my hatred and pain, but I will always fight my own anger and bitterness to protect this underlying value, otherwise I don't really see any point in living.
If there isn't hope that people can change and be their true selves, then what is the point?
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