I'm not sure what it is. I think I am doing a good job managing it, but I find it funny to suddenly feel insecure again. I was feeling pretty optimistic, aligned, (there was so many little coincidences and what not) and then suddenly I am doing that Hinge thing and I just lose all confidence.
Yesterday I realized all my appointments are online today, so I figured I'd just work from home. But sitting in front of a computer all day, feeling trapped, feeling restless, feeling like I haven't done enough... is badddddd.
I ate a salad for lunch and walked around the block. I did my breathing and meditation exercises. Things feel better. I am just aware that the wind was taken from my sails. Probably some grief. Probably something to do with that nightmare -as I reread it I saw multiple themes of trying to move forward and getting stuck or trapped even prior to the feeling taken advantage of... probably something to do with not knowing the *right way forward...
On facebook I am part of this 'therapist dating group' where its just therapists talking about how hard it is to date. We are all scattered around the world -so it isn't really like people on there to hook up -even if they wanted to. Themes include: I am healing from a difficult relationship, I see red flags everywhere, I don't know how to get out of work mode, I have to deal with all these people's assumptions and insecurities around dating a therapist... and just the difficulty of putting yourself out there when you've been holding space for others all week. Very relatable, but I am not sure its helpful for me to keep reading them.
Tonight I am gonna go to trivia again. I think maybe next week I will invite people. Doesn't hurt to ask.
Not sure what the rest of the week looks like... open mic. Maybe need to find a protest. In a few weeks I am going to a training all weekend... but for now... just chilling.
